being forced into c/t very scared.

[[an...]]

I only recently posted my intro. I'm 2 mgs a day for the last 2 years self medicating. I know that stopping now won't help me stay out of trouble because I'm in a custody battle and they've requested a 10 panel hair follicle test. I feel so attacked right now and not sure who to trust. I've been off xanax for 5 days so maybe I can mitigate the damage of the test. I'm so on edge now though,like being off meds is more unstable than continuing. I keep flying off the handle but the night is the worst!! I had a suicide attempt a bit over 2 years ago and my brother completed 1 month after me. I didn't know at that moment but we lost my bubba to benzo and alcohol withdrawal in county jail. Just after he died a Dr prescribed me a short course of xanax I got stuck. I'm mad that they would give me what my brother couldn't survive. Now no one will help me. Most are well meaning but there just aren't many options where I live. I could get more kelp if I were on street drugs. I just want off of this!!

[[be...]]

I am sorry to hear to hear that you are in a custody fight. I was in one over 20 years ago. It went on for almost two years and cost 10's of thousands of dollars. Xanax is an extremely potent benzodiazepine. It is 10 times stronger than valium so your 2 mg dose is actually a fairly large dose. It also has a very short half life making it one of the more difficult benzodiazepines to withdraw from. Stopping abrubtly can cause some pretty horrific symptoms that may last for many months. A hair test will reveal any drugs taken for X amount of time. The hair grows at a half a inch a month. You have to be really emotional strong to go though a custody fight. It takes so much energy.

[[ea...]]

Im so sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you've had a world of troubles recently, as well. So, its been five days since your last Xanax..? How are you feeling today?

One suggestion I have is for you to see your doctor as soon as possible, explain honestly whats going on, and possibly reinstate, doing a slow taper. Your doctor could write a letter about this, which could be given to the court to help you, showing that you recognize your problem and are taking steps to solve it. Going cold turkey off a benzo isn't safe, and really shouldn't be done. Let me know how you are doing, please.

east

[[an...]]

Not doing great today. My muscles are all crampy my hands are shaky, my chest feels like its solid. I'm trying my hardest to sleep but impossible. I'm afraid to ask anyone for help because I don't know who I can trust. I'm not sure if I want to reinstate now that I think I've passed the " danger zone". I want my lawyer to just block the test because I know for a fact the father has been on xanax for years but he has the prescription. During my pregnancy he would give me meds. Know one said anything then though. I can pass a regular hair follicle easy as pie. I feel like he gets away with everything he does though! He actually got arrested the night of our daughter's birth because he went ballistic. He was arrested for kidnapping (me) aggravated assault and carrying a concealed gun where prohibited. They dropped all the charges the next day though. I can't win I don't think.

[[ea...]]

What a mess, huh? Not sure why you think youre past the "danger zone," though. But this is your call, and you have to do what you think is best. I don't blame you for not wanting to reinstate. But your health and safety should come first.

east

[[be...]]

by the "danger zone" I am assuming that you mean the risk of seizure? Actually the seizure risk can last for several weeks or more. I think just as dangerous are the severe and long term symptoms that can come with a cold turkey withdrawal. I agree with eastcoast that your health and safety come first. All the symptoms you describe are classic withdrawal symptoms and they can get pretty terrible.

[[Ra...]]

This probably might get me in trouble, but, I recommend getting some more of the benzos because cold turkeying this stuff yeah... no. Call an ambulance and get them to give you some if you have to. Find a doctor to prescribe some benzos and have you taper them off slowly. Fire that doctor that you currently have as he obviously has no idea what he is doing.

[[an...]]

Tonight is horrible my head hurts like its gonna break. My neck and shoulders are stiff my chest hurts and I'm feeling itchy everywhere! I don't want to do this. Those stupid pills are ruining my life. Now I have to sit alone all night with just the TV. How do you do this? I've been drinking lots of water chamomile tea and using lavender scents to relax. What's worse is I don't think its even helpful quitting at this point.

[[ea...]]

What do you mean, "I don't think its even helpful quitting at this point?" I thought you wanted to stop because of the custody battle...and maybe other reasons as well. Did that change?

east

[[an...]]

No it hasn't changed but I feel like I've painted myself into a corner. No matter what I'm still going to stay quit. I finally fell asleep last night, well this morning. Wow this is going to be one of the hardest fights of my life. I did go for an addiction assessment yesterday and was pleasantly surprised to find out the receptionist has been through benzo withdrawal. She seems to have gotten through it and done better for it.

[[ea...]]

Angela,

I can tell you this: my own life was rapidly going downhill in a huge way, for several years before I went cold turkey. My health was poor, Id lost my career, gone on Disability, and was close to death several times because of injuries I got while on a benzo. Things looked very bad for me. I went cold turkey and had an awful time of it, but I began to heal and it has slowly progressed. I am like a new person now...my health is pretty good, I don't use a cane to walk now, I manage my life and I am happier. Many of my old "illnesses" just disappeared....I believe they were caused by the benzo. I am living proof that getting off benzos can be very beneficial.

I know what you mean about being painted into a corner. That's exactly how I felt just before I went CT. I didn't even WANT to get off...it was forced on me by my doctors....and they were right.

I admire your determination. It will help you get through this. Glad you got some sleep last night, too. That's been one of my worst symptoms, and I know how awful it is, to lie there awake.

Take each day one at a time, and keep busy, because it helps youignore any symptoms you may get.

east

[[Bi...]]

I only recently posted my intro. I'm 2 mgs a day for the last 2 years self medicating. I know that stopping now won't help me stay out of trouble because I'm in a custody battle and they've requested a 10 panel hair follicle test. I feel so attacked right now and not sure who to trust. I've been off xanax for 5 days so maybe I can mitigate the damage of the test. I'm so on edge now though,like being off meds is more unstable than continuing. I keep flying off the handle but the night is the worst!! I had a suicide attempt a bit over 2 years ago and my brother completed 1 month after me. I didn't know at that moment but we lost my bubba to benzo and alcohol withdrawal in county jail. Just after he died a Dr prescribed me a short course of xanax I got stuck. I'm mad that they would give me what my brother couldn't survive. Now no one will help me. Most are well meaning but there just aren't many options where I live. I could get more kelp if I were on street drugs. I just want off of this!!

 

Go BLEACH BLONDE?  Hair follicle tests fail after a full "white" hair bleaching as it leaches out all non proteins and then you will need a full body waxing for the rest

 

[[Co...]]

Do what birdie said. She's a smarty pants  Maybe dye it back the original color right after so they don't know what you're up to.

[[an...]]

Ok I'm a bit over a week out. Still not sleeping my body feels like I've lived in the gym and I just noticed the numbness of my feet. A friend offered to rub my feet last night and I felt him touching but they are very numb, weird. I tried fishing the other evening but wasn't quite as relaxing because my hands aren't quite working, baiting the hook getting the fish off everything seemed challenging. My chest isn't quite as tight feeling. I'm just really tired now. My taste buds are way way off nothing tastes right at all. I think I've made it just gotta surpass my last abstinence of 19 days and keep moving forward.

[[ea...]]

Sounds like youre doing pretty well, all considering. Be gentle with yourself at this point.

east

[[an...]]

Ok I took my hair follicle Friday the 3rd and just knew it was going to light up with benzo as I just c/t on September 23rd after 2 mg a day for close to 2 years. I got the call this morning with results of 0 drugs of any kind on a 10 panel. I am shocked but super happy! I'm still fighting withdrawal the heart palpitations, headaches, numbness and racing thoughts and truthfully the fact I got a negative result has made me really want a rescue dose but I'm going to find something else to do. That fear of being positive and labeled a drug addict was just too much for me. Thank you all for so much support! I'm not cured but I think I've turned that proverbial corner!!