Irritable (and mean) :-(

[Guest [Fe...]]

I may be cutting too much too fast, if not for the irritability and feeling down right mean at times  I'd be ok.

I actually told a pharmacy employee off last week and that is so unlike me.  She is usually rude but I have always overlooked it.  I apologized profusely but still feel so bad about it. I feel like I'm turning into someone I don't like very well.  :'(

 

Other than that the withdrawal is pretty much just some flushing and sweating for a few a few days about 4-5 days after I cut, then it lets up. 

 

Is there anything at all I can do for the irritability?  Sometimes even my boyfriend talking gets on my nerves.  I sure don't want to ruin my whole life trying to get off this drug from hell. 

 

I know I'll probably have to slow down and reduce the amount I'm cutting the lower I get, but I need to get off this klonopin as soon as possible because my Dr is at retirement age and a lot of doctors around here are rapid tapering people off now.

 

Maybe I should start cutting .0625 every 10 days instead of .125 every 2 weeks and see how that goes? 

 

The last few days I've been having some racing thoughts at times too.  I wouldn't pay much attention to it if I didn't have bipolar disorder.  I sure don't need to go into a mania trying to do this.

 

I feel bad for coming here talking about what amounts to mild withdrawal compared to some.  And I may have it worse later on.  Who knows. 

 

I've just got started and I want this over with already.  I don't know that I'm up for this mentally.  Not trying to be pro benzos.  I'm not. But if I didn't think I'd be jerked off of it in the future I think I'd just stay on it. 

Why oh why did I ever take this crap?  :'( 

 

 

[Guest [Fe...]]

Omg, I just read a post where someone is saying they are no longer themselves and they mentioned some of the same things.  And they are off their benzo now.  I cannot do this!  I have a hard enough time with the bipolar at times!  What am I going to do ?  :'( :'( :'( 

 

I've been stable for a while now with the bipolar.  I'm going to come completely undone if I do this?! 

 

D*mned if I do and d*mned if I don't. 

 

I'm in total tears.  Sorry to be such a baby. 

[[pa...]]

Hi there.  Don't worry, what you're describing is totally normal.  I'm a very easy going guy, but have found myself going off the handle at work and in stores, etc.  One thing that has helped me is cognitive behavior therapy.  I'm learning to recognize distorted thinking and ignore it instead of getting upset, and I'm learning to calm myself down before I go off the handle.

 

Please try to be a little bit more forgiving of yourself. 

[[pa...]]

I'm making the same cut as you (10%).  Thought this was very little, but found out otherwise. Maybe you should consider taking it down to 0.0625mg every 2 weeks.  I know if I could go back, this was the route I would've chosen.  I've seen others on here who have had less sx's & had a much smoother taper this way.

 

I'm nearing the end of my taper, at 0.0625mg/day right now.  For the past few days I've been filled with so much anger, impatience, & resentment.  I'm so upset about everything.  Upset at the person driving 5 under the speed limit in front of me, at the girl behind the counter taking her sweet time, at my former best friend from middle school, etc. lol 

 

I go through this every couple weeks for a few days.  I've been an emotional roller coaster.  I can say that I can honestly tolerate the "anger" emotion much better than the deep sadness.  The anger motivates me to get through this & better myself, for some odd reason.  Though, it passes.  I feel more & more of my former self breaking through, & I really hope that it sticks fairly soon!

 

 

[Guest [Fe...]]

paper and panic, sorry you're both going through this too.  I may try CBT.  I feel better today so far.  I guess I needed that good cry and mini  meltdown.  I slept for 10 hours.  I must have needed that too. 

 

I wanted to cut .5 as soon as possible to start a stash in case I have to change Drs. for some reason.  I think my next cut I'll do .0625. 

 

Thank you both. 

[[Wo...]]

Would wanting to yell at the guy next door for weed eating his yard in the middle of the day fall into the category of irritable and mean?

 

[[ea...]]

LOL! One of my neighbors has the worlds loudest weed eater. I have considered murder, in his case. (Only kidding!)

I don't think that qualifies as being truly mean. Irritable, maybe.

east

[[be...]]

paper and panic, sorry you're both going through this too.  I may try CBT.  I feel better today so far.  I guess I needed that good cry and mini  meltdown.  I slept for 10 hours.  I must have needed that too. 

 

I wanted to cut .5 as soon as possible to start a stash in case I have to change Drs. for some reason.  I think my next cut I'll do .0625. 

 

Thank you both.

 

Yes, by all means .0625 is right on. I know how you feel about the anger, but that means your emotions are starting to return, so that's a good sign. When my elderly mom asked me to put a package of Kleenex in the basement in a very kind manner, I told her to shut the hell up. I apologized many times, but the words were out. I hate myself for this. ~~ Bets

[Guest [Fe...]]

LOL wonderfulmind, irritable because it bothered you but not mean, mean would be yelling at him or breaking the weed eater.

 

 

 

Aww, Bets it would bother me too but I'm sure she understands and has forgiven you. 

I've thought about it maybe being my emotions coming back.  Maybe that's why I usually just overlooked the rude pharmacy employee when I should have reported her a while back, just numb to it.  Hopefully if she does it again I'll be in a better place. 

 

 

[[Wo...]]

So the mean part would have been snapping at my family members....(could totally relate to the Kleenex comment benzogirl) (He dives for his words, reaches for them, but is unable to pull them back in.  Fail)  Seriously, on the same day as the weed eater guy, I said somethings I somewhat regret but in a tone I really regret :-/ 

 

You know what too...They were so understanding. It was almost irritating!! ughhh... lol

 

[Guest [Fe...]]

Yeah irritating is right.  lol  The girl at the pharmacy was very nice and accepting of my apology, even though she got nasty first.  But I still don't like how I handled it.  I wish I'd not been so irritable and handled it the right way. 

 

I hope this doesn't drive us into living like hermits barely being able to stand ourselves.    My boyfriend is a patient man but everyone has their limits.  Hopefully lowering my cut dose will help. 

[[ea...]]

She shouldn't have been nasty to you in the first place, FelineLady. Ok, so you over reacted a bit....so what? Youre human. AND you apologized. Did she??

 

One of my neighbors told he the next time the weed whacker neighbor runs his noisy machine, he's going to go over at night and break the darn thing. And put it in the trash. Our buildings are very close to each other, and when he is running his machines, its only about 15 feet from my apartment. VERY noisy, very annoying. If my neighbor does as he threatened, I wont tell a soul!

east

[Guest [Fe...]]

She shouldn't have been nasty to you in the first place, FelineLady. Ok, so you over reacted a bit....so what? Youre human. AND you apologized. Did she??

 

One of my neighbors told he the next time the weed whacker neighbor runs his noisy machine, he's going to go over at night and break the darn thing. And put it in the trash. Our buildings are very close to each other, and when he is running his machines, its only about 15 feet from my apartment. VERY noisy, very annoying. If my neighbor does as he threatened, I wont tell a soul!

east

 

No, she didn't apologize.  But the next time I went it she was overly nice.  I guess she knows now that I'm not going to take.   

No, don't tell.  lol  Maybe he'll buy a quieter one. 

[[ea...]]

No, doubt he will buy a new one. They are as poor as I am! And by now, he's probably deaf as a stone. They drive me crazy, they throw garbage over the fence onto my patio. In nice weather they burn tree bark to heat up food. They used to party for hours in the back yard, which kept me awake. I called the police 23 times last fall! Finally I tracked the owner down (she lives on the Cape-) and wrote her a letter which I sent Registered. Shortly after that, the parties stopped but other noise hasn't.

How are you feeling today?

east

[Guest [Fe...]]

Glad you have some great  neighbors, east.  One of our neighbors use to play music so loud it sounded like an outdoor rock concert.  Someone called on him and it quit.  He's that one neighbor that causes trouble for everyone.  No one around here wants anything to do with him.  I'd love to see a UHaul pull up over there! 

I'm doing good.  No more irritability.  I'm thinking of sticking with the .125 cut until I've cut .5 to get a stash going in case my Dr. retires.  Thanks for asking!      I hope you're having a good day! 

[[Wo...]]

Right on Feline Lady...I would worry about snapping at the Pharmacist gal.  You just did what we all have wanted to do, and I agree - at least you apologized. 

 

East - lol at your problems with your neighbor weed eater problems too.  You think mine would notice if I did a swap?  I'm thinking of changing out his big gas one for a smaller and quieter electrical one.  I'm thinking if he has to deal with the chord, he won't be so prone to whip it out.  He weeded today again.  It's a beautiful fall afternoon, but I closed all the windows so I wouldn't have to listen to the high pitched buzz. 

[[ea...]]

I live in Florida and its still hot as heck here (I envy you!) so my windows are closed. The buildings are very close together...when he starts that stupid machine up its literally 15 feet from my apartment. I need ear plugs!!!!! But their throwing garbage over the fence RELLY annoys me. One day I went out on the patio to sweep leaves and a bunch of chicken bones came flying over! These people don't speak English, so there wasn't any point in yelling at them....

When I first moved in here a year ago, there were drug dealers living in the apartment across from mine, dealing dope at all hours, plus running a mini bike right outside my windows...plus the incredible noise from my non-English neighbors on the other side. OMG I thought I had moved into HELL. I was still quite sick and crazy with withdrawal - Ill leave it to your imagination how all this felt to me.

east

PS The dope dealers were evicted. Small victory!

[Guest [Fe...]]

Thanks wonder, I'm usually more diplomatic and can tell someone where to go and they're left wondering what I truly meant. 

 

east, that's horrible about the chicken bones.  ewwww  Throw then back, but put some gloves on first!  lol  Glad the drug dealers moved out.