getting tired...

[[Lo...]]

I'm getting so tired of this life...its hard to keep going. i know i don't have a choice. i can't wait to enjoy life again. i am so far out and sometimes i feel like I'm getting worse. i know I'm better than the earlier months so i guess I'm just getting tired. my symptoms left are extreme anxiety depression and some ringing in ears.  I'm struggling here. I'm just feeling weak and need to talk. i just want to give up sometimes and just get back on meds. sometimes i think I'm crazy and need these meds.i obsess about it. i just can't believe this is withdrawal. this is just crazy. i can't work i don't hang out with people. even when I'm around my family i don't feel comfortable. i just want to be normal!!! i don't even really think i have had a good window. maybe a couple times. but did not last. for all i know this is as good as it gets and i keep telling myself its withdrawal. I'm angry all the time. i have been a hermit for 9 months now. something has got to give. i don't know what to do.

 

i try to talk to my family and they just make fun of me for not working or tell me to get back on drugs. or just don't have a clue about what I'm going through. sometimes i feel like i don't have a clue about this process.

 

i don't even know what I'm asking you guys. just need some encouragement. this is the longest I've been off drugs minus a few hiccups along the way.

 

can't wait to have emotions again. I'm sacred this is just who i am. i just feel like these feelings won't let up. i think i need to scream!!!

 

someone please tell me it will get better!!!!!!!!! how do you know if its withdrawal? i just feel so crazy! maybe i just lost it. life has been traumatic maybe it just caught up with me. I'm just freakin confused with everything. 

 

[Guest [...]]

Oh, Dear. It will get better.

 

What have you tried to self sooth?

 

Most importantly, I recommend you avoid negative people in your life who don't validate your feelings and who encourage you to take drugs, even and maybe especially if they are family, because family have a strong influence. It is okay to love people from afar if they are hurting you up close. This was something that helped me immensely.

 

{{{hugs}}}

[[gr...]]

Its a grueling process but youve done it and should be proud Longwalk. Your still at that point after jumping where its not easy.

I think you will find some relief in symptoms not too far in the future!

 

No one can understand the pain these drugs caused us. Or how we feel. Thats why we all band together to try to reassure each other things will get better some day.

 

Please keep hanging on and doing whatever you can. I know it sucks being a hermit. Ive been  in the house for 15 months now and only go out if i absolutely have to. Some day we will be enjoying life again, more so then ever!!!

[[Lo...]]

Oh, Dear. It will get better.

 

What have you tried to self sooth?

 

Most importantly, I recommend you avoid negative people in your life who don't validate your feelings and who encourage you to take drugs, even and maybe especially if they are family, because family have a strong influence. It is okay to love people from afar if they are hurting you up close. This was something that helped me immensely.

 

{{{hugs}}}

 

i dont do much these days besides. watch tv, lay in bed, i have been walking these last couple weeks. I'm trying to eat better.... of course i could do better but with the depression and anxiety everything is so hard at times. i have a ton of paranoia too. its hard to keep positive people around me because I'm so negative it feels. I'm just scared i won't be able to fix all of the damage after or if i feel better....its just to much at times. my family is pretty much all i have right now. i just don't need to talk about any of this with them. i don't know......this whole process is horrible. i keep telling myself i will be stronger going through this but lately been thinking all this process is doing to me is making me feel mental.  thanks for responding. big hug to you!!!

[[Lo...]]

Its a grueling process but youve done it and should be proud Longwalk. Your still at that point after jumping where its not easy.

I think you will find some relief in symptoms not too far in the future!

 

No one can understand the pain these drugs caused us. Or how we feel. Thats why we all band together to try to reassure each other things will get better some day.

 

Please keep hanging on and doing whatever you can. I know it sucks being a hermit. Ive been  in the house for 15 months now and only go out if i absolutely have to. Some day we will be enjoying life again, more so then ever!!!

 

yeah this whole hermit thing is rough......i just can't bring myself to go anywhere....if i do I'm so self conscious and anxiety ridden. id just rather stay away from people. which makes me so sad to say....i just feel crazy.  thanks for your support

[[gr...]]

Its a grueling process but youve done it and should be proud Longwalk. Your still at that point after jumping where its not easy.

I think you will find some relief in symptoms not too far in the future!

 

No one can understand the pain these drugs caused us. Or how we feel. Thats why we all band together to try to reassure each other things will get better some day.

 

Please keep hanging on and doing whatever you can. I know it sucks being a hermit. Ive been  in the house for 15 months now and only go out if i absolutely have to. Some day we will be enjoying life again, more so then ever!!!

 

yeah this whole hermit thing is rough......i just can't bring myself to go anywhere....if i do I'm so self conscious and anxiety ridden. id just rather stay away from people. which makes me so sad to say....i just feel crazy.  thanks for your support

 

Yes i know...its not much of a life, but its just so hard to get out for me. Im really not that anxious around people. For me its more of an energy, lethargic depression causing me to isolate. I get anxiety, but when im under pressure or stressed.

 

It will get better, hopefully we will look back and it will just be a nightmare that has passed!!!

[Guest [...]]

Walking and eating better are excellent. I strongly recommend exercise because it has the same effect as anti depressants. Exercise increases endorphins, a feel good chemical that lasts for hours. Endorphins are natural pain relievers, i.e. endogenous morphine.

[[lo...]]

Hi longwalk

 

I think you are amazing. Look at what you have done. 20 years on drugs. Alcohol too. Do you realise what you have achieved? Do you look at it really and see how strong you are. Write a list. I am amazing, I am strong, I have come so far, etc etc etc. Wish I could shout. You are amazing. You are strong. You have come so far.  Why not start a blog? Do you keep a progress log? Every little thing helps to occupy us and these are good to look back at. Pop in and visit me on my blog. Just say hello. I love visitors. 

 

It is hard to keep enduring all this for sure. I have been off nitrazepam for 18 months now and housebound for one year. In some ways it is easier as my symptoms lessen a bit but these past 2 months have been worse. I see it as a definite sign of healing though.

 

Live alone so isolation is getting to me now. I do have little windows when I feel better.

 

I know 110% that it is PAWS. No other possible reason for me to be so ill.

 

Your family don't seem to be any help at all. That is sad, my family don't help much but I have a few good friends who stick with me week in week out.  It is hard to find such people, I know.

 

I spend a lot of time on BB which is not a good thing really but it is what I need right now. Started a new thread (see signature) to cheer myself and others up. All very lighthearted but may not help folk who are very low. I could not face it myself today, I felt so ill.

 

Not able to do much stuck in bed.

 

I do believe we will heal but it just takes time. 9 months is a long time to suffer but is not a long time for benzo recovery. Anxiety, depression, paranoia are all horrible, much worse than my physical symptoms. If you can vary what you do at all it might help. I think my new thread was an attempt on my part to do something different. I am limited in what I can do so the options for change are not many.

 

Going back on meds is the worst idea!!!

 

Keep faith, you will get better, it may happen sooner than you think. 

 

Take care

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ea...]]

Dear Longwalk,

I identified with much of your struggle. If you haven't already, please read my Success Story or my Blog....might give you hope. Because there IS hope. I had a very, very bad withdrawal, I went cold turkey August 1, 2012. I still have symptoms but so minor compared to how I was. Its very strange, because I honestly don't know who this woman is now....I know I am better, healthier, saner, but Im almost like a child, getting to know who I am at age 64. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. I promise you that if you stay straight, stay off benzos and other stuff, you will eventually heal and grow and be a happier person. It isn't easy. But it is worth it.

 

Everything you described sounds like withdrawal. So classic, the wanting to hide out, the paranoia, anxiety. I had all of that and a lot of physical symptoms plus other bad  mental symptoms. I was on benzos for 30 years, plus I drank nightly for most of that time. At one point I was addicted to pain meds, too. And I was on several antidepressants. Now, I look back and realize that my depression wasn't ME, it was tolerance withdrawal from the benzos. Why? Because I am no longer depressed, now that Im off them. This can happen for you, too.

 

Here is my advice to you.......eat as healthy as you can, but don't obsess about diet. Drink normal fluids. Avoid supplements, because some of them interfere with healing. Exercise a little, even if its only walking around your home. Distract yourself ALL the time, get busy and keep busy. Try not to allow yourself to lie in bed al day...all you will do is feel worse, plus you will start worrying and obsessing about how bad you feel. Do deep breathing for anxiety.

Most of all, try to mentally accept that what youre going through is NORMAL for withdrawal, that you are not different from anyone else, and you haven't gone insane...and you don't have some dread disease. Accepting that it is withdrawal goes a long way, because you can start to relax a little. Withdrawal can take some time, as you probably know. Don't compare yourself with anyone else here...you are you, and we all have our own rate of healing. Accept that you may feel bad for some time, and then get busy distracting yourself. Theres a saying around here: "The only way out is through." This is SO true! If we spend time worrying and obsessing, we are not spending time healing. Be gentle with yourself, be kind. Withdrawal is just something we have to get through, and there is NO way to make it go faster. There are simple ways to make it a bit easier, such as the things mentioned above. But nothing can make it go away except time.

If there is anything I can do to help, just drop me a line.

eastcoast

[[Lo...]]

thank you so much east coast...i do need to do all those things. just need to push myself a little bit. i have been trying to walk every morning the past couple weeks. i need to keep going. i do need to work on telling myself its just withdrawal and not tell myself i have every mental illness. i go online a lot and i convince myself its bipolar or some other illness and well thats just not helping.

 

yours and everyones post really help me out. my windows and waves seem almost the same. i can't tell anymore. this has been so stressful!!! i don't feel like myself at all. whatever that feels like. i need to work on getting out of my head. life is just so different being off drugs....i feel like a fish out of water all the time. i guess all we can do is just keep going and eventually the thoughts will go else where. uhhhhhg. I'm so scared of the future....

[[Lo...]]

Hi longwalk

 

I think you are amazing. Look at what you have done. 20 years on drugs. Alcohol too. Do you realise what you have achieved? Do you look at it really and see how strong you are. Write a list. I am amazing, I am strong, I have come so far, etc etc etc. Wish I could shout. You are amazing. You are strong. You have come so far.  Why not start a blog? Do you keep a progress log? Every little thing helps to occupy us and these are good to look back at. Pop in and visit me on my blog. Just say hello. I love visitors. 

 

It is hard to keep enduring all this for sure. I have been off nitrazepam for 18 months now and housebound for one year. In some ways it is easier as my symptoms lessen a bit but these past 2 months have been worse. I see it as a definite sign of healing though.

 

Live alone so isolation is getting to me now. I do have little windows when I feel better.

 

I know 110% that it is PAWS. No other possible reason for me to be so ill.

 

Your family don't seem to be any help at all. That is sad, my family don't help much but I have a few good friends who stick with me week in week out.  It is hard to find such people, I know.

 

I spend a lot of time on BB which is not a good thing really but it is what I need right now. Started a new thread (see signature) to cheer myself and others up. All very lighthearted but may not help folk who are very low. I could not face it myself today, I felt so ill.

 

Not able to do much stuck in bed.

 

I do believe we will heal but it just takes time. 9 months is a long time to suffer but is not a long time for benzo recovery. Anxiety, depression, paranoia are all horrible, much worse than my physical symptoms. If you can vary what you do at all it might help. I think my new thread was an attempt on my part to do something different. I am limited in what I can do so the options for change are not many.

 

Going back on meds is the worst idea!!!

 

Keep faith, you will get better, it may happen sooner than you think. 

 

Take care

 

LF 

 

LF thank you so much...i sorry you are struggling. i checked out your foodie thread. lol love it. i really need to try to take one day at a time......not feeling so good today again....hang in there...big hug to ya.