Discouraged,,no sleep, trying to hold on..crying much

[[ro...]]

This is wd? Have bee getting more discouraged, actually feeling worse due it no sleep. Then resulting depression, body can't function daily.

Crying, nerves raw , emotions,  jumpy, irritable, very sad, exhausted.

I have tried much, I'm nota lazy person, on the contrary I have lists of unfinished tasks, can hardly walk dog.

Should I ask dr to put me in hospital on the neuro floor, do MRI, cortisol tests,

I had a small pituitary tumor benign, but had shrunk...maybe the hormones are askew.

I don't know. I don't want the psyche floor, but the neurology area..

Really tearful each day...can't function ..I can take the taper..but not the insomnia, it is very bad.

Any thoughts..I have  posted on insomnia board, the remedies don't work...

Just crying so much, so tired..I thought this is a withdrawal issue..trouble during wd...

Please , this has been going on months, no improvement..one night at4 hrs...about every 2 weeks.

Something wrong..

I try to keep upbeat and each night I expect sleep. I just turn out lights and don't worry..

I am always hopeful, but now......it has not come as I thought as I tapered down..

 

I'm 62, been doing this 8 months...faltering

 

HUG S.    ROSE

[[th...]]

Oh Rose. I don't know what to tell you about the hospital. Lots of people have some tests done to make sure it's not anything else besides wd just to ease their mind. I did not sleep last night either, or the night before, or the night before.....it's bad. It makes a difference...even 3 hrs would be nice! Right now I am not getting that. I don't think they could admit you to the neurology floor unless there is something found that is wrong with your brain. This is so hard. I don't know what to tell you. It's awful, I know. 

 

Grinch

[[ro...]]

Grinch,

The months have gone by, I get maybe 4 hrs..every week or so..otherwise I pretty much close my eyes, only too toss and turn, feel wide awake..

I get outside, do tasks, walk dog, do what I can...never nap, I can't I'd I wanted.

I'm certain this accounts for my depression and more rebound anxiety. Just a looping mess, catch 22.

This morning I can barely function.onlynfed dog, made coffee, dressed..

There is so much to do..

Dizzy, headache, tearful, anxious..

Not sure what to do. Called dr., desk girl said someone would call back..Want tests done, on  med floor. Won't happen I know...

I will try some magnesium later today, melatonin tonight..herbal tea..

I know you are in a bad way right now...it's hard.

I would love  2 or 3 hrs veery night.this is draining me..

I don't mind the shakes during day...anything, but I need sleep

Been hopeful every night..bit feeling it's catching up.

Wish something would work, I even thought of going back to A as you know..

Can't even nap...

I hear what you say...not much anyone can do..just thought hospital,could find something.

You are so kind to,respond as you have your share..

I'm desperate for sleep

 

Hope you are getting somewhat stable..

How do you do it, without sleep?

I'm a mess

 

 

 

Love you friend

Your always near

 

Rose

[[La...]]

Rose:

 

I tapered lorazepam, I know how bad the insomnia can be. Assuming your medical tests can rule out other causative factors contributing to your insomnia, my advice is to just keep holding on, sleep will gradually return. Your still on 6.5 mg valium which can be very disruptive for proper sleep. Know that it will get better. Also, your expectation of sleep may be working against you. Going into wd with expectations always seems to cause problems when things dont work out the way we hoped/planned. Secondly, if you can do something to get sleep even once a week, that will help your system recharge. I used vistaril for that purpose, which was a lifesaver. It worked sometimes for me, sometimes not. Going up in [benzo] dose to get sleep may help in the short run but as you know it will only make things worse in the long run by extending the duration of your taper.

 

I know it is debilitating and brings us to our knees. At 8+ months OFF lorazepam, my sleep still is not "normal" but I am getting at least 5 hours every night, which is a whole lot better than my excruciating insomnia previously on benzos. Have you tried incrementally increasing the vistaril dose until you get the desired effect? One night, 25 mg didnt do the trick for me, but an extra 12.5mg (37.5 mg total) put me over the edge and knocked me out. Just keep chipping away at your valium dose, that is the best path to getting back to improved sleep behaviors. 

[[ro...]]

Hi laser, and thanks for reply.

I have visteril, 10 mgs,

I have taken  2 and nothing...

There is so much left undone at home, sometimes I get out, but I'm a zombie..dizzy, not alert, stumble, slur words..

From zero sleep. I'm worried about a car accident or something..

My facial appearance looks flat.. Not much to smile....I'm trying to hang on , be positive thru this 8 month taper, but lack of sleep is depressing..

You know I'm sure..

I will experiment again tonight, I have unisom, melatonin, remeron, too.

Someone told me insomniacs are geniuses........

Somebody who hasn't slept for months probably said that........

I hope it returns as you say....happy for you..

 

Hugs and sweet dreams.

Rose

[[ea...]]

Rosegal,

I don't think going to the hospital is a bad idea at all. You would be safe on a medical floor, or a neuro floor. Maybe getting tested and checked out would ease your worries. I, too, have suffered terrible insomnia since getting off a benzo. I hardly slept for several months. I still don't sleep well, but I am getting more than before.

The interesting thing about our brains is that they will NOT let us die from lack of sleep. Our brains do something called "micro sleeps", where it sleeps briefly. You may not even be aware of this happening, but it is. After I learned about this, I began to be more sensitive to it, and  even noticed a couple times when it was happening. These tiny sleeps keep us alive....but don't keep us feeling very good! I know most people worry about insomnia killing them...but it wont. Your brain simply wont allow it.

What I have done is develop a routine I use when I cannot sleep. My problem is I wake every hour or two, and have trouble going back to sleep. I listen to Sleep Hypnosis Videos on YouTube, and they often do help me go back to sleep. They are safe, easy to listen to, rather pleasant, actually. Usually they give you easy instructions, like to take deep breaths.

I also read, when I cannot sleep. I don't read anything that would be stimulating or upsetting...no scary books! Sometimes, I will get up, and pretend I am just going to bed...I brush my teeth (again!), get myself comfortable, do deep breathing, maybe listen to a sleep video. This is all just a mental trick, but it often helps me.

Please, be very careful "experimenting" with all those sleep aids. Don't take more than one kind a night, and follow the instructions....even over-the-counter drugs can be dangerous.

I think there IS some research that shows insomniacs tend to be highly intelligent, creative people...perhaps because their minds are so full of ideas..? I also know for sure that benzo withdrawal causes insomnia in many people. Its probably one of the top 3 withdrawal symptoms.

Hang in there, Rose.....this will all get better in time. Its the waiting that hurts, that and feeling so darn bad.

east

[[ro...]]

East,

Thanks for reply. I'm hopeful I get mini sleeps...my coordination, thinking, trying to drive...all compromised..the day is gorgeous. I will walk my dog a bit..I use to plant lots of mums, work outdoors for hours..

I can't..there is a hill with my gardens. I will fall over ...

If this would get better, I could be more confident of the taper...I'm depressed..bc I'm so dang tired.

I know you had similar problem it is a nasty, mean sx.

I will try the meditation video and turn screen around...tonight.. Maybe try melatonin...again

Waiting ....

It is bad,

Thanks east for sharing some good thoughts on my situation,

Knowing you are getting some sleep now helps.....just wish I could fast forward...

 

Hugs. Rose

[[ea...]]

I used to garden a lot, too, and stopped because of withdrawal. There was no way I could safely walk on rough ground, and do the physical bending and lifting that gardening demands.

You ARE getting micro sleeps. All humans do this, but you just aren't aware of them. If you are lying there, thinking you are wide awake, do you ever kind of lose your train of thought, or startle a little bit? Those indicate a micro sleep. I am now quite aware of them having had a loooong time without real sleep. I even have "micro dreams" - Ill be lying there and have these teensy little dreams...very short dreams. At first I thought they were hallucinations! - but they weren't. My brain was taking a short nap, complete with a short dream.

Our brains are truly miraculous.

east

[[ro...]]

Yes East,

That is good to know.

I have little moments, fleeting dreamlike thoughts, even some short dreams I can recall. Very few, bit that counts...yeah?

 

My garden has large rocks, hilly, I was out there last Saturday, and found myself  a bit off balance with the shears....almost fell, not wise with shears...

I may have to call the landscaper to finish for fall.

 

Thanks for finding a  teensy  bit of sleep  in my night..

I getting desperate, hypnosis, Indian chief, ......I don't know

 

 

WILL KEEP

Praying...

 

Hugs friend.

Rose

[[ea...]]

Those little dreams are micro sleeps! So, your brain is acting normally in many ways.

The sleep hypnosis videos I use are by Jodi Whitely and by Liberationinmind. Just google those names, they will come up. Jodi has maybe 150 of them, and you have to pick and choose to find out which ones work best for you. Liberationinmind only has one, but it comes with several types of background music (not sure why!) His voice is very soothing, very sweet and gentle. All of these are free of cost.

Have you tried any over the counter sleep remedies? None of them worked for me, but I seem to be a stubborn case.

east

[[ro...]]

East, thanks for the you tube info I have seen some. None of the OTC remedies work.. Unisom, Benadryl Advil pm, I have tried them. I think melatonin works as well..tonight I'm taking a little magnesium to see and some melatonin..

I have never tried seroquel, maybe I could see.. I don't know....

I wish I were a bear, I could hibernate for months...

 

 

:smitten:rose

[[ea...]]

None of those worked for me, and Seroquel and Remeron didn't either. I got so desperate I went back on Ambien for a little while, and THAT did not work anymore!!!! I have learned to bide my time and try not to worry about my lack of sleep, since there isn't anything I can do about it. Over my two years of healing, it has improved but is far from great. My stance is to avoid taking anything for sleep and let nature do its magic.

There are nights when I cry out to my God for sleep...but then that moment passes and I go back to my routines. I am alive, I am far better than I used to be, and I believe I will continue to heal.  So will you, Rose. Look around you, and notice the things that truly matter to you. Focus on those things, not how bad you feel. Ill give you an example.....during the last years I was on benzos, I had five much loved cats. One after the other, four of them passed away. I was so numb and sick from withdrawal I didn't really grieve for them, although I managed to get through the awful business of having them put to sleep. When I started to feel better, I looked at my remaining cat and fell in love with her all over again...I was SEEING her for the first time in many years. I then adopted another cat, and fell in love with him. too. I look at them,I feel love and joy and innocence....things I lost while on benzos. They bring me love, they bring me peace. I am doing this with other things around me, as well. My point is that I moved my focus from my own misery to appreciating the things I still have, good things, and this has helped me cope with my remaining symptoms (poor sleep being one of them!) I guess this is how I handle my insomnia...diverting my attention from how scary it is to accepting it and doing what I CAN do to make it better. I cannot make time move faster - and wouldn't want to anyway - so I need to be in the here and now and making the best of it.

Hope this makes sense! I am quite tired, its been a long day.

east

[[ro...]]

East,

Thanks for help today,

Night.

:smitten:rose

[[be...]]

Rose:

 

I'm online if you need me. ~~ Bets

[[ro...]]

Hi bets,

My doc called on some seroquel to try tomorrow night.

Everyone says the insomnia is common, but it need some sleep. Visteril did not help.

My battery is low, so I may lose you, be off a bit...

 

Do you think just getting an hour here and there can last much longer?

I cry cause I'm so tired all day..at 4 am starts cortisol surge...

I'm trying so hard , just want sleep. Thanks

 

rose

[[be...]]

Hi bets,

My doc called on some seroquel to try tomorrow night.

Everyone says the insomnia is common, but it need some sleep. Visteril did not help.

My battery is low, so I may lose you, be off a bit...

 

Do you think just getting an hour here and there can last much longer?

I cry cause I'm so tired all day..at 4 am starts cortisol surge...

I'm trying so hard , just want sleep. Thanks

 

rose

 

Hi Rose:

 

I was sleeping only 2-3 hours per night for nearly a year.  I was becoming insane. No OTC meds worked and neither did other things. But my pdoc finally said enough is enough and you need to sleep or your healing will become more difficult. So he gave me both Seroquel AND trazodone for sleep. The Seroquel makes you fall asleep, but doesn't necessarily keep you asleep. The traz doesn't make you fall asleep, but keep you from waking up. I find the combo to work very well. But I tried 50, 100, and they did not work. So now I'm happily sleeping on 150 mg. Plus, 200 mg of Traz. ~~ Bets

[[ro...]]

Thanks Bets,

Hope it works for me..starting at a low dose ..

Sleep well

:smitten:rose

[[sn...]]

Rose I prayed that you would get some sleep.  Just want you to know that seroquel causes low thyroid so you need to get your thyroid checked.  I'm letting you know because if your thyroid goes low you can become depressed but you will be fine as long as your doctor monitors you.  Sleep well.  You should feel tons better!

[[ro...]]

Snow,

Buddies,

There just does not seem to be improvement. I'm more sad. Crying.

Afraid.. Grandson is coming today and I'm nervous. My legs feel jittery.

I slep about. Three hours. Hubby is asleep. I'm crying bc I feel the same eveyday..I distract, get outside, connect, read positive books,

Why am I still afraid?.

This is a scarey feeling..I self talk and say it is the benzo.

But I am not feeling emotionally well. Been strong. Trying hard everyday, or trying to forget pills and tomes, and tapering..

Crying and fearful..

Maybe I am a worst case..do I need hospital. I don't want to leave my home, but I'm worried about this depression..I know benzo wd is very hard on some...I never believed ever that I could feel so fragile..some say to think positive and distract..

I do

Maybe for some of is, with distant family, etc...this is very very challenging.

I was always confident, healthy, mentally strong.

I'm terrified.

Please can anyone say they wear like me and got better....please reassure. I'm really feeling despair..

 

 

Rose

[[...]]

Rose I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  I had such a bad depression last week it was so awful.  Finally having a little window today.  Sleep was bad for me this cut and last week was awful but nothing like you.  You are a very strong woman.  I am so impressed with your progress.  Sounds like you definitely need to hold and let some of these cuts catch up.  They will.  Others seem to have some advice on sleep.  I am lucky so far the OTC have worked for me off and on at least and I do take melatonin and .125 of benadryl or unisom generic (can't remember spelling of active ingredient doxy something) get it at Costco called Sleep Aid you may need little more.  Maybe it will work if you take it with melatonin if you haven't tried it.  My Pdoc told me to do this but no more that 4mg melatonin of of course no more of antihistamine recommended. You probably should try at 25mg of the visitiril instead of 10 or 20.  Of course if you're too desperate and need to go to the hospital your body you should go.

 

On another point, I just got this post from Diaz-Pam who said she could not tolerate even the .25mg cut on the Valium and had to go to a daily cut and that worked really well for her.  Perhaps you might have an easier time with that.  Might be worth a try when you stabilize.  Think Diaz-Pam said she did pills and only the cut part was liquid.

 

Here's a link to my post about switching to a daily cut that she responded to.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=117049.0

 

Sending thoughts of recovery your way. 

 

 

[[ea...]]

Rose,

If you are thinking about harming yourself, then perhaps you should go to the hospital. We can only give you just so much support and help here.

Your fear - is probably benzo related. This is a common symptom, and it was my absolute worst. Fear - all the time, and of everything, just everything. It was so weird that its hard to describe it. For months I kind of tippy toed around my house, with my butt all tucked in, because I felt this intense fear. It gradually faded away, and now I just get twinges of it. If you didn't have it before, its most like from the benzo. The part of our brain that controls fear gets messed up - the amygdala. And with healing, it stops sending those fear signals. You could call it a chemical fear, because it isn't based on reality.

I really hope Seroquel helps you. It does, for some people. Didn't for me. I wanted to try Trazedone, but my doctor said no because with older women (over 50 I think) there's an increased risk of heart troubles. But it has a good reputation. Just be aware that all meds work a little differently on different people. Don't be upset if Seroquel doesn't help you.

east

[[...]]

here a link to Diaz-Pam taper page.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=97511.msg1248599#msg1248599

 

something for when you stabalize. 

 

On the hospital ? am happy to see  more experienced people weighing in.

 

 

[[ro...]]

East, no fear of harming self. Just a panic, fear..weariness,

No sleep day after day.

The cortisol surges my heart races, sweating, shakey..

I have them from 4 am on....still trembly.

Nervois with grandson coming soon.  I'm afraid hell sense my fatigue, lack of spirit.

I have constant fear, I know about the brain and wds, but I still can't find much comfort.

Just hard to function . I am holding..

I post bc I can't talk to hubby, sis is out of town, friend at work..I come here. Or pray..

Just nervous

Thanks for being here.

Waiting for grandson..don't know what to do with him today ands tomorrow.isn't that silly?

Love him so.. Hate how I feel

I will feel him I have a flu, and rest today, maybe hubby can take him to movie

I'm lost

Sick, no place to go but a hospital, andi heard too much about that afraid

 

Going to pray

Hope this passes soon,

Trying to focus on positives....how far I come,

The forum,

My grandson.....

 

 

Love rose..

[[be...]]

Hi Rose:

 

I'm sorry about the sleep issue. I truly can understand b/c at first, I was only sleeping 2-3 hours for a year. I felt like a zombie, a shell of myself and starting to think I was becoming insane. So I understand. It's so important for your body to get some sleep, b/c it will help your brain to heal. I take it you tried many OTC drugs, and none of them worked. I had the same problem. Melatonin kept me awake all night. The others ~~ nada. Finally my pdoc put me on medication and now I am sleeping 7-8 hours per night. I only wake up once during the night. I feel like a different person now. Before, I couldn't even think properly. So you have my best wishes and I constantly think about you. And remember, you are a member of my select group of God's Squad, along with 6 other members here who are also suffering so badly. That means a very special prayer for you every night. Take care hon and be well. Luv, Bets

[[ro...]]

Bets.

Grandson just came. I'm so nervous, probably due to no sleep.

He is here and I want to cry.

Thanks for prayers. I'm trying.

I will try the seroquel.

Love. Rose