DPD during withdraw, is that what it feels like

[[th...]]

Hello again buddies, I am calming myself that what I experience now is just a w/d and is going to past with time, but those sensations bring me the question - What if you are just going crazy and this will go on forever?

 

Yesterday after 4 months of seasonal work I got in my car and traveled to my own town. It is just around 300 km, not that much, but i have been dissociating during the whole trip. I had great brain fog during my travel, and I am great that i made it home without any incidents.

Since i got home i feel my mind super confused. Like i can not connect to myself and all of what is happening is not connected to me, to myself, to my identity. I have my memory with me, so i can recall various things from my past, but everything it is just strange, not grounded, i even do not know how to describe it. It is like what i have been the last year it is not anymore. Like I am not me. Distressing.

 

I have been DP-ed before, and before the Klonopin intake ( which was around 76 doses x 0.25 gr - a dose per day). I was only Derealised but i still had my sense of identity. The derealisation lifted away  before my regular Klonopin intake. But now it is something different and i can not tell if it is more disturbing than the derealisation. I hope i will not lose my mind.

 

Why i think it is just w/d is because, after i quit CT i had this major episode of anxiety, fear and sense that i am living in my past. Then i had those constant feelings of time period change. In every 3 or 4 days i have been drinking alcohol which eased my symptoms and i was feeling back to normal until the next day evening. That is how the last 30+ days of w/d had passed. Now i am 5 days alcohol free and 30+ of w/d, and my mind is i think, just very confused.

 

I cannot wait to see how i will feel in another 30 days. I have been on small amount of Klonopin for not that long period (but 50-60 days of that evil drug can cause nasty things), so I hope my w/d will not take ages. But you never know.

 

Regards

[Guest [to...]]

All of us with dp/Dr worry it'll never end. I can't say for sure that for everyone it does, but I can say it seems everyone online I've talked to about it does recover, and I myself got mostly out of it - it pops up only occasionally and I know how to handle it. So I doubt you'll literally go crazy. You're going to need patience, though, because regaining normal perception is a long, gradual step-by-step process - or so it was for me.