The window strikes again! :)

[Guest [Or...]]

So, the last few days have been rough for me. Being completely agoraphobic due to mental symptoms (Mostly I just dont wanna have one of my 15 minute crazy episodes. Im sure that some people will know what I mean!) is kinda wearing on me. Even moreso after Monday hearing the news that my short-term disability has been denied because the doctors did not fill in my reports properly. I stopped. This was it. I was going to full blown benzo acute withdrawal hell. Ive been doing OK at managing my symptoms for the most part, but I thought I was going to go back to week 1 and would never recover. Well, no. I had a bit of hyperventilation and nervousness, but it actually felt normal I was surprised! It did manage to get worked out thankfully, and now Im just waiting for approval. But, thats not the best part about this story!

 

So, yesterday was a huge depression day. I cried for hours and hours about how hopeless my life felt. I didnt know who to call or who to talk to. Eventually spoke to a friend that helped me realize this is all temporary. The depression eventually eased out and my symptoms became all physical, with some slight cognitive fog. I went to bed with some chamomile tea and laid there reading BenzoBuddy success stories until my partner came into the room. He wanted to cuddle me, to make sure that I was feeling allright. Lately its been hard because I dont like being smothered. But, I let him. He is doing so much to help me out right now and my survival literally depends on him. So, I was OK with it. For 15 minutes I just laid there and eventually started laughing. This isnt the random fits of laughter that come from Benzo withdrawal. Ive actually been lucky to have uncontrollable laughter in the midst of my weird mental symptoms. But, this felt natural. A release. My body was just coming down from an anxious state, the cog fog lifted, my surroundings felt normal. It was surreal. I placed my arm around my partner and we laughed and cuddled like old times. This lasted for 45 minutes. We didnt talk about benzos, or my symptoms, we just simply enjoyed each others company. And shortly after I was able to lay in my bed and feel complete relaxation (Despite the inner vibrations. Lame ) To get a window only two days after a major stressor was...pure bliss. It was much needed, much appreciated, and it has given me the drive I need to get through

 

As hard as this is, Im starting to think that this was all meant to be. To put me on the path that I am supposed to be on. I was never a patient person, and this is teaching me true patience. I was also one that took life for granted. I just went day by day, doing what most people did. Never cared to broaden my horizons. But having my world shrink in such a short amount of time has made me realize that even through all the bad, there is good in all of this. We will all come out survivors of true hell on Earth. We will share our stories, inspire others to make intelligent decisions towards their life, and become stronger, more productive members of society.

 

So when you are down in the dumps of benzo depression and all hope is lost (Believe me, I know what that is like lately). Start to think about the future that you want to start shaping when this is all over. Think of what you want to do in the world to make it a better place. How much of a happier person you will be. How much support you can give to others. I know that regardless of how I feel about this after it is all over, I will never forget those that helped me. And I certainly wont forget those that will come after me.

[Guest [ba...]]

:)

[[cr...]]

That is really great to hear! I have also been hit really bad by mental symptoms and depression this past week, and i am desperately needing a window real soon lol.