Life and death.

[[sa...]]

I'm really hurting as most of you know who have read my posts. I know most of is here are anti med. I fear my life is in danger if I don't go inpatient. However I'm terrified of being at the mercy of psychiatry. I don't want to die but I don't want to be over drugged either. What should I do bbs.

[[Be...]]

You have the right to dictate all aspects of your care by docs both inpatient and outpatient.  You have the right to refuse any and all forms of treatment or care.  You have the right to refuse meds and/or ask for reduced dosages, etc.  It's your body and you make the final decision about what others want to do to your body.  Don't act like they have the power over you, they don't.  Of course,  a doc may not want to treat a patient who doesn't follow his instructions, but most docs will listen to your concerns and discuss your requests with you.

[[sn...]]

Please go to the hospital where you will be safe and protected.  You may feel tons better after a doctor sees you and he will be able to help you feel better.

 

I care about you.  If your suicidal please call 911 or have a friend take you to the hospital.  You are your own advocate and you don't have to take any medication that you don't want to.  Be good to yourself.  Depression is a serious matter.  Please get some help.

 

We love you!  Let us know how your doing!

Deborah

[[sa...]]

I'm so terrified of hospital and more meds. See no reasonable solution to this. Just unsure. Help me again buddies.

[[sn...]]

Please go to the hospital.  There may be a great doctor who can help you.  I want you to be safe!  I know the feelings that you have, their scary, very scary.  You are going to heal but I think you need to be in a safe place.  You don't have to take any medications unless you feel it's best for you.

 

I just prayed for you,

Deborah

[[be...]]

I'm really hurting as most of you know who have read my posts. I know most of is here are anti med. I fear my life is in danger if I don't go inpatient. However I'm terrified of being at the mercy of psychiatry. I don't want to die but I don't want to be over drugged either. What should I do bbs.

 

 

satch, I personally think going in patient is a excellent idea. I had 9 in patient stays with my three withdrawals. You don't have to take any medicines you don't want, and they actually spend little time with you. You would mainly interact with other patients which I think is a good thing. You are not doing well at home. I would give it a try. You can always check yourself out at any time.

[Guest [Mi...]]

I'm really hurting as most of you know who have read my posts. I know most of is here are anti med. I fear my life is in danger if I don't go inpatient. However I'm terrified of being at the mercy of psychiatry. I don't want to die but I don't want to be over drugged either. What should I do bbs.

 

satch, I think that may be a good idea. I don't want you to die, either, and you'll be safe at the hospital. You've been feeling bad for a really long time. Perhaps it's time to get person to person help now.

 

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

 

Hang in there. You're doing great. 

[[sa...]]

I'm actually working and surviving. This is so hard and unforgiving. I'm burning people around me out with my constant fear and depression. Not sure what to do to keep hope alive. Terrified of going inpatient. Don't see how more shrinks and meds can help.

[[lo...]]

Hi Satch

 

You are strong. To keep working is a huge thing whilst feeling the way you do. Sometimes surviving is all we can do until something happens and we start to feel better.

 

I hope you can keep hanging on. Just get through each day. Tomorrow may be the day when it eases up.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I'm actually working and surviving. This is so hard and unforgiving. I'm burning people around me out with my constant fear and depression. Not sure what to do to keep hope alive. Terrified of going inpatient. Don't see how more shrinks and meds can help.

 

That's great that you're still working. Hang in there. You're very strong to be able to work with that type of depression.

[[Ar...]]

I really get where you are. This pseudo paranoid schidsoid behavior you are exhibiting is probably due either to too much Benzo or from wd, depending on where you are. I'm not judging you, I've been right where you are. You're stuck between--Do you trust the doctors who got you into this mess in the first place, or do you die trying to do this on your own? Two very valid questions. There is a third option. Find a doctor who understands that you want to get off of benzo but don't want to die of wd or of the dark depression you fear most. and for God's sake keep talking to your benzo buddies they know what you are going through.

[[Di...]]

So sorry that you are going through this Satch.

 

If you go to the hospital, you don't have to take any meds you don't want. 

 

Perhaps they could offer some type of counseling/therapy.

 

If you are suicidal, you should reach out for assistance. (IMO)

 

 

 

[Guest [Or...]]

If you read the Ashton Manual she states that SSRIs are very beneficial for depression. The withdrawals from them aren't fun, but as long as it isn't Paxil its all good.

[[Cl...]]

Satch, hi, life is beautiful, even we cannot see it right Now, as buddies have already said to you, go to the hospital, find a doctor, explain him/her what you are going through, ask him not to give you unnecesary drugs. Good luck!

[[sa...]]

Thanks to everyone writing to me.  I'm am so depressed but fear going to the hospital.  I would like to be off of the other meds which I fear are making me worse.  I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place.  If I go they will make it worse I fear.  I really don't want to die but fear I'm going to kill myself because I am so screwed up.  I know suicide isn't the answer and supposedly everyone heals.  Just hard to believe right now.

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Thanks to everyone writing to me.  I'm am so depressed but fear going to the hospital.  I would like to be off of the other meds which I fear are making me worse.  I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place.  If I go they will make it worse I fear.  I really don't want to die but fear I'm going to kill myself because I am so screwed up.  I know suicide isn't the answer and supposedly everyone heals.  Just hard to believe right now.

 

Aw, satch, pease STOP telling yourself stuff like "I am so screwed up." I've been corresponding with you for weeks, and you are definitely NOT screwed up. You're just temporarily in a bad place.

 

And you're on two others meds, but you're on really low doses. When you're ready to come off, you don't have far to go.

 

You've come a long way, satch. Trust me, you really have. Think about all the progress you've made over the passed few months. Even if you can't see the progress, your friends here can.

 

Hang in there. You're going to be okay. 

[[sa...]]

Thanks MIndseeker,

 

How have you survived going through years of this.  How have you survived financially.  I know you are sorta working.  Do you see a bright future.  Have you gotten disability.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Thanks MIndseeker,

 

How have you survived going through years of this.  How have you survived financially.  I know you are sorta working.  Do you see a bright future.  Have you gotten disability.

 

My savings are dwindling. I'm using my retirement account, unfortunately, but I have to find either a second job or a better paying job in the next few months or I'll lose my apartment (and my trusty dog).

 

I haven't received disability. You'd think with the meds I've been on and the bipolar 1 diagnosis I would, but I'll go down kicking and screaming before that happens. I really want to get back out there into the kinds of jobs I used to have. I want to make decent money again and go out to restaurants and movies without having to check the couch for change! I want my life back, too. I really understand where you're coming from!

 

I see an awesome future, satch. I really do. I see a future off of meds, I see finally being able to find out who I am after being polymedicated for nearly 30 years.

 

I just know it's gonna work out. And dude, I got the same vibe about you. It's going to work out. You're strong. You've survived this far. No doubt you're going to be fine.

 

Repeat that a few times out loud - "I'm going to be fine."

 

Some positive self talk always helps. And these are great coping skills to use the rest of our lives. Our long, medication-free lives. 

[[Be...]]

some of the older tricyclic antidepressants aren't as bad as the newer ones.  I was on Tofranil years ago and it was fine.

[[sa...]]

Very hopeless again today. See no good solution. Don't want to go to hospital but feel I'm in danger. Afraid to give up control but also afraid to live like this.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Very hopeless again today. See no good solution. Don't want to go to hospital but feel I'm in danger. Afraid to give up control but also afraid to live like this.

 

Satch, if you feel you're "in danger," you do need to go to the hospital or at least talk to someone as an out patient. This fear of giving up control is common. It's that kind of fighting back mechanism that hinders acceptance.

 

Unfortunately, because we're an online group, it's really hard to gauge were people are at. For this reason, when you are overcome with suicidal thoughts, it really is best to talk to someone face to face.

 

We're here for you, satch. But I really hope you do talk to someone face to face. I think you'll feel better.

 

Hugs. 

[[Be...]]

Satch, my daughter says if she has to hang in there so have you!

I for my part think if you feel you are in danger you should go to the hospital. If you go there voluntarily you can check out any time when you feel safer.

Benzomama

[[sa...]]

Continue to suffer. See no right answer. Just more fear terror and suffering. Ct really messed me up. Dont want to go inpatient. Would be in horrible scary place if I did. I'm so scared friends. The depression is unbearable.

[[Se...]]

I hope that knowing you are not alone will help.  Right now I am starting my second week cold turkey off the benzos.  The first week was scary because I had not known what to expect and the withdrawals symptoms scared the heck out of me.  I am grateful I found this site and have been reading all the posts and getting comfort and support knowing I am not alone and this will pass. 

[[be...]]

Continue to suffer. See no right answer. Just more fear terror and suffering. Ct really messed me up. Dont want to go inpatient. Would be in horrible scary place if I did. I'm so scared friends. The depression is unbearable.

 

What do you mean by a "horrible scary place". do you picture a psychiatric hospital out of a Alfred Hitchcock movie? I can assure you they are nothing like that. I have been admitted for more than a few days with each withdrawal and I must say they are really quite nice. The only time you really deal with doctors is in the mornings when they make their rounds. The psych ward I have been in most, and by far the nicest is a teaching hospital that is affiliated with the university so one meets with a dozen doctors each morning. Most are not like that, and you will see only one doctor. I actually loved a dozen opinions. The rest of the day is spent hanging out with other patients and attending a few groups (which I know you would benefit from). It is a place to get away from the madness at home. It is a place to give your mind a breather......