Getting used to life without benzos

[[Sv...]]

Hey folks,

 

Well on the eve of my 18 month anniversary, I just wanted to share a notion I discovered in talking with my shrink. While he still refutes the notion of benzo withdrawal, he did say something that I found interesting this week.

 

We talked about post benzo life metaphorically by comparing this situation to life as an astronaut. Astronauts are by choice some of the mentally sharpest and physically fit people out there.  They go up into space for a year then come home. When they return to earth, can they run a marathon?  Of course not. Even tho they are physically fit, their life without gravity has left their muscles needing much time and rehabilitation before they can walk.

 

Likewise when we come off benzos it takes us a while to adjust to the ups and downs in life, while not having drugs to dampen the effects. Everyone does not adjust to the presence of gravity at the same rate and likewise does not recover from benzos at the same rate. As different life situations come up, our brain has to learn to adapt without pills. So while we are still in the ever-refuted withdrawal, there is also this notion of not having our emotions sawed off with a pill.

 

I'm still struggling folks. Went thru some real tough life stuff lately. Ended up hitting the booze to cope. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Bad idea!  But I'm only human and make mistakes.

 

Things are constantly changing. The deep existential thoughts seem to be lessening. Mostly severe anxiety and depression right now. Some panick attacks too. Bugger!

 

I hope all is well with you. Be strong  my friends!

[[In...]]

Congrats Sven! So happy you made it to 18 months, no turning back now.

 

I'm struggling right along with you, but the sensations are changing and I have my fingers crossed it is a sign of healing. Sometimes I feel motivation. Also some fleeting moments of clearer thinking. Other times the horrible internal anxiety/internal shaking/sickness lessens for a week or two.

 

What a long recovery process it has been so far. Hopefully it will be over for both of us soon! 

[[it...]]

Thats kinda how I feel,like a god dang mental astronaut battling for my soul. hate this shit every damn day..sorry just venting.

[[ca...]]

Sorry to hear of ur struggles.  What an enlightening metaphor you have come up with.  I can completely imagine the whole scenario in my head even with all this brain fog.  This is our journey and its one hell of a journey back to earth.  This may seem daunting but think of how accomplished the astronaut feels once they complete their mission and the story they have to share. 

 

I am curious.  I see u are still on an SSRI.  I was on one for ten years and i found it wasnt very helpful for anxiety and tapered off it.  Is it helping to dampen the benzo symptoms?  How long have u been on it?

[[Sv...]]

Hey everyone!

 

Thanks for your replies!  Daze, we have been fighting this good fight too long. Like you I feel a lot of changes. I hope it's for the better, but am openly concerned it's for the worse as I've mentioned that I'm back into my wine drinking. As we've talked so many times, maybe what happens just happens, and these other factors that we try to interpret such as diet and exercise are somewhat incidental at 18 months out. In the early stages I think those factors were much more relevant.

 

Still on the ssri Castillo. I'm about to switch tomorrow to Escitalopram. Is it helping?  Who knows. In my early withdrawal stages I was on a mild dose of mirtazapine to help with sleep. It definitely helped with that. Now I'm just battling anxiety and depression mostly it seems. I've been on 20 mg citalopram for roughly a year.

 

Keep fighting the good fight everyone!