Having an awful time....

[[th...]]

I m so mad! 

 

I was clipping along cutting with lots of syx but seemed to be getting less severe till I switched to a smaller .0625mg cuts. I ve made two cuts, last one was Thurs, and feel like crap! Mornings are awful with feeling like I am crawling out of my skin and can't breathe and then that settles a bit by noon but I am nauseas and have terrible gi syx all day! Can't eat! I m so mad! 

 

Grinch

[Guest [ba...]]

I'm really sorry that you're getting slammed.  Please try to not get too upset about it (it doesn't help).  I know it sucks right now, but you'll get through this.  I hope you can find something to eat that will sit well with your nausea (I ate Clif bars when my guts were acting up).  Hang in there, Grinch!

[[Ja...]]

Hi Grinch, I am feeling real bad also. Cut the end off one of my doses and am having the same problem as you with the GI problems, nausea, and pain in my legs and forearms. I also have loss of appetite, have had that for over a year. I just feel like curling up and dying at times.

Hope you and I both get stable soon even though after reading a lot of your posts, you seem to have been suffering for a long time. When will it ever end?

Jaddy

[[be...]]

Well, Grinch. I'm sorry for you feeling this way. I wonder if this will happen to me as well? The plus here is you are so close to being benzo free! Just try to find something, anything, that you can eat. You have to try and keep a decent diet. It's terrible for you, I know, but before long it will be a distant memory. If you're lucky, then you won't remember it at all! Hang tough G. You can do this. ~~ Bets

[[ro...]]

G,

Was thinking of you today.

You have more than a fair share of pain during your taper.....I hope those crawling and breathing sxs

Let up , you don't deserve any  more . 

Feel better soon....let us know...

Rose

 

 

 

[[ea...]]

Awww.....Grinch, Im so sorry!!! Don't give up, keep fighting and above all, keep that sense of humor. You will get through this. I had a lot of GI sx for about 6 months. It is not fun. I became...uh....very good friends with my bathroom.

east

[[Ju...]]

Sorry to hear this grinch!  I'd hold a while and let these symptoms settle down.  I'm so sorry you got hit.  Hang in there!  This kind of thing happens. 

[[gr...]]

Sorry G your hurtin. Peruzer likes to eat grapes to help with nausea. I eat a ton of grapes and i never get it?

[[Kg...]]

My worst symptoms are always the GI ones and/or anxiety.  I guess I get to pick which one is worse on what day.  I take a barf bag with me when I go anywhere and sometimes even that doesn't work for me because they don't make traveling bathrooms  - than I have to stay home or do very quick errands in my immediate neighborhood.  Even on my worst days I still exercise even if it is just a yoga you tube and I do my meditation as well - it does help while I am doing it.    I will say this I just came out of a hold and was a mess at first  but towards the end my GI did get better.  So if it were me I would do a longer hold before you cut again -  not as long as I did but perhaps an extra week. Lainey told me to use a heating pad for the cramps and that does help.  I have mine right by my bed and if I wake up with cramps and nausea on it goes.  I also make my own ginger tea every morning and it has helped me.  I don't know what you eat but I notice I can't eat meat much anymore and nothing with lots of oil or fat - even cheese does me in but yogurt (Greek) is okay.  When I am really bad it is just plain chicken with rice - so if I start growing feathers you will know why since it seems this has become my go to meal.  I hate these drugs but we will beat them.  Feel better - it does go away from what I have read here and is just an awful s/x of these lovely meds.

[[th...]]

Son of a #%*?€!!!!!!

 

I knew I should have never wrote that other positive thread  As soon as I did, wham!, get slammed! It's been hanging on... Feel dread and panic for the first time in this wd journey and it is not fun coupled on top of getting hit with all the physical syx 24/7!!! I don't get it...I am only cutting .0625mg....this last cut was worse than a .125mg cut. That makes no sense! Man, this messes with my head....I mean, if it's gonna be this bad why not cut .125mg and get down further in dose. I hate this. I am trying to stay focused and strong but the thought of things getting worse is an awful sucky thought. I thought things were already "worse"!!!! What!!! Ugh! 

 

Grinch

[[Ju...]]

Grinch, this is my take on what's happening.  I believe the .125mg cuts piled up on you and your increased symptoms might be from this rather than the .0625mg cut itself.  So now you're blaming the .0625 cut, when in fact what might be happening is something you did weeks ago.  This is what benzos are famous for and why it's so important to taper slowly from start to finish. And by slowly I mean small cuts. 

 

I believe if you hold, you might be able to gain some stability back.  But if you keep pushing it, (even with .0625 cuts), there is a high likelihood that the way you feel now may be what you're stuck with for the remainder of your taper.  Benzo symptoms are like toothpaste that gets out of the tube.  Once symptoms take hold, it's hard to get them to resolve.  I'd HOLD for a while girl or if I didn't I'd know that I might have one heck of an even harder problem with lower doses. 

 

I'm sorry this is happening.  But I think there is still plenty enough benzo left that you're still taking that you can get yourself out of the weeds with a good hold.

[[ro...]]

Grinch,

You didn't jinx yourself, it's the nature and unpredictability of this stuff,,

Maybe the panic and dread feeling will be short lived for you, you don't have a history of it your taper...mostly the physical pain.

Can't wrap any logic around why it reared it's ugly head at smaller cut...

You'll come out of it..

Maybe as your body adjusts for reasons we don't know, things will,settle down..

Sure wish we had a fast forward button,

This isn't the norm for you, so I hope it disappears as quick as it came..

Hang in there G.

Hugs. Rose

[[be...]]

G:

 

So sorry that you got slammed. You've been one helluva gal to keep plodding along, despite your circumstances. I agree that it might be the .125 mg are catching up with you. I would certainly hold until you feel better. I would hate to have you stuck in bed and not on BB b/c we'd all miss you sense of humor. Hang tough and this too shall pass. Hugs, Bets

[[th...]]

Thanks Rose 

 

Juliea, You might be right. I wanted badly to cut on Tues and I didn't. I am holding till Fri this time. We'll see how next week goes with this new cut...maybe I'll hold longer next week if I get worse...though I only can do that for so long. It just isn't in me, I've gone as slow as I can go, so hopefully I won't be tested beyond my drive...that could end bad for me, like you said, and I'll accept the consequences if I put myself in that place.

 

I don't think cutting every 7 days was over the top. I kept things within the 5-10% range with each cut and was doing ok with the cuts. When the .125mg cuts seems to be too much I backed off and went to .0625mg cuts even before I hit the 10% mark. I don't think I have been at all irresponsible with my taper. I am at the .0625mg cuts now which I will stay at till I hit 0, but I won't drag this out...even if that means hell will rain upon me. I think 4-5 months more of this is long enough to come off my last 1.25mgs. That will be an entire year of tapering from beginning to end. Makes me sick to think that. I haven't been at all functional during this tapering process no matter what speed I went or how long I held. It didn't matter. The med is what is making me sick and therefore it must be gone for me to get better. Having to take it 4xday to poison my body only causes me pain physically and mentally, I feel worse after I take my dose. I don't think it will be an easy ride to 0 no matter what.

 

Grinch

[[th...]]

Bets,

 

I HAVE been stuck in bed this entire time  AND I AM SICK OF IT!!!!! 

[[gr...]]

Grinch i also think you are just at the point of your taper (lower) that is becomes difficult and your body is screaming for the drug,

Ive held two weeks every cut, but when i got lower...it got harder.

 

Bed is no fun i know. Im sick of being in bed with no life also. I dont know how some people can manage to work while some of us cant even get out of bed.

 

Hang in there, your tougher then the benzo, that i know.

[[be...]]

Bets,

 

I HAVE been stuck in bed this entire time  AND I AM SICK OF IT!!!!! 

 

I know I know. I was just hoping that you would become unstuck. Prayer time again, G. And I am going  every day that you're still stuck  in bed. I wish we could change places. Hugs, Bets

[[Se...]]

Aw Grinch, I am so sorry. It gets hard when we start to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel but have to stay mired in feeling terrible.

 

I was just so annoyed when I woke early this morning feeling AWFUL. I'm near the end and want to accelerate so badly and just get off....but I read posts like Juliea wrote and I think she's right. It's not just the % we cut, but also the length of time that makes the taper successful and I can see our bodies suddenly alert that they've been getting tricked. I went back several days ago and re-did my plan and made it longer even though everything is SCREAMING for me to go faster.

 

I have been bedridden many hours a day for many months now, am tired of it and very annoyed. Last year I did get some hand and ankle weights, and some stretchy bands, and started doing light exercise in bed (leg lifts etc.) I did not know that being bedridden in itself creates many health problems, not one doctor mentioned that to me although I told them I was horizontal. Spending 20-22 hrs a day lying down is in itself a problem called deconditioning and it makes us worse. The human body is designed be vertical. That's why hospitals have PT programs. It actually really did help, even though the amount of "exercise" I was doing was laughable. I developed a condition called "orthostaticc hypotension" from being bedridden, so if you have lightheadedness or dizziness this can be caused by it. Can be diagnosed in 5 minutes with a blood pressure cuff. I reversed it within a month doing things like raising bed head, the light weights and climbing stairs in house, compression stockings etc.  http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/orthostatic-hypotension/basics/definition/con-20031255

 

At any rate, keep straining to see that light at the end of the tunnel, it will come eventually. Your dosage is in the home stretch!

[[th...]]

SD,

 

I do not feel like I am in the home stretch, I have several months of tapering that will take me into next year!! I am not hopeless or depressed, I am mad at the outcome thus far. People keep saying I went too fast even though in total it will be 12-13 months of total time to taper by the time I jump! Good grief if that is not enough time than bring on the hell bc I have been in hell this entire time and nothing helps and nothing relieves the syx....not holding...not making smaller cuts.....nothing!! I am stuck in acute while on the drug and tapering and have been for years and it's starting to really piss me off! The only way I know how to battle this and keep any dignity that I have left, which isn't much!, is by continuing to taper and make progress....without that I have nothing!

 

Sorry...I am in a bad mood 

 

G

[[ro...]]

Grinch.

  I understand. I love you gal.

Rose

[[Se...]]

Sorry my sweet Grinch, did not mean to upset you! I meant you are down to 1.25 from where you were! Just like a marathon, where people are just so tired at the end. We hear you and see you and are on the sidelines cheering you on and feeling your misery. Hugs

[[th...]]

It's not you SD....i never take anything anyone says personally on here....everyone is entitled to their own opinions and guidance....I am just in a bad mood and mad about this whole process. I wanted to be done by Oct when I started in Feb. That was quickly killed off. Now it seems it's going to be so much longer, into next yr like I said, and met with more misery. It just makes me really mad.

 

The consequences of my actions moving forward will be mine and I can live with them. Whatever they are.

 

G

[[be...]]

It's not you SD....i never take anything anyone says personally on here....everyone is entitled to their own opinions and guidance....I am just in a bad mood and mad about this whole process. I wanted to be done by Oct when I started in Feb. That was quickly killed off. Now it seems it's going to be so much longer, into next yr like I said, and met with more misery. It just makes me really mad.

 

The consequences of my actions moving forward will be mine and I can live with them. Whatever they are.

 

G

 

How are you feeling today, G?

[[ch...]]

g, so sorry you are feeling so poorly, thinkin bout ya

[[th...]]

I don't really know if I am better. This may very well be my new baseline. I am cutting tom anyway. Whatever happens happens. Sick of this.

 

G