Benzo WD? or Depression, or GAD, or deteriorating job?

[[Go...]]

Hello,

 

First, thanks very much to all for being such a resource. I am going through some shite and I very much look forward to the perspective of "those who have gone before".

 

Short background:

I am a male engineer with a good and well-paying career (20yrs)

I have two kids 13 and 9 and a wife, all of whom I love very much (but that I fear may be 'damaging' in my illness)

I have been dysthymic my entire life (I'm 55 now).

Five or so years ago I started getting bad tension on my back,shoulders, and neck due (presumably), to stress.

I was prescribed Valium 10mg to be taken "as needed".

I was aware of the addictive potential of Valium and was always loath to take more than a minimal amount (generally 5mg at a time 1 or 2 a day, maybe 2 or 3 days a week, with occasional double-doses for sleep when pain was too bad.

Concurrent prescriptions for depression had me on/of various SSRIs/SNRis for 6-month cycles (off in between), with feeling that the ADs were ineffective.

Somewhere along the way, Valium (re)prescribed for anxiety, still 10mg, same dosage-pattern going through two refills (60 tabs), and then none for a month or so, than back on for 60. Repeat pattern for five years.

 

Had panic attack while on business-travel in January, then another (much worse) in Feb, and another in May. Very high anxiety and depression (with the full gamut of characteristics in between). To the point of essentially being unable to function by 1 Sept. Extreme anxiety, near total insomnia, racing thoughts (not even thoughts actually as much as incessant flickering images behind my eyelids), feeling as if I separate from what I looked out on (i.e. the friggin world), extreme difficulty getting motivated to tackle workload (which was/is very high and technical). Mad sadness 24/7. Sudden noises caused my whole body to flinch (like a full-body electric shock), not interested in much at all, lots of irritability, etc.

 

After panic attack in Feb, decided that my depression must have slipped into a Major form and started working with therapist. Helpful but did little to reduce symptoms above. Camel's back broke and I went out on FMLA (depression/anxiety) on Sept 8. Coincidentally enough, exactly then found online mention of "benzo withdrawal", and remembered that I had probably taken my last Valium about a month before my first business trip.

 

Now taking Ativan for anxiety (as required) 1mg up to 3 times daily, Lexapro, and Trazodone for sleep (but quickly discovered I can not take Trazodone due to it making me feel like crap the next day). Now take the Ativan (Lorazepam, actually), mostly for sleep (1mg), but also .5mg at morning, mostly in the hopes, if I am in benzo withdrawal, that will minimize the freak-outs.

 

So....I am coming here to seek your help. It sure seems to me I am withdrawing, and I really need the crap to stop. I've been researching tapering strategies (I know I'm really not taking high doses but my understanding is that, if your brain has been "reconfigured" by the benzos, the damage is already done), as well as whether there may be any supplements (GABA?) that may be helpful during the withdrawal. As it is now, everything about my life is on the line. I could sure use your help. First-hand accounts of successful withdrawal strategies really appreciated! I'm concerned about screwing my brain up even more by following "I heard that yaddah might...." advice so, I'm really hoping I can hear real accounts.

 

Thanks SO MUCH in advance! I will of course, be thoroughly poring thru all that is already here but....any additional words/thoughts appreciated!

[[be...]]

Hi Goober-ish Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am so happy you found us. I understand your want for everything to stop. To minimize withdrawal symptoms a slow taper is recommended.  There are no real supplements to help. Time is the only healer.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms,.

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome! 

 

benzosrcruel

 

 

 

Edit:  restored as post rather than quote

~Juliea

 

 

[[Go...]]

Hi Goober-ish Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am so happy you found us. I understand your want for everything to stop. To minimize withdrawal symptoms a slow taper is recommended.  There are no real supplements to help. Time is the only healer.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms,.

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome! 

 

benzosrcruel

 

 

Thanks so much! I will do all of the above!

 

I appreciate it!

[[ea...]]

Hi Goober-ish,

Welcome to a great and supportive forum!

I found that understanding more of WHY we can feel so bad on benzos (or getting off them) helped me cope immensely. The following link might help you to understand the whys:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

Its a bit technical in some parts, but worth reading.

east

[[Go...]]

Hi Goober-ish,

Welcome to a great and supportive forum!

I found that understanding more of WHY we can feel so bad on benzos (or getting off them) helped me cope immensely. The following link might help you to understand the whys:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

Its a bit technical in some parts, but worth reading.

east

 

Thanks very much, I will put it on the list. Making my way thru the manual now.

 

Really appreciate the response!