Anyone completely healed from Ativan/Lorazepam still on this site?

[[br...]]

My journey through Lorazepam hell has and continues to be severe.  After a 14 month taper, it is now 5 months since I jumped and getting progressively worse.  I have extremely severe physical x/s that have plagued me every single day for 19 months now....severe physical exhaustion/weakness, fatigue, breathing difficulty, severe headaches in my neck that radiate upward into the back of my head, severe neck and back pain, pain in nearly every fiber of my body, difficulty standing/walking, pain deep inside ears, low ringing in ears, severe benzo flu feeling, and others that cycle in an out.  I literally feel like I'm dying every single day and am losing hope that I will ever be free from the pain, misery and suffering of this demon drug and am wondering if there is anyone out there who has 100% healed from the nightmare of Ativan/Lorazepam w/d and if so, how long did it take before you were back for good health and able to live a normal life?

 

Thanks.

 

Blessings.

 

Brunette 

[[pa...]]

Hi B,

 

I'm here to tell you, my husband tapered off of Ativan, from inception having nothing but problems, to a total of 10.5 months until he jumped.  He went through hell all the way getting off from inception.  Where you are at, is where he was at... I'm here to tell you  he is basically 100% healed, just a little skin burning on his shoulders, but it is nothing too him.  I was by his side 24/7 through the entire journey.  I understood, as I went through this in the 80's, not knowing, until I found the Ashton manual for him...  I understood totally.

 

My husband's process was almost totally different then everyone I communicated with and observed over the first two years.  Most everyone was having windows, my husband didn't have but two minor ones... but... then things began changing, and everything became linear in a slow basis... but he got there.

 

Right now at 5 months, it's a tough point.  But, just up ahead you will begin getting the windows.. Sometimes they seem minimal or short lived, other times they are bigger windows...  You will get them, almost everyone does, no matter what benzo they were on.

 

Hold on dear friend..  Keep posting, you have a huge support system here.  I know it seems almost impossible how you can survive getting through this, but you will..  The inner strength each and everyone has is truly amazing...  One day you will look back on this and sigh with a smile on your face, you truly will realize then how very strong you are.

 

You PM me anytime... I'm onboard to support all and one, as I understand first hand, and then walked the plank with my hubby..  And, I know everyone heals from this.

 

Hugs, Patty

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Hi Patty,

 

You have given me a glimmer of hope.    I was really feeling like I was the ONLY one to ever have so much more difficulty than others since I have not had one single window during my 14 month taper or since jumping 5 months ago.  Everyone else is having windows and I just keep getting sicker and sicker.  I have extreme physical exhaustion/fatigue from something as simple as trying to take a shower.  I feel like my body is just going to collapse and die.  I just cannot believe a dr. prescribed medication can make some of us so severely ill for so long and destroy our lives.  A counselor once told me that Ativan is the most severe of all the benzos......it has certainly crushed me.  Until hearing from you, I was really beginning to think that I could become a fatality from this.  I just keep thinking how much punishment can a person's body take before it just gives out.  As you well know, benzo w/d is unlike any other kind of sick there is.....so severe, so long-lasting, ....something I would not wish on anyone.  I so desperately want to feel healthy again but this process is so extremely slow and painful that it's hard to believe I may ever feel good again.  I sleep 18 hours a day and  wake up severely sick and feeling like I haven't slept at all....and when I'm not sleeping I spend most of the time curled up in a fetal position on the couch just praying the pain and misery will end.  Every day, I keep hoping that today will be the day that I feel better.....but so far, that day has not come.  The really sad thing is that, as we speak, someone somewhere has just been prescribed a benzo and is unwittingly on their way to suffer the same fate we have.    I hope that one day all benzos are banished from the face of the earth never to claim another victim. 

 

Thank you so much for sharing and for your words of support and encouragement.  It is so kind of you to reach out to others who are suffering.  You are truly an angel. 

 

Luv & hugs, 

 

Brunette

[[al...]]

Hi, I am not completely healed but I wanted to send you a portion of my Ativan WD story. I had severe back/neck/leg muscle pain. I was able to get rid of it but only by an intensive (and costly) series of treatments. I chose chiropractic to realign my back, acupuncture to relieve the pain/promote healing and massage therapy to ease pain/help with the emotional stress from the pain. I also used Epsom salts baths and daily exercise stretches. I suffered horribly for seven months (last Dec. all I could do was crawl along my floor) but with relentless seeking of treatment, I got rid of the pain. To be honest, I was suffering so much that I had to make this my full time job - I had to give up everything else. These days, I am in maintenance mode - I eat an alkaline diet (vs acidic which causes inflammation which causes pain), stretch/walk, meditate and most important I cut out/minimize every stress that I can, no matter how large or small. Sending you best wishes for a full recovery.

~allisonleigh

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Hi Allison,

 

I've been seeing a chiropractor also.  I had problems with back pain even before the whole Ativan nightmare and actually started seeing a chiropractor several years ago.  He had me to the point where my back wasn't bothering me anymore so I stopped going.  Now, with neck and back pain being a problem again during my taper and since jumping, I have started seeing my chiropractor again.  He is also knowledgeable about benzos and when I told him that this whole ordeal has made me pill-phobic, he said that's not a bad thing because he's into natural herbs and supplements and believes that if it is avoidable that we are better off not putting manufactured medications in our bodies if we don't have to.  I've also started seeing a counselor who is also a hypnotherapist.

 

I've found, though, that after my chiropractor does an adjustment, my w/d x/s become even more severe than the usual severity for several days and I almost always experience de-personalization for a day or two afterwards.  Did this happen to you at all?  What type of food is in an alkaline diet? 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

Blessings,

 

Brunette 

[[al...]]

Hi Brunette, I had no bad reactions to the chiropractic - you might want to ask your chiro about the sxs. The massage therapist helped a lot - it really eased the extreme tension of this whole process. I was told that an alkaline diet for pH balancing will help reduce inflammation, which causes pain. I get the pH test strips from the health food store. Here is a great list of alkaline foods that member Alizarin found. http://www.rense.com/1.mpicons/acidalka.htm. I use an alkalizer powder and I make juice with beets, lemon, etc.  Anti-inflammatory foods might help too. I am interested to hear about the hypnotherapist - I went once and it was a huge help with relieving sadness over something. BTW, when I first tested my pH, I got the worst score on the chart. 

[[Co...]]

Hi Scorpio ...I have been miserable pretty much all the way too. Now at month 10 plus one week I am beginning to think things are shifting in the direction of healing.  I had a few windows in month 4 ...and then in month 6 .. hell.  Months 6-9.5 ...just like acute all over again. Now I have had a string ( 4 days in a row) of good days ( 80% baseline) ..I don't recall having days in a row of improvement until now. I had a couple of nice windows between month 9 and month 10.

....I also went to physical therapy for intense head pressure and dizziness...it helped both. Lavender epsome salts baths helped. Yoga helped. Mostly just getting from one day to the next, and like Allison, surviving became my full time job. De- stressing my life as much as possible was vital...taking the dog out was the only thing I committed to from month 4-9....I am still not saying yes to anything except my grandsons ' birthdays. At month 10 normal stress triggers s/x. ....Having said all of that. .I know things are getting better...slowly.  My physician reassured me that good improvement happens by months 12-14-18 ...and normal life returns usually somewhere in the second half of the second year. ....I believe him...It will get better Scorpion...go easy and put one day in front of the last day ...you will get there.....coop

[[pa...]]

Hi B,

 

My husband also became very reactive from chiropratic adjustments.  In discussing it with our C, he not knowing, but learning from all about benzos and wds, he explained, "C adjustments work on the sympathetic nervous system, that is a part of the CNS...  Based on how my hubby was reacting, all adjustments (with activator) became minimal... Only the areas that absolutely needed an adjustment and nothing more.  Any more then that, he would get horrible accelerated wds within at most 30 minutes after words.  So with the C's knowledge of the CNS and what we shared, it panned out just fine what he projected with adjustments.  Everything became more minimal with accelerated wds, and then finally there were no more problems in this arena as time went on.

 

A warning.... don't take any supplements or herbs.  I've seen time and time again, so many bbs have reacted adversely to all of them. Just eat really healthy as best as you are able to... Forget about the fore mentioned.

 

A hypnotherapist....  WONDERFUL!.    I went to one when I went through this... I can only share that this helped me so very much. Go for it. 

 

Remember B... trust my words... You will get better and will heal...

 

Take good care.

 

Hugs, Patty

[[he...]]

B.scorpio, I withdrew from ativan pretty fast and had a hell of a ride. Had the problem with my neck for almost a year,I couldn't turn it at all had to turn my whole body to look at anything. Had adjustments and they only eased it, massages where a lot better than having the adjustments from the chiropractor. The fatigue was awful also, so I know where you are at. I went to bed each nite praying the next day would be better, then when it was not, I went to bed the next nite still saying " tomorrow will be better"  That was what I hung on to.

 

The back ground depression was always there, along with all the other sx. I tried my best to ignore it and function best I could. The first nine months were a living hell, then little by little healing was happening. I am still not completely out of the woods but I see my home stretch and it is a clear path with little sx.

  What helped me a lot with the fatigue is protein drinks (I like the chocolate ones) you can get the powdered protein at Walmart and mix it with almond milk. You can add other stuff also like bananas or other fruit to your liking.

 

  I feel for you, been there , it's a lonely place to be. Up side is you WILL get your life back. Do what you can, and be easy on yourself. That damm ativan did a number on us. I am thankful I realized it and got off the junk!! Don't know what I would have turned out like if I hadn't. I am 63yrs old and my journey has taken a lil bit longer than the younger ones. Life is soooo much better....and yours will be too my friend just preserver through the tough days and stay the course.....sending you healing thoughts,        Jude

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Hi All,

 

Thank you all for being so supportive.  Throughout this process, I have seen so many drs. of varying specialties and had so many medical tests done that come back OK and I know it's a good thing when tests come back OK, but what perplexes me is how I can be so severely ill, so ridden with pain and misery, severe physical exhaustion/weakness/fatigue/breathlessness/ and on and on, yet there is no medical test that will prove I'm as severely sick as I say I am.....so, you know what happens then, everyone (drs, friends, family) all want to say, "oh, you're not really sick, you just have anxiety and depression that's tricking your mind into thinking you're sick.  AHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!  It makes me so angry b/c I know I'm in REAL pain and misery and when I try to convey that, they look at me like I'm crazy.  How is it possible to be so, so severely ill but not have it show up on any kind of medical test to prove it?  What does this demon drug do to us that makes this happen?  I've been calling them "ghost symptoms" b/c there's no way to prove them even though you know how horribly sick you are.

 

I'm sure you've all experienced things like this too.....it's bad enough I've been horribly sick every day for 19 months, I woke up yesterday with a giant cold sore on my lip...ugh !  and I tried to go outside to water some potted plants and ended up stepping on a piece of uneven ground and twisted my ankle and just fell to the ground in excruciating pain, this was the THIRD time I twisted the same ankle....ugh !!.  What makes it all worse, is that I feel so alone. My sisters and brother all work and have families of their own and my dad's out doing his own thing and I'm all by myself in my house, living like a hermit, b/c I'm so sick.  I know they care about me, but they just don't have time for me.  I try to go visit them to make myself move even though I feel horrible but I can't stay long b/c I don't feel good and while I'm there, they kinda just ignore me anyway and go on about their chores.    It's just so lonely and scary to wake up at 2 AM feeling horribly sick and not have anyone around and just sit alone crying hysterically.  It also feels bad to not have anyone around to help with the things I physically cannot do right now.....like now the lawn, do the laundry, clean the house. 

 

I'm thankful for this site and all of you BBs who are so kind and supportive.  I truly don't know what I would do if I didn't have this site to come to where so many wonderful people are willing to listen and completely understand how I'm feeling.

 

Luv & hugs,

 

Brunette 

[[al...]]

Hi Brunette, I was where you are. The one thing that helped me was that I finally decided to have the courage to ask for help. I was taught as a kid that children should be seen and not heard - I was alone a lot as a child with no help - so asking for help is very scary for me. But finally, I decided I just had to. Long story short, I hired a young man to mow the lawn for a modest fee, I found an honest handy man and hired him to make a list of the little stuff and do it. Also, I finally got the courage to call a friend and say "I need help" - my friend said " yes, anything you need ". So next week, he and his brother are coming here to remove some boxes of stuff that has sad memories for me - they will take it to auction. Another woman I know said she will come and help with the dishes. I told each of these people that I just can't think right now and I need someone to do the thinking for me.

 

Churches have outreach programs and there are many communities that have offices that have outreach programs. It is not easy to admit that any of us needs help but I decided that I had reached the bottom of the well and like you, I don't really have anyone to save me but myself. The one person who should step up for me has not - so I thought about who might actually help me. Calling them was the right choice for me.

 

As for your family, I am hoping you can ask each one of them to do one thing - dishes maybe or take out the trash. If they each do one thing, maybe you won't be so overwhelmed.

 

When you feel so alone, you might want to call a hotline or a "warm line" as we have in our area. Those folks are there to listen and be someone on the other end of the line. Some of the hotlines have people there to listen and they don't say much but I had lots to say so that was ok for me. The first time I called I just cried.

 

Sending you much support and compassion.

 

~allisonleigh

[[it...]]

The dp/dr happens after because of the stress your putting your body into being in withdrawal.. And cracking ect everything you feel as a change inside is going to radiate days after.. Because there's a change to the body if stress.its also affecting your CNS causing a rev in symptoms and making you sore because of how weak we are . its over stimuli. But if you can handle it and don't mind the soreness ect I think it'd a good think in the long run. Just don't overdo yourself.

[[br...]]

Hey itsmylife,

 

Thanks for the info.  Since the chiropractic visits intensify things so much I've decided to make them not as frequent.

 

Also, I have a question for all. I am scheduled to an MRI of my back on 9/20/14 and was wondering if any of you could give me any advice.  I am highly clostrophobic and of course, super sick and anxiety ridden b/c of the Ativan w/d and was wondering if any of you had a any advice on how to get through this procedure.  I am lie still for 20 minutes without freaking out and I have no idea how I can this.  I, obviously, do not want them to give me any kind of medication, valium, etc.

 

Thanks.

 

Blessings,

 

Brunette 

[Guest [ba...]]

Hi Brunette!  I wouldn't yet say that I'm 100%, but I'm in the 90's.  I c/t'd from 2 mg Ativan in January.  I still have some tinnitus, but it's hard to know if that's from the benzo or just something natural that the benzo was masking while I was taking it.  I still don't always sleep well, but my sleep is slowly improving (and most nights I'm getting at least some sleep without any meds whatsoever!).

 

It's sometimes a long, slow road, but you'll get there.

[[Wh...]]

Brunette - ask the place that is doing your MRI if they have an open MRI machine or ask if they can accommodate the claustrophobia. A lot of places can accommodate that now with different machine types!

 

You aren't alone in all of this! Ativan and Ambien wreaked havoc on me! Unfortunately, I didn't find out until it was too late! But supposedly it all will get better!

[[br...]]

Hi Why,

 

The place I'm having the MRI done will be using an open MRI but the problem is my claustrophobia and now severe anxiety from Ativan w/d is so bad that even an open MRI machine freaks me out.  I don't know how I'm going to manage to lie still without freaking out and being jittery and it's important that I find a way to do this b/c I need to know if my neck and back problems which also effect my arms and legs and ability to stand and walk is from a problem in my back or from this demon Ativan.  A friend of mine is going with me and  hopefully they will allow him to be in the room with me and if so, perhaps he will be able to distract me by talking to me while it's being done.  I won't be able to talk back to him b/c they make you stay still but I'm hoping that maybe the sound of his voice, even though I won't be able to answer him, will be enough to get me through this.  I also don't know how I'm going to get through it without crying......I feel so severely sick all the time, that I constantly cry. 

 

I only wish I could go back and undue what the idiot dr. did to me by prescribing Ativan.  I can't believe this is happening to me.  :'( :'( :'( :'(  Everyday I feel more and more like I'm dying.  :'( :'( :'( :'(

 

Thanks.

 

Blessings,

 

Brunette