I am very very sad.

[[bk...]]

Had pdoc appt. Seems it will be approx. 3 1/2 yrs. that I will have tapering and then benzo free. I feel so sad for myself, young moms and dads who are tring to work and raise children. Relationships that don't work bc of this nightmare we all live. Needed to vent, thank you. Through this pain we must look to the positive. Every child that we worry about bc of this, kids want to be loved. They don't have to have the best toys, just love. Every situation is different but yet the same. I feel good when I read good news from a buddie and sad when there is a buddie struggling. I do, know we will all make it, of that I am positive. So I will be sad at times and have a good feeling another day. Hope this post doesn't make anyone sad. Its all right to be sad, we are a compassionate people.  Take care, be safe,  stay strong.  Kay

[[be...]]

Kay:

 

I really understand how you feel. I wasn't able to work for 10 years, had to go on disability, lost my husband, my job, my home and had to move back home. Not only was I given a ridiculous amount of K, but she also put me on three other psychiatrist drugs, that made me a walking zombie. I could even drive for more than 5 years. So I was left with nothing as I have no kids. Luckily, some sort of miracle happened and I found a pdoc who is an addiction specialist  and quickly took me off the three other drugs. Still I was still on 10 mg of K. While I felt much better after getting off those drugs, I knew I still had a good way to go. So last summer I began my taper off K. I am now at 1.5 mg of K, down from 10 mg, with a partial C/O to Valium. Except for some insomnia issue I had, I remain symptom free. But I lost so much of my life, and still have a way to go before I finally finish my taper. It will be at least another year before I am finished. Then I have to go through post w/d. But I recently had  a picker upper. I was at the doc's this week, and there was one retarded woman whose face was all distorted and she couldn't keep her face in an upright position. She was obviously polydrugged and looked like the walking dead. She has been in a wheelchair for most of her life. And I said to myself, Betsy, this could be you. So I lost 10 of the best years of my life, but if I were her, I wouldn't be living at all. I would merely be existing. So it's all in the matter how you look at things. I wish to God that I never took a benzo and gave into the other three drugs my pdoc gave me like a lost lamb. I didn't even realize that is was the drugs that made me feel so bad. So now, I am grateful that I am not that woman in the doc's office. I've put the past behind me. I just  look forward to the day I am benzo free. ~~ Bets

[[Ja...]]

Bet, very moving post!