End of the line.

[[sa...]]

I only slept three hours last night on the cocktail of meds I am on. Very scared and fear I need to abandon my work and go on disability to try and heal from this. Don't want to but am overwhelmed with stress.  Can't believe this happened. Fear there is no way out. Afraid I'm going to be a statistic. Losing my will to fight again. I'm not going to make it.  Thanks for all if the support.

[[pi...]]

Satch,

 

There is a way out and you will make it.  You just have to take it one moment, one hour, one day at a time.  It's not easy and one has to accept the process and be patient as the body heals.  I'm sorry about the job, I know many people were unable to work through the withdrawal process. In the end, you have to do what is best for your healing. 

 

Many of us were brought to our knees, many times.  We just dust them off and try to stand again. You can do this as well. 

 

We understand how you feel and those of us who have recovered will tell you that it's well worth the struggles and discomfort. Things will get better, much better.

 

pianogirl

[Guest [Mi...]]

Satch, I've lost jobs due to this (including my own business), too, so I really know where you're coming from. I've ended up unemployed many times over the years due to medication changes that went wrong under the "chemical imbalance" theory.  Although I'm working, it's no where near where I was at. I'm starting over again, and having to work my way up again, raise funds to go into my side business, and basically, do everything over again. And it gets harder the older you get. No doubt this is the hardest it's been for me and a lot of folks our age.

 

I've done it several times before when my meds got messed up, so I know it's possible for me and it's possible for you, too, Satch.

 

All I can tell you to do is fight. If you need to stop working completely and seek disability in order to get better, then by all means, that is what you should do.

 

But as smart as you are, you're going to be able to reclaim your life. I don't know when it will happen or how. This is an uncharted journey that unfolds as we live it. As scary as that is.

 

For now, just take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, and keep going.

 

Are you seeing any relief at all from any of your symptoms? You're vague in your descriptions (which is fine), but I'm hoping you're keeping a journal offline that lists your symptoms so you can see your progress.

 

When you're in a deep depression, it's really hard to notice the little progresses that are being made along this journey. The only real progress I've seen is a decrease in my derealization and in suicidal thinking. Every other problem (especially memory and depersonalization) are still very strong. I just focus on the improvement in derealization and suicidal thinking and remember that if these get better, so will the other symptoms.

 

Sending you hugs. I really hope you get some relief from this depression.  And that you get some sleep. It's really rough to get up with the hang over from these drugs when you weren't able to sleep.

 

 

[[sa...]]

I'm scared guys. Feel the seroquel is poison. Feel trapped on this crap. Don't see anyway out.

[[ea...]]

Ive been there, Satch and it isn't fun. I pretty much lost everything. Career, health, money, nice car, 4 of my cats...the list goes on. I just kept going somehow. The support I got here was of utmost importance to me, that's for sure. Without it, I would have given up. Or ended up on a psych ward drugged to the gills. People here say "the only way out is through," and that is the truth. There are no easy answers, only thing you can do is keep trying, keep busy,

and try like heck to keep hope alive.

We are all rooting for you.

east

[[sa...]]

Thanks guys. So lonely and scared. This board has become my world. Pretty pathetic.

[[sa...]]

For you with depression. Did it start to lift at some point when did it get better for you.

[[ea...]]

Hi Satch,

I had depression off and on for over a year. But that's just me......please do not compare your progress with anyone elses! That's a sure way to stay discouraged.

There is NOTHING wrong with this forum being your life right now! That is what this forum is meant to do: be the support for people going through benzo withdrawal....and for many of us, this is our ONLY support. I lived here for many months (maybe about 8 months!) This is what I did all day, other than doing my distracting work around the house. And I tried to let the forum distract me, too, by not reading anything upsetting, and by not comparing myself to anyone else. I spent a lot of time trying to support others, even though they might actually have been better off than me! That is my nature, and Im not saying Im better than anyone...its just who I am, a nurturer. (Sometimes that's not a good thing to be...because I can easily put others before ME.)

I get down now, sometimes. Who doesn't? But its not that deep, dark, totally weird depression I had I those long months early in withdrawal. And I still distract myself, even when I feel fine mentally.

east

[[Li...]]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Satch. I'm experiencing a lot of frustration! with all if this withdrawal crap. The adrenaline rushes are keeping me from sleeping and lack of sleep is destroying me mentally. Have gone up a dress size because of my bloating. Tired of everything hurting and twitching. So dehydrated despite my 88 oz./day water consumption that I want to jump in a tub full of moisturizer. Have to say so far no depression though.

 

We're all different. That's for sure. Keep writing please. I get a lot out of your posts. 

[[sa...]]

Another morning and another day waking to the destruction of my life. I'm really getting to the point of giving up. Have lost my entire life to this crap. Can't find enough reasons to go on. See no point. Scared and hopeless. Please help me see the light.

[[Li...]]

Fight this.  Take baby steps.  One ache at a time.  One symptom at a time.  Treating them as they pop up gives me a sense of power over what's been done to my body.  Just works for me.  I've never been one to let go and let God but that may be just want you need.  The giving up part - that's a symptom.  Probably the mother of all symptoms if you ask me.

 

Chin up satch.  We're going to get through this! 

[[sa...]]

Really feel like giving up today. Just never ending and with two more tapers waiting have no strength left. Thanks for the support. Just don't think I can do this anymore. Mg life is so destroyed I don't feel there's anything left to fight for.

[[Li...]]

Must be something in the weather because I'm having a shitty day as well.  Kind of seems like a no win situation, doesn't it?  I was sooo craving a sedative this morning as I was having a complete meltdown and late for work.  Seriously, if I had one, I would have taken it.

 

Come on Satch.  We've got to push on.  We've got to barrel through.  Let's just chalk up today as rare bad one.

[[Ri...]]

I was where you guys are now and I can tell you that it does end.

 

The feeling that you are not going to make it and that you cannot go anymore is an indicator that you're right on track for your healing. It's part of the deal.

 

 

 

River

[[sa...]]

Suffer suffer suffer is all I do. How do you hang in there. Ready to give up.

[[Li...]]

Just treat the symptom as it pops up. I had a horrible emotional day yesterday. Tried to break up with my partner last night. Today, much better. Stomach is worse so I upped the Pepto-bismal.  Just treating the damn things one at a time.

[[ea...]]

I did it by putting one foot in front of the other and keeping on moving. I refused to give up. Yes, I was badly depressed...I have told you about that, satch. But I didn't give up, because I believed what I was told here. I did what people suggested I do to relieve my symptoms, and I kept doing the ones that worked for me. I just kept at it, and often had to live minute to minute - it was that unbearable. But I kept on going, and finally began to notice small changes for the positive.

This will happen to you, too, satch.....but you have to keep trying and keep doing the things we always tell you to try.

east