Feel like ive hit tolerance again, help!!!

[[Mo...]]

Today it came on much sooner the anxiety around 4 o clock palms started sweating heart rate was high was feeling like I was going to pass out, was tempted to take a quarter ativan but didnt as husband was on his way back from santa monica, when he got here I calmed down some, but been having gi issues again like the passing gas and stomach sounding like a fish bowl, sleeping less.  Then when he got home I was crying all bz wd symptoms. I feel like I did when we first came down here only more scared cause hes going to leave tomorrow. Feel like my thoughts are looping im loosing more hair, just trying to make it through the day if I wait this out will I stabilize at some point or am I kindling? Feeling like I can't think straight have cog fog again don't know how Im going to make it through the next 4 days. What should I do? What can I do? Help guys the updose to 100 was working but now Im pretty sure ive hit tolerance again been feeling this way the last few days everyday its getting worse and hubby is leaving tomorrow to go up north for a court date and I still have no insurance,  no doctors. My mil doesnt drive or understand this my fil is going to be leaving this weekend to help hubby! Help please! Ty mo2

[[be...]]

If you are in tolerance, then updosing will obviously not work. Can you manage to stay just with your MIL and continue to taper? Or do you think it's better to hold? I don't know the answer to that. If you decide to taper, it will be painful, but you don't want an interminable amount of pain. The only way to feel better is off. I think the stress of moving is not helping you in the least. Plus no insurance? That itself would send my anxiety go sky high. Take care hon. Things will work out in the end. Just pretend your hubby is off to work again. At least you are not totally alone. Hugs ~~ Bets

[[gr...]]

If your in tolerance you really have no choice other then to continue tapering...Dont updose, what would that help in the long run? In a very short amount of time you will be right back where you are.

[[Mo...]]

Already have dropped and reinstated several times it gets harder every time this is why I feel so hopeless. I have no Dr. To taper me at the moment and I think trying to drop again before my husband cones back will only make things worse. As of right now I have no doctors or insurance or even a ride anywhere since both mil and I don't drive. Talked to my old pdoc today and he said to stay at the 100 mg librium 40 mgs doxepin for now.  The very first time I started dropping it was working I would go through 4-9 days feeling like crap having chills, night terrors, anxiety through the roof, tinnitus like crazy twitching muscles etc. jerking sometimes but then it would level out and then Id drop again next time was 14 days of the symptoms but it leveled out everything except the anxiety which got progressively worse with each drop. Before all of this tapering and reinstating i was diagnosed with PTSD, (especially of withdrawls since i almost died from alcohol wds in 2009) had seizures the works. Panic disorder, GAD,MDD. This reminds me of peruzers article of the rats in the maze how it triggered ptsd being put in the maze but the rats that didn't get put in the maze had no ptsd. Knowing that I can go into seizures cause I have a history of them and wd absolutely terrifies me maybe Im just one of those people thats so f$)(;ed in the head that I can't taper. I just know I have tried this so many times and failed I don't know what to do anymore I haven't read of any buddies who have tapered and reinstated as many times as I have and I only know of two others on Librium and at 5 mg pills its a bitch.  I wish I had stuck with my initial taper or that doc had stuck with me cause now I feel hopeless beyond belief stuck in a box that I can't get out of. To me Librium is the worst drug ever and I take it 4x a day.  And the only options that have been presented to me are inpaitient pheno since Ive been unable to taper so many times. But I have so many allergies to so many drugs don't even know if that would work, also allergic to benedryl, cant take gabbapentin got off that years ago cause it made me so anxious, cant take serequel cause it makes me hallucinate cant take any ssris cause my body doesnt tolerate them, cant take mirtazapine cause it helps my depression but makes me anxious as hell ive tried paxil, kexapro, zoloft u name ive tried it I have a bag of over 40 different meds allergic to the contrast dye from mris well you get the picture don't think Dr. House himself could help me at this point. 

[[Bi...]]

Everyone tapering is in tolerance and just a little worse after a cut.  Tolerance is what you feel after leveling out on a cut.

 

This is not fun but we all try to smile but it's so hard 

[[Mo...]]

Everyone tapering is in tolerance and just a little worse after a cut.  Tolerance is what you feel after leveling out on a cut.

 

This is not fun but we all try to smile but it's so hard 

But I didn't cut Im at the same dose I was on 3 weeks ago when Dr updosed me from 95 to 100 from the move.

[[On...]]

Given your comments, I would guess that you are more "in stress" than in tolerance. Court date, living with in laws, husband gone, lack of insurance, kids not with you, etc.  That's a LOT of stressors on top of the current benzo and recent alcohol issues.

 

Do anything you can to lower your cortisol levels. When you get stressed and your cortisol levels go up, nothing works right. It even elevates blood sugar levels. It definitely makes you feel worse on your same benzo dose. High cortisol levels even causes the body to break down its own muscle tissue.

 

Calming will help. Taking more benzo will set you back. It's all  in your court, but your whole  'situation' is looking to me like increasing benzos might break the camel's back, so to speak. Be strong and be calm. 

[[Mo...]]

I havent had any alcohol since jan. My kids are with me cause we moved in with my in laws maybe your right maybe this is all just stress. Please pray for my husband if you guys pray.  Ive never realized how codependent I was till he just left. Is there anything you know of besides deep breathing that can lower your cortisol levels? Ty Mo2

[[be...]]

I havent had any alcohol since jan. My kids are with me cause we moved in with my in laws maybe your right maybe this is all just stress. Please pray for my husband if you guys pray.  Ive never realized how codependent I was till he just left. Is there anything you know of besides deep breathing that can lower your cortisol levels? Ty Mo2

 

My alcohol detox w/d symptoms lasted me a year. I guess I just did a C/T off another GABA drug. But not nearly as bad as benzos. ~~ Bets

[[Bi...]]

I havent had any alcohol since jan. My kids are with me cause we moved in with my in laws maybe your right maybe this is all just stress. Please pray for my husband if you guys pray.  Ive never realized how codependent I was till he just left. Is there anything you know of besides deep breathing that can lower your cortisol levels? Ty Mo2

 

Yes I run 30 to 45 minutes on my treadmill first thing in the morning. That leave's me feeling drained of all that cortisol energy.

[[Mo...]]

Doesn't exercise raise your cortisol levels?  Sorry having really bad cog fog I thought I read that on the boards somewhere. Called blue cross blue shield and they said if I turn in paperwork by the 15th can get insurance by first of october but because its past the first of the month cant get it till oct first! Shes saying its the same with obama care and medical.  I need insurance now! Just have to make it through the next 25 days?! How am I going to do that?!

[[Bi...]]

Doesn't exercise raise your cortisol levels?  Sorry having really bad cog fog I thought I read that on the boards somewhere. Called blue cross blue shield and they said if I turn in paperwork by the 15th can get insurance by first of october but because its past the first of the month cant get it till oct first! Shes saying its the same with obama care and medical.  I need insurance now! Just have to make it through the next 25 days?! How am I going to do that?!

 

Exercise helps make me tired and tired means low anxiety.

 

I have no idea how you will do it but the consequences are extreme if you do not.  I would go to the ER everyday if need be.  People will take notice and help you in this case.

 

 

[[Mo...]]

I cant drive so not sure how id get to the er.  Plus I have no insurance so can't afford to pay for the ER and they would just put me in the mh anyways going in that often.  Maybe thats what I should do I know everyones been saying no dont do the pheno inpaitient detox, but since ive tried tapering and failed so many times on Librium, not sure if I have a choice anymore. I literally feel like Im going crazy I can't handle all this stress anymore!