Help! I'm ready to jump back on!!!

[[Jo...]]

I know I haven't been taking as much or been on as long - or off, for that matter, as some of you on here. But today is one week since I took my last bit of klonopin. The first couple of days I felt pretty anxious, then it got really bad on like the third or forth day, then a couple of days of feeling pretty good - now today I feel like I want to jump out of my skin!! I'm also feeling a bit of depersonalization and not really dizzy, but my head definitely feels weird. My taper was over a period of about three months, each of my cuts - starting at a dose of .50 mgs taken twice a day - were by 1/4 of a pill. So starting at 1/2 a pill in the am and 1/4 of a pill at night for two to three weeks, and so on. My last amount was a 1/4 of a pill that I just took in the am. Now I'm wondering, did I jump too soon? Should I get back on and try again, or is this just my "addiction" speaking?

 

I'm telling you, I'm feeling so anxious that it feels almost worse than what it was supposed to be fixing. BTW, I'm also taking 10 mgs of Lexapro, also for anxiety and depression.

 

Honestly, I really don't want to go back on, but I want to feel better and I keep thinking that I can feel better if I just go ahead and take that pill...just thinking about it is making me feel less anxious. What is wrong with me???

[[Jo...]]

Day number eight and although I had a little reprieve last evening, I'm feeling, I think, worse today than yesterday. My leg is going 150 miles per hour and I have racing thoughts. Finding it really hard to function. If this doesn't get any better soon, I think going back on the klonopin is the only answer. I hate to be such a whiner, but I'm having a really hard time.

 

I'm sure you all can relate. I could really use some encouragement and support - so please if you are reading this help a fellow BB out - please.

 

 

[[pi...]]

There are many of us who wondered if we just took a pill if the symptoms would ease up.  The thing is, there is no way to know this and sometimes people have a paradoxical effect and the opposite of what is expected happens. I remember having terrible burning sensations all over my body and wanted a reprieve.  I'm so glad that I had disposed off all my benzos after my jump off, because I think I would be back right where I started. Sick, sick, in tolerance once again.

 

You are really early out, this is the acute phase.  Hang in there, I'm so glad I did because things did improve and got much better.  I can't imagine today living tethered to a prescription bottle.

 

Find ways to distract from what you are feeling, I did this 24/7 during my acute period.

 

Hang in there!!!

 

pianogirl 

[[be...]]

I am sorry you are feeling so badly. As awful as your symptoms are I personally would not reinstate. Reinstatement is typically done when symptoms are debilitating. Everything you describe are common withdrawal symptoms. I have seen others is your shoes give in and take that "pill" only to regret it as they don't get the effect they hoped for and instead the symptoms get even worse. It has only been a week since you stopped taking benzodiazepines. Right now you are in the acute phase and I know firsthand how horrible that phase can be. However, things will get better in the weeks to come. I would hang in there.

[[...]]

I've wanted to go back on many times but don't want to start all over again. Don't want to be dependent on the pill. Read lot of posts from people regretting that they went back on. It is one of those situations where you have to get worse before you get better. Extremely worse before you get better. Take how you're feeling now. Do you wanna feel like you felt yesterday again? I'm sure the answer is nope. That day of withdrawal is done, mark it off and don't make yourself go through that again. Just realize its a long process. I had to discard of my pills because I've sat with my bottle in my hand for hours contemplating what to do. I'm not healed yet but I will have 60 days under my belt soon. 60 days I don't want to have to repeat ever again. I have maybe 5% improvement on terrible physical and head sx. Hang in there! Don't do it!

[[Jo...]]

Thank you all for your replies. I'm not sure if they make me feel better or not. I know, not really the point. I think I was hoping someone would say either "sure, go back on and try again when you're feeling stronger" or "you've gotten through the worst part, it'll all start getting better now". Yeah, I know, wishful thinking!! I'm just not sure what to do regarding work and school. If I feel like I do now come Tuesday, there is no way in the world I'll be able to function at work. I'm already getting my speech prepared as to what I'm going to tell my boss....

 

I know everyone is different, but is there at least a possibility of feeling better soon?

[[Ja...]]

There are many of us who wondered if we just took a pill if the symptoms would ease up.  The thing is, there is no way to know this and sometimes people have a paradoxical effect and the opposite of what is expected happens. I remember having terrible burning sensations all over my body and wanted a reprieve.  I'm so glad that I had disposed off all my benzos after my jump off, because I think I would be back right where I started. Sick, sick, in tolerance once again.

 

You are really early out, this is the acute phase.  Hang in there, I'm so glad I did because things did improve and got much better.  I can't imagine today living tethered to a prescription bottle.

 

Find ways to distract from what you are feeling, I did this 24/7 during my acute period.

 

Hang in there!!!

 

pianogirl 

 

Agree, hang in there Joney. I had severe paradoxical effects, telling me that going back on will solve nothing. You are only a short time out, it will get better!

[[it...]]

We all have had a really hard time some probably way worse than you who ct off off several or more mg or high doses and we have all went through hell. Its good you tapered a bit. You just have to hold on and distract day by day until you get several months knocked down the peak effects last from 3-6 months. I've noticed 3 for me ..make it to month five and you be a much better person able to handle thing better person able to handle it all better and being able to cope relax,learn,and ride things out better. It still isn't a cake walk but dramatically better.

[[be...]]

The acute period for me lasted 5 to 6 weeks. During that time my symptoms were nothing less than horrific. However, after that things started to become more manageable and by three months things really turned a positive corner. Again, I have seen many regret a reinstatement. It comes with too much risk for symptoms getting even worse than they are.

[[Co...]]

Joney .. Acute is a really tough time and you are in the thick of it. Everything. everyone had said is spot on. The only thing that I would add is to try levender epsome salts hot bath soaks. It was the only thing that helped my ' crawling out of my skin ' feeling and agitation. It wont make it go away, but it will provide some relief.

....This will get better...do whatever you need to do to get to month 6. It wont be acute s/x all the way, but there is a definite psychological triumph to stepping over month 6. Many of the s/x of acute will be less intense and you may have had some windows or sunbreaks in that time frame. Just a side note...I am 10 months off...I have tried several supplements, otc medications, vitamins, homeopathic remedies and herbs. None of them improved my s/x...some made them worse. I was medically reinstated for 3 days in month 4...it was a nightmare and set me back in my w/d. ...I use aspirin ..nothing else ..for body pain...

...It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do..I am the original whimpy girl ..and was 63 years old when I began this. If I can get through this anyone can. 

.......BBs is wonderful support and dependable information....you will find good and caring people here to walk with....hold on ...its going to be ok.....coop

[[Jo...]]

Again, I thank you that have replied to my plea. I stopped by the pharmacist's because there was a prescription waiting there for me, but I didn't go to pick it up. I actually just wanted to speak with the pharmacist - which I did. He said that, as you all have said, that I'm in the worst part of withdrawal. He asked if I had spoken with my p doc regarding upping my Lexapro and I said that he had advised going from 10mgs to 15mgs, but that I had been too afraid to do that. He suggested trying that to see if that would alleviate my anxiety. Now I don't know what to do.

 

After reading so many posts on the length of time it takes to get through this, I'm wondering if it is worth it. I hate to be such a wimp, but this is hell. I don't know how I'm supposed to function for work, school, my home, I help take care of my mother - all if I feel like this seems impossible!!

[[ma...]]

Don't go back on benzos pal, all you are going to do is kick the can down the road and you are going to have to face this at some point in your life also the withdrawal later will most likely be worse.