had to go back on benzo in emergency; heading in to new taper

[[mo...]]

Just wanted to check in.  I haven't been here for a while - a while ago, I had a horrendous adverse reaction to an experimental ketamine infusion for treatment-resistant depression, and I had to go back on a benzo to get out of the terrible, life-threatening agitation that the ketamine threw me into.  It really sucked to have to do that, although it was absolutely necessary.  I posted here in crisis during some of the worst part of it, and right after, and now I'm getting a bit farther away from the epicenter of that experience, anyway.  Thank you to everyone who responded to my post during that time... I appreciate you so much, and am sending you good wishes and energy for your healing process. 

 

Anyway, now I'm on a small amount of ativan and I am going to start tapering soon.  Not sure if I should stick with ativan for a while or switch over to valium.  Even though I'm facing tapering again, I have this weird feeling that I might be through the worst of my withdrawal symptoms *knocks on all wood, everywhere*.  Maybe it's just some desperate hope I've manufactured and am clinging to, but it does feel like my body is slowly, slowly recovering, somehow.  My main symptoms right now are head/ear pressure, tinnitus (sometimes it feels like ringing ears, sometimes it feels like ringing... head), cognitive fog/inability to process thought at higher levels, burning pain (especially in torso), very stiff and sore lower back and hips, joint pain and stiffness sometimes in feet and ankles, abdominal pain/swelling/tightness/burning, occasional heart pain/palpitations.  All of it is brutal and relentless, but if I could just get rid of the cog fog (and, oh, please the head/ear pressure and tinnitus - they feel really connected with the cog fog anyway), I would feel so much better.  I just want to be able to think clearly, aaaahhhhhhhh.  It really 100% sucks to feel like I can't process things mentally, do people really get this back??  I am hoping so. 

 

Thanks benzobuddies community for being here - it's good to check back in and see the forums full of people helping people.  I've been so isolated lately, it's just nice to know that all this mutual aid is going on here!  Wishing you all all the best in your recovery.