Mental symptoms support group

[[os...]]

We have various support groups, one being depersonalization / derealization support but I thought it would be interesting to swap experiences on ALL mental symptoms that we feel in benzo withdrawal and maybe share some of our thoughts on the various symptoms we feel.

 

I will start off by saying that in my own withdrawal, I find that the mental symptoms are the worst, when I am having a semi window, even my anxiety is low and all mental symptoms pretty much appear to be absent now that I am lower in dose, earlier in my taper I had many mental symptoms including a bout of chemically induced agoraphobia to the point where I did not want to set even one foot over my front door, other mental symptoms would include paranoia to a degree, also a feeling of impending doom which I understand to simply be chronic anxiety.

 

There are many mental health labels and as we taper down from benzodiazepine use, it seems that many of us exhibit various mental symptoms and it can be hard not to believe we do not have some sort of disorder, personally I seem to have suffered derealization and depersonaliztion quite a lot and I believe that many of us suffer this to a degree whilst tapering and the WINDOWS we experience is when this symptom temporarily lifts.

 

I am not sure if members here would agree that whilst many of us are in this we are all suffering (to varying degrees) some form of altered perception, yet what I would like to discuss on this thread are what we have all felt and what we have perceived our own mental symptoms to be; for example; if you have suffered the symptom of organic fear (fear which cannot be explained or pinned on anything specific), is this just chronic anxiety or is it a form of psychosis?

 

There are many here for example that talk of being unable to watch the news because of scary or violent content, yet the very necessity to stay away from such a thing surely indicates a form of altered perception? Why do we have irrational fears and how do we, ourselves view these symptoms as they occur?

 

Please jump in, I would like to hear from anyone with experiences in the following:

 

Organic fear

Paranoia

Catastrophic thinking

Hypochondia

Agoraphobia

Thoughts of impending doom

Chronic anxiety

Terror

Panic

 

Etc etc.

 

What would be interesting would be to discuss what symptoms we have had or still have and how we as sufferers view these symptoms, do any of us worry about these symptoms more than the physical symptoms and do some of us find it hard to put these symptoms into perspective?

 

How have YOUR mental symptoms affected you in your taper? Have you ever thought you might be going crazy due to the different symptoms we get in withdrawal? Personally, I am new to this level of anxiety and I have never experienced fear or terror on any scale and sometimes I find my altered perception of life to be quite frightening, this is usually only a problem for me when I have got a little far ahead in my taper but the fear and the derealization feel very permanent in waves... and I ask myself if this is a form of psychosis or is it derealization mixed with heightened anxiety?

 

I could write more but this is just to get this topic going...

 

Lastly I would like to say that I think I have had derealization for the vast majority of my taper, yet it has improved and my mind has more and more clarity as I get lower in my dose (it's a subtle and slow change but at times it has shifted quite notably) yet I am still not 100% back in the "real" world... a part of me is still detached although during semi windows I feel pretty good but I guess I am sort of used to being disconnected now, at times it is very slight and other times the derealization is quite intense, so I do get substantial relief from this feeling much of the time now but it is never entirely absent... it is often light but I know that I am probably more disconnected than I may realize... all I know is I am not fully back to whom I was and much of that is the derealization in my view.

 

I would like to add to finish that the one time I had a full window one afternoon, all of this seemed like a distant dream, like it happened but I could barely relate to it and that is pretty much how I know that I have had this derealization for over 3 years now... I live in a dream state but much of the time I have pretty good clarity but I have yet to experience another full window... I believe many sufferers on these boards are mildly depersonalized also and it would be interesting to discuss the concept of windows and waves as far as the mental symptoms go, I would also like to hear from anyone who no longer has the disconnected feeling, I have my own thoughts on this subject and it would be nice to hear others experiences and views also.

 

 

 

[[os...]]

 

We could start off with discussing derealization vs psychosis?

 

I have just been looking at psychosis and I understand that condition to extend to hallucinations both visual and auditory yet many pyschotic traits seem to me to be a part of how depersonalization can play out.

 

Example; when we are experiencing derealization and/or depersonalization, is it not normal to have heightened anxiety and so therefore may feel somewhat paranoid also? Somewhat fearful?

 

How do we separate derealization, pyschosis, anxiety and organic fear for example and how do you define your own mental symptoms?

 

If we have thoughts of impending doom for example, is this irrational fear chronic anxiety alone or is it a symptom of mild psychosis also?

 

 

[Guest [Lu...]]

 

We could start off with discussing derealization vs psychosis?

 

I have just been looking at psychosis and I understand that condition to extend to hallucinations both visual and auditory yet many pyschotic traits seem to me to be a part of how depersonalization can play out.

 

Example; when we are experiencing derealization and/or depersonalization, is it not normal to have heightened anxiety and so therefore may feel somewhat paranoid also? Somewhat fearful?

 

How do we separate derealization, pyschosis, anxiety and organic fear for example and how do you define your own mental symptoms?

 

If we have thoughts of impending doom for example, is this irrational fear chronic anxiety alone or is it a symptom of mild psychosis also?

 

Psychosis is quite simply a lose of contact with reality. If you have an auditory hallucination and believe it to be real, it's psychosis. If you recognize it as a symptom of withdrawal, it is not psychosis.

[[ma...]]

I have a question for everyone.  I have not had a great deal of physical symptoms compared to most of the folks here on the forum.  The majority of my issues have been on the mental side.  I do have some issues after watching my over medicated mother go down a path of misery and pain until she finally passed about four years ago.  That is when I decided to start getting off the psych meds I was on.  I was taking Effexor XR 75 mg and Xanax 1.5 mg each day for about 13 years.  I really struggly with the mental symptoms. I have this terrible fear in the mornings most of the time and I don't know what the fear is about. It is a fear of everything. The worst though is the fear that I will not get better.  I have to work so I push through and usually the fear lifts later in the morning. I have had tinnitus for about the last 8 years or so and of course it is just as bad if not worse since I CT'd about 8 months ago from the benzos. Symptoms always seem worse when tinnitus is bad.  I also have a good deal of fog where it feels like my brain is just clouded.  I can't think straight. Forget a lot of things. Have little motivation. I really just question what is the use of staying off the benzos if this is how my brain is going to work. However, when I had to get off the benzos it was because they turned on me.  I was having panic attacks while taking the benzo. Tried to double my dose and it did nothing. I was waking up in the mornings with internal shakes and God aweful fear. The thing is I just have a hard time believing the mental symptoms are going to get better.  I am doing my best but I am so tired of this everyday. I constantly read this board looking for encouragement that people do get better.  The mental symptoms go away.  Then when I read that someone says they did for them I instantly go look at their profile to see if recent posts show that this was just temporary and they are now back in withdrawal. Why can't I just believe that people heal from this drug.  It is just a drug. People heal from taking drugs everyday right?  Why should I be any different.  For some reason my brain tells me this is a lie that poeple do not heal from this drug.  That they only get some relief and then are thrown back into the benzo hell.  Just want some reassurance that one day this will be over and I will be able to live a normal life.

[[ea...]]

Mental symptoms were my worst.....paranoia, anxiety, panic, and FEAR. The fear was something its hard for me to describe, it was so bad. Every part of my body reacted to this fear. I even walked with my butt tucked in, sort of on tip toe, I was so scared.

This fear was about everything around me, and I believe DP/DR were mixed in there too. The paranoid lasted about 4 weeks, and in a way, it saved my life. I was convinced that "they" were coming to cart me off to a psych ward. This paranoia kept me from going to an ER for my severe symptoms....and if I HAD gone to an ER, I WOULD have been committed!

Fear was with me 24/7 for many months. It only lifted completely at maybe Month 14. Once in a while now, at 2 years, I get twinges of it but it doesn't stay around.

When I say I was afraid of everything, I mean it. Look around you: I was scared of all of it. I was afraid to touch anything around me, even my own hair. I was afraid of my beloved cats. I was afraid of many foods. Looking back on this, it really is hard to describe. It was definitely an organic fear, a chemical fear. I have no history of psychosis or mental illness.....the only thing that happened to me was going cold turkey off a large dose of a benzo. I am a normal, mildly "neurotic" woman, but I sure wasn't during my withdrawal.

Another mental symptom I had (and still have-) is looping music going on in my mind. In the acute phase, I actually heard music in my ears. But that stopped and it became the same stupid musical phrase looping over and over inside my head. I know now that this is actually a common neuro symptom, but I wish it would go away already.

I had physical symptoms too, but not nearly as bad as some people here. No severe pain, no head squeezing, no seizures. It seems that some people get hit so hard with physical symptoms....but mine were mainly mental. I have wondered why this happens, but haven't read anything to explain it.

east

[Guest [Ti...]]

I need to be in this group because my mental symptoms are out of control, intrusive thoughts almost 24/7, fear of everything, fear of my pets, fear of my own room, fear of my house, fear of my family. I had all of this when I was drinking heavily too.

[[se...]]

I think that I fit in this category. My anxiety is the worst. I have constant intrusive thoughts, hypochondria, and FEAR. I'm afraid I'm dying of something the doctors are missing. I know I've posted this on other threads/boards. Prior to starting the K I was convinced my liver was bad (it's not) and I have a benign skin condition that drives me insane. Doesn't hurt, just is there and I am constantly obsessing over it. To the point that it will rev up my physical symptoms (heart palps, tremor, shortness of breath). Sigh... I'd give anything for some good old insomnia and GI issues. At least I know how to deal and fix those. But the obsessive thoughts? I can't stop them. And it makes me and everyone around me miserable.  :'(

[[Co...]]

East....great encouraging post. I am 10 months out and have cycling looping fear and intrusive thoughts..  way better than month 6,  but reading that yours are almost gone at month 14 really helps me believe that this will eventually heal....thanks so much for your post....coop

[[ke...]]

Oscar

 

You might be cutting way too fast. Have you considered a dose correction?

[[...]]

i feel like i hit the bottom of the misery pit.....i feel so at the end of the rope.....

I'm reading Bible non stop, cause its my only lifeline

 

Bliss book i know by heart it doesn't work on me anymore,,,,,

 

i think when you are for so long in despair its normal to feel hopeless,,,,

 

anybody?

 

 

[Guest [Ti...]]

i feel like i hit the bottom of the misery pit.....i feel so at the end of the rope.....

I'm reading Bible non stop, cause its my only lifeline

 

Bliss book i know by heart it doesn't work on me anymore,,,,,

 

i think when you are for so long in despair its normal to feel hopeless,,,,

 

anybody?

 

 

Yep I know how you feel unfortunately.

[[...]]

I'm getting in contact with someone who can work with people in withdrawal through Skype.......

 

Gosh,,,i hope it will help

[[ea...]]

i feel like i hit the bottom of the misery pit.....i feel so at the end of the rope.....

I'm reading Bible non stop, cause its my only lifeline

 

Bliss book i know by heart it doesn't work on me anymore,,,,,

 

i think when you are for so long in despair its normal to feel hopeless,,,,

 

anybody?

 

Have you listened to her videos? Really uplifting. I agree with you that this is normal. Maybe you just have to keep reminding yourself that its temporary, and will go away as you heal.

east

[[be...]]

Oscar

 

You might be cutting way too fast. Have you considered a dose correction?

 

Why don't you ask him how long he has been tapering?