47 Days Off. Checking in

[[do...]]

Hi gang,

 

I am 47 days off of the little pill (s)

 

My days - I wake up around 12:00PM- 2:00PM. Somewhere in there.

 

I then have a brief meditation and my friend makes me a smoothie.

 

I then need to get out of the house. We always go for a brief walk and then hang out on the beach and watch the ocean.

 

I sometimes force myself to go into the water and catch a few waves.

 

It is scary but I do it anyway. Now we are talking about something I wouldn't think twice about a couple of years ago. For I was raised in the ocean my whole life.

 

Then, if I have the night off from work I take my friend to a feel  good movie and then we come home  and watch a little feel good movie and then I go to bed.

 

It takes me quite awhile to get to sleep. I usually fall asleep around 4-5AM.....

 

If I work I get home around midnight and then hit the sack around 1:00AM.

 

There is a lot of mental/psch stuff going on all day and night. With a ton of fear. I guess you call it organic fear. It is just present all of the time. The slightest things set it off.

 

Mostly when I am around people. All of my insecurities become quite pronounced.

 

I misperceive people and think they are a certain way or think they are thinking about me or mad at me.

 

There is a whole host of things.

 

On top of the many mental symptoms there is brain fog and or a haze that is around everything. A pressure in my head and I have challenges in conversations.

 

I don't have many words to speak when I am talking with people. And when I am at work I fake that I am OK...while inside I am in such mental and emotional pain.

 

During the day I wish it would go away but it does not.

 

I am told I need to love myself and have self esteem, but that is impossible right now.

 

I sure would love to wake up one day and feel connected to life and be able to live in some peace and feel gratitude for being alive. To feel that there is the possibility to enjoy my every breath and be able to form rich relationships, find meaning in living again (or maybe for the first time) To feel the presence of a God I do not know, but know exists.

 

To have some love for myself and have some direction in life. All alien concepts to me right now.

 

To have the voices stop in my head or at least have the volume turned down a little.

 

I am really not sure what I am looking for, except to get out of this.

 

 

[[pa...]]

Hi Dolphins,

 

Be very proud of yourself!

 

You just keep doing what you are doing, as those are all the right things during this process.

 

Sleep problems are a big problem going through this.  If you are ok with dairy, have "hot" cups of milk before going to bed, it helps

relax the CNS, and settles thinks..

 

All you mention is totally normal during this process.  But, pat yourself on the back, you are facing it and going forward.  I commend you.

 

You do love yourself, and do have self esteem..  This process doesn't require that, but, you do have it by how your write. 

 

This process requires "time", distraction, to help keep balance of any degree as much as possible.

 

All the experience of wds does and will stop for you, you'll heal, just like all and one do.

 

You are looking for healing and all this to go away, and that will happen.

 

Though, what you will receive from this journey is just beyond measure of thought... 

 

You truly receive so many wonderful gifts about life, it unfolds in front of you through this journey and then when you totally heal.

 

You'll get there D....  It just takes time... 

 

My thoughts are with you,

 

P

[[lo...]]

Hi dolphins

 

I agree with pattylu.

 

You are doing alll the right things. Just keep doing them. It is wonderful to have a friend in this.

 

All the mental stuff, insecurities will pass. It is horrible I know, but it will go away.

 

You will get better.

 

Take care.

 

LF 

 

 

[[do...]]

thanks. p for sharing. it really helps. i wish i felt more love and kindness so i can support others. but it is not there right now. i am feeling a bit selfish right now. emotions evry where.

[[pa...]]

thanks. p for sharing. it really helps. i wish i felt more love and kindness so i can support others. but it is not there right now. i am feeling a bit selfish right now. emotions evry where.

 

D,  you are more then welcome.  Aw, you have the love and kindness within you.  Its just during this process its tough to connect to that.  It's all right to be selfish right now, even though you are not, but that's ok if you feel that way.  In good time you will be able to extend back.  Right now, just lean on all of us and we will keep you afloat with support.  Yes, the emotions are all over the page during this journey, most especially the beginning.

 

Remember D, you are healing right at this very moment, and the healing just progresses and progresses.  Eat as healthy and well balanced as you are able to.  Limit the sugar intake.  Try to stay away from supplements, as so many have the wds get worse from them. 

 

Know we are all by your side.

 

Patty

 

[[do...]]

Had a decent day yesterday went to work first day when it wasn't intense.

 

Today seems to have come back again.

 

Trying to find some assemblance of me and life and it's just not their friends

 

Well this and everybody is this withdrawal.

 

Life is just happening every moment and I'm scared of this condition.

 

After all my research on pharmaceutical drugs. That is not the ticket out.

 

I have dreamt for a long time to feel love joy and beauty and connection with God.

 

After believe that's possible.

 

Yet my mind can't conceive of it or feel it experience it.

 

 

 

[[pa...]]

Had a decent day yesterday went to work first day when it wasn't intense.

 

Today seems to have come back again.

 

Trying to find some assemblance of me and life and it's just not their friends

 

Well this and everybody is this withdrawal.

 

Life is just happening every moment and I'm scared of this condition.

 

After all my research on pharmaceutical drugs. That is not the ticket out.

 

I have dreamt for a long time to feel love joy and beauty and connection with God.

 

After believe that's possible.

 

Yet my mind can't conceive of it or feel it experience it.

 

Your correct D.... pharmaceutical drugs are NOT the ticket out....  Just time is..

 

You'll receive that love, joy and beauty and connection with God.... All that comes, just wait and see!

 

My thoughts are with you,

 

Pattylu