This might help someone...

[[os...]]

 

I have had a very difficult taper, mostly due to my duration of use (24 years) and the fact I tapered too fast for the first 7.5 months, I never held my dose for a single day, I adjusted my cuts and downward I would go, of course that eventually caught up with me and ever since I have had to taper real slow...

 

This bit might help someone...

 

There have been about 6 times since I got under 4 mg Valium equivalent where I seemed to bottom out... in other words, I would be doing OK and all of a sudden my nervous system would feel as if it was shutting down and then I would feel bad... these were not just waves, I know what waves are but these times were like my taper had failed....

 

Every time this happened I always thought "that's it, never going to get stable ever again"

 

When feeling this bad, I ALWAYS make a dose correction to feel better and then I HOLD for a good 3-4 weeks before recommencing my taper... as much as a pain this is to do, usually it works... well, it has in the past.

 

I think sometimes the brain just isn't ready to lose more benzo, so we have to do a one step forward two steps back, well, I have and I know Bart used a similar method when he got into a sticky patch...

 

I have learned this much though experience at this game... this stuff CANNOT be forced.

 

It is worth thinking about... a neuro surgeon once said if tapering and things turn bad, to hold and if they do not improve, to go back and hold and then come down again...

 

This guy was of the opinion that holds should be 4 weeks and not 1-2 weeks.... he said some people can taper in a year or two but that sadly others need as long as 6 years to taper off with minimal suffering.

 

In his opinion, benzo people suffer because they taper faster than their brain is able to heal... which does kinda make a lot of sense.

 

That all made sense to me and even my own Doctor supports this super slow method, I have been on this many years and I am bound to feel bad sometimes... yet when hit with the acute "drop" feeling, it has always been an indicator to me to go back and get stable... moving on down when already feeling bad can feel far worse (been there and had to go back anyway)...

 

I have (again) reached my limit for my healing and I am making a small dose correction tomorrow, I will hold for 4 weeks and truly let my brain adapt to being on a solid dose and then I will slowly resume my taper...

 

I suspect I will have to do this a dozen times before I even reach 2 mgs but it is what it is and in my experience, it has always proved to be the correct thing to do...

 

This isn't just about removing a drug, it is about the brain changing back to a pre benzo level, for some long (and short) term users, this can be a very slow process... when I feel OK I feel pretty much fine which says a lot for someone who has been on this 24 years and is now almost at 2.8 mg Valium... but yes, I hit a wall every 6 months and have to reverse a weeks worth of cuts... it's very, very frustrating but the goal is to be as well as possible whilst coming down and sometimes we need to be a little flexible as once in a bad place, it can be difficult to pull out of it.

 

I just wanted to pass something on that has helped me when I am in the thick of it again... it happens but for me it has sometimes been necessary to go backwards to allow myself to go forwards... my brain dictates this taper, not me... I have to now see this as a process and not an end goal but I will get there eventually...

 

I would like to add that much of the time on my taper I am usually doing pretty well... I don't write about the good very often as I don't want to jinx myself but much healing has happened since I started this... it's just that sometimes my brain says "enough!", I usually know because I have no desire to listen to music or watch TV...

 

Lastly, when I have been in tight spots, I have often thought I could not possibly go on, it is a withdrawal thought and I always get it... and at the time I seriously believe I can't do this but when I get stable again, all those thoughts ebb away... and I do get lower after a hold... I may be doing this slow but I do believe I am healing more and more now... it's just that I happen to have hit a wall and of course that throws me for a week or so... A few times I have seriously wanted to throw in the towel but it always turned out that I *could* carry on, just that sometimes a small dose correction is needed and a break from the tapering game.

 

It is impatience that makes this harder, so if you are having a hard time, taper slow and use good holds... 4-6 weeks are usually plenty to get us back on track again, at least that is what I have found to be true... I think River Wolf on here used a long hold at one time in his taper and he was able to carry on down with little problem after that, we still heal when we hold of that I am certain.

 

I hope this helps someone.

[[Th...]]

Yes, this helped someone.  Me.  Thank you, Oscar.  I just hit one of those black holes and your words have made me feel better.

 

Lee

[[op...]]

Great post Oscar.  Congratulations on the hard-won progress that you've made!

 

Optimist

[[os...]]

 

 

It is a common theme with me to want to reinstate when I am in the thick of a wave, sometimes the waves are bearable and I just put up with feeling off but sometimes the waves are hard going and on at least 4 occasions since being below 4 mg I have been absolutely sure I could no longer do this but somehow we do... often it just requires more patience. This whole thing is all about TIME, we may all differ in this but time is the one thing we all know is a huge factor... we make a cut and have to wait and let TIME pass... that is why holds are just as important as the cuts themselves.

[[Na...]]

Very very interesting Oscar, nice bit of info I will store away for future reference in helping my wife. Thank you