I need to updose a little, feeling acute

[[os...]]

 

I am barely hanging on today, feel like I am about to get slammed with heat and panic... definitely on the edge with this right now, oddly enough my head is completely clear but I feel wired beyond words...

 

I will be updosing tomorrow as per doc instructions last year when I felt this bad... I can't stay like this.

 

I will be counting the hours until tomorrow.

 

I will be reversing just a weeks worth of cuts and will hold for at least 6 weeks.

 

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Oscar, I just want to remind you of something you wrote just two days ago. Before you updose, remind yourself that you had a major breakthrough recently. If you can hang onto that memory, please do. I hope it gives you some comfort to know how far you've come.

 

This evening I am like "whoa!" everything looks really vivid and bold... my brain is definitely clearing more now, I am so acutely aware of everything, it's like hyper reality... it will no doubt end up feeling good but for now it's a bit in my face if you know what I mean...

 

Life in HD they say... I guess this is finally starting for me... a good sign hopefully.

 

This is a bit of a trip right now... I feel like I have just had laser eye surgery or something. 

[[os...]]

Oscar, I just want to remind you of something you wrote just two days ago. Before you updose, remind yourself that you had a major breakthrough recently. If you can hang onto that memory, please do. I hope it gives you some comfort to know how far you've come.

 

This evening I am like "whoa!" everything looks really vivid and bold... my brain is definitely clearing more now, I am so acutely aware of everything, it's like hyper reality... it will no doubt end up feeling good but for now it's a bit in my face if you know what I mean...

 

Life in HD they say... I guess this is finally starting for me... a good sign hopefully.

 

This is a bit of a trip right now... I feel like I have just had laser eye surgery or something. 

 

Well, the GOOD is that my mind has never been clearer, yes, the vision thing is a good thing and like I say, my head is pretty much completely clear, I feel present if you know what I mean.

 

HOWEVER, my body is in a state of withdrawal and I am really badly wired like I want to just jump off this stuff... yet I know better.

 

I have felt this wired before, I feel like I am about to go into acute stuff, when I say that I am talking about being on the verge of getting a wave of heat and feeling huge surges of adrenaline... been there before and it's freaking horrible and no doubt would bring on panic and so on...

 

I am going to try and avert this, when i have been on the edge before I have been advised to go back and get stable and then try and come down again, so that is my preferred route, I am talking a dose correction here more than an updose, I am not talking reinstating a whole mg or even a quarter of one, just to go back to when I felt OK.

 

My holds of late have not been long enough and what with the heat here and over working, I have pushed myself too far... I want to at least TRY and rectify this and crawl down after a long hold... it is a bore to have to do it but if it helps me get lower feeling better in the long run then I am prepared to give it a go.

 

I know some withdrawals have to be felt sometimes but I also know that once in acute it is very hard to pull out of is, so I am acting tommorow in the hope this gets me right again.

 

 

[[be...]]

Oscar, I just want to remind you of something you wrote just two days ago. Before you updose, remind yourself that you had a major breakthrough recently. If you can hang onto that memory, please do. I hope it gives you some comfort to know how far you've come.

 

This evening I am like "whoa!" everything looks really vivid and bold... my brain is definitely clearing more now, I am so acutely aware of everything, it's like hyper reality... it will no doubt end up feeling good but for now it's a bit in my face if you know what I mean...

 

Life in HD they say... I guess this is finally starting for me... a good sign hopefully.

 

This is a bit of a trip right now... I feel like I have just had laser eye surgery or something. 

 

Amen to that. ~~ Bets

[Guest [Mi...]]

Oscar, I just want to remind you of something you wrote just two days ago. Before you updose, remind yourself that you had a major breakthrough recently. If you can hang onto that memory, please do. I hope it gives you some comfort to know how far you've come.

 

This evening I am like "whoa!" everything looks really vivid and bold... my brain is definitely clearing more now, I am so acutely aware of everything, it's like hyper reality... it will no doubt end up feeling good but for now it's a bit in my face if you know what I mean...

 

Life in HD they say... I guess this is finally starting for me... a good sign hopefully.

 

This is a bit of a trip right now... I feel like I have just had laser eye surgery or something. 

 

Well, the GOOD is that my mind has never been clearer, yes, the vision thing is a good thing and like I say, my head is pretty much completely clear, I feel present if you know what I mean.

 

HOWEVER, my body is in a state of withdrawal and I am really badly wired like I want to just jump off this stuff... yet I know better.

 

I have felt this wired before, I feel like I am about to go into acute stuff, when I say that I am talking about being on the verge of getting a wave of heat and feeling huge surges of adrenaline... been there before and it's freaking horrible and no doubt would bring on panic and so on...

 

I am going to try and avert this, when i have been on the edge before I have been advised to go back and get stable and then try and come down again, so that is my preferred route, I am talking a dose correction here more than an updose, I am not talking reinstating a whole mg or even a quarter of one, just to go back to when I felt OK.

 

My holds of late have not been long enough and what with the heat here and over working, I have pushed myself too far... I want to at least TRY and rectify this and crawl down after a long hold... it is a bore to have to do it but if it helps me get lower feeling better in the long run then I am prepared to give it a go.

 

I know some withdrawals have to be felt sometimes but I also know that once in acute it is very hard to pull out of is, so I am acting tommorow in the hope this gets me right again.

 

Okay, I just wanted to throw the good day out there for you, oscar. I know when I'm in a wave, I can't ever remember feeling good.

 

Sending you hugs. I really hope you feel better. 

[[os...]]

 

 

Well, that's just it, my mind is present but I am on the verge of some nasty symptoms, I can feel it.

 

I have crashed a few times before and the derealization has been bad but right now my mind is clear... it's more a heat/anxiety issue... I am so wired it's crazy.

 

How I feel right now is like the drug is having zero effect... I am present and alert but I feel like I have had a gallon of coffee.

 

It's acute... can't stop peeing... feel flushed... legs are vibrating... and I feel freaking tense... like I could jump out of my skin.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Is there anything that helps, such as a cool shower? Or guided meditations?

 

Just trying to trouble shoot ways of coping. It's really hard when your mind is clear and then the physical symptoms appear.

[[os...]]

Is there anything that helps, such as a cool shower? Or guided meditations?

 

Just trying to trouble shoot ways of coping. It's really hard when your mind is clear and then the physical symptoms appear.

 

 

I have "crashed" about 10 times since I have been under 4 mg V equivalent... usually it is a feeling of being in an elevator and it drops, in fact, I call these episodes "drops" because it literally feels that way, it is like the nervous system just powers off and in it's place there is a sense of fear and impending doom.. usually this comes with a lot of derealization, the ONLY difference this time is the derealization is not there so much... but I am feeling pretty frozen with fear right now...

 

The ONLY thing that has ever pulled me out of these holes has been to make a dose correction and try again...

 

I am considering my other options tonight as to the various different scenarios and what to do should any of them happen... I need to plan this stuff in advance so I know what my plan of action is... I need to know what help I can get if I can no longer make this taper work.

 

 

[[os...]]

 

I suspect I will be dooing what Bart did, using small updoses and holds as needed... I am not very confident of beating this thing right now but I hope I do.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Hang in there, buddy. I know you're struggling, but hang in there.

[[On...]]

Often an onslaught I'd sx is due to too much glutamate flooding the receptors as the body adjusts to the lower benzo levels. Increasing benzo can ameliorate this, but there are also some other glutamate blockers that can be enormously helpful as the body adjusts. I've seen others use these very effectively to forestall up dosing again. Ibuprofen, sun-theanine, and aspirin are very good at this. I think it is Birdman who uses aspirin when glutamate storms hit and Eliz uses ibuprofen very effectively. I've decided to try this route myself first before up dosing because my taper rate is so very slow that any up dose adds so much time to my overall taper.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it brings you relief. You have come so far and have been doing so well. Your freedom is on the horizon!!!    :thumbsup: