severe anxiety and fear

[[kr...]]

I am 103 days off of valium and I still have extreme anxiety. I fear everything. I am driving, but terrified when I do. I have only went to the grocery store once since I have stopped the valium. While I was taking the valium I had become very agoraphobic and was pretty isolated. I have been going to AA and NA and have discovered even though I was prescribed this medication, I believe I am an addict. I am 47 and am separated from my husband 28 years and that is causing me even more stress because he has said that he wants a divorce. I am not working obviously and I am scared to death about what I am going to do. I feel no happiness at all and I don't know if I could still be having such horrible withdrawals. Could anyone weigh in on this please?

[[Me...]]

Why do you  think you are an addict ?  You were prescribed an extremely addictive medication and you managed to get yourself off.  Yes it's terrifying at times and your personal life isn't helping but you have accomplished something so great .    You will get there and things will get better.

 

[Guest [ma...]]

Hi KK

 

What you are experiencing is "normal" and common based on the drugs you were prescribed, the multiple changes in your dose, and the way you were taken off benzos.

 

If you look at the Benzo Equivalency Table in the Ashton Manual.........link here http://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm

 

you will see that in 2009 when you were taking 4 mg/day of Xanax = 80 mg of Valium. Then you were switched to 20 mg of Valium in 2011 which means you basically went c/t from 60 mg of Valium equivalent. Then in Feb 2014 you were changed to 4 mg of Ativan = 40 mg of Valium ie your dose was doubled, and then 2 months later your dose was cut in half when you were put on 20 mg of Valium again. Then detox.

 

It's no wonder you are having a tough w/d. Your body and brain are working very hard to recover. The agoraphobia and the anhedonia you speak of are very common side effects while on benzos and during w/d. You feelings of joy and happiness will return.

 

I also am not sure why you are referring to yourself as an addict. You were prescribed a drug that your body can become dependent on very easily.

 

The good news is that you will recover but this is going to take some time. I am sorry for the relationship troubles you are having but w/d and recovery can test the strongest of relationships.

 

You might want to post any specific concerns about symptoms in the Post Taper section of the forum. You are likely to get more replies there than in the c/t section. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=146.0

 

Take care, mandala

[[ea...]]

Heavens - if you just got off the benzo in mid June, and it so9unds like you did a cold turkey, too - no wonder youre feeling this way!!!!  103 days is quite early for benzo withdrawal. You are past the danger time for seizures, but all the other symptoms can be very nasty for quite a while. And you were on benzos quite a while, plus went cold turkey - this is a recipe for a bad withdrawal.

The fear/terror you mention is a well known withdrawal symptom. This was my own worst symptom....it was unbelievable how scared I was of everything around me. Terror gone atomic! Mine lasted for months, but its pointless to compare....we are all so different in length of time to heal. But heal you will. The terror will fade out, the anxiety will decrease.

In the meantime, its very helpful to try to distract your mind from it all. Makes no difference what you do, but DO something to get your mind off these unpleasant things.

Both AA and NA are usually not good places for a benzo person to go - their focus IS on addiction and being "helpless" of your drug. You aren't helpless - you got off!!!! I have been to both myself and frankly it did not relate to me at all. In AA, you have to "surrender" yourself to your addiction, and then "turn it over" to God. If you believe in a God, you don't need AA to do any of that. And "surrender"?? To what? That you were prescribed a medication, took it, and have suffered as a result? To me, this doesn't make an addict. Yes, PHYSICALLY many of us were dependant on a benzo. But the word addiction has such negative connotations, at least in the US. In America,  an addict is almost always pictured as a criminal, may have gotten his or her drugs illegally, and definitely, abused those drugs. Why pin that description on yourself? In America, addicts are punished for their behavior. Why on earth do you need to be punished for doing what a doctor told you to do???

east

[[kr...]]

While going to AA and NA I have discovered that I am a addict. I have learned so much about it all. I currently will crave the effects of the drug especially while going through the life events that I am going through.  I have learned so much about the addictive brain that I can see where that applies. And I have learned how severe my Co dependent behavior is. I definitely am a true addict. Even though these drugs were prescribed to me, I am definitely dependent on them. It is not normal to want it need a benzo for life problems.  Years ago when I was given them I should have looked at my life and dealt with my problems instead of taking a pill. Even though they were prescribed, if I would have dealt with my problems, I would probably not be in such a mess with my life now. If these doctor's would make us look at our problems instead of giving us drugs to deal with them, so many of us wouldn't have been in this situation

[[ea...]]

Well, we all have to approach our benzo use/misuse from our own perspective. I was addicted, it was prescribed, but I will not ever call myself "an addict." Nor did I find AA or NA pertinent to me at all.

But I respect your decision to go to them. If going helps you, then go! We all have to find our own ways through this mess.

 

No, its not "normal" to use a benzo (or alcohol, cigarettes, food, heroin, etc etc) to get through life's problems. But many humans do this, and its not ALWAYS a bad thing. Who hasn't eaten a few cookies because it makes us feel better? Its only if you eat the entire box that its a problem. I am not saying that I think benzo use is justified; I don't, except in a limited number of people and for a limited length of time.

You are being SO hard on yourself. So many "should haves", so much self-anger. This was a stage I went through in the first 8 months after going cold turkey.....but finally, I realized it was time to start forgiving myself. And I started to and I still work on it. I am only human: I made mistakes, and will make them again. But benzo use wont be one of them.  Live and learn....and move on.

east

[[La...]]

If these doctor's would make us look at our problems instead of giving us drugs to deal with them, so many of us wouldn't have been in this situation

 

BINGO. Right on the money here with this statement. An MD got me into this benzo mess because of exactly what you stated above. However, it took a PhD to get me out of all this mess (he made me look at my problem w/o drugs).