I'm ready to take my life back.

[[ma...]]

Hello,

A few nights ago during my usual problem of insomnia, I decided to search "Klonopin withdrawal success stories" and found myself here. This will not be my first time getting off a benzo, I've done it twice before C/T off of Xanax. The first time was in 2009ish off 2mg Xanax, the second in 2012 off 1mg Xanax. The second time was horrible. I knew the risks of going cold turkey, but in both of those cases, I had no choice. I swore off benzos, only to find myself on Klonopin somewhere in 2013 or this past year. I think it's been 8ish months. Sorry for not really knowing, I find this time to be a lot more confusing, more memory loss, more brain fog. More of everything negative. I've been taking 1mg Klonopin. Sometimes I'll take 2-4mg. Once in a great while, I had a "screw it" type day and would take 10mg. Recently, I've been trying to see where I'm at and I'll take 1mg maybe every other day. Last week, I stopped for about 4 days and knew I was in deep trouble this time around. I don't remember hallucinating the last two times. I found myself in the dark, seeing strange objects, I knew they were not there and it was probably from a lack of sleep and withdrawal. I also could not navigate my house in dark/dim light properly. Being a night owl my whole life, this has always been an easy task. I could go on and on. But lately I find myself extremely tired. During the day I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep, then nightfall comes and I lay there, tossing and turning. I'm miserable. The only time I crack a smile is when I've been drinking. As I look back over this summer, I see how much Klonopin has really affected me. I LOVE nature and hiking, but I only went maybe a handful of times. I spent most of my time inside, curtains shut, blaming my fatigue on working night shift.

 

I want my life back, I want to make my family proud. It is absolutely crushing, watching my kiddo pulling on my shirt to get me off the couch and play with him, but mommy's too tired and miserable. I need help and support this time. I cannot do this alone. I am scared but ready to begin.

[[pi...]]

Hello mand47,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies!  You don't have to do this alone, you are here among people who understand this process and we'll help you through it.

 

You have been through withdrawal before, this can make subsequent attempts more difficult, but not impossible.  One thing that is necessary is that you get on and stay on a constant dose of the klonopin.  Your nervous system is already impacted by the drug and simply gets more confused with the uneven dosing.  Additionally alcohol targets the same receptors in the brain as benzos so it would be good to avoid it during withdrawal and recovery.

 

Since you are ready to embark on reclaiming your life and enjoying the things you have missed, I would suggest you read the Ashton Manual.  It gives a lot of good information about these drugs and how to withdraw.  I'll give you a link to it as well as a link to the General Taper plans.  A slow taper is the best way to minimize withdrawal effects, reducing 5-10% every 10-14 days.

 

The Ashton Manual

 

General Taper Plans   

 

Let us know how we can help, that's what we're here for.

 

pianogirl

[[be...]]

welcome  I sounds like you have been through quite a bit over the years. As you know a cold turkey withdrawal is nothing less than brutal. Multiple withdrawals can come with the risk of "kindling" where each subsequent withdrawal is much harder than the previous. You have been on a pretty high dose Xanax so in my opinion you will want to do a careful taper.  Pianogirl sent you a link to the Ashton Manual. It is a terrific resource on benzodiazepines as well as taper plans. Check out our different boards. There is so much information here. Again, welcome!

[[ma...]]

Thank you for the replies pianogirl & benzosrcruel. It's nice to not feel so alone. My poor nervous system. I will definitely stay on a constant dose of Klonopin. I'm not sure what dose, I suppose I will try 1mg first. Also, I love the Ashton Method on tapering but I cannot get Valium. Also, no wonder I get such horrible hangovers from alcohol. I definitely plan to avoid it as much as possible and eventually quit the nasty stuff forever. The withdrawals getting worse each time makes sense. I had a feeling that was true but I didn't look much into it. Like I said, the first time was bad, but not too bad. The second time I paced around my house wanting to jump out of my skin for weeks (among other things). This time I plan to do it right, and never again. Since I can't get valium or any dose lower than 1mg, I was thinking of doing a slow taper, and then switching to a the tritation method? I will definitely look into more of the information on this site after the kiddo goes to bed. Thank you again.