Intrusive thoughts changing?

[[Ra...]]

After the benzos left my system it was constant suicidal ideation intrusive thoughts then slowly it changed into aggression or sexual intrusive thoughts such as biting myself or hitting or choking someone or hitting myself and I'd rather not discuss the sexual ones haha. Is this normal? 80 days out wishing this crap would go away. Any tips? Is time the only healer? Distraction and time?

[Guest [ba...]]

Sounds like desperation has evolved into anger.  I didn't have any suicidal thoughts, but I've had plenty of angry ones.  And yeah, I've had a few (or more) weird sexual thoughts, but hey, I'm a guy and...

 

This stuff suppresses our thoughts, dreams, fears, joys... , and when we stop taking them, the suppressed stuff comes out.  Mindfulness practice can help you with that if you're really concerned about it.  I think a lot of us end up learning to better control our thoughts after this withdrawal is over.  We develop positive methods (e.g. mindfulness) to control our intrusive thoughts while in withdrawal, and those methods then help us throughout the rest of our lives.  It's a little bit of a silver lining that we get from this (often) very dark cloud.

[[Ra...]]

Makes sense, thanks very much for the response. You're right about the benzos suppressing our thoughts, dreams ,fears and joys. I guess they need to all come out, do you think this is fully mental or partially or fully physical damage done to the areas of our brains affected by benzos? 

[[...]]

For me, sexual thought was way of distraction when I couldn't do anything else. I was like a zombie, but thinking dirty. It kindda gets old soon though...

[[Ra...]]

What kind of sexual thought? Vanilla or frowned upon? I do not think regular sexual thoughts are really "intrusive" thoughts to be honest with you.

[Guest [ba...]]

Makes sense, thanks very much for the response. You're right about the benzos suppressing our thoughts, dreams ,fears and joys. I guess they need to all come out, do you think this is fully mental or partially or fully physical damage done to the areas of our brains affected by benzos?

 

I don't think that anything is permanently 'damaged'.  I sure hope nothing is permanently damaged.

[[Ra...]]

I did not say permanent damage I mean reversible damage done to our gaba receptors by the benzos. I never had these thoughts pre benzo use. They came with withdrawal so I am hoping that once my brain gets back to normal they'll be gone completely. Did your thoughts go away? Did you have them pre benzos? Thanks for any response.

[Guest [Lu...]]

I did not say permanent damage I mean reversible damage done to our gaba receptors by the benzos. I never had these thoughts pre benzo use. They came with withdrawal so I am hoping that once my brain gets back to normal they'll be gone completely. Did your thoughts go away? Did you have them pre benzos? Thanks for any response.

 

Your GABA receptors are fine, it's just you have a lot more Glutamate receptors due to the benzo use. Over time, they will go down. The brain is very plastic and knows how to get back to homeostasis.

[[Ra...]]

This shit is rough.

[[Si...]]

I've had these thoughts since jump, including the sexual ones, and hey, I'm a gal [blushing].

 

 

I started with thoughts about suicide and self-harm, then continued with aggressive and sometimes sexual thoughts. They don't bother me nearly as much as my other mental symptoms. They're so unreal and very uncharacteristic of me that I can't take them "seriously" for a minute. It seems they're fading anyway.

[Guest [ba...]]

Did your thoughts go away? Did you have them pre benzos? Thanks for any response.

 

I guess it depends a bit on one's perspective.  Sure, I've imagined bad things happening to people during my life when I've been upset with them.  Sure, I fantasize, and while most of those thoughts are reserved for the bedroom, those thoughts can certainly leak into my non-bedroom life.  There are people who believe those kinds of thoughts are inappropriate or even 'evil'.  I don't think so as long as they don't cross a line (and that line is almost certainly different for different people).  Do/have I had thoughts that have crossed that line?  Absolutely, but I try to reign those in.

 

Did I have more line-crossing 'intrusive' thoughts earlier in my withdrawal?  Yes, absolutely.  And they were stronger than 'normal' (whatever normal is).  Have those thoughts settled down?  Yes, but they certainly sometimes still occur.  I guess these kinds of thoughts could really bother a highly moral/religious kind of person who represses those kinds of thoughts more than I tend to do.  They didn't bother me.  I'd have a really weird thought - more (as I said) earlier in withdrawal - and I'd simply reign it in.  No guilt.  No thoughts that I am evil. 

 

I think people do themselves some harm when they obsess over obsessing.  Weird thoughts (and twitches and palps) may happen during withdrawal.  The huge majority of the time, it shouldn't be a cause of concern, IMHO.  But again, that's just one perspective.

[[Ra...]]

Did your thoughts go away? Did you have them pre benzos? Thanks for any response.

 

I guess it depends a bit on one's perspective.  Sure, I've imagined bad things happening to people during my life when I've been upset with them.  Sure, I fantasize, and while most of those thoughts are reserved for the bedroom, those thoughts can certainly leak into my non-bedroom life.  There are people who believe those kinds of thoughts are inappropriate or even 'evil'.  I don't think so as long as they don't cross a line (and that line is almost certainly different for different people).  Do/have I had thoughts that have crossed that line?  Absolutely, but I try to reign those in.

 

Did I have more line-crossing 'intrusive' thoughts earlier in my withdrawal?  Yes, absolutely.  And they were stronger than 'normal' (whatever normal is).  Have those thoughts settled down?  Yes, but they certainly sometimes still occur.  I guess these kinds of thoughts could really bother a highly moral/religious kind of person who represses those kinds of thoughts more than I tend to do.  They didn't bother me.  I'd have a really weird thought - more (as I said) earlier in withdrawal - and I'd simply reign it in.  No guilt.  No thoughts that I am evil. 

 

I think people do themselves some harm when they obsess over obsessing.  Weird thoughts (and twitches and palps) may happen during withdrawal.  The huge majority of the time, it shouldn't be a cause of concern, IMHO.  But again, that's just one perspective.

 

I am a very moralistic individual. Death does not scare me at all. Physical discomfort does not scare me at all. This is probably why I am having such a tough time with the thoughts as it seems to be the only thing that is bothering me now. The anxiety has been defeated, crushed, killed, destroyed. I got a train to a place miles and miles away today had no idea where I was. No anxiety. I still have twitches and strange physical sensations and pain but that doesn't bother me. I was raised in a very christian environment and in an environment that promotes good will nature and kindness to others. I guess it really has not been helpful in benzo w/d but it is who I am.

[[it...]]

Luigi that is true about excess glutamate spiking until the body calms and clears it. But the gaba receptors are not fine. There are tons all over the body and benzos work in these directly all over and our brain. They sometimes shrink or even change the receptors through dependence and can cause damage, but the good thing like you stated is that the brain is very resilient and knows how to heal and even bypass this o working conditions back to homeostasis.

[Guest [ba...]]

I was raised in a very christian environment and in an environment that promotes good will nature and kindness to others. I guess it really has not been helpful in benzo w/d but it is who I am.

 

I consider myself a good will natured person, and I try to be kind (this withdrawal has pushed those envelopes at times).  I think that I got through some of the really weird, almost psychedelic times of withdrawal because I had been there and done that.  The behavior occurred a very long time ago, but it was still somewhat familiar territory.  fwiw - I was the President of my Church two years ago, but it is a very liberal church compared to some.  I can see how these thoughts can cause a lot of internal struggle for you.  Just remember that it is not the real you that's experiencing these thoughts, and in time, the real you will re-emerge.  Your morals will still be intact.  I am just hoping that you go easy on yourself during this difficult time.

[[Ra...]]

I'm hanging in there man. Lots of cognitive issues today, I have been dizzy almost falling over. Having lots of trouble with my memory and speech and a crap load of denationalization accompanied by intrusive thoughts. I am learning to accept that these thoughts are just the result of a drug addiction that has damaged me both physically and mentally, it is difficult though. Thank you for the concern I am going easy on myself. I'm being patient also. I know this can take more months or maybe even a year, but it is a fight I intend to win.