I am a mess... this is not good

[[Se...]]

Today is the WORST.  My God... could not believe it could get worse  :'(  Suicide ideation all day... relentless.  Intense dp/dr, eyes messed up to the max, numb face, benzo rage.  Much more.  But BY FAR... the breathing issues.  I know I am the worst on this entire board with the breathing issues, as I've conducted a search of this site regarding that and nobody seems to have suffered as I have with this cluster of respiratory symptoms.  I cannot live with them.  Granted, nobody could.  If they go on indefinitely, I will check out.  Yesterday my spouse complained of a hangnail.  He shut up very quickly when I shot him a look to kill.

 

I simply cannot breathe... thorax feels rigid, lungs & trachea feel as if they are closing up & are burning non-stop, constant cough.  Like I am suffocating.  Will not go to ER, where they'll again tell me my oxygen levels are normal, lungs clear, etc... blah blah blah.

 

WHY am I getting worse?  Is this to be expected?  Some symptoms have relented... why not the breathing?  Have I really done a permanent CNS number on myself (respiratory system in particular) because of the recent o/d on the high dose of K?  I was told I was lucky to still be here...  I want to LIVE so badly... but NOT like this.  This is inhumane...

 

I believe nobody else on this board is in the same place I am, with the o/d after a long taper.  If only I'd just stuck out the remainder of my taper... strongly doubt I'd be suffering this badly.  I just want the unbelievable suffering to end.

 

All I can say is... HELP  :'(

[[Se...]]

Truly... I can almost "take" all the other symptoms, but the respiratory ones... it's like drowing, yet still being alive.  Ghastly.  I've ruined my life.

[[lo...]]

Hi serenity

 

I am sorry you are suffering so much. Did the doctors talk to you about the possible effects of the o/d?

 

If you think the o/d has made this worse, perhaps you should get yourself checked out.

 

Don't assume the worst. 

 

Sorry not to be of much help.

 

LF 

 

 

[[be...]]

Hang in there, Serenity, you will make it through this. One day you will wake up and the breathing will be a bit easier, and easier, and then you will realize that the symptom is gone and you are healing. Can you chew gum or suck on a cough drop? Have you tried meditating to slow down your breath? I did struggle a lot with respiratory issues (way less severe, though)and I know they and the heart palps are absolutely the worst, but they cannot last forever. Keep thinking about the day when you will wake up healed. Write down what you will do on that day. Praying for you.

[[Se...]]

looking, the docs know/knew nothing about benzo w/d.  All they said is that I will "fully recover" from the o/d.  I was too sick at the time (in the hospital) to ask them anything further or specifically.  There is no follow-up available, except with my doc, who is new (not yet met him.)  He's out of the country until next month.  I am doubting he will know much about the benzo sh*t anyway.  I'm thinking I'll not even tell him about my other w/d symptoms, as he might refuse me as a patient for being too "complex".  I only want this respiratory stuff to end.

 

My case is different from anyone's here.  I cannot BELIEVE I did this to myself.  In retrospect, I would have done things SO differently  :'(

[[ma...]]

I've heard that pure oxygen can help a lot with the breathing problems associated with benzo withdrawal, it might be a bit of a long shot but speak to your doctor and see if he/she will prescribe some home oxygen therapy for you

[[Fl...]]

At one month off you are very likely in the very worst of it- acute withdrawal. Many people report seeing significant positive changes with a few weeks or months of symptoms peaking. Just have to try to distract yourself and get through until it passes.

 

Remember, if you think you might act on the suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you seek medical help immediately. Here is a link to some resources if you need them.

[[Se...]]

It didn't help matters when in the hospital, I overheard this awful nurse doing rounds with a jr. nurse and loudly proclaiming every patient's situation & prognosis... (what about privacy, for starters) and when they got to me (outside the curtain... I could only hear them, not see them), the bag-from-hell starts reciting my stats or whatever and says, "She'll probably do it again."  I had to put my fingers in my ears @ that point.

 

I guess some of us have exceptionally difficult crosses to bear.  This benzo cross is the granddaddy of them all.

 

I will hang on, though.  There's no other option right now.  Have to put some more time between the nightmare and the present.

 

All the while, I try and put on a brave face for my family.  Torture.

[[Se...]]

Nobody has answers.  Esp. for me.  I've never been so low in my life.

 

I wonder if forcing myself to walk 2 miles today was the wrong thing to do.  Perhaps it worsened my symptoms.  Or perhaps being on here did that.  Who knows.  I am beyond tired of this racket, yet it's only the start.

 

Funny thing... my mental capacities (cognition, memory, etc.) are truly not that bad.  How odd.  That's not to say they'll be slammed next or months down the road...

[[Be...]]

Hi Serenity:

 

I am so very sorry you are feeling so awful.

 

Congrats on being benzo free.

 

I can relate to that feeling of "suffocating." When I ct'd I got that too. After being checked out and told I was physically ok, I then realized it was anxiety from the ct. Since you have been checked out & told you are ok I am assuming this sensation is also anxiety for you. What I can tell you is that you need to distract yourself. Do anything to take your mind off of this. It will help for sure.

 

You are only a little over a month off of benzo's. Try to hang in there & give all of your symptoms time to settle down. For me this took 6-8 weeks after last dose.

 

Hang in there hun

[[Be...]]

Hey Serenity,

 

I just found this:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114321.0

 

These folks are struggling with breathing issues too 

[[lo...]]

Hi serenity

 

I am very pleased you were told that you would make a full recovery. The doctors may not know about withdrawal but they should know about the effects of an o/d.

 

Getting some oxygen to help you breathe sounds like a good idea but if your doctor is out of the country, this is perhaps not possible. Not sure how these things work in the US.

 

Anxiety, tension etc could make things worse so wonder if relaxation techniques would help. The whole trauma of the o/d and being in intensive care will have had an impact and may be making things worse but only temporarily. I hope so.

 

Are you able to sleep?  Wondering if your breathing is better when you are asleep.

 

Hang on in there and hopefully things will settle down a bit.

 

Let us know how you are doing.

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [ma...]]

Serenity,

 

Breathing issues or restricted breathing are both very common symptoms. I have seen it talked about a lot during the time I have been on BB. I had to lie on the floor b/c I could not get any air into my lungs. It felt like someone was standing on my chest. That symptom began for me while ON Valium after being reinstated for 5 weeks. I guess that was a blessing b/c I could see that severe tolerance w/d from the drug was causing the restricted breathing. 

 

As others have said you are in acute w/d right now. The more you stress about this the more the symptoms are going to rev up. Try listening to some guided meditations. Not for the purpose of doing the meditation but just to hear another voice other than the crap that goes on in our head while we are recovering.

 

Here is a link to Tara Brach. I listened to many of her talks and meditations. www.tarabrach.com

 

Take care, this will get better.

[[Se...]]

Thanks, guys.  Appreciated.  Gonna take a break from BB for a while.  Some of this really depressing stuff crawls into my head and causes my anxiety to skyrocket, which revs up my symptoms.  Not good for me.  No offense... you all are wonderful.  I need to distract in other ways right now.

 

Take care.

SN

[[Bu...]]

Serenity, there have been posts on here about breathing. I have it a bit, it's not my worst symptom but I know it happens. I read your other post and I think it was so truthful...so important to be shared with the rest of us on this board.

 

Love Buddy

[[pr...]]

Hi SN,

 

in case you come back on here i just wanted to say that i have full body squeezing neuroapthy which constricts my breathing big time and when in a revved up wave it gets worse. i don't talk about that too much because the "king" symptom for me is the brain squeezing/vibrations that go on all day long without a break for 24 months straight with no end in sight.

 

it seems everyone has that king symptom which they discuss over and over but doesn't mean that you are the only one with this symptom.

 

it sounds like you are in a bad wave and need to ride this out until it lifts and it will. could you also possibly be ovulating and hormonal? i know that my symptoms get so much worse for me when i am and i have to ride out that week every month and i get suicidal ideation every single month on the more hormonal days.

 

hope you can get in some good distraction while you're away from BB. and take good care! Prettydaisys

[[Te...]]

Hang in there, SN!! You're going to get better, believe it or not!! At one to two months off K I was a complete mess. I didn't expect to be hit with so many new symptoms. But things do settle down over time even if there are still a lot of symptoms left. You'll find relief!!

[[ON...]]

Hang in there! I have 7 months off K today and the breathing issues you've described have been my worst symptom since day 1 and its relentless. I feel for you. I do have more moments where I can breath normally opposed to 4 months ago when it was all day everyday I felt like I was suffocating. I need advice on this as much as you do, so thanks for posting.