Need some support. Trip was a disaster.

[[ga...]]

Laying here at 6 a.m. awake for three days straight in a beautiful mountain cabin in Flagstaff with my wife.  At age 58, the only thoughts going through my head are "Is this what my life will be like when I am retired".  It may look good on the surface but to me it is shear boredom and unproductivity.  I don't have the drive to do much else other than watch tv during the day and use my laptop.  Maybe some golf and exercise thrown in.  I just cannot envision not working the job I've had my entire life and sitting around with nothing to do, other than what I mentioned.  Maybe this doesn't seem so bad as you read this but to me I just can't handle it day in and day out.  There has got to be more to look forward too.  THat is my problem.  I just can't seem to figure out what that might be.  At this point in my life you would think there should be hobbies and other interests out there.  WHY CAN'T I SEE THAT?  In the  I meantime, I hope once back home I can find a way to dump these thoughts at bedtime so I can get some MUCH needed sleep and get back to work.  Thank you so much for letting me vent.  I know so many of my friends on this board have problems so much worse than what I am dealing with.  It helps so much to have others that might know what it is I am feeling.  My wife is the last person that needs to hear this from me at this point.  All she wanted was a nice getaway from the heat.

[[lo...]]

Hello Garton

 

I am so sorry you are feeling like this on holiday.  It is always hard when we go on holiday and realise our feelings have come with us.

 

First of all, it is not unusual to dread retirement.  Work is a huge thing in our lives, gives us purpose and is part of our identity.  Many people decide to work longer or retire and get a part-time job. However, given your daily negative thoughts especially in the mornings, I believe this is not just a  typical reaction to upcoming retirement.

 

BTW, when do you plan to retire?

 

Whatever the cause of this dread, would working part-time be a possible solution for a while? It would perhaps be better than sitting around all day feeling unhappy.

 

Your lack of  motivation is probably related to withdrawal. If you felt better, you would feel like doing things whether that be paid work or hobbies.

 

How do you feel when you go to work every day? Is it a struggle or do you look forward to it? Or is it the routine and familiarity that you like plus the distraction from how you feel?

 

I hope you can find a way through this. You may have to be proactive in thinking up strategies to ensure you have to do things when you retire. Voluntary work is another possibility. If you just drift into retirement you may become more depressed.

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

[[ga...]]

I will retire at age 65.  I have been mulling over many the issues you bring up.  I go around in circles with them.  You're absolutely right that you must be proactive as you retire.  That is the problem I'm having.  Lots of thinking and no answers.  I know how I feel and have felt the last few years is tied into the experience with these drugs.  I was on disability for almost 2 years.  I went crazy sitting around.  Huge d/r and d/p and plain old depressed.  I do enjoy my work and the routine it brings to my life.  Of course there are days I would much rather sit home and do nothing based on the previous nights sleep.  Part of my problem looking ahead is the uncertainty and some of the anxiety I still carry with me based on my sleep and possibly the w/ would have been nice to have been in the d.  Doing my best to take it one day at atime. I failed big time on this recent trip.  It would have been nice to have stayed in the moment and enjoyed my stay in the mountains.  Thanks for your thoughtful response.

[[lo...]]

Hi Garton

 

What you are experiencing is definitely not normal!!  You have 6-7 years before you retire. Far too early to be worrying about it.  It is definitely the drugs.  :tickedoff:

 

You are right. Just focus on the here and now.

 

By the time you retire, in fact long before you retire, you will be well again or at the very least much better than you are now.  You wiil look at things very differently then.  You may even be glad to retire. 

 

I sure hope so. 

 

LF

 

 

 

 

[[ga...]]

I certainly am hoping you are right.  6 years is a ways off and hopefully some of the residual effects will be long gone.  As I lay, wide awake, last night I had a slight inkling to take some ambien.  I was just SO frustrated I was letting this issue beat me up so badly.  I held off and am dealing with extreme fatigue today as we are getting ready to head back home.  Thanks again LF.  It really does help to hear the positives from others.

[[Lo...]]

no more drugs!!  you can do this. there is a ton of stuff you can do when you retire. you just have to try new things and when more time passes you will feel better doing new things. what about having a vegetable garden or volunteer work when you retire or do it now. not sure what your into but you will find it. you are doing so good. hang in there. flagstaff is so beautiful. one time i was driving across country and got lost in flagstaff. lol if you didn't enjoy your trip this time around maybe next time it will be better. 

[[lo...]]

Hi Garton

 

Well done for hanging on in there.

 

I hope the journey goes ok. Not easy when you are so tired. Take care if you are driving.

 

I hope you get a great sleep once you are home again.

 

Take care.

 

LF 

[[ga...]]

Thanks so much Longwalk...it is beautiful.  I'm doing my best to enjoy that part of it.  Has been raining the last couple of days with temps. cool in the 50's.  Should be good for sleeping.   Right!  Just scary having been in this state of mind for so long.  Volunteering is certainly a worthy endeavor and I would hope to be up to doing some of that when the time is right.

[Guest [ba...]]

I did my vacation a couple of weeks ago, and it was a bit different from previous years.  I sat and just stared out over lakes/vistas a lot.  We were with a tour group, and while I interacted with the group occasionally, I stayed by myself a lot.  Still, I was able to find peace which was a really good thing considering where I had been. 

 

Please don't fret about the what ifs.  You'll start getting your life back now that you're off those nasty pills.  Be at peace.  Everything will fall back into place, and you'll be able to take a well-deserved retirement in a few more years.  I'm 59, and am really looking forward to that day.

 

Consider astronomy or astrophotography if you're looking for a fairly mellow hobby.  At least then there's something to do when you're up at ridiculous hours in the night.  I do a lot of astronomy outreach for local schools.  It's pretty rewarding to show somebody the rings of Saturn for the first time.

 

Are you headed to the Grand Canyon?

[[Lo...]]

awesome sleeping weather.. :)i have done some reading on positive and negative ions. where you are at sounds perfect. the more negative ions the better. being in the mountains and rain has a lot of negative ions. its supposed to help with depression and other stuff. hopefully thats helping. i feel ya on doing more things when you feel better. I've been stuck in the house a lot. trying to put life back together. we will know when the time is right. god i wish i could get out of the city. i know its hard. i wish i could travel right now. i tried to go on a trip 3 months out. it wasn't that much fun. some good moments. i just felt like a weirdo lol.i use that word a lot through this process lol first trip I'm going on is the mountains somewhere. this whole process is hard but we can do it. hang in there. meditate!!!!