Symptoms before next dose getting earlier, not sure what to do

[[Be...]]

I posted a couple of days ago saying that I was doing quite well until this week. I was away at the weekend and was due to cut again when I got back but suffered a 3 day migraine so I waited. Then I started to feel really bad in the hour or two before my dose. I thought it may be stress so I waited hoping to stabilize but that hasn't happened. The stress is mostly resolved now but I'm still feeling really bad and it's happening earlier each day.

 

I was told I might have become tolerant to my current dose as it's now nearly 3 weeks since I cut but what do I do about that? Surely cutting again now will make it even worse. I was just looking at the Ashton manual and she says it's OK to hold for a few weeks sometimes in a crisis. This isn't exactly a crisis but I really do want to be reasonably well in the next few days as we have 2 events coming up so since I haven't cut yet, I was going to leave it now until after that.

 

Is it going to keep getting worse until I feel ill all of the time? Right now I feel OK in the evenings but last night I was starting to feel bad at bedtime.

 

I am currently taking one dose a day in the early evening. If I try splitting the dose to say half in the morning how do I go about it? Do I bring half of it forward gradually? I've also wondered if it is worth trying to persuade the doctor to switch me to a longer acting benzo but now that I've started my taper is that going to be difficult?

 

The one positive thing is that I've been having less migraines. I've had 3 or 4 a week for years, but twice since I started tapering I've gone 5 days without one.

 

A part of me wishes I could just accept it and be ill if necessary until this is over. I could cancel the social events even take a break from my voluntary job but we have a holiday booked and paid for in September which I wouldn't have done if I had known the doctor was going to take me off the benzos. Also my family need a lot of support because they have problems of their own.

[[th...]]

Bump...this takes it to the top again 

 

Grinch

[[Be...]]

 

Sorry, I can't work out what you mean. 

[[ma...]]

I think Grinch was just replying so it would move up to the top of the list of posts and more people would see it.

 

You ask a lot of questions, and I'll answer the ones I have experience with:

 

1.  I definitely did much better once I switched to Valium.  It made all the difference in the world for me.  I was able to start working.  I was able to attend most social engagements.  The whole taper, while still miserable and grueling, was much gentler on Valium.  Since it's longer-acting, you don't have to worry so much about when you take the dose (I take half in the morning, half at night, and just cut one for a couple weeks and then cut the other for a couple weeks until they're the same again).  I switched over to Valium about 4-5 months into my taper, and my prescriber was on board.

 

2. Now that you've waited this long to make your next cut, I don't think a few more days will hurt.  This withdrawal experience is very nonlinear - some days things feel better, some days things feel worse, and I'm not sure it's possible to totally correlate it with your last dosage cut (are you in tolerance?  maybe, maybe not).  I think it's totally okay to wait so you can participate in the things that are important to you.

 

3.  Will you just feel ill all the time? This is hard to answer - maybe for a little while?  Maybe not.  The reality is that whether or not you have reached tolerance, you will eventually need to make another cut.  It might feel miserable for a little while, but it should stabilize (I try to feel 60% normal before making another cut) and then you can continue a steady taper.

 

I've taken long breaks - I took a 5 month break in 2013 because I needed minor surgery (nothing serious, but the benzo withdrawal was exacerbating my anxiety, so I paused for a bit).  I think I started reaching tolerance at the end of the 5 months, but then I started my taper again and it went reasonably well (in the usual miserable, horrible way) for the next 8 months.  I've taken a few week-long breaks here and there (I'm doing a microtaper with liquid Valium.  I cut .05 mg every other day most of the time), and right now I've been stuck at 1.0 mg for two weeks while I deal with some other stressors.  I'm hoping to start up the taper again next week. 

 

I try to manage the taper in such a way that it doesn't bring my entire life to a screeching halt for more than a couple days at a time.  The taper may take longer (which sucks, I know), but at least it's not so traumatic.  It's always important to weigh the chemical stress and anxiety of the taper with the real-life stress and anxiety you're experiencing and do what's manageable.  It's never going to feel great, but you learn to function at a minimal baseline of stability.  And we just hope and pray it eventually gets better.

 

I hope this is helpful.  I'm thinking about you and wishing you the best.

madmuppet

 

 

[[Be...]]

Thanks so much madmuppet for your post. It really is helpful. I'm feeling a bit better now and I haven't taken any more yet so I'm hopeful it's just a bad patch. I'm afraid I do panic about not knowing how I will be because I have people relying on me.

Hope things go well for you when you start your taper again.

 

Sorry Grinch I didn't understand, I'm relatively new here!

 

Bella

[[th...]]

It's ok Bella. It took me a while to understand a lot of what was going on here! Just ask  Anytime anyone responds to a post, even if you respond to your own post, it will bump it back to the top...giving more people a chance to see. Sometimes if I see a post that hasn't been responded to but think it needs a response I just say "bump" to get it back up  . Glad you got some answers!!!

 

Grinch

[[ma...]]

Oh, I totally understand about needing to be reliable.  I'm the editor of a small newspaper, and a deadline is a deadline, no matter what kind of hell I'm in.  The stress was always bad, but now I never know whether it's *my* stress or benzo stress.  I also have a three year old daughter, and I turn 40 this year, so I feel my biological clock ticking for another child, but I'm not sure it's in the cards unless I make a more dramatic recovery within the next year or two.  It's gotten dicey and it's taken much longer than I wanted, and I lose hope sometimes, but I just started reading all the success stories on this forum, and it helps me a lot.  Gratitude helps a lot, too. I don't think any of us expected how this would change our lives, but I'm down to 1 mg from an original Valium equivalency of 15 mg, and that's got to count for something, even if it's taken two frickin' years (with 5 months off last year) to get here!!

 

My guideline for updosing is that I only updose when absolutely necessary and only to my previous dose. I've only updosed a couple times throughout my taper, but never by very much (usually 5% or so).  Mostly I just hold at a certain dose if I need to, and I don't beat myself up about holding.  Too much is at stake to force ourselves to speed through this process.

 

I've been tapering long enough that I know some of my body's warning signals before I hit a really rough wave of symptoms, HOWEVER (and this is a big HOWEVER), it's never totally predictable.  The symptoms change, the intensity fluctuates.  I guess what I've been trying to do is get used to the fact that it's always changing, and I'm just not going to be able to predict much of anything (for example, I just started, for the first time in my LIFE, ever, to have serious bladder pain and urinary frequency.  It's scaring me to pieces).  Sigh.  It's exhausting, and it requires a certain Zen-like acceptance that's almost impossible to achieve while in withdrawal, but I figure my coping mechanisms will be kick-ass when this is all over.

 

But so many others have successfully reclaimed their lives.  We can do it, too.  We just gotta learn to surf the waves. 

 

Be well.

madmuppet

[[th...]]

Right!! We ll be like super heros after this!!! 

 

Grinch