the nightmare of being alone

[[ca...]]

I do not know what happens, but when I'm alone things get worse terribly.

My wife and son have gone for a trip. Only for 1 week. My negative thoughts are so intense that I really turned into another person.

It appears that I have no control over them. I try to do things to distract me. I work online. But basically in the morning they are violent. And I have physical symptoms too, like digestive problems, headache.

 

Last week I made a travel (6 hours) to my mother-in-law´s house. Her husband has Alzheimer. And my wife was out of control.  Not me. I felt very strong. And I survived the situation.

 

But now, I feel like I'm back to the early days and that seems inconceivable. I need the silence, but it is very difficult to have the control. What is the real me???

Why this setback so strong when I m alone? Any idea is welcome

 

[[bu...]]

I can't answer why but I have a terrible time being alone as well. I get nervous about how I will fill the time and it throws off my routine (which routine keeps me calm.)

[[bl...]]

I use to be terrified of being alone when my wife would leave to go to work or anything. Now I am getting better with it at 5 months off, I have some flare ups but I am able to stay at home by myself again, I never could on klonopin or during my taper and early days of withdrawal. I had to go to my parents house or Grandmothers to be near someone. Now when I am home I force myself to stay home and I do notice my anexity gets higher, but I am able to do it, whereas a few months ago I woke up and ran out the door!! So I think this is getting better for me and I know it will for you!!

[[ca...]]

thanks for the replies.

I am tired of being isolated from the world. With no contact with anyone. How it is possible to survive this way? I need to connect with people and have some experience of socialization. But at present I'm still quite scared to connect with people. I feel my inner energy needs to manifest, but it is “blocked”, resulting in depression. That is, I need to channel that energy. And when I'm alone, all is multiplied. I feel absolutely useless and depressed.

[[pr...]]

As a guy who, before withdrawal, very much needed and enjoyed time being left alone with my thoughts, I absolutely cannot stand to be alone while in withdrawal.

 

I think the primary issue is that my own brain is so deranged and screwed up that I constantly need to distract myself from my own thoughts. If I'm alone, I quickly begin descending into a spiral of horror and existential pain and feel like I'm going insane. Having people around to talk to who are normal and happy helps me distract myself from... well... myself... which is a very good thing at the moment.

 

I also think that's why the nighttime is much worse for me. Things start to wind down and there are less distractions for my mind leading to a horrible array of neuropsychological symptoms that I can't escape from.

[[li...]]

Are you doing any type of CBT? I bought a book called "At Last a life" which is online and I think free. It helped me tremendously. There has to be a delicate balance between being "safe" and pushing ourselves enough to do something we feels uncomfortable.

 

Go out even when you don't want to.

 

Life

[[ca...]]

If it's any consolation,  i just text bombed my sister to see when she's coming home cus i know my mom is leaving the house.  I can't describe how infantile i feel.  You're not alone in this and i am praying these awful feelings go away for us!  I've had these feelings ever since tapering off Celexa but it's 10x worse since benzo withdrawal.

[[ea...]]

Im so sorry you're going through this at about two years. Were you anything like this before withdrawal?

I agree with the other writer who suggested therapy. Maybe not CBT, although that has a good reputation (IF you find a good therapist!) This isn't saying you are "neurotic." But you don't feel well, and sometimes talking it out with a trained person can really help.  And if you aren't already, consider being a part of our protracted thread.

east

[[ca...]]

Thanks for the kind replies. I am doing therapy since June 2013.

He is specialist in addictions. It helped me a lot during the first year. But lately  I do not feel the aid was so great.

He believe my symptoms are mostly reactions that are under my control. And the truth is  the intensity of symptoms is very strong, and are mostly physiological symptoms. I will continue, however, trying to change my reality. I was so impressed by the success story of Paul123, and I ´d like to hear from people healed here.

It could help me a lot.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=86912.msg1493442#msg1493442

 

Thanks