Venting and thinking back..

[[dr...]]

Can't believe it's almost going to be 18 months since I did somewhat of a C/T? I remember just one week into using benzos I ran out and rushed to the ER. I asked the ER doctor if he could prescribe me more of "the pills" that they gave me the previous week. He warned me that it was addicting. But at the time I had no idea what that meant. I told him I didn't have the addictive type of personality and I was going to stop using it once the panic attacks left. If he would of told me I would suffer from months and months of horrible withdrawal I would of threw the prescription in the trash that same day! I didn't find that out until 2 weeks after and by that time it was too late! God I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. All this suffering and waiting because of a doctor's negligence. How does one learn to forgive one self for this mistake?

[[it...]]

I don't think I have an anwser for that as I'm going thru it myself and upset a lot. How you doing at 18 months?

[[In...]]

Can't believe it's almost going to be 18 months since I did somewhat of a C/T? I remember just one week into using benzos I ran out and rushed to the ER. I asked the ER doctor if he could prescribe me more of "the pills" that they gave me the previous week. He warned me that it was addicting. But at the time I had no idea what that meant. I told him I didn't have the addictive type of personality and I was going to stop using it once the panic attacks left. If he would of told me I would suffer from months and months of horrible withdrawal I would of threw the prescription in the trash that same day! I didn't find that out until 2 weeks after and by that time it was too late! God I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. All this suffering and waiting because of a doctor's negligence. How does one learn to forgive one self for this mistake?

 

I don't know exactly how we forgive, but we must realize we all make mistakes and have to learn form them. Worrying too much about the past OR future is not helpful even when we are not in w/d and recovering. I do the same thing and have to stop myself and redirect the thinking to something positive, like doing something with one of my kids that will make them happy right now. Or working up the effort to get something done and mark it off the "to do" list.

 

Try the best you can not to beat yourself up over it because there is NOTHING that can be done to change it for any of us. It's hard and I'm not very good at it either, but that's about all I can think of that helps.

 

Take care! 

[[dr...]]

Innadaze,

 

Ain't that the truth? I agree that we cannot go back and change what's already happened. But it's just the damn waiting game that kills me. Can you imagine us still complaining 2 years from now? God I hope not. I look for us returning close to our baseline by the 2 year mark. I refuse to believe that our brain will settle for anything less. I just know it's working hard trying to repair billions of nerve cells. On the bright side, today I had a pretty good day. Didn't feel so tired and last night I went out with the wife and had an ice cold beer. Damn that felt so good.

[[In...]]

Innadaze,

 

Ain't that the truth? I agree that we cannot go back and change what's already happened. But it's just the damn waiting game that kills me. Can you imagine us still complaining 2 years from now? God I hope not. I look for us returning close to our baseline by the 2 year mark. I refuse to believe that our brain will settle for anything less. I just know it's working hard trying to repair billions of nerve cells. On the bright side, today I had a pretty good day. Didn't feel so tired and last night I went out with the wife and had an ice cold beer. Damn that felt so good.

 

Right on! That's a good day! I took my kids to the beach for 6 hours yesterday for a birthday party and another 3 hours after that hanging out with family and friends at the park. That long day kicked my ass but I kind of recovered today and was still able to at least to running. Still have to force myself through each day though. Not one day in 17 months has been easy yet, always some kind of struggle every damn day! I sure hope we are healed and well back into life another 2 years from now. Take care my friend!