Trying to get through this..

[[De...]]

Hey guys. If you are reading this I know for a fact that you are or someone you care about is going through a really tough time. I'm 34 now and I have been on anti-depressants for my anxiety issues pretty much ever since I was 19 but my life has been forever changed the day I was prescribed Xanax about 10 years ago (stupidly 3 times stopped by the non ideal "cold turkey" method). I haven't had a pill in 5 months now and it seems like the withdrawal symptoms are worse than ever. I also stopped Cymbalta at the same time. I did this because I lost my job and thus, my insurance and couldn't afford the Cymbalta due to the fact that there wasn't a generic version. I didn't completely do a cold turkey stoppage but what I did do was when I decided I wanted to stop the drugs I would take a pill and then go as long as I possibly could handle the withdrawals before I would take another pill. This lasted for a couple of months until I actually made it for a whole month without taking anything. At that point I took a pill and haven't had one since. This was about 5 months ago but feels like years. It has been hell. It wasn't bad at first but it almost seems like as time goes on I am feeling worse and worse. It isn't so much physical issues, its more like some serious mental disturbances. The anxiety and uneasy feelings have been off the charts. Not going to lie, suicidal thoughts have been almost daily which I find to be really devastating to be having. I haven't planned anything but the constant thought I keep having is that I just can't do this forever. The hardest part of this is having no idea when I will feel better. Seeing all these people saying that they have been dealing with this for YEARS is really disheartening. I don't think I did a super high dosage or anything. I had been at around half of my .25 mg pill for about 3 years. How many times can you split one of those damn pills?!?!! How much lower should I have gone?? Maybe the last 2 times of cold turkey stoppage really screwed up the situation. Maybe it was the Cymbalta?? I don't know. All I know is that this sucks. I had a tough time dealing with life when I was feeling stable and at this point it is really hard dealing with all the other crap going on in life AND this withdrawal stuff. Life at this point really sucks. Thankfully I have some really wonderful family members and a couple friends that are keepers. Also, some days I feel mostly good all day which I am very thankful for. Before my withdrawals would be non stop brutal. So I hope this is a good sign. Although, like I said before, it seems to have gotten worse for me in the past month or so. Maybe this is due to the length of time this has been going on and my ability to recover from these episodes is diminishing which is very scary. I still don't have a job and at this point I don't know how I could work through all this. At the same time I think getting my mind kinda off my symptoms would be good. I don't know at this point.. I am considering New Beginnings but I have read on here not to go to a Detox. Their facility sounds so good though so reading not to go there has me very discouraged. I just don't know what to do anymore...

[[be...]]

 

Hello  Deltron  : Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am sorry your still having a rough time.  Withdrawal symptoms can be awful and last quite some time but they are temporary  and you will heal eventually. The amount of time healing takes varies from person to person.  Multiple cold turkeys can effect healing. I went through three myself so I know how horrific symptoms can be.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field.  She describes and explains withdrawal symptoms,.

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Members discuss their symptoms on the Post withdrawal recovery support.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome!

 

benzosrcruel

[[Tr...]]

DelTron,

 

Welcome!  I read your post.  I'm glad to hear that you have supportive family and friends.  That is SO important.

 

Your cold turkey is no easy task.  You are staying strong, even though it can be brutal.  There is a Cold Turkey thread, you  probably glimpsed at it.  You should post any questions there.  They have a lot of input they can share with you.  Only someone who has gone through this type of situation can really relate.

 

It takes time for your brain to heal.  And, you have gone 5 months without a Benzo is awesome.  That tells me you are a strong person.  You will get through this.  People here are very helpful.

 

I've heard of New Beginnings-I know they are outpatient only, in Florida I thought.  Don't know much about them.

 

Please post any questions.  Stay strong.

 

Try

[[De...]]

Thank you both for responding. That really means so much to me.. I'm having a pretty good day today but it is going to be tough knowing that my impatience and strong desire to get off of Xanax has put me in such a predicament. Not much I can do about it now though.. Another day closer to feeling better

[[Pe...]]

Hi DelTron, I had a pretty bad landing coming off Xanax in full WD psychosis....  I want you to know things are starting to turn around for me now at 5 months since my jump.  It takes a big chunk of time for our receptors to heal.  You are going to find that your symptoms are pretty much what we all experience.  The mental disturbance have been extreme for me at times and I think I have seen them all, they can be dibilatating.  You will find great support here!  Welcome!  P❤️

[[De...]]

Thank you so much for your response. I do feel better knowing that I am not alone going through this. Staying positive as possible Peruzer