Who here has gotten more anxious/ OCD ish the longer you have been on benzos

[[Ru...]]

Over the years my anxiety and OCD have gotten worse and worse.

 

This is over the last 4 years while on benzos.

 

Now my mind will never shit off and I am always anxious. I was this way before tapering.

 

Who else has had this happen.

 

Has it been the benzos all these 4 years making me worse and worse?

[Guest [ba...]]

Increased anger/anxiety/depression is what caused me to want to end my benzo use.  They worked so well for my insomnia at first, but the emotional stuff started slowly creeping in, and I eventually realized that I had to get off the pills.  So glad that I did.

[[Ru...]]

Hey bad, how long did it take you for these sx to creep in?

[[Tr...]]

Ruby,

 

My anxiety is through the roof and seems to be getting worse.  I feel nervous and jittery ALL the time.  But, there could be something wrong with me.  Since my direct c/o I have felt rotten.  And, wake to panic attacks daily, anxiety all day long, it's a horrible feeling. 

 

How bad is yours?

 

Try

[Guest [ba...]]

Hey bad, how long did it take you for these sx to creep in?

 

It's tough to say exactly.  They crept in subtly.  The first few years were good, so maybe after 3-4 years of use I started noticing something.  I definitely noticed changes in my emotions in years 5-6, and tried twice (unsuccessfully) to c/t in year 6.

[[Ru...]]

Hey bad, how bad was the depression/ anxiety etc caused by the benzos?

[[Wi...]]

Because i was prescribed to take ativan  one time a night for insomnia, i believe i experienced interdose w/d from the outset which became progressively worse over the years as the dose increased. So for me agitation, anxiety and depression induced by interdose wd had been going on for years.  So for me its hard to know just how much of it were the drugs themselves

[[Ru...]]

Yes www, this is what I mean, basically problems of this sort caused by taking the drug.

Whether it be inter dose wd or side effects.

For a long time I was only taking 2 doses of Ativan a day or changing the dose all over the place.

 

I have just never been the same since starting it.

 

Back in 2010 I was given 30 pills that helped then ctd those but was reinstated accidentally a few weeks after and have never been the same since.

 

I wonder if I have even been in tolerance for a long time.

 

Especially since I had been on and off Ativan. About 3 times before going back on this time.

 

I wonder if I reached tolerance very fast or that it was always paradoxical for me the last time I went back on it 4 years ago.

Like once off never go back on but unknowingly I did and have never been the same since.

 

 

What other probs have others had with taking benzos?

 

How were most once hitting tolerance

[Guest [ba...]]

Hey bad, how bad was the depression/ anxiety etc caused by the benzos?

 

Depression was only occasional and usually required some sort of outside trigger.  However, when so moved, I could get very sullen for many days.  Anger was a bigger problem as I can do really stupid and semi-destructive things when I got angry.  I would blow up at almost anything, and nearly got into a couple of fights.  I sent any number of insulting emails to my (job) superiors.  Frankly, I'm amazed that I still have a job given some of the emails I sent out.  My Congressman got several of those nasty emails.  Wouldn't surprise me if I was on some watch list somewhere.

 

Anxiety got bad enough that I started shutting down certain activities.  I very nearly quit playing golf as it stopped being enjoyable (being around me during a golf match was also not enjoyable).  I fretted about everything.  I'm a bit of a worrywart, but not like I had become.  Emotional instability caused me to become inactive in a club that I had been very active in.  I even quit my church (over absolutely nothing in retrospect).  In many respects, I became functionally PTSD.  Life's challenges all-too-often overwhelmed me.

 

Since stopping the benzos (and with help from my therapist), I've slowly become more relaxed about life.  I'm definitely not all the way to where I want to be, but I'm getting there.  I'm almost a pleasure to play golf with now (almost).  I've become active again in the club, and I've even re-visited my old church a couple of times.  I can still get depressed or angry, but my moods usually last only a day or so versus a week or more.  I've made significant progress in dealing with 'normal' anxiety. 

 

Prolonged use of these drugs definitely had an adverse effect on me.  Fortunately, the changes seem to be reversible.  18 months ago (while on Ativan), I often said that I had no joy anymore in my life.  I'm pleased to say that joy has returned (at least sometimes).  Healing really does happen.  It just takes (you guessed it)...    time.

[[be...]]

I've been on benzos for 20 years and never had a problem with it (at lesat I thought so at the time). If I didn't google klonopin, I would still be on my regular dose and would never know how much better life could be.

[[Ru...]]

Hey bad, that is like me but I have messed around with this stupid med so much over the last 4 years.

 

Up and down on the dose or when taking it stabily never really at the same time.

 

I was doing ok last fall on it but think I hit tolerance and upped it and then was ok for a few weeks and then tolerance again that was really bad.

 

This is when I started tapering.

 

I have never felt normal on it though, over the years I have become more anxious, more flat and more depersonalized. And yes I have had anger issues as well.

 

It has all gotten way worse during wd.

 

I have never really been ok on this med though and not great on Valium either.

 

Benzo girl you are lucky that it never made you sick.

 

Anyone else have any experiences?

[[Ru...]]

Basically I am just wondering if long term benzo use can cause anxiety/ depression/ depersonalization and I see this has happened to some. Has it happened to others?

 

Or have others hit tolerance quickly and then suffered many years while on these drugs.

 

I just keep wondering what has happened to me over the last 4 years.

 

I live in hell now and feel like I have no soul anymore.

[[Ru...]]

Is it also true that that once off benzos you should never go back on because they can very quickly turn on you?

 

I ctd 2 times before in the late 1990's and in 2004.

 

What can happen if you go back on again which I did?

 

Can you go right back in to tolerance once back on again?

[[Ru...]]

Anyone one else that would like to share their stories?