Did I cut too fast?

[[Co...]]

Hey guys. I started my taper at 0.375mg Ativan divided into 3 doses. The reason I'm asking in this subforum is because I've read that if daily titrating too quickly the sxs could build up and slam you out of nowhere.

 

Essentially since the beginning of my taper towards the middle I had been cutting on average 0.05mg per day. I assumed this was ok because I was a fairly short term user and no heavy symptoms were popping up. Everytime I felt a little uncomfortable I would hold for a couple of days. Everything was manageable, I even had many Windows. When I hit the middle mark @ 0.18 I got hit extremely hard. I've been in turmoil ever since. I held for 3 weeks and proceeded to cut 0.01 every week or so, which threw me deeper into heavy w/d sxs. It's been two months now and I'm not sure I can handle much more of this.

 

Now I'm at 0.13mg and holding till I feel better.  Essentially the mass majority of my physical symptoms have disappeared. My teeth have stopped constant chattering. Now I'm just battling constant intrusive obsessive thoughts 24 hrs a day.

 

My question to you all is, do you think that I had been daily cutting too quickly and it caught up to me before I was able to detect it? What shall I do from here? Up dose? Hold?  Restart my taper? All input appreciated.

 

I plan on switching to compound relatively shortly.

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So you began at .375mg A and tapered to .18mg daily at .05mg per day?  You held three weeks then tapered daily at .01mg per week down to .13mg.  Now you have held two months and symptoms have gone down.

 

I had a similar experience where I overtapered and needed to updose.  Instead, I felt I was so close to zero that I decided to push ahead.  It was a huge mistake.  If this had just happened to you there would be no question in my mind that you should updose and hold a bit.  But it has been two months and that seems to matter.  The updose may not work or work fully because of the time elapsed.  Or you might need to add more.  But honestly I'd try it anyway.  Do what it takes to feel better now.

 

Then when you restart the taper come back down slowly starting at maybe .0015mg per day.  You are at a low dose and need to go slow.

[[Co...]]

So you began at .375mg A and tapered to .18mg daily at .05mg per day?  You held three weeks then tapered daily at .01mg per week down to .13mg.  Now you have held two months and symptoms have gone down.

 

I had a similar experience where I overtapered and needed to updose.  Instead, I felt I was so close to zero that I decided to push ahead.  It was a huge mistake.  If this had just happened to you there would be no question in my mind that you should updose and hold a bit.  But it has been two months and that seems to matter.  The updose may not work or work fully because of the time elapsed.  Or you might need to add more.  But honestly I'd try it anyway.  Do what it takes to feel better now.

 

Then when you restart the taper come back down slowly starting at maybe .0015mg per day.  You are at a low dose and need to go slow.

 

Yes, i began at 0.375 and tapered to 0.18 at 0.05mg (on average, some days more some days held). When i hit 0.18 i got hit extremely hard. I had to hold at that dose for about 3 weeks, and i assume i felt a "bit" better as i was capable to continue going down. Since then, i tapered 0.01 approx every 6-7 days depending on how i felt. Every 0.01 drop has been a huge wave. From the beginning of my taper to halfway, everything was manageable, so it is a bit bizarre to me exactly what happened. a COMPLETE shift from ok to absolute shitty.

 

When i hit 0.18mg, i started having extremely fearful moments, constant shaking, fearful of everything, extreme vivid nightmares, shaking, fear, boiling skin, bugs crawling in skin sensation, derealization, hypochondriasis, "slight" suicidal ideation, and worst of all are the constant 24 hours a day obsessive thoughts. However, even going through those waves there were days id feel ok too. I was just jumping inside and outside of waves. So now im at 0.13 and ive held for a bit. The derealization has decreased, the nightmares have stopped. Actually, pretty much all the physical symptoms have subsided, i have a bit of tinnitus and slight headaches and nerve burn. I am capable of doing 1-2 hours of exercise with no rebound. Now, really the real symptom that i just cannot deal with are these damn obsessive thoughts, and a bit of fear. They are firing off 24/7, even in my sleep im having dreams about this obsession (which is about ativan and w/d btw). I cant focus and do anything. Even when i am capable of finding some happiness, these thoughts are telling me that im not allowed and i should be miserable. I dont know how to explain it, it is really fkd up.

 

I havent been holding at this dose for 2 months, i have only been holding for 12 days, including the wave that lasted 6. What i was saying is that its been 2 months that ive been suffering (ever since 0.18). I must note that my constant teeth chattering has finally stopped after 2 months consistent. I dont know if that means anything.

 

So essentially im just a little confused as to how i should proceed right now. I dont know if what im experiencing now is normal and i should push through it but it truly is debilitating at the moment.

 

i must also include that i am dry cutting my tablets which isnt the easiest task with a gemini 20 scale at these doses. on average i spend about 45 minutes a day trying to get the most accurate i can possibly get. This too, im sure, plays a roll in how things are playing out.

 

I definitely dont plan on going "faster" to reach the end. I cannot function at all the way i am right now. I am 25 years old and this drug has secluded me "completely" from life. Actually, my plan was to go switch over to liquid and try out 0.0015/day.

 

You think 0.0015 would suffice? I know its impossible to tell. I was actually going to try 0.002/day with hold on weekends, which comes out to the same thing.

 

Thoughts?

 

[[...]]

I think switching to liquid would be a good idea.  You are very low so I would not try too high a daily cut.  You mentioned that .01mg per week seemed too much and that works out to .0014mg per day, so, although they are not the same thing, it gives some idea.

 

If you are going to taper I'd proceed slowly.  If things are not bearable I'd try the updose I think.  Always a dicey decision, but I if you need relief it can be a very good move.

[[Co...]]

I think switching to liquid would be a good idea.  You are very low so I would not try too high a daily cut.  You mentioned that .01mg per week seemed too much and that works out to .0014mg per day, so, although they are not the same thing, it gives some idea.

 

If you are going to taper I'd proceed slowly.  If things are not bearable I'd try the updose I think.  Always a dicey decision, but I if you need relief it can be a very good move.

 

Thanks SG

 

Are obsessive thoughts and hypochondriasis a symptom of withdrawal?

After ending up in the ER twice, I had started to get back into my life slowly. I started doing things and didn't think much about w/d because everything was going smooth. The moment I hit 0.18 I stuck to my computer reading benzo related stuff all day in fear.  A radical shift. I don't think that I had OCD before all this, but I'm not sure.

 

I'm hoping if I can stabilize I can drop at 0.0014.i think I was having difficulty before because I was never really stable. I really wish I woulda up dosed and held 2 months ago, it would have prevented so much suffering most probably.

 

Generally an up dose would consist of a 10% increase?  Or to the last dose you felt stable at?  Because that would throw me back up to 0.19,which would a huge move on my part.

Thanks for your input

[[...]]

The last dose you felt good at is a good data point.  You could look at that dose as one you don't want to go back to but will if you need to and try something in between like a quarter the way back or half.

 

It's tough I know to give up ground that you have already earned.  This is what got me into trouble.  I HATED going back and was VERY reluctant.  I decided to tough it out.  It ended up really costing me.  I guess what I learned is it is better to do what it takes to feel good, then taper properly from there rather than try to tough it out.

[[Co...]]

The last dose you felt good at is a good data point.  You could look at that dose as one you don't want to go back to but will if you need to and try something in between like a quarter the way back or half.

 

It's tough I know to give up ground that you have already earned.  This is what got me into trouble.  I HATED going back and was VERY reluctant.  I decided to tough it out.  It ended up really costing me.  I guess what I learned is it is better to do what it takes to feel good, then taper properly from there rather than try to tough it out.

 

Haha I've earned that last 0.05mg with all my blood sweat and tears! I'm going to hold for a couple of days and wait if I see improvement. I take my physical symptoms decreasing as a sign of healing. I'm just hoping that these mental sxs will subside.

Generally, why do people have to slow down near the end?  Is it just to ensure a safe landing? 

Is the switch over from dry cut to liquid difficult?

Am I too low of a dose to switch to liquid?

 

[[La...]]

The last dose you felt good at is a good data point.  You could look at that dose as one you don't want to go back to but will if you need to and try something in between like a quarter the way back or half.

 

It's tough I know to give up ground that you have already earned.  This is what got me into trouble.  I HATED going back and was VERY reluctant.  I decided to tough it out.  It ended up really costing me.  I guess what I learned is it is better to do what it takes to feel good, then taper properly from there rather than try to tough it out.

 

Haha I've earned that last 0.05mg with all my blood sweat and tears! I'm going to hold for a couple of days and wait if I see improvement. Sounds good, but if you need to updose, 10% sounds about right, I did to separate 11% and 13% updoses that worked for me when it crossed the absolutely unbearable threshold. I take my physical symptoms decreasing as a sign of healing. Yes, definitely a good sign. You may be able to move forward soon.  I'm just hoping that these mental sxs will subside.

Generally, why do people have to slow down near the end? Some may do it as a precaution, others do it out of necessity (like me). Its easy to hear one's body saying "oh no you don't."  Is it just to ensure a safe landing? 

Is the switch over from dry cut to liquid difficult? Some have reported difficulty, it seemed straigthforward to me. In One fell swoop I switched. But at the time I was having severe wd sxs, so maybe it was hard to distinguish.

Am I too low of a dose to switch to liquid? No.

 

Cosmic, you are really close. I hit a stumbling block at 0.075 mg ativan! Even at that tiny dose, I felt that I was a million miles from getting off. How wrong my twisted mind was, little did I know at the time that in just a matter of weeks, I would jump.

 

 

[[Co...]]

The last dose you felt good at is a good data point.  You could look at that dose as one you don't want to go back to but will if you need to and try something in between like a quarter the way back or half.

 

It's tough I know to give up ground that you have already earned.  This is what got me into trouble.  I HATED going back and was VERY reluctant.  I decided to tough it out.  It ended up really costing me.  I guess what I learned is it is better to do what it takes to feel good, then taper properly from there rather than try to tough it out.

 

Haha I've earned that last 0.05mg with all my blood sweat and tears! I'm going to hold for a couple of days and wait if I see improvement. Sounds good, but if you need to updose, 10% sounds about right, I did to separate 11% and 13% updoses that worked for me when it crossed the absolutely unbearable threshold. I take my physical symptoms decreasing as a sign of healing. Yes, definitely a good sign. You may be able to move forward soon.  I'm just hoping that these mental sxs will subside.

Generally, why do people have to slow down near the end? Some may do it as a precaution, others do it out of necessity (like me). Its easy to hear one's body saying "oh no you don't."  Is it just to ensure a safe landing? 

Is the switch over from dry cut to liquid difficult? Some have reported difficulty, it seemed straigthforward to me. In One fell swoop I switched. But at the time I was having severe wd sxs, so maybe it was hard to distinguish.

Am I too low of a dose to switch to liquid? No.

 

Cosmic, you are really close. I hit a stumbling block at 0.075 mg ativan! Even at that tiny dose, I felt that I was a million miles from getting off. How wrong my twisted mind was, little did I know at the time that in just a matter of weeks, I would jump.

 

Thanks laser!  At times I always check out your success post on kiddos blog to remind me I can do this.

 

Thing is laser I hit that stumbling block 2 months ago and with constant pushing I've only managed to reduce 0.05 Lollll.

 

I don't mind pushing through but when I'm having deep depression and suicidal thoughts that's when I know that something must be done. I'm not a depressive person but the depression I'm getting off this Shit is unimaginable.

 

I'm still a little baffled how the tables turned hard from one day to the next. One day I'll be off this garbage and climbing mountains like you hahah

[[...]]

Haha I've earned that last 0.05mg with all my blood sweat and tears! I'm going to hold for a couple of days and wait if I see improvement. I take my physical symptoms decreasing as a sign of healing. I'm just hoping that these mental sxs will subside.

Generally, why do people have to slow down near the end?  Is it just to ensure a safe landing? 

Is the switch over from dry cut to liquid difficult?

Am I too low of a dose to switch to liquid?

 

Never too late to switch to liquid.  You are changing the way the drug is delivered to your body and it may create a slight difference in the amount you get and you may feel that.  So it is a good idea to hold for a while during the changeover or even do a slight updose to ensure a good transition.

 

I wish I knew why we need to go slower and slower near the end.  I don't know, but I'm sure there's a reason.