and again my daughter wants to know...dark feeling..

[[Be...]]

Sorry for asking so many questions.

 

In W/D could you also only see a dark future for yourself and were unable to picture your healed self?

She says she is only able to think dark and see dark...nothing positive. She sees her future with this dark feeling.

 

It is the only symptom she has left with fear, insomnia and crying spells, but they all actually come from this dark feeling

[[Ch...]]

I'm so sorry. I think this is normal. I have all this and then some. I know a lot of people going through the same stuff. I also know of others who have been through the same stuff.

 

I know someone, who doesn't post on these sites, who came off zoloft. Later she got hit really hard with withdrawal and was bedbound with psychological stuff and a load of other symptoms too for quite a while. She is turning a corner! She's getting loads of windows and feeling completely normal in them! She's doing really well. I know another who was poly drugged for years. She came off an anti depressant and an anti psychotic last march. She was bedbound for a few months. Now she is so much better! She was really sick and now she has started working part time again and is feeling about 80% recovered. I know another who came off citalopram and was a mess for months. She is now partying! I know of someone else who came off zoloft and was bad for months and, though not completely recovered, is a lot better than she was.

 

I hope this helps. I know it helps me to hear about these things. It takes a ridiculously long time to recover and the symptoms are beyond belief. How it can be allowed to happen to people, I don't know. I hope this gives you and your daughter some hope. If she can focus on the success stories, it will help.

[[No...]]

Heart bleeding for your daughter and for your understandable anguish and heart break.

 

Is she in therapy?  Are you?  It can be so beneficial.  Long term, regular. 

 

 

[[be...]]

Fear certainly by far was my worst symptom. In early withdrawal I felt impending doom that was not attached to anything. These symptoms for me only lasted during my acute phase and eventually they passed. In tine they will pass for your daughter as well. I just wish I could tell you when.

[[Be...]]

She was in Therapy but it didnt help her at all....

 

@chaffnch those pills you pention are all AD no? She never took a AD but i guess they all do the same.

 

We scanned the Internet and found no report of a lenghty WD for Depakote. We only found stories of people using Depakote amost other drugs for years.

I am hoping it does make a difference if she only took all that stuff for so short.

 

@Benzocruel yes it sounds like my daughter.....that is very lucky you "only" had it for a short time. It is very very scary in her 7th month. We are praying so hard she wont have to gor through this for 2 years.....

 

thanks so much for you support.

 

 

[[Be...]]

Do you have your feelings back?

[Guest [ma...]]

The dark place where my mind went while ON benzos, during w/d and for a long time during recovery was the closest thing to evil I have ever experienced. I was in a state of terror and the terror change to fear. I had no feelings except despair, helplessness, and hopelessness. I thought my life was over. I thought I had lost my soul. I thought my personality was gone. I am sure you get the point.

 

What your daughter is feeling WILL pass. Yes her feelings WILL return. Her feelings are still there but right now they are masked by the w/d. She is recovering from a CNS depressant so this is to be expected. Everything you have talked about over the months I experienced and I am presently left with only physical symptoms.

 

Said in a nice way, the best thing you can do, other than all you have done for her is to never doubt her ability to heal. Her fear of never getting better is one of the most common temporary side effects when recovering from benzos. If she senses ANY doubt coming from you it will rattle her foundation. If you don't believe what she is going through or if you think it should be over by now, or if you think she is not trying hard enough, then don't let her know that b/c some time down the road all of this will be a distant memory and you will be in awe of what she has endured. 

[[Be...]]

thank you again for your words mandala!

 

I guess it is more difficult if you are young, when one is older you are more patient and settled.

I dont let her know that. I just sometimes let her know that i have a hard time belevieng this and for sure I dont believe in 2 years time healing, but the Forum shows differently I know.

It is just frustrating that not even the lenght of time being on this poison plays a role.

 

Thanks so much for all the support 

[[ea...]]

Your daughter had a good description for benzo withdrawal depression. A dark feeling....for mek, it was overwhelming, and mixed with sheer terror.

I don't think being young gives one an advantage. For we older people, I think it may be harder! Our health may not be perfect to start with, and we have the wisdom to know what we may have lost.

Was your daughter depressed before??

east

[[Be...]]

yes she says like there is a big heavy black blanket over her.

 

no she was situational depressed or PMS nothing like this. She is filled with terror too and RAGE.

 

She was obsessed with things before. like loosing weight etc. Now she is obsessed with wd

 

Benzomama 

[Guest [ma...]]

thank you again for your words mandala!

 

 

It is just frustrating that not even the lenght of time being on this poison plays a role.

 

Thanks so much for all the support 

 

You are welcome.......as far as length of time on the drug........no there is no direct correlation as far as that is concerned.

 

Last year when my memory began to return I realized that many of the symptoms I was still experiencing reminded me of a time in my life many years ago that was very scary for me. My father had died and my mother asked the dr for " a little something to help my sister and me". When I began to see the similarities with regard to the symptoms during these two separate times in my life, I phoned my mom as asked her "what was it that the dr gave us when dad died"? My mom said Serax. I damn near lost it on her. I was 25 at the time and I took the Serax for "only" one month. The dr refused to refill the script. I was SO ill. The previous year I had the highest marks in the class in lab medicine and now I could not even function cognitively while in the lab. I was crying all the time, so depressed and on top of that I accused my best friend of stealing my binder so I could not study for a test. I was paranoid and out of my mind. I thought I was grieving for my father. Well I stayed sick for a very long time. The following year I still had agoraphobia (never had that before in my life), the depression was horrid and so was the internal agitation. The agitation was so bad that 2 years later I was wrongly diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Ritalin. I took that for at least a year until I met a dr who said I should never have been prescribed that and stopped that c/t. By this time I was in my 30s. See what can happen?

 

I won't bore you with the rest of the details but I can tell you for a fact that short term use of benzos for SOME people can have a relatively long term recovery period. I can also tell you that my lack of knowledge surrounding what happened to me in 1984 set the stage for the next 30 years in terms of severe agitation, depression, insomnia and "anxiety" returning whenever I was under ANY kind of stress. As you can see from my signature all of this worsened as more drugs were added and yes sadly it took almost 30 years for me to figure out that it was the drugs all along and not me.

 

So you can see that yes this does happen at this level of severity for some people after being on benzos for only a very short period of time. My story is not unique. This happens ALL the time. The blessing is that you know what is going on with your daughter and she will heal.

 

PS from your most recent post......the rage will go away too. I was rageful to the point of feeling violent. I had to shut myself in my bedroom b/c the movement of my dog wagging her tail irriated me so much that I was afraid I would hurt her. It was the rage that started while ON the Klonopin that made me realize something was really wrong. Hang in there. 

[[Be...]]

Thank you Mandal!!

 

We hope to get through this soon and that maybe 9 or 10 months is relativley long....... 

 

your words support us!!

[[Ch...]]

Benzo mama, sorry for crashing your thread..I just wanted to thank Mandala as her/his words have really helped me too.

[Guest [ma...]]

Benzomama and Chaffinch glad that some of my experience helped you. You are both very welcome. 

[Guest [su...]]

Benzomama and Chaffinch glad that some of my experience helped you. You are both very welcome. 

how long did it take for your mental sxs to go away this time???

 

[Guest [ma...]]

Benzomama and Chaffinch glad that some of my experience helped you. You are both very welcome. 

how long did it take for your mental sxs to go away this time???

 

Hi Sussie,

 

I had the severe psychological symptoms and depression every day until just before the 2 year mark and then I had a 4 hour window with no symptoms. After that window it was bad again and then a shift happened during months 28 and 29.

 

The odd time during month 30 the head stuff has returned but the strength is more like a whisper instead of being in the drivers seat.......it's like night and day.

 

Please keep in mind that in 4 years I c/t from benzos several times and also c/t many many other psych drugs so don't compare. The psychological stuff will go away for you too. I have no problem accepting the physical stuff b/c after all those years I have a quiet mind again.......what a blessing that is.

 

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

omg, all i can say is WOW!! what a journey.. thank you for your words...

[[Ch...]]

Goodness mandala! You are very, very brave. You are also an inspiration.

 

Were you bedbound with yours?

[Guest [ma...]]

Goodness mandala! You are very, very brave. You are also an inspiration.

 

Were you bedbound with yours?

 

 

Hi again, I think anyone who walks this path is a warrior.  There was no way I could be bedbound. I had akathasia and electricity running through my body so badly that I could not stay still.

[[Be...]]

You are welcome.......as far as length of time on the drug........no there is no direct correlation as far as that is concerned.

 

Please keep in mind that in 4 years I c/t from benzos several times and also c/t many many other psych drugs so don't compare. The psychological stuff will go away for you too. I have no problem accepting the physical stuff b/c after all those years I have a quiet mind again.......what a blessing that is.

 

and you not being well after more than 2 years of only 4 weeks of benzos at the age of 25.

 

It is so hard to imagine the lenght of time in this. As there is nothing to hold on. Does it or does it not matter....nobody knows.

 

I simply can not believe this can take 2 years.

 

[[ea...]]

It can take 2 years or even longer, but for the vast majority, it doesn't. Please don't let our stories scare you so much! Keep in mind that those on this forum are the few people worldwide who had problems getting off these drugs....most people don't. And most people do not taper, either. Most go cold turkey without a single problem. What you read here are some of the "worst case" scenarios, and cannot be taken for what your daughter will go through. Meanwhile, its time for her to be getting up and doing something. Good luck!

east

[[Be...]]

thank you eastcoast....

We are trying surely we are scared, we just think that if she already is one of the minority to react this bad she will be in this for the time. You know what I mean? That if you do react like this you are surely to take this long.....since people who DO have a problem with it dont seem the heal much faster than 1-2 years.

 

We are trying our best and I am sure she is to for her ability, adding to the loss of her love, home, cat and job....

 

:smitten:

 

Thanks for you words

[[be...]]

Hi:

 

I lost my job, my home and my husband of 20 years. I managed to handle that OK, with time, but the very worst was losing my beloved dog. I never got over that. Bets

[[ea...]]

But there isn't any proof that that's true...so why keep worrying about it? I think it is up to you to set the tone, set the mood, because she could be easily swayed right now. I think it would be wise of you to start reading more on this forum about what causes withdrawal symptoms. There are quite a few wonderful and easy to understand "articles" written about this here....very informative, and reassuring too. Once you know more, you can teach your daughter.

 

Benzogirl - I am so sorry. I, too, lost many things during my benzo years. A husband, my health, a career. But the things that hurt the most were losing four of my beloved cats...all in one year. I still cry over this. I had five cats....and ended up with one. A few months ago, I adopted a stray cat I had been feeding outside. And he has brought such joy and light into my life.

Hang in there, okay?

east

[[be...]]

But there isn't any proof that that's true...so why keep worrying about it? I think it is up to you to set the tone, set the mood, because she could be easily swayed right now. I think it would be wise of you to start reading more on this forum about what causes withdrawal symptoms. There are quite a few wonderful and easy to understand "articles" written about this here....very informative, and reassuring too. Once you know more, you can teach your daughter.

 

Benzogirl - I am so sorry. I, too, lost many things during my benzo years. A husband, my health, a career. But the things that hurt the most were losing four of my beloved cats...all in one year. I still cry over this. I had five cats....and ended up with one. A few months ago, I adopted a stray cat I had been feeding outside. And he has brought such joy and light into my life.

Hang in there, okay?

east

 

Losing four cats in one year? How awful for you. I personally don't think I could handle that emotionally. I  have two sister cats and luckily, they are only 3. They can be a pain in the arse (they won't eat anything, even human food) but I still luv them to pieces. They sleep on my bed at night. Such a comfort. Sorry for your loss Mandala. Bets