6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Beulah and Jenny ... I have often thought that I should make a sign and hang it for all to see ... or maybe two signs now that I think of it ...

 

Sign # 1 ... "Sorry, I know how frustrating this is for you, however, I do not need fixing, my horoscope says I am just fine ... if you really need something to fix, the lawnmower needs a tune up ... let me know how you make out ..."

 

Sign # 2 ... "This is the Quiet Room ... the Advice Room is just down the street ... let me point it out for you ... have a good time ..."

 

[[...]]

Love them both Nova!! 

 

[[be...]]

Nova, those signs are a fantastic idea. I can just see my sister's face...lol lol.

[[Mo...]]

Good morning!!!!

 

Woke up with no funk!!  Nothing to burn off!!  Just me and the morning!!  Thank you Lord!  Sleep was broken here and there but no rushing thoughts.  So nice, so wonderfully normal. 

 

Nova- Totally laughing.  I love the signs.  Is the sun out over there?  We are overcast.  Yes, rest and let that body catch up. 

 

Jenny - Aargh.  The sister dynamic.  My sis is perfect too.  She looks like barbie, fries up the bacon and brings it home in a pan.  One time I called her in the early am to talk because no one else was awake.  She didn't understand.  She couldn't understand.  Don't even try to explain this to your sister.  When I was on vacation at my sisters I gave hubby clear instructions on what I needed, so he could buffer the appearance of things.  The morning we were going on the boat I had to lay in bed because I was sick.  She came to the door and said, 'can we leave in 10 mininutes?'.  It's so funny to me because we can look so normal on the outside but the crazy train is tooting away inside.  I can assure you, you have tons of friends right here.  I talk about our stuff all the time with my hubby and mom.  I tell my bible study I am part of a support group and list my friends who need prayer, etc. You are going to do just fine this week.  We will all be here.  For me, I set up buffer zones way ahead like telling my mom or husband I will need to rest for awhile so plan on keeping folks busy or entertained while I disappear.  I gauge all activities.  I also loooooooove to use my kids as an excuse.  So and so isn't feeling well, or they need me.  It's such a private struggle.  You are going to do great.  I am a huge planner kinda gal, so I know what I do isn't for everyone, but I want you to know you are wonderful and when this is done, look out sister. 

 

Coop - I hope your window was there when you woke!

 

Life- Still praying over your situation

 

HH and Peace- Was thinking about you two in your classrooms last night.  In August '12 we had just moved to Temecula.  My was going to real school for the first time.  His kindergarten teacher had just come back from leave.  One of her student's siblings had passed away and the grief she felt from it sent her into a physical illness.  It took her a year to recover.  I, on the other hand, had just started falling apart.  I didn't want my son in public school for a bunch or reasons.  Anyways, she was such a comfort to me.  She loved my son.  When I would come to pick him up he would tell me how much he loved her and wished she was his mom.  Those words didn't hurt.  My son is really attached to me and I couldn't volunteer in his room because he would cry for me to sit next to him.  She was a tough teacher, but made the kids want to perform.  I am so thankful for the experience with her.  I bet you both are wonderful teachers like that. 

 

Beulah - I'm with Nova.. hang a big sign saying.. 'unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!'..haha..

 

Hi GMIT - How is the ocean over there, or are you on shore?

 

Okay, need to get dressed.  It's so nice to talk.  In my old job I was the onsite Employee activity planner.  Lot's of social butterfly stuff.  Then it got to be too much.  I wanted kids and not to think about work all day.  Then I went into IT at the same company.  I had to get up every few hours and make social rounds because I need to be with people.  Now I am a mom.. with little kids... who fire unanswerable questions at me faster then pellets from an automatic bb gun. 

 

Off to the office!

 

MommyR

 

 

[[...]]

Good morning Mommy! I love that you woke up normal! How wonderful!

 

I'm on shore, it's about an hour to the ocean!

 

Love the great news!

 

[[li...]]

Hi everyone. The major stressor has gotten the best of me this past day. My heart rate is over 100 and I'm concerned that the stress is hurting me.  A while back I was given a bottle of PROPRANOLOL 20mg three times a day. I filled it but never used it. Will that help with the stress on the heart? I need some help as I have no problem taking it as I was told you can stop it anytime you want. Is that true? You know doctors.

 

Please help. I'm a bit shakey today.

 

Life

[[li...]]

just reading the posts. I am so sorry for those that are feeling bad and I am so thankful for those that have respond and sent prayers for my situation.

 

I just found out that we will have to deal with a civil matter on some litigation in  November on a lawsuit. I will have to go to a 10 day trail were I am the defendant on a civil matter. Not fun for anyone. Also the day before yesterday a dear friend of mine and my wife's best friend ( like family) that has two children and has just lost one of the children due to an accidental gun shot in the head. She we playing with her grandfather's gun. She was 14. :'( I am concerned that all this stress is going to throw me into a wave -- if I am not in one right now. I do not know if this high anxiety  is the stress or chemical or both. Just so much to take.

 

life.

[[mi...]]

Hi life so sorry for all of these issues you are dealing with. Those poor parents so awful.

 

I just want to say that I have been taking metoprolol since my heart palps started 4 mos ago. They work great to slow the heart and lower b/p a bit. I have never had high b/p or any heart issues. I was afraid to take them at first but just was so frightened when my heart would beat out of control. I talked to my pharmacist first, he said it was better to slow the vitals than to be concerned over the med. He said I would need to taper if I took them regularly. I just take half of a 25 mg. if I feel really uncomfortable, it works.

 

Ashton actually says the beta blockers are ok. I have read on bb many who take it to help anxiety. My dr. said many people use it before giving a speech or performers who get anxious. Hope this helps. m

[[mr...]]

Hi l4m,

 

I just wanted to mention that I have a prescription for propranolol 10mg daily, and use it irregularly and appreciate the affects. Cooperton is a wealth of information regarding beta blockers, IMO I'm sure she'll be along and perhaps have a comment

 

Easier said than done regarding stress, but if it sets you back or creates a wave, oh well right? We can only control our actions and our attitudes, and the rest will be what it is -- our bodies will respond just as they will. Oh well. Not comfy sometimes , but it is what it is. And it will pass, and we are healing more and more every day I just thank God he's healed me, and that its manifesting everyday, and that the end of my story is victory So all this in between stuff is just part of the story Northofhere wrote this in one of her recent posts, and it really spoke to me: "You are ready, even if your head does not think you are. You can handle whatever anxiety throws at you- its just a danger signal that misfires, and remember- You don't have to believe everything that you think, you can actually experience panic wherever it happens and take it along for the ride."

 

I'm not perfect, and there is still a journey to travel, but these things have helped me a bit Hopefully they help you too If not, no worries Either way, you will be just fine and recover

 

Take care buddy; I get to meet my we baby niece this weekend -- yay! We are showing progress more and more every day

 

Mrs.

[[li...]]

thanks mrs and minnie. This has truly been a journey. It is so nice to have more participants on this journey. Is my medication the same dose wise as metoprolol ? Mine are 20mg each.

 

life

[[Mo...]]

GMIT- great news!!  The beach ain't all that.  Sometimes inland rules!

 

Life-  I am looking to others for the med question.  Minnie had a great response.  Call the pharmacist and get some answers.  I don't know if my words will help, but mentally do not cross bridges until you get there.  Grace is dealt out as we need.  When the civil suit comes you will have grace, but you rnt there yet so take it off the plate.

 

Grief is a hard one.  Others will have to answer here too, but I will pray.  They need the grace to walk this.  Going thru what we have gives us a taste of all the horrors a mind can experience.  When the time comes you will be a great comfort to them.  There is a psalm that says...why spirit do you tell me to fly to the mountain, when my trust is in The Lord?  There is going to be only one place comfort will come for this family and you.  Grieving is going to be part of this and it's natural.  It's ok to feel loss. 

 

Please know you and they are in my prayers. 

 

MommyR

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

 

Thank you for all the responses. Mommy--thanks for your kind words, you made me smile. Beulah, you gave me a good laugh--I bet we could talk for hours about our sisters Nova--I absolutely LOVED your signs!! I need to get one of those and hang it in my guest bedroom Life--Iam so sorry to hear about all your stress-very sad news indeed. I still think you are doing an amazing job, and I believe you fast hear rate is most likely due to stress. Since you are doing so well you might not get thrown into a wave at all and it is manifesting itself into the fast heart rate. I think the propanol is okay to use, at least from what I have heard, as with anything I would only use it in emergencies which sounds like you are in. Keep us posted, Jenny

[[No...]]

Life ... hang on and stay as "present" as you can ... "future telling" usually ties me up in stress ... sorry, I have no experience with beta-blockers ...

[[li...]]

GMIT- great news!!  The beach ain't all that.  Sometimes inland rules!

 

Life-  I am looking to others for the med question.  Minnie had a great response.  Call the pharmacist and get some answers.  I don't know if my words will help, but mentally do not cross bridges until you get there.  Grace is dealt out as we need.  When the civil suit comes you will have grace, but you rnt there yet so take it off the plate.

 

Grief is a hard one.  Others will have to answer here too, but I will pray.  They need the grace to walk this.  Going thru what we have gives us a taste of all the horrors a mind can experience.  When the time comes you will be a great comfort to them.  There is a psalm that says...why spirit do you tell me to fly to the mountain, when my trust is in The Lord?  There is going to be only one place comfort will come for this family and you.  Grieving is going to be part of this and it's natural.  It's ok to feel loss. 

 

Please know you and they are in my prayers. 

 

MommyR

 

Thank you so much Mommr. I really took to heart what you said. I am defiantly having an off day today. I know that I can not worry about tomorrow when tomorrow will have its own worries. Most of what we worry about is never going to happen. I call my little bad habit "catastrophising"! Its truly horrible to live  today the worries of tomorrow especially when you think of worst case scenarios. This too will pass. I guess I hit another wave -- it is what it is. So far I can think straight but am concerned how I am feeling. Thank you!

 

life

[[li...]]

Nova, its so true about being present. It the only practice that makes me feel much better. I am thankful that I am practicing it every time I see I am off course.

 

Jenny, thank you for your kind words, Thank you for your support and encouragement. I remember many months ago when I was in a wave and you in a window on the regular thread that you helped me allot with your words.

 

God bless and may we all heal soon!

 

Life

[[Sk...]]

Life, I am so sorry for all that is happening to you.

 

I hope you will take the medications for your heart and that it will get better, even if there is little that can be done for the stressors that life throws us.

 

I made my list of symptoms today, last time I did it was in June so I was hoping for good news. But it is indeed a non linear process I have one symptom more than in June.

 

Because of the lump in my throat I have been skipping dinners and I have lost a lot of weight in no time at all.

 

Today I got angry with frustration, I have been vibrating all day. 

 

For the first time in years,  I am spending the summer in this city . I moved here a few years ago.  The town is empty because everybody goes on holiday now.

 

I wish I could write more, but it so hard for me. Thanks for sharing your day to day stories here, it is nice, you guys are doing better than you think. For me wd is  apparently not only about benzos but about making changes for every single thing in my life.

 

But I do wish I could just get on with my life.

 

About the two-3 year timeline, I know that you are right but I do hope that I won't be quite this way in a year and a half !

 

I felt so desperate this afternoon, how is Mr Sky able to stand all my tantrums ? I feel like I am a child blocked in the body of an adult, having tantrums and all.

 

Have a better night everybody and thanks for sharing your daily stories  here , they are helpful. 

[[je...]]

Sky--I have the tantrums too, I think a lot of us do. I feel like this process is so not linear its ridiculous! I will have a sx go away only to be replaced by two new ones. Its very frustrating, the only choice we have is to keep moving forward and thank God we have each other for support. ((HUGS)) Jenny

[[mi...]]

Hi Life....... I do not know if the mgs are the same from one to the other. I have taken a full 25mgs of metoprolol in the beginning with no ill effects. Asking your pharmacist is a good idea as they can tell you any and all side effects, I always trust mine. I think coop said it helped w/ anxiety, I also think it is supposed to help calm the adrenalin rushes. I know the one thing that can send my benzo anxieties thru the roof is heart stuff, it really scares me. The other s/x are way uncomfortable but the heart, really scary. I hope you get your answers and find relief....m

[[Gr...]]

Coop- that is so cool that your window opened up just in time for story time!! Sounds like you had just as much fun (if not more) than the kiddos! I'm so proud of you

Good morning Nova! I hope your day gets better and your body starts to cooperate, but it's great that your mood is good

 

I have a lot of stress coming up in the next few weeks and I don't feel up for handling it. My sister is coming into town, my overbearing, control freak sister. Who by the way has the perfect house, perfect kids, ms popularity, successful at everything she does and then there's me. Ugh this is gonna be a tough week, she knows nothing about my w/d and I don't want to tell her for obvious reasons. She is very critical of me and likes to point out how I don't have any friends, need to be more social, should be doing this or that with my kids. She will be staying with her sister in law who she is very close to, so I'm not sure how much of her I will see. I'm feeling okay today, with lots of anxiety. I hope your all doing well, jenny

 

O, Jenny

Do I ever relate.  I also have the "perfect" sister.  Well, we all love you to death, think you're absolutely perfect.  Seriously, basic withdrawal:  no one and nothing in the world is worth stressing over.  That's what got us in this mess in the first place.  And sometimes when you clear your head, forget every negative thought, be positive, things turn out fine.  You might even enjoy seeing her

[[Gr...]]

thanks mrs and minnie. This has truly been a journey. It is so nice to have more participants on this journey. Is my medication the same dose wise as metoprolol ? Mine are 20mg each.

 

life

Life, be careful with the meds.  Hold off a little.  You have a lot of tools in your box.  Like all the behavioral therapy -- is it CBT?  I'm sorry about the child, that's awful.  But it's okay to detach, I do that frequently, it doesn't mean I don't care, it means I'm protecting my CNS from melting down.  I tend to get overly emotional which doesn't help anyone.  As far as the lawsuit (I used to work in civil court)  it's only money.  Really not worth getting sick over.  And lawyers generally settle once they've gotten their own pound of flesh. take care.  You're in my prayers.

[[Gr...]]

Life, I am so sorry for all that is happening to you.

 

I hope you will take the medications for your heart and that it will get better, even if there is little that can be done for the stressors that life throws us.

 

I made my list of symptoms today, last time I did it was in June so I was hoping for good news. But it is indeed a non linear process I have one symptom more than in June.

 

Because of the lump in my throat I have been skipping dinners and I have lost a lot of weight in no time at all.

 

Today I got angry with frustration, I have been vibrating all day. 

 

For the first time in years,  I am spending the summer in this city . I moved here a few years ago.  The town is empty because everybody goes on holiday now.

 

I wish I could write more, but it so hard for me. Thanks for sharing your day to day stories here, it is nice, you guys are doing better than you think. For me wd is  apparently not only about benzos but about making changes for every single thing in my life.

 

But I do wish I could just get on with my life.

 

About the two-3 year timeline, I know that you are right but I do hope that I won't be quite this way in a year and a half !

 

I felt so desperate this afternoon, how is Mr Sky able to stand all my tantrums ? I feel like I am a child blocked in the body of an adult, having tantrums and all.

 

Have a better night everybody and thanks for sharing your daily stories  here , they are helpful. 

 

O, Sky, I'm so sorry you're having a tough day.  It's your ninth month anniversary, too.  It's not going to be 2-3 years, it's just  a wave and it's going to get better.  Hang in there. 

[[Mo...]]

Ok...everyone in the car with me. 

 

You need to get your mind of things.  We are going to Target for school supplies and a 'less then $5' toy for the oldest as bribery to go.  What's on the list you ask?  Tons of stuff that costs money.  I'm also thinking about snacks and lunch.  Just ordered a 'StampyLongnose' back pack for you Minecraft fans and plan, no frills blue lunch bags for the kiddos. 

 

Then I am heading to Ross or Marshall's for a cute bag to put my laptop in.  What do you think..floral design or black and sleek?  Hmmm.. 

 

This week's 'pretend' work schedule was a fail in the 'getting there in a timely manner' and accomplishing things.  Next week I'm tightening the reigns.  Honestly, I'm feeling very normal today.  I keep checking around for some 'symptoms' but nothing is there.  Let's tip toe thru the rest of the day and see what happens. 

 

Life - You are in my thoughts and prayers.  You have a lot on your plate in a normal situation.  Keep us posted when you need support.

 

Sky - This is such a long frustrating road, I know.  Yes, not linear, but maybe did you rank them by severity?  I found my stuff would morph and trade off things.  Things that went together before would spilt off and show up alone.  Like I always had nausea with headache and one of the 4 emo.  Then just the nausea would show up and it would be piercing, I am talking go to hospital nausea with no vomiting, but no other symptoms.  See if they are moving around.  Change is progress too.  Mine also had distinct separations in the emotional field, but then there would be days where it was like my brain was unable to pick an emotion, so they would hover above my head and not land.  Does that make sense?  The chemicals that cause fear, panic, anxiety or depression weren't firing off enough.  It would kind of hover over my head and give me a headache.  Anyways, watch for transitional things like that too. 

 

Ok, in the car all of you....who wants some popcorn?...

 

 

[[je...]]

Green-- thanks for the encouraging words, I guess a lot of us have that "perfect" sister and who knows maybe we will enjoy each other.

Mommy- I say get a floral bag if its for you also, thank you for all the prayers. My faith has been completely dead and I really want to get it back. Thanks for the car ride, and yes popcorn for me too

[[li...]]

Hi everyone, thank you for your ind words .They are all so important to me. I am definitely in a wave of anxious thoughts caused by several events. On the way to pick up my 14 year old I got a call to see the mother and father of the girl that accentually and fatally shot herself . I told my wife I did not feel good and that I would be an emotional wreck - not good for the parents in their own grief/torture.

 

Anyway I went to their house irregardless of my feeling bad - I just did not want to give into the benzo beast. I did quite well and was their for the parents in a caring and loving way. I can not imagine the horror. Those that have lost children before say that it can not be explained in words. Although I am not equating what happened to them as what has happened to us - but we too can never explain the effects these drugs have had on us.

 

I am praying that God helps me through this as I definitely am looking at things a bit too negatively for my taste right now. Everything is so twisted in these waves. I took my bata blocker and it did lower my heart rate a bunch. Thank you all for your kind and helpful words.

 

life

[[li...]]

Mommyr, I'm right there with you. I am on a low carb diet so no popcorn for me. I love your story telling. You should be a novelist!

 

life