6-12 month thread....

[[je...]]

Question...

 

Does anyone have night sweats?

 

If yes, how far out are you?

 

Mine seem to be getting worse...no panic or any other symptoms with it, just wake up drenched!

 

 

 

Hi gmit,

Yes I've had them. Not too bad anymore I still get them usually around my period. I'm 10 months out.

[[...]]

Question...

 

Does anyone have night sweats?

 

If yes, how far out are you?

 

Mine seem to be getting worse...no panic or any other symptoms with it, just wake up drenched!

 

 

 

Hi gmit,

Yes I've had them. Not too bad anymore I still get them usually around my period. I'm 10 months out.

 

 

Thank Jenny!

 

I'm about to celebrate my 47th birthday, not worried about the sweats at all, just trying to figure if it could be a pre menopausal thing because it's getting worse!

 

[[He...]]

Good morning!

This week is going to be a challenge for me, and I am questioning if I'm up for it.  This is where I don't quite trust my healing and I can tell that it will be successfully getting through many times of big stress before I can be confident.  I am definitely feeling nervousness this morning and almost like I'm white-knuckling it to not let it blow up into a full wave.  My sister leaves to go back to WI tomorrow and I'm very sad about that.  My husband is going in for shoulder surgery on Wednesday, and I'm really nervous about it.  He wasn't able to have it done in the fall because his blood pressure was too high right before they were going to put him under.  I'm nervous about the surgery and the recovery period...it sounds pretty nasty.  My parents are driving my sister to the airport and my mom won't be available to sit up in the hospital with me.  My younger daughter is leaving for Boise with a friend on Thursday and she will be gone until Sunday.  She is very excited but I always get very nervous about my kids traveling. 

UGH!  Throw in the continued uncertainty about our house (will we lose it or not?) and the impending start to the new school year (a good stress, but stress none-the-less), and it's a perfect storm for a wave. BIG test for my poor CNS.

I am going to take a deep breath, put on my walking shoes, and head out for a walk with a friend of mine.  I'm planning on being proactive and positive during this week to try to keep a wave a bay. 

I have read in some posts here and there about people who were healed but suffered pretty nasty returns of symptoms.  Those posts always scared me and the memory of them pop up and bring fear during these times of stress. I'm feeling that fear today. 

Wishing you all well today!

 

Oh, wow ,Healinghope, this is so hitting home for me. I have been feeling really nervous these past few days ( did not feel like a wave) as I have been hit with allot of stressors and I too worry about the waves -- I do not like the way I am feeling right now as it is. I am heading back to my home in florida Wed, I have knee surgery on Friday ( scared of the med situation), I have a full blown board meeting with all the social things that brings Thursday, I have a strained relationship with my brother that has been weighing on me for a week, my lake house has been full of people invited by my wife and I have had to entertain and my symptoms are revving up. I have walked ( by the way get the app MapmyFitness), worked out, cut my hair, changed oil -- anything to keep me busy but I am in fear of a wave. I would say that I am in a wave but a manageable one if you can understand. Anyway your post has hit a major cord with me. Allot of things happening at one time. Today I had a mini panic attack for the first time in months. It came when the doctor called and said my surgery was Friday - I had somehow convinced myself that it was going to be weeks from now. How will surgery go without a benzo? ( a requirement of mine) I'm not sure! Anyway, every day in every way I am getting stronger and stronger. I just have to remind myself of that!

 

WE ARE ALL HEALING! 

 

Life

 

Oh man, Life, I'll be holding you up in prayer.  I guess this is all part of the reentry process....but YIKES!, couldn't it be a little less "exciting" ?  I can feel my anxiety revving up, along with my depression, but so much of it is caused directly by my own fear of a wave.  If I don't get this under control, my fear of a wave is going to cause a wave.  Just as you said, I'm trying to remind myself that I am getting stronger every day, AND I have already weathered times of great stress.  It's just a matter of trusting my body's responses again, and I'm not quite there yet. 

 

You are getting a torn meniscus fixed, right?  Is it being done with orthroscopy?  I've had that surgery done on both of my knees in the past....soccer injuries.  The good thing about that is it doesn't keep you down for too long. 

 

Think of how much STRONGER we will be once getting through this crazy time!    It's just a matter of getting through it, moment by moment.   

Let's prop each other up through this. 

 

HH

[[mr...]]

Hi gang,

 

Whew -- panic is a toughie this afternoon/early evening. I took 10mg propranolol at 12:30pm today, to see of it'd help rest my body this afternoon. Mr and I went on a bike ride this afternoon, and I probably should've given my body rest instead. About halfway into the ride I experienced a surge of panic/adrenalyne surge. Coop, I think this is what you're speaking of regarding the beta blocker. I continued on slowly, and rode it through. I took another 5mg propranolol at 4pm, as I was feeling quite shakey/panicky still. Coop, reading your experiences with the antibiotic and prednisone this past May/June has given me hope and guidance. I am working hard to not fear the fear. It is nothing to fear, in truth. I am so grateful for the beta blocker's help, as it helps so much to settle the tachycardia and such. The benzo fear/panic/anxiety is definitely my least favorite symptom. Lord, help me walk in your strength against all attacks of this battle. Preserve and protect my body and my being, and welcomed to fill the spots where I lack.

 

How are you all doing this evening?

 

Take care for now,

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Mrs., sorry you are going through that!

 

The panic/anxiety/fear is definitely the worst symptom in my opinion as well!!

 

I hope you feel relief soon!!

 

:smitten:

[[li...]]

HH its like we are having the fear of what too much stress/fear will do ?  I have been pushing it a bit too much lately and I may be paying the price. Anyway, yes it is a torn meniscus. Do I have to take pain killers? It is being done with orthroscopy.

 

Life

[[je...]]

Question...

 

Does anyone have night sweats?

 

If yes, how far out are you?

 

Mine seem to be getting worse...no panic or any other symptoms with it, just wake up drenched!

 

 

 

Hi gmit,

Yes I've had them. Not too bad anymore I still get them usually around my period. I'm 10 months out.

 

 

Thank Jenny!

 

I'm about to celebrate my 47th birthday, not worried about the sweats at all, just trying to figure if it could be a pre menopausal thing because it's getting worse!

 

 

 

Gmit-- I'm 39 and wondered the same thing. Its so hard to say because a lot of the sx  for perimenopause and w/d are almost identical. Its really tough. Feel better soon !

[[mr...]]

Hi all (again).

 

My apologies for the number of posts today. Keeps my mind occupied

 

So, the beginning of February began my first intense-r wave of anxiety, as well as my first recollection of any sort of benzo-related fear. I think this wave lasted through the month of February, with varying degrees of intensity of course -- some days less than others, and a couple windows sprinkled in throughout. March and April, I remember, was lighter and lesser in general, with windows and waves sprinkled throughout. Mid May through the end of June was very tough. I decided to go on a medical reduced schedule of 20 hours per week. Anxiety, fear, and panic were very difficult to work through. Some agoraphobia wanted to set in as well. The month of July was a miracle month for me -- a wonderful gift from the Lord, and a glimpse of the near future passing-through point The fear/anxiety/panic lifted significantly, and how truly amazing that was! I also experienced a two-day window that was the BEST I'd felt in the past couple months. Wow. So grateful for that experience. Amen

 

The last weekend in July was a challenge that I overcame -- Mr traveled over the weekend, and it was also the weekend of my period (in the past I've tended to be more symptomatic during this time). I did it, and I did it pretty well -- albeit I experienced anxiety & such at higher levels than usual. Since the following Monday (28th of July), I've been in a wave more or less, excepting Friday (Aug 1st) afternoon through Saturday afternoon. The fear/panic has been ick the past few days, as well as my body's response (nausea, diarrhea, tachycardia, adrenaline/cortisol "surge" feelings, etc). I am so very thankful for the beta blocker's help through this. I am finding the past couple days that abstaining a bit from exercise and allowing some rest is going to be my mode of action. I am so hopeful that things let up soon, and my biggest hope of all is that the fear/anxiety/panic leaves forever over the course of August. (And the tachy. ) Yes Lord, it is so.

 

Dis witdrawal bidnez is fo' da birdz! Lol Anyways, thanks for bearing with my ramblings. Reading your posts regarding your experiences is so incredibly helpful -- especially you, Coop; I relate so much! -- I feel like I know you so well already I am very grateful to have been welcomed here. Anyways, that's enough of my musings for now Take care, and sleep well

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Hi Mrs,

I used to have the fear/anxiety/panic thing REALLY bad.  It was horrible, though always worse in the mornings.  I have posted this before, but I want to post it for you in case it would help you like it did me.  I wrote down some quotes that I found on BB and I carried it with me at all times.  There would be times when I would be shaking and ready to jump out of my skin and I would read them over and over.  I don't even have the paper in my purse anymore and I had to hunt around to find it.  Here are the quotes:

 

  Anxiety and fear is from excess glutamate in the amygdala.

  The fear stage will end and I will be calm and happy again.

  This FEELS like fear, but it is not really fear.  It is from a chemical storm in my brain.

  This fear is because new nerves are growing and they are not properly wired yet.

  This happened to others, and the fear went away and they became calm again.

  Fear is a sign of progress and healing.

  Every time you are feeling anxious you are using "anxiety links" in the brain.  Every time you react positively and ignore the anxiety, you DELETE those links.

 

This really DOES go away!  Even in my tough upcoming week and with feeling nervous for these big stressors in my life, the amount of fear and anxiety that I am feeling now is NOTHING compared to how I felt earlier in this healing process. 

 

[[He...]]

HH its like we are having the fear of what too much stress/fear will do ?  I have been pushing it a bit too much lately and I may be paying the price. Anyway, yes it is a torn meniscus. Do I have to take pain killers? It is being done with orthroscopy.

 

Life

 

You will need to take some pain killers, but nothing like you would if it wasn't orthroscopy.  Be sure to stay on top of the pain, don't get behind on it during the first few days.   

 

 

[[mr...]]

Oh,  Nova....I could have written that post myself.  I have had about maybe 10 days of decent baseline,  one nice window and a confidence in healing...as though I could actually feel the healing happening. ....Enter Benzo Beast to mess with my head. ......Here is the reality...yesterday I had a lot of head pressure..it morphed into head pressure with ear pressure and moderate tinnitus...it continued through the night with insomnia and anxiety..it continued I to early morning with nausea and dizziness I took 12 mg of mclazine and 6 mg of atenolol and 300 mg of aspirin..  By noon things were feeling a little better. I have had all of these s/x a hundred times over...and survived...

....Here is Benzo Beast 's version....much like Nova 's....

.......you have a brain tumor

.......you are having a stroke

.......you better not have an epsome salts soak..you could stroke in the tub

.......you shouldn't go to PT...you could have a stroke there

.......there is something VERY wrong..

.......you are probably dying

.......you better stay in bed today

........you should make an appointment with the neurologist

. ......you should make an appointment with the cardiologist

.........you should make an appointment with the primary

.........you should make an appointment with thevENT

.........you are never getting out of this..this is forever

.........this is not w/d...this is dire life threatening condition

.........there is a thunderstorm brewing..lightening is going to strike our condo

........your grandson is at overnight camp...he is going to fall unnoticed into the lake

....well you get the gist...Nova had it spot on...

...Thank you Nova for sharing your very good coping strategy for the ever ever chattering screaming and whispering voice of the Benzo Beast.. 

.....things are still very difficult and full of anxiety today...but thanks to the support of all of you.. I am getting through it...tomorrow is another day...

....wishing everyone some healing today...love to all Coop

 

An old post to "blast from the past" of this thread The list of benzo lies made me smile. Too cute Glad you are feeling so much better, Coop.

 

Take care and sleep well,

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Hi Mrs,

I used to have the fear/anxiety/panic thing REALLY bad.  It was horrible, though always worse in the mornings.  I have posted this before, but I want to post it for you in case it would help you like it did me.  I wrote down some quotes that I found on BB and I carried it with me at all times.  There would be times when I would be shaking and ready to jump out of my skin and I would read them over and over.  I don't even have the paper in my purse anymore and I had to hunt around to find it.  Here are the quotes:

 

  Anxiety and fear is from excess glutamate in the amygdala.

  The fear stage will end and I will be calm and happy again.

  This FEELS like fear, but it is not really fear.  It is from a chemical storm in my brain.

  This fear is because new nerves are growing and they are not properly wired yet.

  This happened to others, and the fear went away and they became calm again.

  Fear is a sign of progress and healing.

  Every time you are feeling anxious you are using "anxiety links" in the brain.  Every time you react positively and ignore the anxiety, you DELETE those links.

 

This really DOES go away!  Even in my tough upcoming week and with feeling nervous for these big stressors in my life, the amount of fear and anxiety that I am feeling now is NOTHING compared to how I felt earlier in this healing process.

 

HH,

 

You are a peach. I'm going to bookmark your reply in my favorites on my phone I know they will disappear, and I'm welcoming the healing with leaps and bounds

 

Thanks for posting this. Take care and sleep well,

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Reading thru the posts. 

 

GMIT- I have been having sweats for the last 3 weeks and was wondering the same thing.  It is a surface heat.  Very odd, but yes, it has come up recently.  I am in my 40's also.  I know thru out my taper and deep into the months after I had the sweating.  It seems to have come back up, but hormones are hormones.  I figure my brain is picking things to fire off.

 

Nova - I will head over to the board to read your post.  I am so sorry you had that 'losing it' sensation.  Thank you for making it.. Thank you for your attitude and being here on the boards

 

Beulah - I love your posts and hearing your progress.  Your victories are so clear. 

 

Mrs- I am so glad Coop and the others have words for you.  It helps so much doesn't it.

 

Peace and Jenny - I want to fix this for you and alleviate these symptoms.  Take it one day at a time.  Come on the boards to rally.  We all here for you.  It's all about time.  Rally on your own or use other others to rally, but slow and steady wins this race. I have so many stories, but you never know what someone wants or needs to hear. 

 

Life and HH - I had a pretty good stressor over the weekend.  First, the movie was a bad idea.  Way too intense and before we left my 7 year old insulted my mom and then thru a raging fit.  It soured the day.  Then the Planet of Apes movie started and I kept covering my eyes and ears.  Long story short my husband got quiet for 2 days as did my mom.  Neither of them wanted to talk to me about 'it' whatever it was.  I became extremely concerned for myself like waiting for the big wave to wash over me. 

 

When the dust cleared both people had personal issues they wanted to work out and didn't want to talk about it.  Sunday I felt ill because of it but not acute, just anxious but with that steroid feeling.  When I'm wavy I find it hard to look at a situation rationally.  The very people I go to for support needed a break from me.  I had no choice but to stand alone.  It was really scary but not benzo scary...just new territory scary.  Would I break?  Would a wave overtake me?  No, but it affected me.  It would affect a normal person.  My mom actually said, 'Don't call me.  I need a break from you' and she was mad.  There was a misunderstanding, but as you can imagine it was shocking to me.  My husband not wanting to talk was doubly confusing and he had a different reason all together. 

 

Recovery is hard for everyone involved.  Our providers protect us and then need a break and we are on survival mode going forward like wide eye'd deer.  So... when the dust cleared and I could talk to everyone my brain sprung back like a trampoline.  I could feel the pressure of not knowing what was going on tightening around my brain, then it was resolved and I sprang back.  Not sure if that makes sense, but the pressure was pushing me, pushing me, tightening and I was watching myself from the sidelines.  Then it was resolved and I sprang back into an almost normal baseline. 

 

My personality is also one that likes things resolved quickly, so it was a special kind of torture for me.

 

Today I started my 'can I work from and office' test.  Last night I got everything ready for the kids and myself and, of course, tried to give hubby space.  I didn't go to sleep until 2am, but still had interrupted sleep.  Got up at 7am and started to dress and wake everyone.  Went to the office and wouldn't you know my brain started working.  All those organization traits I have kicked in.  It was a really good day.  I couldn't wait to tell Peace because GMIT is right.  Getting out and not worrying about the kids or home is a different ball game.  Plus, I was at the same local as my kids so if anything happened I was right there. 

 

I'm sitting here feeling really normal.  I have a very low sensation of one of my benzo fears, but it's maybe a 2 out of 10.

 

Mrs - The fear statement HH posted for is really really good.  I had read that some time ago too.  It helps to put knowledge behind the symptoms.  I will never forget what a pastor told me.  He said, "I agree you have something organic going on, but you are responsible for the spiritual'.  In other words, yes, the drugs have caused a bio-chemical reaction in your brain, but you are responsible to call out the lie for what it is and cast it away.  I became very adept at this.  For me it helped to itemize what the fear was and somehow it was conquered by dealing with each one.  Also, as a christian there are certain truths I stand on.  For me, God always bridged me thru. Mind you, the bigger the wave the harder it is.  I would also get warn down by day 5 or 6 and ask all those 'is it me' questions. 

 

My symptoms are very low now a days , so not a lot of action.  Sunday was definitely uncomfortable, but I was very functional. 

 

Thank you everyone who prayed for me.  You are all in prayers tonight too...every night.  I believe they work. 

 

Good night,

MommyR 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... 2 AM Tuesday here ... doing pretty well ... got back into my "rhythm" ...

 

My "Tale" is about my "story" ... as many of you know I took I very long time to even recognize that I am "sick" ... and that two week window gave me the "opportunity" to forget that ... "de' Nile" ain't just a river in Egypt ...

 

For me, I bit on a "Benzo Lie" ... the lie told me I could "escape" all this ... and I "ran" with it ... and ran and ran and ran until I crashed ...

 

The "Tale" is like the Icarus story ... I thought I could fly away ... to escape "finishing" this ... the "landing" was pretty hard ...

 

One day I will fly ... just not yet ... back to my "workshop" to fashion a "healed" pair of wings ...

 

Take Care ... thank you all for your encouragement ... and the opportunity to tell my "story" ...

 

[[Mo...]]

HH its like we are having the fear of what too much stress/fear will do ?  I have been pushing it a bit too much lately and I may be paying the price. Anyway, yes it is a torn meniscus. Do I have to take pain killers? It is being done with orthroscopy.

 

Life

 

Life- I had to take Tylenol and codeine awhile back with no ill affect.  Oddly, I took a muscle relaxer recently and it did affect me.  I agree on staying ahead of the pain.  Will keep you in my prayers too.  Your plate sounds full, but you are definitely handling it.  I'm really excited about what you have accomplished.  Even in a normal situation that's a lot, right? 

 

I am finding my symptoms closer to normal and harder to gage the me or benzo meter.  Then I feel that spiking sensation and I know it's benzo.  Right now I have a rush if heat around my face and sweat had instantly shown up.  This is the oddest healing process.  It mimicks so many ailments.

 

Pushing ourselves is tricky but still something I think we must do to test the waters. 

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

Hi Folks ... 2 AM Tuesday here ... doing pretty well ... got back into my "rhythm" ...

 

My "Tale" is about my "story" ... as many of you know I took I very long time to even recognize that I am "sick" ... and that two week window gave me the "opportunity" to forget that ... "de' Nile" ain't just a river in Egypt ...

 

For me, I bit on a "Benzo Lie" ... the lie told me I could "escape" all this ... and I "ran" with it ... and ran and ran and ran until I crashed ...

 

The "Tale" is like the Icarus story ... I thought I could fly away ... to escape "finishing" this ... the "landing" was pretty hard ...

 

One day I will fly ... just not yet ... back to my "workshop" to fashion a "healed" pair of wings ...

 

Take Care ... thank you all for your encouragement ... and the opportunity to tell my "story" ...

 

 

Nova- I just read your post. It's beautiful and so very true.  Our recovery is so personal.  I understand your glorious window and then not being able to get back to safety. 

 

2am... My thoughts are with you.  For me I always held on to the promise joy would come in the morning.  I would wait and watch for it as the sun rose and then sleep would find me.  Big hugs my steady friend. 

[[No...]]

MommyR ... thank you ... had a big sleep thru the evening ... getting ready to go back for some more ... I love the "quiet hours" ...

 

Wishing you a "good" day ...

 

[[...]]

Thanks Jenny!

 

Mrs., your posts are always welcome! We are all here for one another!!

 

HH, your quotes are comforting, I'm going to print them!!

 

Hope everyone is feeling relief!!

 

[[mr...]]

Good morning to all

 

Nova -- I think I can totally relate. I had a wonderful month of July for about 3 1/2 weeks. I was able to do so much more than I have in a while, and it was such a relief to feel so much less in symptoms. I've been in denial that my body now needs rest and respite, and yesterday was an eye opener. Both from how I felt, and from reading your tale and your post on here. So today, the only thing I am going to do is go to work. When I come home, I've committed to rest -- in bed. I may throw some laundry in, but otherwise it is REST for Mrs. And the same goes for Wednesday, excepting my usual grocery shopping. And for Thursday and Friday. Mrs is giving and allowing rest.

 

I hope you all are doing well and good today -- with grand windows abounding and all. True that this wave has felt one of the toughies for me, but nonetheless I will make it through this just like all the others. My brain is manifesting healing and health in every square inch of it. Amen.

 

MommyR -- thanks so much for your post. You all have been so comforting through this. I'm grateful to be here with you all. JRod, I'm thinking of you also. I'm believing that things are lifting for you as we speak. You are so strong, and you will make it through this.

 

Take care gang,

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

MommyR- I'm so glad you had a good day at the office! This is wonderful news. I'm sorry to hear about your husband and mom turning away for a minute. That must have been very uncomfortable for you. I'm glad they had a little break and are turned back in. Our supporters do get tired too. It can be hard on everyone. Hope today is another good day for you.

 

Peace2

[[Mo...]]

Good morning Mrs, Peace and everyone,

 

Thank you for my well wishes.  I got my 3am wake up call.  It's daylight now.  I would have gotten up but my kids woke each other up to use the restroom and now they want to snuggle.  Right now my wake up has settled into fear.

 

My usual battle with it begins with prayer and scripture.  I also think about what HH wrote because like I said it is one if those knowledge based sayings that really helps.  Lots of what ifs in this fear, but you had reposted Coops fear log so that helps.  I want to call my mom but I'm giving her a break.  Actually, I want my sleep back.  I'm sure it will come eventually but still. 

 

Rest is always a good idea.  Sometimes I pretend we are all near a facility and when I wake up and see the green color next to each persons name it means they are in a meeting room hanging out.  There are those there who are healed and 100% waiting to talk to us and comfort us. 

 

Last year I was encouraged to go to a meeting called Celebrate Recovery and I was offered a sponsor.  I went during a severe adrenaline rush that had been going on for days.  I sat in the circle and listened to each persons story.  I assure you no benzo peeps in the bunch or any other person dealing with withdrawal.  They had personal problems like enabler or adulterer.. Stuff like that.  I kept waiting to hear the reason people sit in a circle and talk about the bad.  No one had anything good to say.  Then the lead person talked and only had bad.  It was futile. 

 

At the end when I was walked to the car I asked why sitting in circle talking about how bad things are, and continue to be, did it help?  I asked where the victory was.  They had no answer.  The sponsor I was offered was on SSRIs.  I declined.  I fully understand the need to talk about what you are experiencing, but when the talking is done it is in expectation of someone else saying, 'yes, I understand, I felt that too but it passed.  It was only temporary.  Look at me and trust.' 

 

Our group does an amazing job of that.  It's important to pull each other forward.  Even the tiniest of victories is worthy to celebrate.  In my mind I jump up and down and say Yes!  I actually do celebrate then I think..come get me! 

 

What we face is a very different battle because it mimicks so many other things.  We get a glimpse into some pretty harsh stuff.  I drew a line in the sand for myself and would only allow positive uplifting words in.  I didn't come on the boards unless I needed to be lifted up and that was the only thing I ever asked. Tell me it passes.. Tell me a window will come.  That's why I like the bible.  God promises to be there.  It's how I can tell myself I am not alone. 

 

I like to find victory daily no matter how big or how small.  Again this group has a great balance and I am so so so thankful when others stay to talk and comfort and give stories like Buelah and Nova.  Coop does a great job sort of overseeing and comforting like a mom.

 

Btw.. I am rambling here until this stuff burns off.  I can feel spiking thoughts in and out. 

 

Nova- the sun is up.  I'm going to open the window and invite it in.  I'm going to walk my living room floor and name every thing I am thankful for.  I really do this.  I pace the floor and begin listing the things I am thankful for.

 

You guys are on the list.  I'm thinking about everyone who goes to work facing this and walks around looking normal but escapes into the bathroom stall to say a prayer for help to make it.  So many times I have received the comfort I needed from prayer and other times I have had to wait it out.  It doesn't mean God isn't there when I don't get immediate relief, it's just the process.

 

Thanks for talking with me. I'm going to meditate and read.  You are all very special people and I'm glad we can 'red rover' this together. 

 

MommyR

 

[[pe...]]

MommyR-

You are an amazing writer. I'm so glad you're here. I am thankful for you and your words. I hope the yuck burns off quickly, leaving you with a lovely day.

Peace2

[[Mo...]]

Thank you Peace.  It seems to be but I could sure use a hug or lap to curl up in... : )

 

I hope I said things correctly. If you need help rallying this is the place.  Heck, I need help rallying today.  But I know that I can find a good and helpful word here. 

 

Yes, it's ok to lay it all out.  it's ok to say how much this sucks and to be frustrated because I know someone will come on and say, 'it's ok.  We all have dealt with that.  Here is a word for you'

 

Peace, I want to come to your house and do a silly dance or something to get you passed this hump.  I want to call all the angels of heaven down to comfort everyone.  Ok rambling again. 

 

Hugs to everyone

[[Co...]]

Mrsalw.....be careful with the propanolol...it is a short acting betablocker and clears sooner than other betablockers..many people take it to prevent b/p spikes for isolated events like public speaking or visits to the doctor if they have. 'white coat syndrome ' ( their b/p spikes when they go yo the doctor). ...I personally found that the daily atenolol I took had little effect on my overall anxiety.I am not suggesting medication to anyone,  but I have found using a small dose of benadryl for panic was more effective and I think it has less of an impact on your body. It is not a benzo and leaves the body within hours. My suggestion is ...I have come to this conclusion after trying several herbs,  vitamins,  supplements, and homeopathics as well as 1 three day medical reinstatement of .5 ativan. ....If you can tough it through with no meds/supplements it gives your brain a better shot at healing and eliminates the guess work of trying to sort out if s/x are w/d or side effects of supplements or other meds. I found that nothing I tried really helped and some things made it worse. Eventually you have to come off whatever adjunct medication you are using. Life writes about coming off a second med. I chose a direct taper as I didn't want to come off valium after tapering ativan. I was on 1 mg ativan at the time of my taper ( I had ct the first mg before I found Ashton and BBs and didn't know better). In comparing my w/d with those in this group I don't think my w/d was easier or more difficult than anyone else 's. It is what it is ....misery....until its not ...not matter what you do. .....My go to coping tools were lavender epsome salts hot bath total body soaks,  hours and hours and hours on BBs,  crying crying crying....distraction distraction distraction...time time time....hot packs to my neck and across my eyes, getting outside,  and a pair of ridiculous accupressure wrist bands.....I think ( after slogging through...hitting a brick wall at month 6 having a total 3 day temper trantrum melt down and catching my breath again, reframing my expectations and being active in this group)  ...there is simply no way out but through. .....hard as that is. ......This is not easy Mrs,  but you can do it and we will help you every step of the way. Believe me I know the desperation and praying for something...anything to help the s/x ...I found nothing.  The Benzo Beast is a revengeful merciless Beast...Time is the triumphant opponent.

......I so identify with your list of scary s/x and thoughts. Heath fears were my worst s/x and every single physical sensation triggered anxiety and panic. I just stepped into month 9 and still have random and cycling health fears and thoughts...going to the doctor spikes my b/p and anxiety. ....BUT it is so much better than taper through month 7. I can handle the fears and thoughts much better now. Nothing I did made it easier. Time...I completely believe it is only time that heals. The coping tools we develop simply help us endure the s/x as we heal. ( Imo). I finally concluded that I had absolutely no influence on the process except to survive it and get out of the way of healing. This was extremely difficult for me as I am a decidedly proactive person...very used to problem solving and taking action to get my life going in the directions I wanted it to go....W/D foes not work like that.

....The one thing that eventually helped manage my health fears was after time passed ( and two trips to er)  I was able to remind myself that I had experienced every single s/x at least a hundred times and all my tests were normal and I was still alive. This was nearly impossible as Benzo Beast was screaming every minute, " but this time there really is something terribly terribly wrong "........please believe me when I say it is now manageable...less frequent and not the screaming of a nine alarm fire brigade. ...It still surfaces and is uncomfortable when it does but much much better

.....Hold on Mrs and go one day at a time...one hour at a time if you have to ...it gets better one day at a time...

....So sorry you are in the thick of it...it gets better. You are NOT the " one BB who will never get better "....we ALL get better and you will too. .....love to you Mrs. .....coop

[[Mo...]]

Coop- thank you for that post.  No way out but thru.  Even with the lighter symptoms it's so unpleasant.  The beast is scary be it sitting next to you, looking in your window or down the street.