6-12 month thread....

[[je...]]

Green-- I've missed you!! Glad you came back, I've been having a tough time myself-- I could not have gotten through without the support from everyone here. Hang in there! Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Greenice.....hello friend...so nice to see you...<3....I sm so sorry to hear that you have been in a month long stall. Stalling out is so disheartening....Is your baseline the same?  better?...worse?...

.....I know that numb detached feeling too...it is depressing. As much as we don't want to cry, I think it helps me when I cave in to it. ...Green,  you have had a long tough go of it...you are so close to a year. I am so glad you stopped in ..I follow you for encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other for myself.....Green,  I am wishing you relief from the numb land of detachment....so happy to see you....coop

 

Coop,

 

I am so grateful for your welcome, and your understanding.  I was skimming through the posts on the thread and panicking because I've been away and it's hard to re-connect, and then I came to yours.

The baseline is -- I don't know, I can't say.  I started sleeping about ten days ago.  Falling asleep by 2 and mostly good till morning.  I had a long, long battle with insomnia before that, and it broke me.  So things are better.  I guess I just need to start doing things again, baby steps, a little exercise, going out again.  I was so messed up with sleep and cortisol that I stopped anything that might rev me up.  I know, I'm close to nine months now

 

Congrats on nine months.  I'm so happy to hear you're making it to mass today, and feeling better in general. 

 

It's not all bad.  There are some good improvements.  I'm just too stuck in the DP/DR thing to see it.

 

Hoping you have a wonderful day.  Thanks for the welcome back!

 

[[be...]]

Hi all.

Welcome mrsalw.

A lot of negative thinking this morning. The benzodiazepine beast is working overtime  with the "what if's".  I was on here reading some scary stories last night ( protracted posts) got myself all worked up.

I usually try to just read the success stories, but you know how that goes.

I think we need all of the stories on here though, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Withdrawal should not be sugar coated, this is hardcore suffering.

What is everyone doing today?

Hugs

[[...]]

Thx Coop!  I too think the heavy stuff is mostly the rem. as of now I will keep going and hope I can get to where it eases soon.

 

Mrsalw, thx for the info. If your thinking of starting remeron I would not go there. I too was on a low dose of 3.75mg for sleep for one month then came down to half of that 1.87 in feb. Then I jumped of on less than 1mg. It is a nasty drug! Some have not had issues and others have suffered long horrific WD's lasting between 2-4 months but more experience 3-4 plus months. I wish they had never put me on it. If I would have just toughed it out I would have slept eventually and if I felt anxiety or depression or 40 other sxs I would know it's solely the benzo WD. Even though it's still terribleness,I would feel secure where it comes from and what it is. I also would think twice on increasing your current meds if you can continue to plow through. If your current med is not bothering you, I agree its a good idea to stay put and deal with that in the near future. You don't want to end up in my predicament. Also the rem only worked for me a very short time then it turned on me so out of 5 months on it I got 3 weeks of positive. I found out I'm a slow metabolizer so the drug,most drugs build up so who knows where I jumped off from.

 

Good luck!

 

[[Gr...]]

Green-- I've missed you!! Glad you came back, I've been having a tough time myself-- I could not have gotten through without the support from everyone here. Hang in there! Jenny

 

Jenny,

 

thank you so much for the welcome!  I am having a tough time and desperately need the support of my friends here, but I couldn't find my way back for so long.  And NO ONE in the world, even our best meaning friends, gets this.  No one can FATHOM what this feels like.  And it just goes on so long. 

 

I'm sorry you're struggling.  It's really unbelievable how long this goes on, isn't it.  I'm sorry you're not healed and gone, but I'm so grateful to hear from you.

 

Thank you

Susan

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... having a very rough ride today ... I think the Beast is upset with my "surrender" post yesterday ... intense head pressure ... and lots of chemical rushes ... and my guts are really out of sorts ... the full deal today ... this is just real hard, again ... and the health fears coming and going ... all I can do is hang on until this one runs out of steam ... don't even have the energy to be upset ...

 

[[je...]]

Nova, hang in there you know the beast is talking you down. You have been so strong and positive for all of us-- thinking of you 

[[dr...]]

Slaw-I have the same  beta blocker scrip as you. It really helped when I was in acute to slow my hr down. I take one only when I am getting to the breaking point. I've taken it four times in two months. If you take it regularly you can get rebound symptoms if you don't taper properly.  I would try and save it for a "last resort" situation. My thoughts

 

Nova-Sorry to hear the beast got you today.

 

Hope everyone else gets some relief and continues the slog.

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... not so strong today ... and the "doubt" ... yuk ... and I hope, hope, hope this is just another course of healing ...

[[...]]

Hi all!

 

Welcome Mrs.! Your post sounds very "normal"!

 

Nova, my thoughts are with you! I hope you feel improvement quickly!! 

 

Green, I'm sorry you've had a rough time! Hang in there!! It will get better!!

 

Hi everyone! I hope all are well today!!

 

[[...]]

Mrsalw;

 

Here's a wise and interesting note recently sent to me, I will read it time and time again. This may also help others that are struggling as well:

 

 

 

Yes Jrod you WILL get better but please don't keep looking for the healing in another drug. It honestly does not matter whether what you are experiencing right now is b/c of the benzo or the remeron but adding another drug is not going to make it any easier on your body and brain.

 

I talked to you about a prescription cascade right? and showed you what happened to me for 15 years which ALL began from taking an otc drug for sleep?

 

The doubt you are experiencing is caused by the drugs and on top of that it's really hard for us to believe that a prescribed drug can do this to us but the truth is that it can but we heal. it can take a LOT of time.

 

I am in month 30. I have not had a day free of symptoms yet. Yes there has been a lot of healing in months 28 and 29 but i am not all healed yet. i have blocks of time during the day where i feel decent to good and then i have moments or hours where it's yucky to quite bad. I am just bouncing back from a 3 day wave where the symptoms came back stronger than they have been in months. this IS how it works when healing from these drugs and we just have to accept it.

 

You do know that many other drugs, not just benzos can have a w/d syndrome just like benzos right? this is well documented in the book best pills worst pills and i know this from someone who has helped people for 15 years taper off all kinds of drugs.

 

i cannot tell you what to do but yes it does scare me that you are entertaining taking another drug to help cope with the side effects from two other drugs. Please stay strong........this is doable and we will heal but if we keep screwing with our brain chemistry but adding more drugs the healing won't happen........my opinion.

 

PS i only have physical symptoms left.........NO psychological ones. I am the proof that after 15 years of being polydrugged and taking NO drugs or supplements at all for 29 months that we are able to get our mind back and our personality back. Psychologically i am better than i have been my entire life........that's a miracle and there is nothing unique about my genetics.....meaning there is no reason why you won't experience the same thing given the amount of time that is right for you.

[[mr...]]

Drew & JRod,

 

Thank you so much for your feedback. It helps so much. Drew, especially regarding the beta blocker. With the fear/anxiety, it helps a lot to control the physical response to it all. I'm just tired from it all. I came from a challenging weekend last weekend, it being my period week and my husband traveled out of town. So this past week was intense with waves, esp my body's response to anxiety & fear is a little more heightened than prior to last weekend. I used the beta blocker twice on Friday of last weekend (9 days ago), then again on Sunday that weekend, and have held off as best I could all week but used it again on Friday afternoon and yesterday early evening. I am hoping things will settle down very soon, but you know how it is...you think it won't, or are concerned that it will get worse, etc. I work and participate in life still to some degree, so with the anxiety/panic/irrational fears that can arise unexpectedly while doing these things makes it very tough to push through and participate. The mental aspect I don't mind, but my body's response (heartrate, nausea, dizziness, diarrhea, tremors etc) is tough. I want to provide my body the rest it needs to recover, and so that's why I was considering the beta blocker more regularly. I wasn't sure if my PRN usage raising was the better option, or if it would be better for the body to just be on it consistently. I pray that this just lets up very soon and it won't be an issue anymore.

 

Thanks again so much for your feedback. Its so helpful. Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... having a very rough ride today ... I think the Beast is upset with my "surrender" post yesterday ... intense head pressure ... and lots of chemical rushes ... and my guts are really out of sorts ... the full deal today ... this is just real hard, again ... and the health fears coming and going ... all I can do is hang on until this one runs out of steam ... don't even have the energy to be upset ...

 

 

Hi Nova

 

Nice to see you again.  Your jump date is maybe three weeks ahead of mine, and I'm having a hell of a bad time.  The chemical rushes have been hell.  I thought I was done with that.  This is so hard.

 

How is your sleep? 

 

Sue

[[Gr...]]

Hi all!

 

Welcome Mrs.! Your post sounds very "normal"!

 

Nova, my thoughts are with you! I hope you feel improvement quickly!! 

 

Green, I'm sorry you've had a rough time! Hang in there!! It will get better!!

 

Hi everyone! I hope all are well today!!

 

Hi GMIT

 

Don't think we've met.  Thank you so much for the support.

 

I love your sigt. line -- I can choose. I needed to hear some positive, hopeful stuff today.  Thank you for that.

 

Hope all is well for you

 

susan

 

[[No...]]

Thanks Sue ... this is just one ugly ride today ... all chemical ... feels like I am being taken apart brick by brick ... sleep is a four letter word ... was good for a while now back in the crapper ...

[[Gr...]]

Hi All

 

I'm just back aft more than a month.  Hard to catch up.  I see lots of people talking about meds, beta blockers and Remeron, I think I saw.

 

I was and am way too sensitive to take anything.  What did help, that's not prescription, and pretty easy on the body, is a product called Sleep Tonight!  The active ingredient is ashwagandha, which reduces cortisol levels. I started taking it an hour before bed when I had severe insomnia,  and it does help.  I can actually feel the cortisol revs abate.  It's just not something that should be taken at random.  The idea is to correct the circadian rhythm.  Hope this is of some help to someone. 

[[Gr...]]

Thanks Sue ... this is just one ugly ride today ... all chemical ... feels like I am being taken apart brick by brick ... sleep is a four letter word ... was good for a while now back in the crapper ...

 

That's the operative phrase,  you were good for a while.  That means you will be again, we both will, that's what we have to remember to make the best of these crapper days.

 

I'm sorry you're not having a good day, but it helps me to have company in the crapper.

 

Be as well as you can be today.

[[No...]]

Thanks Sue ... the head pressure is scary ... we will get thru this ...

[[pe...]]

Today is shaping up to be ok for me. Sleep is essential and last night I slept. I've got dr but it's not too intense today. I road bikes with my family to a figure skating competition. My best friends daughter was in her first competition. She is 11, magical on the ice, tall, black hair, yellow figure skating costume and the most lyrical arm and hand movements I've ever seen. And.... she won first place in her category! It was awesome, my boys are stunned. She was so humble in her win, a beautiful spirit.

 

I'm glad all of you popped out of the woods today, to check in to get and give support. I'm sorry for our collective suffering and so blessed by our shared successes. Mostly I'm so glad to feel supported through all of it by people in my tribe. Love you all.

 

Greenice- I'm SO glad you're back. 

Peace2

[[...]]

Peace, so glad there is some improvement! I pray it continues for you!

 

[[je...]]

Nova-- the head pressure is the worst!! Mine seems to be popping up for me again, can't wait for that sx  to leave!

Glad your having a nice day Peace!

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... whatever was happening with my head seems to have peaked ... settled down to just surges now ... probably just part of my panic process ... I could not remember having one that intense before ... got the "health anxiety" triggered big time ... this too shall pass ... I thank my lucky stars I do not get headaches ...

 

Take Care ...

[[mr...]]

Hi gang,

 

Just curious, when speaking if the symptom of "jitters", does this refer to shaking or tremors? I've experienced this recently as a new symptom alongside the fear/terror. I've also experienced for the first time recently that feeling if wanting to be moving instead of sitting still. Bleh. I have to really watch my tendency towards wanting to withdraw in fear of things, or do things to "protect" myself, when feeling the fear. I'm just so, sooo ready for this phase to pass away entirely. I believe that this has to be my last challenging wave, and that from here on out will be more consistency in feeling good. I miss my appetite, my inner calm, etc. The things we take for granted when they're here all the time, eh? Sheesh.

 

Tougher morning/early afternoon today thus far. Riding it out and believing for a nice window tonight. Hope you all are feeling better too. Thanks again for having me here.

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Mrs., for me it is my muscles shaking/tremoring inside..also experienced before, and recently the "wanting to be doing something."

 

Nova, do you think that maybe it's not that it is worse, but that as you have gotten better this is just really bad in comparison?

 

[[He...]]

Hi gang,

 

Just curious, when speaking if the symptom of "jitters", does this refer to shaking or tremors? I've experienced this recently as a new symptom alongside the fear/terror. I've also experienced for the first time recently that feeling if wanting to be moving instead of sitting still. Bleh. I have to really watch my tendency towards wanting to withdraw in fear of things, or do things to "protect" myself, when feeling the fear. I'm just so, sooo ready for this phase to pass away entirely. I believe that this has to be my last challenging wave, and that from here on out will be more consistency in feeling good. I miss my appetite, my inner calm, etc. The things we take for granted when they're here all the time, eh? Sheesh.

 

Tougher morning/early afternoon today thus far. Riding it out and believing for a nice window tonight. Hope you all are feeling better too. Thanks again for having me here.

 

Mrs.

 

Hi mrsalw!  For me, the jitters would show up as this weird internal vibration that I could feel but no one else could see, or actual shaking.  I remember well the feeling of needing to be moving, coupled with the fear.  SO horrible!!  The good news is that it does go away.  I feel inner calm most of the time now.  I even took a nap this afternoon!  Even two months ago I wasn't able to take a nap because I didn't have enough inner calm to allow for it. 

I hope you start getting the inner calm soon.  Each day it is closer!