6-12 month thread....

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Healing, congrats on your 13 months!! Great job!!

 

:smitten:

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Hi All;

 

Still struggling here. Yesterday woke up just flat with extreme fatigue and dizziness. My sx are mostly either anxiety ,depression, fear to mention a few. The problem is they are so severe. I think it's mostly the remeron i came off of 63days ago.

 

These symptoms are so horrific, it min by min for me. It's mostly must acute every other day. The off day is just bad. I believe the Remeron really messed me up and clouded whats what.

 

I have the option of starting up on doxepin but doctor wants me to hold on. I'm just so spent and concerned about how I can continue without going on some other drug. And even if I do how that may affect me.

 

This is so intense I don't know what to do next. I also think all this constant mess is more the rem than benzo. I probably sound like a broken record!

 

Thk u , jrod

[[pe...]]

Jrod- I'm sorry you're in this swirling mess. Things are going to settle out. That's the nature if this stuff. I agree with your doctor. I've got two telling me the same thing, try to stay off new meds. But youre the only one who knows if you've reached your max. You might just need to keep checking in with your doctor so he can reassure you through this patch. It might be the Remeron, it might also be a lot of benzo symptoms. Whatever it is, it's going to get better!

 

 

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Jrod, hope things improve soon!

 

Peace, how are you? Any improvement? I sure hope so!

 

Jenny, how are you? Are you doing better?

 

:smitten:

[[pe...]]

Life- for me dr is like being detached from everything. It's like being in a dream to some degree. I know everything is real, I just can't connect to it. This is such a foreign feeling to me as I'm usually really plugged in and intuitive. But I feel like I've been unplugged. I'm glad you made it through your socializing marathon! That sounds like a lot. We do so much acting to get through all this. It's amazing. I hope your CNS calms quickly after that stress. I'm glad you were with people you enjoy. I agree that it's good to keep trying to connect. Fake it til you make it, or something like that

 

Jenny- I think the dr while being a mom is very difficult. It truly is what stresses me out about this symptom. Well, that and the thought of going back to teaching in that state. So much about teaching is being 'on'. It will certainly be interesting. Maybe bring in the classroom will encourage that part of my brain to wake up.

 

I hope we all have dr light days!

Peace2

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Thx peace/gmit

 

I reached my 1st max 7weeks ago. I'm on my 3rd. 

 

The anxiety is horrible but the depression doom gloom dread along with the desperation & hopelessness is the Pitts!

I'm going to the gym to see if I can nip some of this. I will continue to hold on here as long as I can.

 

Has your situation Improved any ? I hope it has !

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Jrod, so sorry you are going through this! I hope it passes soon!!

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks for sharing your positive observations and joys.

Drew is running and feeling good.

Coop is not bothered by those pesky storms.

HH is covered in toddler kisses, enjoying her daughters and coffee! She's even laughing at movies despite being surrounded by smoky fires (take care!).

GMIT did a little fishing.

 

I hope today brings more goodness to each of you.

 

I slept well last night and I feel ok this morning. My boys are playing quietly by themselves, that's a gift and a great way to start my day.

 

Peace2

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Peace, I love your "positives"!!

 

Stupendous!!

 

[[pe...]]

Jrod- I think we all reach out max again and again and again in this process. I think you raise an excellent point. It helps me to keep going, to know I've been close to breaking in a wave but didn't. My situation has improved. I was just talking to my oldest son about the differences between this summer and last summer. I'm biking, my boys are signed up for sports and I've been to every practice and game. I couldn't do those things last summer.

 

The gym is an excellent idea. Exercise brings me huge peace of mind and great sleep. I hope you see relief very soon! I hope we all do.

 

Peace2

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Thank you Peace and thanking all for your support, jrod

[[li...]]

jrod, when I was 3 months out I was on a SSRI and I wanted off because I thought it was making my anxiety worst. I basically went off of it very quickly. It through me into a tailspin that lasted 1 1/2 months. It was the most awful, terrible, intrusive thoughts, anxiety event of my entire w/d. I thought I was going to loose. The good news is that SSRI and other meds have w/d but they do not last as long as benzos. Benzos are the only drug that has these long term affects. You should be over this w/d of rem. in no time soon.

 

Life

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Thx Life4me!

In a nut shell you described my current condition. I'm sorry you went through this mess! 

The ugly stuff started 11 days after coming off. Some have made it out of remeron between 2-4 months is the average. But as you know when your in the thick of it you think it will never pass.

And this cycle of extreme sx one day then the next just bad scared and flat,I can't put into window category.

 

Did you experience anything similar ?

 

Take care and Thk u

[[je...]]

Jrod, sorry you are still struggling so much. If they say it can last 2-4 months and you have 2 being your belt then maybe relief is right around the corner. Hang in there, jenny

[[Co...]]

Peace...thank you for starting a positive thread in our group. I think the practice of comparing our progress from jump to current month is so encouraging.. ...This morning I got up with moderate cortisol surge..mild anxiety/dread...NO HEADACHE/PRESSURE... I have been up for an hour and s/x are beginning to burn off...getting ready to go to Mass for first time in a year..slightly nervous but looking forward to it...having brunch after with my book club ....Yes,  I have moderate nervousness about 're- entry '...but it is nervousness as opossed to grit my teeth anxiety,  for me there is a world of difference between nervousness and anxiety...Last August I was in bed most of the time and went nowhere...getting the dog out was an accomplishment...I was on BBs constantly clinging to distraction and support. My thoughts scared me and talking set off anxiety........so much better.....This day begins month 9 for me..that is my big positive for today...I didn't think I would survive...but here I am...no window today ( yet), but holding a decent 70-75% baseline....

.....Jrod....You have done the hard part of getting off the benzo...w/d from your remeron should turn around faster. Good on you for holding on. I was medically reinstated on ativan for 3 days in month 6... it set me back a month but it went faster than my initial acute phase after jumping( months 1.5 -4) ....You have come so far with a tough ct and detox ...you are in the right direction with distraction and activity if you can handle activity. Stick with it Jrod...you are doing a great job and you are are going to get through with the rest of us...we are with you every step of the way...you are not alone in this.  " The pain of yesterday is gone ".....coop

 

 

[[mr...]]

Hi all,

 

I hope you don't mind, but I've been reading your thread for a while and really love this group of folks I am not yet technically off my benzo, but have been in extremely low doses since the beginning of the year. In Feb/March timeframe through now, my symptoms and new patterns of windows/waves follow more along the lines of those who are post-withdrawal than they do with tapering. This means that my symptoms don't follow my taper anymore, and haven't for a long while now. I continue slow and will follow the same pattern until I'm completely off just to be very consistent for my body and gentle as possible Anyways, I hope its OK that I'm posting a comment here

 

I wanted to ask if anyone is using adjunct medication(s) to help with withdrawal? Anything that's been helpful? I've used 5-10mg propranolol PRN for anxiety and they physical sensations associated with it, which has been very helpful. I have considered requesting a regular daiky dose. I've been looking into remeron as well a bit also. I am open to feedback on either of these options of course. I would like relief and symptom assistance with fear/anxiety/panic, and the physical sensations that go along with these thibgs (heartrate, nausea, etc).

 

JRod,

 

I do not have experience with doxipin(sp?) but from what I've read online, it is a tryciclic antidepressant. I am currently taking a tryciclic antidepressant called nortriptyline, at a low dose (10mg/day), so I thought I'd share my experiences with you. I started it a couple years ago, when I was in tolerance to my benzo and didn't know it. It was prescribed to alleviate nausea and GI symptoms I was experiencing at that time. It did help initially, as well as offer a little sedation. I am unsure of its role in my recovery currently, but do not desire to taper it while still experiencing withdrawal from benzodiazepines. Regarding adjunct medications that I discussed above, one of the things I am considering is also raising my nortriptyline dose a bit to see if it offers relief. I think I'd just prefer a low dose beta blocker though to help control my body's reaction to withdrawal, and I'll just grow through and handle the mental aspects of it while it lasts for a short and temporary time here.

 

Anyways, I hope that helps a bit I am interested to hear your perspective on low dose Remeron as well, if you are able to offer it

 

Thanks, all, for allowing me to post this I hope you all are feeling much better at a rapid rate Take care, and thanks again

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

One more note! -- I posted where I'm currently at to another buddy on another thread, and I wanted to ask you all and see if this sounded like normal! (Well, normal for withdrawal lol) I am open to hearing your comments of course Thanks so much for bearing with me, lol!

 

 

"I am hanging on and hanging in there! I am still trying to adjust and be comfortable with the ebb/flow, up/down of this next phase of healing for me. These past few months , along with my highest "highs", I've also experienced some of my lowest "lows". Does this sound familiar, i.e. did you experience this also? It has been very challenging, and I just want it to stay at healed! But don't we all, lol? I'm working on taking some "risks" (or what my mind perceives as risks, lol -- they are not actually) and moving ahead and doing things anyways, despite fear, and while it is not easy some days, I am doing it! And, as a little icing on the cake, I've had some AMAZING windows happen and have done some things with JOY and PEACE too I cannot forget to mention that, as it DOES happen also -- its not all ick, all the time (thank you Lord!)"

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You guys are amazing , glad I was directed to the group!

Coop/jenny as we all know it's hard to know when this rem wd will settle.

Although between month 3-4 is where most say they started to improve, with this pool of sorrows I've been swimming in for so long a month seems like a year. I also have these terrible thoughts of it being protracted. All this neg thinking is pretty much normal for lots of us but it would help if I get a 24 he window!

 

I spoke w/pdoc this morn , glad he's just a phone call away, he just says I'm fine physically that it's just wd.

 

It's so tuff to keep going on a min by min basis.

 

Thks again!

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone.  I've been gone almost a month.  I'm having a tough time.  I felt people were getting better around me and just kind of slipped away.  I've spent a lot of time in that weird apathy-mind numb thing that seems like depression.  Although there are moments when I just burst into tears, in despair, and then slip back into the numbness.

 

I know this isn't real, even though it's terrifying and feels like forever.  I wish I could have been here this past month, getting and giving the support that got me through till now. But I just couldn't.  I need to catch up and see how you're all doing.

[[Co...]]

Jrod..looking at your signature I see you jumped your librium in Dec. I jumped ativan in Dec also. Given the months you have been off librium and the general ups and downs of our buddies who are 8-12 months off..Imo it makes sense to think that some of your intense s/x now are w/d from your second med ( remeron?)...that should be a speedier w/d. ..It is hard to get through " minute to minute ".....it will end ...even though in the midst of it you can not imagine that life will ever be anything but scary. ..fl what ever works to get you from one hour to the next...the hours turn into days....I used to fey from one mindless sitcom to the next (I couldn't follow a whole movie)...I could get through 4 hours at a time that way. I also had a friend who walked with me every day..that helped a lot because I went almost every day even when I thought I couldn't....Jrod....this could be letting up for you pretty soon....keep it going ...every day you are closer.....coop

[[Mo...]]

Coop- please throw my name in there at Mass

 

I'm not going to talk too much because I'm not feeling great.  I'm not acute just warn down. 

 

Please do report your positives.  It lifts our spirits.  If you are in a window I would love to read a contrast too. 

 

Welcome Mrsalw. 

[[Mo...]]

Hi everyone.  I've been gone almost a month.  I'm having a tough time.  I felt people were getting better around me and just kind of slipped away.  I've spent a lot of time in that weird apathy-mind numb thing that seems like depression.  Although there are moments when I just burst into tears, in despair, and then slip back into the numbness.

 

I know this isn't real, even though it's terrifying and feels like forever.  I wish I could have been here this past month, getting and giving the support that got me through till now. But I just couldn't.  I need to catch up and see how you're all doing.

 

It's ok Greenice.. We understand.  Even with all my improvements I can feel this way too.  It's all a lie.

[[Gr...]]

I know I am always "safe" ... I know this will be over someday ... there is joy in that for me ... and the "connection" that flows back and forth daily between us ... that is another joy ... within all this crazy confusion and unknowns I have a pocketful of joys ...

 

 

I love this Nova, everything you wrote put a smile on my face. You are a smile maker and a spreader of peace. I'm so glad for your words, blessed by them everyday.

 

MommyR- I'm glad you found part of your truth, that you're a beach girl. I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain and suffering to find it. But now you can hold it and know it forever.

 

My dr is off the charts. I'm kind of a mess despite my attempts to be otherwise. I was out and about today and just could not get grounded. It's with me almost constantly, maybe an hour break from it during the day, maybe. It's so hard to function when you're not really there. Can anyone help me with this symptom? What to do? How long will it last? The depression lifted and now I'm in the dr dungeon. One positive for the day was finding a beautiful piece of stained glass at the art fair, it's blues and greens, cool and calming. I read a loooong book to my oldest son which he really enjoyed. Tonight I'm eating gluten free pizza, which means cheese for me, a rare treat since I try to be dairy free.

 

I miss you all. Isn't that silly?

Peace2

 

Peace, I'm exactly where you are.  In this crazy dark dungeon.  The sun shines unexpectedly a few times a day, then back to the darkness.  It' exhausting.  I hope it goes away soon.  Hope you feel better.

[[Co...]]

Greenice.....hello friend...so nice to see you...<3....I sm so sorry to hear that you have been in a month long stall. Stalling out is so disheartening....Is your baseline the same?  better?...worse?...

.....I know that numb detached feeling too...it is depressing. As much as we don't want to cry, I think it helps me when I cave in to it. ...Green,  you have had a long tough go of it...you are so close to a year. I am so glad you stopped in ..I follow you for encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other for myself.....Green,  I am wishing you relief from the numb land of detachment....so happy to see you....coop

[[Co...]]

MommyR...I will light a candle of healing for you...Sorry you are having a not good day today....I wont batter your mind with a bunch of chatter...just know that you are in my thoughts today and I am sending wishes to you for sunbreaks today..love to you....coop