6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

So, I will go again.  :laugh:I am here contemplating whether I should reinstate gabapentin due to external stresses. I am not feeling good today. It is head-spinning anxiety and not depression today. One thing is positive -- depression is a constant thing -- so I guess I do not have clinical depression. I will hold off on the gaba but I just don't see this wave retreating. Its been a long one. I hope everyone is feeling better .

 

Life

[[ja...]]

Jason.....One million thanks to you!....Your post was EXACTLY what I needed to hear...at exactly the right time. Yesterday at month 9.5 I was considering reinstating at a low dose and tapering again.  I did not because I got a momentary sunbreak ands I couldn't throw away 6 months of taper and 9.5 months of p/w. I cycled in and out of acute s/x and sunbreaks throughout the day with one 'out of body ' dissociative dizzy panic while awaiting a PT appointment...but I slept better than I have in months with ling dreaming last night. This morning looks good. At month 9.5 head pressure has been my most disturbing s/x that causes me huge anxiety.

......I was totally taken off gaurd by a 10 day wave in month 9 after 6 weeks of brief ( not more than 24 hours) waves, windows that would last half days and a consisteant baseline of 70-75% and was beginning to get my life back cautiously. The 9.5 month wave that felt exactly like taper and acute Co.pletely undid me. ...

...My question to you is: . .Did you have stunning waves late in year one? ...When were you free of your most troubling s/x.

....Your post made me so glad that I did not reinstate... ...thank you .....and thank you for taking the time to come on with your post after you feel 100%....there are several of us in the group between month 9-12 feeling discouraged and worn out after months of taper and p/w...your post is a cup of cold water on a long hot parched walk....thanks for the boost...

........happy happy living to you.....coop

Awe Coop

 

I am so glad you didnt reinstate. I know this hard and ots even harder hen time goes bye and a huge wave hits. We become so weak in our spirit. I had a horrific wave late in. 10 months was a huge wave for me after many sxs started to ease that hit and news sxs came. But it eased and huge healing happened. I was free come month 12 of my worst sxs and then the ones I had left were not terrible and easier for me to cope with.

 

You sound like such a fighter !!!

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Jenny, thanks.

 

I have not had any real windows at almost 10 months out. I measure them by lack of suffering. When I did have a window of sorts it lasted an  hour or two.

Everybody has windows so I worry this might mean it will last longer for me, it might take longer to heal.

 

Do you know of anybody with a similar experience  ?

 

HAve you got your memory back ?

Hi Sky

 

That was me .I didnt have windows maybe 3 that were like the sxs lessened. But Never without sxs. I healed after a horrifing wave at month 10 .It lasted me until month 12 13 then Huge healing showed up. I pray you see that healing thats been happening for you so soon.

 

My memory was so bad and so scary I also had so many motor functions that were terrible. I couldnt put one foot infront of the other and couldnt speak well. Lost my ability to articulate my words that was upsetting. But all of them are perfect again and my memory is great !

 

Jenny, thank you so much for taking the time to come here and give us all hope.  I try to be positive and supportive of others and accept all of my s/x, but I'm scared to death and so tired.  I want to cry when I can't feel love for my children.  I also many days have great difficult articulating, putting words together.  It takes me so long I never finish my sentences, people just start talking over and around me.  It happens a lot, so I know it's me.  Thank you so much for coming back and giving hope.  It means a lot

GreenIce...

 

You sound so much like myself. I C/Ted off of 20 to 40 mils of Valuim. I had all those sxs and there were times I couldnt get even one word out. So scary. Your going to get better and this will all be behind you. The feelings of lost love for my kids broke my heart. I couldnt understand how this was even possible. I didnt really have anyone to reassure me because I didnt find BB until I was into my 7th month. I begged every min of every day for some guidence to help me cope with these creepy painful sxs. But the best part is you will heal.You will feel so much love flow back in for your kids and all your loved ones again. This is noway permanent. It eases and it does go away. try and rest when you can and just know in your heart you can do this.. You will do this.

 

~Jenny

[[mr...]]

So, I will go again.  :laugh:I am here contemplating whether I should reinstate gabapentin due to external stresses. I am not feeling good today. It is head-spinning anxiety and not depression today. One thing is positive -- depression is a constant thing -- so I guess I do not have clinical depression. I will hold off on the gaba but I just don't see this wave retreating. Its been a long one. I hope everyone is feeling better .

 

Life

 

Hang tight for a little while longer here maybe you could give it until the end of August, and then decide? That way, you have a like a 'time limit' set on your wave -- "if its not done by mm/dd/yyyy, then I will consider the following options". Of course, its up to you But I'm betting its going to blow over very soon here

 

Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.

[[ga...]]

The anxiety sucks but rest assure that is not going to be a constant.  You will see that wane in due time. Patience is of the essence.  Not easy.  I'm with you on the depression side of it.  As long it is not 24/7 you do not have clinical depression.  The use of ssri's is not for the kind of depression we experience from time to time.  I have been under it all day today feeling very down. I keep telling myself this is situational and yes it is very difficult to deal with.  It will eventually go away.

[[li...]]

Jason.....One million thanks to you!....Your post was EXACTLY what I needed to hear...at exactly the right time. Yesterday at month 9.5 I was considering reinstating at a low dose and tapering again.  I did not because I got a momentary sunbreak ands I couldn't throw away 6 months of taper and 9.5 months of p/w. I cycled in and out of acute s/x and sunbreaks throughout the day with one 'out of body ' dissociative dizzy panic while awaiting a PT appointment...but I slept better than I have in months with ling dreaming last night. This morning looks good. At month 9.5 head pressure has been my most disturbing s/x that causes me huge anxiety.

......I was totally taken off gaurd by a 10 day wave in month 9 after 6 weeks of brief ( not more than 24 hours) waves, windows that would last half days and a consisteant baseline of 70-75% and was beginning to get my life back cautiously. The 9.5 month wave that felt exactly like taper and acute Co.pletely undid me. ...

...My question to you is: . .Did you have stunning waves late in year one? ...When were you free of your most troubling s/x.

....Your post made me so glad that I did not reinstate... ...thank you .....and thank you for taking the time to come on with your post after you feel 100%....there are several of us in the group between month 9-12 feeling discouraged and worn out after months of taper and p/w...your post is a cup of cold water on a long hot parched walk....thanks for the boost...

........happy happy living to you.....coop

Awe Coop

 

I am so glad you didnt reinstate. I know this hard and ots even harder hen time goes bye and a huge wave hits. We become so weak in our spirit. I had a horrific wave late in. 10 months was a huge wave for me after many sxs started to ease that hit and news sxs came. But it eased and huge healing happened. I was free come month 12 of my worst sxs and then the ones I had left were not terrible and easier for me to cope with.

 

You sound like such a fighter !!!

 

~Jenny

 

I can tell you how much encouragement this post has given me. I am so disillusioned that it is 11 month sand still having waves. My wave hit late in the 10th month.

 

Life

[[li...]]

barton, sorry that you are feeling tough today. It will pass and we know it intellectually -- we just need to feel it in our emotions.

 

Mrs, how are you doing? Are you feeling better than yesterday? Thank you for your comments.

 

 

Life

[[mr...]]

barton, sorry that you are feeling tough today. It will pass and we know it intellectually -- we just need to feel it in our emotions.

 

Mrs, how are you doing? Are you feeling better than yesterday? Thank you for your comments.

 

 

Life

 

Wavy But looking forwards to the ending of this wave and the beginning of the best baseline I've yet to experience in this process! It is coming for sure. It must come. It has no choice, for healing is chasing me down and overtaking me as we speak I am so grateful I am healed by His stripes, and that it is manifesting as we speak

 

How are you, life? I hope feeling better this evening

 

Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.

[[ja...]]

I promised earlier I would find a older thread of mine I wrote that may help anyone here . I hope it helps you understand where I was and how I got through this devastating experience.

 

Stay so strong everyone and pls know You are not Alone 

 

~Jenny

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=46317.0

[[Mo...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Feeling a bit better as I got out of the house.  My stomach and gastrointestinal thingy feel thrashed and my brain feels heavy, but I am not having bad thoughts right now.  The bounce house proved to be a sweaty, crowded success!  Followed by 3 personalized fast food stops and me collapsing onto the couch into a deep, glorious 10 minute nap. 

 

This morning I needed to be in peoples heads.  When mine goes on the blink I look for greener pastures.  This spike had me scampering.  My inner man was trying to circle the wagons but wound up running in circles himself ..haha.  Fail. 

 

Again the analogy comes to mind of the paralyzed man talked about in Mark:  Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them...

 

We have a paralyzed man and 4 others carrying his mat with a rope attached to each corner.  The four men, cut a hole in the ceiling of the building and lowered the paralyzed guy down to be healed.  This was the sermon I heard the week after my 'breakdown' after which I was put on a steady stream of ativan.  I could not sit in the congregation and broke out into a sweat.  Hubby followed me back out the door and we sat in the foyer listening to the sermon.  It was about holding the rope for others thru prayer and faith or whatever is needed.  When the pastor was done my husband looked at me and said he had fasted for me.  No one had ever done that for me except my mother.  He had my rope. 

 

This morning I was the guy on the mat.  Right now I can hold a corner and someone else can get on the mat.  We will most likely take turns doing this until we are healed.  Are we healed now.. no, but we are on our way. 

 

This is a tough road.. but Jaso19 and HH are real people progressing and functioning.  Everything is in our favor.  We just have to survive the waves.  I will hold the rope over and over again because it has been held for me. 

 

Green - I am sorry you don't feel well today.  It is horrible to suffer this. 

 

Nova - Thinking about you.  Was up with the sun today. 

 

Free - 

 

Coop:  Boogie boarding maybe? 

 

Mrs - Preach it!

 

Jaso19:  THANK YOU!!!  Can't wait to read it!!

 

Going to bible study tonight.  I had a really funny story to tell you, but it's escaped me for the moment.  Maybe tomorrow??

 

 

MommyR

[[Co...]]

Life...yes I had that ' frozen in fear ..'. ..I badge the feeling that I could not move from my safe place.  my bed. Like Green, for some reason I was afraid to take a bath. I was afraid to go from the bedroom to the kitchen. For me it was a fear that if I moved at all I would have a panic. ..This will go away Life...I found Jaso's post so encouraging. ..You are going to be ok Life. We are going to be reading your success story at Christmas time. ...I am so sorry that you are suffering. ....Sending wishes for healing to you ...coop

[[Co...]]

Mommy...the brain things are just too spooky. I woke up one night with the clear sensation of my brain in one temple are was squishing and sloshing inside my head.. exactly like a sponge. At first I thought it was some weird dream ...but it was too much of a true sensation to have been a dream....I am so sorry you are have such a bad day...We all deserve to be done with this long ago. I hope your wave lets up tonight...coop

[[pe...]]

This has a been a busy place.

Life, Coop, MommyR - I'm sorry you are waving around. It will ease, I promise. You are each so strong and amazing. Just a little bit further.

 

I'm missing Nova's voice and Jenny. I hope HH is busy eating candy bars in her classroom.

Green- I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hate how this goes. But I hear it all gets sorted out in the end.

Jaso- thank you for coming here and shining some hope.

 

Me- well I'm exhausted after an 8 hour work day, followed by soccer practice and a picnic in the park with friends. 

I'm really not sure who I'm fooling at this new job. It's very tiresome to try and focus all day. I hope I build up some stamina for this show I'm putting on. Like all of you, I wish I could be here with all of my faculties now. This is very hard. There are some people on another thread talking about methylphenidate - also known as Ritalin/Concerta. Some people have used a short course, a few months and have been able to lose all of their symptoms. I don't know, but I'm certainly curious. What are your thoughts on experimenting? Are we best leaving well enough alone?

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Just a note...my baseline held through this entire day...maybe improved ..forward this one day anyway. I was probably at 75-80% . My wave lifted early last night...I had the best night 's sleep that I have had in months. The whole day has been so normal it made me cry.  No head pressure...no headache..  no anxiety..fear. or panic. No health fears ..no intrusive thoughts about death...connected to time....very very slight momentary d/r. I am so grateful for this day. I don't even have words to e,press how thankful I am. ...I just wanted to post this so everyone who is doubting the process and scared about never seeing another decent day might feel encouraged. Mrs is right.. it could lift in the next 15 minutes. Yesterday I was at one minute weighing the pros and cons of reinstating and literally in the next 10 minutes I was stunned to realize I wasn't feeling that awful head pressure or shaking and crying with fear and anxiety. I didn't even the switch over. I guess I am calling this. window, but I know my windows never last longer than a day so I am trying to prepare myself for the clouds to move over the sun. Today I know I am healing.. ...I know we are healing.. we just have to survive the process.

......wishing everyone. peaceful night...coop

[[Co...]]

Peace... read that post too. ...Just research the stuff. I don't knoww...you and I seem so sensitive to every med under the sun ...I would be really careful. Ritilin is powerful. You are so far out ...it could cause you more problems and set you back.

.....Your 'show ' is only a show to yourself...everyone else sees the competent teacher that you are...You put in a huge day....hope you get some rest tonight.. and sunbreaks tomorrow...coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....if you check in....we miss you and love you. We are thinking about you...Rest in your solitude and let us know his you are when you feel like it.  Love to you dear friend.. coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Feeling a bit better as I got out of the house.  My stomach and gastrointestinal thingy feel thrashed and my brain feels heavy, but I am not having bad thoughts right now.  The bounce house proved to be a sweaty, crowded success!  Followed by 3 personalized fast food stops and me collapsing onto the couch into a deep, glorious 10 minute nap. 

 

This morning I needed to be in peoples heads.  When mine goes on the blink I look for greener pastures.  This spike had me scampering.  My inner man was trying to circle the wagons but wound up running in circles himself ..haha.  Fail. 

 

Again the analogy comes to mind of the paralyzed man talked about in Mark:  Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them...

 

We have a paralyzed man and 4 others carrying his mat with a rope attached to each corner.  The four men, cut a hole in the ceiling of the building and lowered the paralyzed guy down to be healed.  This was the sermon I heard the week after my 'breakdown' after which I was put on a steady stream of ativan.  I could not sit in the congregation and broke out into a sweat.  Hubby followed me back out the door and we sat in the foyer listening to the sermon.  It was about holding the rope for others thru prayer and faith or whatever is needed.  When the pastor was done my husband looked at me and said he had fasted for me.  No one had ever done that for me except my mother.  He had my rope. 

 

This morning I was the guy on the mat.  Right now I can hold a corner and someone else can get on the mat.  We will most likely take turns doing this until we are healed.  Are we healed now.. no, but we are on our way. 

 

This is a tough road.. but Jaso19 and HH are real people progressing and functioning.  Everything is in our favor.  We just have to survive the waves.  I will hold the rope over and over again because it has been held for me. 

 

Green - I am sorry you don't feel well today.  It is horrible to suffer this. 

 

Nova - Thinking about you.  Was up with the sun today. 

 

Free - 

 

Coop:  Boogie boarding maybe? 

 

Mrs - Preach it!

 

Jaso19:  THANK YOU!!!  Can't wait to read it!!

 

Going to bible study tonight.  I had a really funny story to tell you, but it's escaped me for the moment.  Maybe tomorrow??

 

 

MommyR

 

Mommy, thank you sooo much for bringing Jaso here to us.  She gave me a lot of hope.  I was having a tough day, having a hard time taking my own good advice to others.

[[ja...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Feeling a bit better as I got out of the house.  My stomach and gastrointestinal thingy feel thrashed and my brain feels heavy, but I am not having bad thoughts right now.  The bounce house proved to be a sweaty, crowded success!  Followed by 3 personalized fast food stops and me collapsing onto the couch into a deep, glorious 10 minute nap. 

 

This morning I needed to be in peoples heads.  When mine goes on the blink I look for greener pastures.  This spike had me scampering.  My inner man was trying to circle the wagons but wound up running in circles himself ..haha.  Fail. 

 

Again the analogy comes to mind of the paralyzed man talked about in Mark:  Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them...

 

We have a paralyzed man and 4 others carrying his mat with a rope attached to each corner.  The four men, cut a hole in the ceiling of the building and lowered the paralyzed guy down to be healed.  This was the sermon I heard the week after my 'breakdown' after which I was put on a steady stream of ativan.  I could not sit in the congregation and broke out into a sweat.  Hubby followed me back out the door and we sat in the foyer listening to the sermon.  It was about holding the rope for others thru prayer and faith or whatever is needed.  When the pastor was done my husband looked at me and said he had fasted for me.  No one had ever done that for me except my mother.  He had my rope. 

 

This morning I was the guy on the mat.  Right now I can hold a corner and someone else can get on the mat.  We will most likely take turns doing this until we are healed.  Are we healed now.. no, but we are on our way. 

 

This is a tough road.. but Jaso19 and HH are real people progressing and functioning.  Everything is in our favor.  We just have to survive the waves.  I will hold the rope over and over again because it has been held for me. 

 

Green - I am sorry you don't feel well today.  It is horrible to suffer this. 

 

Nova - Thinking about you.  Was up with the sun today. 

 

Free - 

 

Coop:  Boogie boarding maybe? 

 

Mrs - Preach it!

 

Jaso19:  THANK YOU!!!  Can't wait to read it!!

 

Going to bible study tonight.  I had a really funny story to tell you, but it's escaped me for the moment.  Maybe tomorrow??

 

 

MommyR

 

Mommy, thank you sooo much for bringing Jaso here to us.  She gave me a lot of hope.  I was having a tough day, having a hard time taking my own good advice to others.

Awe GreenIce that was so nice. I am so happy you found some hope in me today. That makes me feel so good. Thank you.

 

 

~Jenny

[[Mo...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Feeling a bit better as I got out of the house.  My stomach and gastrointestinal thingy feel thrashed and my brain feels heavy, but I am not having bad thoughts right now.  The bounce house proved to be a sweaty, crowded success!  Followed by 3 personalized fast food stops and me collapsing onto the couch into a deep, glorious 10 minute nap. 

 

This morning I needed to be in peoples heads.  When mine goes on the blink I look for greener pastures.  This spike had me scampering.  My inner man was trying to circle the wagons but wound up running in circles himself ..haha.  Fail. 

 

Again the analogy comes to mind of the paralyzed man talked about in Mark:  Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them...

 

We have a paralyzed man and 4 others carrying his mat with a rope attached to each corner.  The four men, cut a hole in the ceiling of the building and lowered the paralyzed guy down to be healed.  This was the sermon I heard the week after my 'breakdown' after which I was put on a steady stream of ativan.  I could not sit in the congregation and broke out into a sweat.  Hubby followed me back out the door and we sat in the foyer listening to the sermon.  It was about holding the rope for others thru prayer and faith or whatever is needed.  When the pastor was done my husband looked at me and said he had fasted for me.  No one had ever done that for me except my mother.  He had my rope. 

 

This morning I was the guy on the mat.  Right now I can hold a corner and someone else can get on the mat.  We will most likely take turns doing this until we are healed.  Are we healed now.. no, but we are on our way. 

 

This is a tough road.. but Jaso19 and HH are real people progressing and functioning.  Everything is in our favor.  We just have to survive the waves.  I will hold the rope over and over again because it has been held for me. 

 

Green - I am sorry you don't feel well today.  It is horrible to suffer this. 

 

Nova - Thinking about you.  Was up with the sun today. 

 

Free - 

 

Coop:  Boogie boarding maybe? 

 

Mrs - Preach it!

 

Jaso19:  THANK YOU!!!  Can't wait to read it!!

 

Going to bible study tonight.  I had a really funny story to tell you, but it's escaped me for the moment.  Maybe tomorrow??

 

 

MommyR

 

Mommy, thank you sooo much for bringing Jaso here to us.  She gave me a lot of hope.  I was having a tough day, having a hard time taking my own good advice to others.

 

I am so glad I found her on another board!!  Anything to add to our arsenal of hope!  I hope you are better tomorrow Green.  My plan is to stay up as late as possible so I can sleep thru.  Will check in tomorrow.

[[Gr...]]

Just a note...my baseline held through this entire day...maybe improved ..forward this one day anyway. I was probably at 75-80% . My wave lifted early last night...I had the best night 's sleep that I have had in months. The whole day has been so normal it made me cry.  No head pressure...no headache..  no anxiety..fear. or panic. No health fears ..no intrusive thoughts about death...connected to time....very very slight momentary d/r. I am so grateful for this day. I don't even have words to e,press how thankful I am. ...I just wanted to post this so everyone who is doubting the process and scared about never seeing another decent day might feel encouraged. Mrs is right.. it could lift in the next 15 minutes. Yesterday I was at one minute weighing the pros and cons of reinstating and literally in the next 10 minutes I was stunned to realize I wasn't feeling that awful head pressure or shaking and crying with fear and anxiety. I didn't even the switch over. I guess I am calling this. window, but I know my windows never last longer than a day so I am trying to prepare myself for the clouds to move over the sun. Today I know I am healing.. ...I know we are healing.. we just have to survive the process.

......wishing everyone. peaceful night...coop

 

Coop, I'm soo happy to hear that.  Enjoy.  How many days was your wave in total?  I really think the pattern is changing now.  We get waves, and they're scary, but it's true what they said, the windows get longer and longer.  I hope yours lasts a good long time.

 

And yes, it was so great that Mommy brought Jaso to us.  She helped me, too.  she has a really bad story, and she healed.

 

[[Gr...]]

This has a been a busy place.

Life, Coop, MommyR - I'm sorry you are waving around. It will ease, I promise. You are each so strong and amazing. Just a little bit further.

 

I'm missing Nova's voice and Jenny. I hope HH is busy eating candy bars in her classroom.

Green- I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hate how this goes. But I hear it all gets sorted out in the end.

Jaso- thank you for coming here and shining some hope.

 

Me- well I'm exhausted after an 8 hour work day, followed by soccer practice and a picnic in the park with friends. 

I'm really not sure who I'm fooling at this new job. It's very tiresome to try and focus all day. I hope I build up some stamina for this show I'm putting on. Like all of you, I wish I could be here with all of my faculties now. This is very hard. There are some people on another thread talking about methylphenidate - also known as Ritalin/Concerta. Some people have used a short course, a few months and have been able to lose all of their symptoms. I don't know, but I'm certainly curious. What are your thoughts on experimenting? Are we best leaving well enough alone?

 

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

Didn't you just say recently you're very sensitive to medication?  All medication?  Ritalin is speedy, isn't it?  Just do a lot of reading, read the post Coop gave you, and give it some serious thought.  Be careful.  You've already invested so much time in being benzo free.  I really think you're close.

[[Co...]]

Hi Green...thinking of you friend.  very sorry you are wavy today....We are so close Green, ...and so tired. Jaso's post was. real boost. I know we can crawl through 2-6 more months.

    My wave was about 11 days of a return to acute. Someone else on the 12-18 month board ( I think)... possibly Jaso mentioned a wave late in year one with s/x of acute. I certainly did not see it coming...My window lasted all day and is beginning to cloud over now.  I was just falling asleep when I had one of those jerk awake things...and I had. a weird visual thing that scared me. As I jerked awake but before I was really awake I saw black stripes on the wall...just for second. Of course I thought...ok this is it...I am having a stroke...I don't think I have had anything like that.  ...So my anxiety is a little revved. ..hello health fears....it was wonderful to have 24 hours without one health fear. ..I guess that would be a visual hallucination ( or a stroke...lol).

....On the upside I went other my daughter to look for a new smart phone ( mine is so outdated...5 years old..boutique I know how it works...a new one means learning a bunch of new stuff. So onward and forward...

...Green I just love seeing you here. I am sending you all my thoughts for the brightest window tomorrow...love and healing to you friend....coop

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... took a little time off to "reflect" on where I am ... and decided to post a "success story" ... mostly for myself ... I needed to draw a line in the sand ... I needed to "mark" where I am ... I believe I was "floundering" around in my "healing journey" ...

 

I am mostly "healed" ... my mind is very clear ... yes, there is still some physical stuff that shows up ... that's okay ... a little more time and those will be gone ...

 

I am back in my life without the drug ... I need to acknowledge that for myself ... and take responsibility for it ... the "survival' days have passed for me ... now is the time of my "living" ... this may be the "re-entry" stuff I have been struggling with ...

 

Quite curious that when I started to reflect I came to understand that I need to let the "healing process" go ... and the physical stuff just dropped off the radar ... for me, I suspect that most of the physical stuff is energized by "stress" ... and I have been "stressing" myself for several days over the "re-entry" stuff ...

 

So ... being the "all or nothing" kind of goof I can be from time to time ... I have found a path for me to acknowledge where I am right now and not "disappear" from the group ...

 

Don't know what this "means" other than I am through with the drug ... mostly healed ... back in my life ... and still here ... and have gotten over another "hump" ... I rather like the phrase I used in my success story ... I have "graduated" ...

 

For now ... have a good Thursday ...

 

 

[[No...]]

Jaso19 ... thank you for coming by with your encouragement ... very much appreciated ...

[[No...]]

Peace ... so good to hear you are "back in school" ... in time you will wonder "what all the fuss is about" ...

 

That was where I was stuck these last weeks ... probably making a "fuss" where there really wasn't one ... what I needed to do was acknowledge where I am ... and proceed accordingly ...

 

You have everything you need ... yes there probably still is a lot of "doubt" around for you ... hell, who doesn't doubt going through this stuff ... and whether you "feel' it or not right now ... you are grounded ... and you have so much fortitude ...

 

PS ... I am not a lab rat ... I would not go anywhere near any mind drugs again unless someone "proved" to me 99 ways from Sunday that I "needed" them ... and then I still would probably not take them ... there are so many other "paths" available to us to find what we need in the moment ...