6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Life and Jenny...HAPPY HAPPY MONTH 11!!!......

......Tremendous distance on the Benzo Beast....I am trying so hard to follow your footprints.

.......Wishing you all healing from here on in... love love to you both...coop....

[[Co...]]

Peace...just in case you are checking in on your lunch hour....thinking of you and sending you strenghth and clarity. Dig down for that fierce grit you have and show 'em what you are made of. .... oop

[[pe...]]

I made it, kind of. I put in 5 hours at the school on this unofficial work day. Tomorrow all staff return for eight hour days until, well, next spring. I'm struggling mostly with dr and cog fog. It sucks. Does coffee help with those symptoms? Ugh. I think I seem a bit overwhelmed to all the kind people I encounter. This is fine since it's a NEW job, after all. My new principal stopped by and said something about how it will probably take me the whole first year to get into the swing of things. Well, awesome! That will put me at month 17 and hopefully I'll be seeing some improvement by then. I am sooooooo grateful that I am not depressed. Looking dazed and confused is one thing, crying hysterically is another. I did feel exhausted driving home, oh how I hate to drive. My eyes started closing involuntarily. I might have to look into taking the bus.

 

Minnie's post about her pharmacist and other people's responses on the thread she started about it have been very helpful. I am cemented in the idea that this is the drug. To hear pharmacists say things like -"Klonopin is very dangerous, it can rob you of your quality of life and you shouldn't take it. No one should take it, because it "addles the brain". That pretty much seals the deal for me. That's my brain- addled, that's my life - robbed.

 

I'm going to take it one day, one task at a time. That's all I can do.

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace...spookier glad you have a good principal who recognizes the need for ' normalizing '..  that wiggle room will get you to month 17 and you will be well healed by then. The bus sounds like a good idea. some release time on both ends of your day.

. ..You are going to fly..." you are stronger than you think and braver than you know ". coop

[[Co...]]

* not spookier....should be soooooo *....the only thing spooky is benzos

[[Sk...]]

it can rob you of your quality of life and you shouldn't take it. No one should take it, because it "addles the brain"

 

Peace, how right  he is.

 

Robbed of the quality of life pretty much sums it up.

 

Mr Sky always says wd is awful but he is infuriated at the thought of  all the years before, in which my life was ruined and we had no idea what was going on.

 

Peace, that is great about work, I wish you the best. I don't know how you manage to drive, I am way out of it even on my bike, my reflexes are so off, I am always risking accidents.

 

Time to go to bed over here. I wish you all  the best. I am quite worn out by it all  too.

 

 

[[pe...]]

Life and Coop - I'm so glad you're feeling a little bit better.

Coop, you're not the only one who toys with 'reinstating' or a 'rescue' dose. Someone once said to wait at least 24 hours before doing anything drastic in benzo withdrawal. I try to stick to that. Thanks for the encouragement, Coop. You know better than most about what I'm trying to do right now.

 

Life and Jenny - So proud of you for slogging into month 11. The truth of it is many don't, many do reinstate and you guys are pushing through. It doesn't matter how you get there, it just matters that you do.

 

GMIT- I'm sorry you're feeling down. Ashton wrote that it's hard not to get upset when your world is turned upside down for an unknown period of time. I wish I could find that quote!

 

Peace2

 

[[Gr...]]

About the DR and DP that is plaguing many of us  on the thread.

 

I remember reading up on it some time ago, I remember very little but I do remember reading it is a protection mechanism, people that are tortured report experiencing it. It makes sense and makes it slightly more bearable.

 

Every time  I think that maybe it's me, I am overdoing it about wd I think about this piece of info. If my brain is using DP/ DR it is because this is something otherwise unbearable.

 

It's a small comfort, I know but it's better than nothing, right ?

 

I have been blessed, at least I don't have it anymore but that is no comfort, I have so many  other things going on begging for my attention.

 

@BEULAH, don't worry, I constantly speak to my WD. And, before that, I spoke to my heart for palpitations trying to sooth it and calm it down. 

 

If it makes us feel better and it does not hurt anybody, anything works !

 

Well, that's all folks, that is my contribution for the week ! I will go back to lurking, wish I could contribute  more.

 

Be better everybody and take care !

 

Sky, this is great stuff.  Thank you so much. I was thinking of you today --  skin is still very dry.

Hope you are well and your dry skin is better

 

[[Gr...]]

Well, go figure....this morning at 530 am I was seriously considering reinstating at. 25 and beginning with a taper again ( yes I really was thinking about what I vowed I would never even consider for a second).  I said, " self...give it at least to month 10 so you can say you put in 10 months.". I drug my miserable self through the morning...took the tired old epsome salts hot soak...drammamine the sad sorry ginger tea that I substitute these days for sumatran latte frothed up in my kitchen ( Capresso makes a frother that pours out professional quality milk froth)......behold!!!!....all of a sudden I realized ...head pressure better.  anxiety gone...thoughts of heart attacks and strokes.. distant worries not meant for me....d/r.. very slight....

....I have to qualify this by admitting that I took 12 mg of Bonnie and 300 mg of aspirin this morning at 8am. ...I don't know if the Bonnie helped or my wave is rolling into shore for a few hours. ..oh, ...b/p...107/72...heart palps...none

. .....Wish the wind would come by and blow some of this sunbreak to all the corners of where all of you live.  obviously I am not considering reinstating and probably would nit have ...hopefully this sunbreak will get me from this break to the next....it was a crap crappy wave...not tempting the Benzo Beast with my sumatran cravings....but some day...mayebe on my birthday ..in Oct.

.....thinking of every single one of you....coop

 

Coop, I am sooo happy for you.  I knew this would break.  Whenever we feel so bad, get so desperate, we consider reinstating, to me that's the darkness before the dawn. Seems like it ha to get that bad before it breaks.  Anyway, really, really happy for you.  enjoy

[[Gr...]]

I definitely talk to my wd! I often think it's not listening though!!

 

I think I'm feeling depressed...I know that sounds stupid, cause I'm not sure. I just feel down, I want a break from this! I'm tired! Come on window!

 

 

GMIT, you're at that 6 month place.  that's where Peace and Lisa are.  It's an up and down time.  The break will come though, hold on.

[[Gr...]]

I made it, kind of. I put in 5 hours at the school on this unofficial work day. Tomorrow all staff return for eight hour days until, well, next spring. I'm struggling mostly with dr and cog fog. It sucks. Does coffee help with those symptoms? Ugh. I think I seem a bit overwhelmed to all the kind people I encounter. This is fine since it's a NEW job, after all. My new principal stopped by and said something about how it will probably take me the whole first year to get into the swing of things. Well, awesome! That will put me at month 17 and hopefully I'll be seeing some improvement by then. I am sooooooo grateful that I am not depressed. Looking dazed and confused is one thing, crying hysterically is another. I did feel exhausted driving home, oh how I hate to drive. My eyes started closing involuntarily. I might have to look into taking the bus.

 

Minnie's post about her pharmacist and other people's responses on the thread she started about it have been very helpful. I am cemented in the idea that this is the drug. To hear pharmacists say things like -"Klonopin is very dangerous, it can rob you of your quality of life and you shouldn't take it. No one should take it, because it "addles the brain". That pretty much seals the deal for me. That's my brain- addled, that's my life - robbed.

 

I'm going to take it one day, one task at a time. That's all I can do.

Peace2

 

Peace, SO HAPPY you got through the day.  I knew you would.  You can do this.  They say healing is non linear because of waves and windows, but it is linear because we get so much better along the way, and we do get more adept at managing s/x.  (this from the unemployed woman, lol.)  I'm just glad you made it through day 1.

[[li...]]

Well, go figure....this morning at 530 am I was seriously considering reinstating at. 25 and beginning with a taper again ( yes I really was thinking about what I vowed I would never even consider for a second).  I said, " self...give it at least to month 10 so you can say you put in 10 months.". I drug my miserable self through the morning...took the tired old epsome salts hot soak...drammamine the sad sorry ginger tea that I substitute these days for sumatran latte frothed up in my kitchen ( Capresso makes a frother that pours out professional quality milk froth)......behold!!!!....all of a sudden I realized ...head pressure better.  anxiety gone...thoughts of heart attacks and strokes.. distant worries not meant for me....d/r.. very slight....

....I have to qualify this by admitting that I took 12 mg of Bonnie and 300 mg of aspirin this morning at 8am. ...I don't know if the Bonnie helped or my wave is rolling into shore for a few hours. ..oh, ...b/p...107/72...heart palps...none

. .....Wish the wind would come by and blow some of this sunbreak to all the corners of where all of you live.  obviously I am not considering reinstating and probably would nit have ...hopefully this sunbreak will get me from this break to the next....it was a crap crappy wave...not tempting the Benzo Beast with my sumatran cravings....but some day...mayebe on my birthday ..in Oct.

.....thinking of every single one of you....coop

 

I understand Coop as the brain is only so strong. We will overcome but lately I am thinking similar things. I wont but I am surely ging to make it but this last wave has taken allot out of me. It is now going on 2 weeks! Long one for me. Maybe its just the stress of life.

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Life, I am following you closely as my wavew is so similar to yours except mine is endless anxiety rather than depression. As of this morning I was in day 8/9 (?)..give or take ( seems like months) of a tough wave with most of my acute s/x back. ...At month 9.5...scary and so disheartening.

......As you read in my post I was thinking of a short term reinstatement but moved past that desperate thought as I have so much invested in this ( 15 .5 months counting my 6 month taper). ...I honestly thought I could not not not finish this. .....Somewhere around 1 pm ...as though all the gods intervened and threw a switch..I realized my s/x were lifted...very weird. This use to ha0pen to me in late acute...all of a sudden I would get a sunbreak. My sunbreak lasted about 2 hours and then I had one of those ' out of body ' panics at PT while waiting for my appointment. I lived throughout it, but I was spacey all through my session...but I made it home. By the time I was home long enough to take the dog out...another sunbreak....Totally relaxed..sleepy and peaceful.  It is starting to close a little again as my ears are pressured with that pulsing noise but it is only my ears not my entire head. ...Well I am telling you this long meandering tale to give you hope. Like Green said...sometimes the tide turns in our most desperate moment. I know I am not out of this wave but the sunbreak was enough to reignite my belief that I can make it through 2.5 more months to year one. ...Keep it going Life ..you are going to make it through and I am looking for your footprints all the way.

...  wishes to you Life for a wide open window ...today....coop

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Popped in to catch up.  Can't stay away!!  Hubby and I talked longer about stuff.  You know how normal we can look.  Hubby was just concerned!

 

I seem to be a walking hot flash.  It fades in and out all day... Just under the rim of my face by my cheeks and ears then it spreads.  Today has been one if those tight chested, watching for signs of heart attack days.  Hubby leaves on a trip tomorrow so it's got my anxiety up.  Slept 7 hours but woke to severe nausea and drenched in sweat.  Mentally I seem ok other then background noise with panic.  Hopefully tonite will be better.

 

Peace- so proud of you!  Tomorrow will be fine. Bring some tea from Coops stash.  We are all rooting for you!

 

Coop and Life-  I am so sorry you are both in long waves... No eloquent words here other then it sucks.  The chemical cloud is evil but I'm glad you had a little lifting of it.  If I had a magic wand I would wave it, but alas no wand.  I do have prayer and I'm sure a battle is being waged behind the scenes.  I know your team is winning!

 

Free-  how are doing?

 

Anniversaries- Jenny and Life.. 11 months!  Wow, isn't it great to be on this side of it?  I know there is still healing to come, but thank God you are this far out.

 

GMIT, Peace and Free- 6 months is amazing!  I am praying for everyone.

 

Green-  you always make me laugh! 

 

Mrs-  the obsessive thought and fears roll in and out.  I know they are unpleasant.  I'm praying.

 

Nova- maybe we will cross paths again...: )

 

Good night everyone.  MommyR

[[je...]]

Hi guys!!

Thanks for all the well wishes-- happy anniversary Life!! We made it 11 months!! I am visiting my in laws right now and just got through a 7 hour car ride-- I'm feeling super good right now too!! Some anxiety, but basically feel really normal. No head pressure, depression , benzo belly-- nothing, no sx  at all. Traveling usually does not agree with me, but I'm fine. Peace-- so happy to hear your day went well. I never had any doubts hugs to all of you!! Jenny

[[Sk...]]

Hello everbody, today I am a little disgruntled with life in wd.

 

Unfortunately the angrier I am the harder it is for me to write so here I need to vent but I can't !

 

I will let the emoticons do all the communicating.

 

Have a nice day everybody !

[[...]]

Great Thread!

 

I'm sure I'll be joining you all when I'm 6 months free....Still got a ways to go first.

 

Good luck to you all!

[[...]]

Welcome here JACD! Feel free to join in whenever!

 

[[Mo...]]

Good morning kids,

 

Not feeling great.  I can feel some weight on my brain, abdominal discomfort, lower back is in a vice, chest discomfort is pretty strong, etc.  Can't pull the raft today.  It's amazing how this stuff works.  Mentally it feels like panic or fear, paranoid.  Hasn't shaken down yet.  If you pray, say one for me.  I'm looking for my bridge right now.  God is always faithful to me. 

 

Funny how fast this stuff makes you want to to cry uncle.  My creative thought process is completely shut down.  A box is trying to form around my brain.  I am ready to crawl into a lap.  Need one of my moms stories.  Trying to recall on my own.  I am thinking of Life saying one day we wake up and this over.  It's what my mom said too.  One day this will all be behind us. 

 

 

Hi Jacd- you are welcome any time

 

Sky- Yup, this frustrating. 

 

Jenny- I need to hang with you today.  Tell us all the normal fun stuff you. Soooo happy you feel good.

 

Nova- was hoping you would be up.

 

Coop & Life- what's the word?  Did you sleep well?  I admire you both

 

Green-  Give me some slap in the face reality comment

 

Mrs- I need your PMA (positive mental attitude)

 

Free-  check in good or bad

 

GMIT- hope you got to sleep

 

Peace- chop wood, carry water.. Can't wait for a report.

 

Going to go pray for now.  Look for some relief.  Will be back for sure.  Hubby is getting ready to leave.  Thanks for being here.

 

Mommy at

 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Welcome here JACD! Feel free to join in whenever!

 

 

What is your time zone GMIT? I am pacific.  How are you?

[[...]]

I am Central Time Zone! I'm doing ok today!

 

Sorry you aren't feeling well, I pray for quick relief for you!

 

[[Mo...]]

I am Central Time Zone! I'm doing ok today!

 

Sorry you aren't feeling well, I pray for quick relief for you!

 

 

Thank you.  Got my mom on the horn.. cause I'm cool like that.  Panic just spiked big time.  Had to get up and walk around.  She is telling me a story. 

[[...]]

Grrr...I hate the panic!! Hope it goes quick!!

 

[[Mo...]]

Grrr...I hate the panic!! Hope it goes quick!!

 

 

Wow, this is crazy.  Where does this stuff come from??  Thank you for that hope.  Me too.. ugh ugh ugh.. sitting is making me dizzy. 

[[...]]

That's what I was thinking yesterday! I get a symptom, work through it, it seems to go, then something new comes! CRAZY!!

 

Feel fine, then BOOM...wd attack! Lol

 

Amazing! I just want time to fly to being healed!