6-12 month thread....

[[pe...]]

Thanks, Minnie! That's an awesome conversation to pass along. We do all need constant reassurance.

 

Peace2

[[mi...]]

You are welcome peace... I think you to suffer the head stuff, I hope it lifts for you soon.....m

[[li...]]

Hi everyone....I just spoke to my pharmacist, I questioned him again about withdrawing from benzos. I asked him about many s/x I have, and many I read on bb. He assured me again that all of the s/x are normal and those of us that suffer are sensitive to this medication and also other meds.

 

I also asked him if all of us could expect these s/x to go away completely. His response was ABSOLUTELY!!! He said people who took it 3 days or 20 yrs it did not matter, if we are sensitive to it we will have w/d s/x and they could last an extended amount of time. IT IS ALL NORMAL. He said our receptors must heal....it does not help while we are suffering so much, but the reassurance is so important for me and I hope that helps all of you,

 

I see some of you are concerned about depression so I also asked him about that, his response was that if you did not have depression before benzos more than likely it will correct when we heal.

 

I truly hope this helps everyone some, it sure helped me!!

 

Mini, that is awfully nice of you to share.It is true that "true depression" was either in our life pre benzos ( for me it was not) or it is constant ( for me it is not). SO I guess this is all w/d. I am feeling a bit better today although I am in that "wobbly stage" for those that can relate. I can go either way -- window or continue in this crazed wave. I wonder if instead of "withdrawal" we can start calling what we are going through as "reactivation syndrome" -- reactivation of our brains.  I feel like my brain is like a light bulb in an thunder storm. Can someone just turn on the lights?

[[Co...]]

Minnie.  That is absolutely manna from heaven...can not hear it enough is right...every five minutes would be just fine. Thank you so much for taking the time to relay this to us. Positives like this passed down from medical experts like Life 's addiction specialist are so powerful in encouraging us and keepingr us hopeful. .

....My head pressure is hanging on as well...I will be drunk with joy when this one is gone.

......How are you doing Minnie? ....wishing you bright windows....coop...

[[Co...]]

Life...I love your 'reactivation ' suggestion. That truely. describes the process. Very happy happy for you that the depression is trying to lift. The wobbles will straighten themselves out...

....take care dear friend...it is ALL w/d ...and it will ALL, heal....coop

[[li...]]

Coop, I know that it is withdrawal. The severity of the ups and down is immense for us all. I'm just disappointed when I think about how long this process has taken. It is truly a long process. I also do understand that we have all learned things about life that are only to be learned in a process like this. Good things -- like caring, understanding, compassion, empathy, appreciation for the small things, love ....

 

peace to all!

 

Life

[[mr...]]

Tougher afternoon today; rumination over panic attacks (even though I know how to deal with them and am not afraid of them), thoughts & feelings of "hopelessness" and "its only going to get worse" etc etc. Sheesh, I just want MY CONTROL OF MY BRAIN BACK!! Its MY BRAIN, son of a monkey!!! Its angersome, you know?

 

I just want to think normal again. Consistently.

 

My apologies gang. Just so tired of fear, so tired of panic, of anxiety, etc. Frustrating. Hope you all are having a good night I'll be alright; just want a break from this mental crap. Sending love & thoughts,

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone....I just spoke to my pharmacist, I questioned him again about withdrawing from benzos. I asked him about many s/x I have, and many I read on bb. He assured me again that all of the s/x are normal and those of us that suffer are sensitive to this medication and also other meds.

 

I also asked him if all of us could expect these s/x to go away completely. His response was ABSOLUTELY!!! He said people who took it 3 days or 20 yrs it did not matter, if we are sensitive to it we will have w/d s/x and they could last an extended amount of time. IT IS ALL NORMAL. He said our receptors must heal....it does not help while we are suffering so much, but the reassurance is so important for me and I hope that helps all of you,

 

I see some of you are concerned about depression so I also asked him about that, his response was that if you did not have depression before benzos more than likely it will correct when we heal.

 

I truly hope this helps everyone some, it sure helped me!!

 

Yes, it absolutely helps. 

[[Co...]]

Mrs....sorry you are so wavy today ..or as Life suggests...'reactivating '...it will let up. I know you already know that, but soometimes it helps a little to hear it from another...I am thinking of you and wishing you rest and relief from it...love go you....coop

[[...]]

Ahh Mrs., that's how my anxiety is to! You realize that it's wd, you can acknowledge that, but it doesn't help the diggity dang thoughts!

 

Hope you are finding relief!

 

[[mr...]]

Mrs....sorry you are so wavy today ..or as Life suggests...'reactivating '...it will let up. I know you already know that, but soometimes it helps a little to hear it from another...I am thinking of you and wishing you rest and relief from it...love go you....coop

 

Thanks Coop. Its just so frustrating. Its like my brain gives me "ultimatums" that aren't fair and unreasonable. How do you argue with that crap? It makes things feel terrifying that ARE NOT scary -- but it's like it REFUSES to listen to me, and wants to respond with fight/flight anyways. Its HORSE CRAP. SO frustrating. I just want it to pass. When, oh when will it? You know? Ugh.

 

I must be grateful for the progress and healing that has occurred thus far. These past couple months, my symptoms have morphed and changed so much that its hard to keep up with what's what, hard to know what next week will bring, hard to gauge progress. Some things are much better, and some things seem much worse. I just want the mental stuff to be done -- I want my brain back!!! I'm almost tempted to say that I'd rather have physical symptoms over mental. I won't say that, of course, because we don't know what we don't know -- and the grass always looks greener, as they say

 

Okay, okay. Enough complaining. My apologies for ranting tonight. We all have challenges, and we're all in this together. No matter what my thoughts say, I can choose to believe the truth and reality over silly thoughts from a healing brain. Thanks to all of you for being here with me through this. I draw strength from each of you through this. Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Mrs, what's a little ranting amongst friends? That's what we're all here for get and give support!

 

You're doing great!

 

[[li...]]

Mrs, I know what it is to feel like we are striving to be positive people trying to cope with a horrible situation...sometimes we get tired. We get fed up and we just want to fall... It's all ok. You are such an encouraging person ... A trooper. But you have the right to scream or fall apart if you want.

 

Life

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone

 

I've been playing footsie with palps and anxiety for a couple of days.  Today I thought I was going off the rails, but it didn't happen.  Except I'm pretty tired, on the couch, sprawled. 

 

I want to say I feel better, but not really.  I'm tired, not a lot of energy, still not sleeping, have to keep everything simple or I freak out, like don't multitask two stores/errands in a row.  Still don't like to rush in the morning, take hours to get out. Lower back, tailbone into the butt area, very painful.  Don't accomplish too much in a day.

 

So what's different that makes this tolerable?  No DP/DR, cog fog, depression. 

 

Does anyone have short accurate easy to understand definitions of DP, DR, and cog fog?  And do they roll into one, or are they separate s/x?  Just wondering.  Something mental lifted.  I'm not better, for sure, but my mind is clear and I live on Planet Earth and I connect with the other Earthlings now.

 

 

[[mr...]]

Mrs, I know what it is to feel like we are striving to be positive people trying to cope with a horrible situation...sometimes we get tired. We get fed up and we just want to fall... It's all ok. You are such an encouraging person ... A trooper. But you have the right to scream or fall apart if you want.

 

Life

 

Yesterday through today, the mental obsessive thought(s) and this newfound "fear" of a "massive" panic attack that "won't stop" is SO FRUSTRATING. I went on a walk tonight even though we were expecting rain, putting myself out there for panic. I was very scared, but I almost want to have a "massive" panic just to prove that my thoughts are WRONG. Of course, I don't really want to do this, lol, but I'm just so DONE with being afraid. And rumination. And the unfair "you-can'ts" and "don't-do-or-else" that try to pepper me. Can anyone relate? Argh. I'm on pure hope and faith that this will get better. It surely doesn't feel like it, or look like it.

 

Sheesh, how ungrateful can I sound? Lord, forgive me. Forgive my frustrations and doubts, Father. I know Papa that I am healing, and that you are steadily and firmly at work in my life and my brain, countering and repairing what is needed there. I also ask please show me a glimpse of how this will change for the better, just as a refreshment to my soul. Thank you, in Jesus' name I ask, pray for, and recieve these things, Amen.

 

Thanks again gang

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Mrs, I know what it is to feel like we are striving to be positive people trying to cope with a horrible situation...sometimes we get tired. We get fed up and we just want to fall... It's all ok. You are such an encouraging person ... A trooper. But you have the right to scream or fall apart if you want.

 

Life

 

Yesterday through today, the mental obsessive thought(s) and this newfound "fear" of a "massive" panic attack that "won't stop" is SO FRUSTRATING. I went on a walk tonight even though we were expecting rain, putting myself out there for panic. I was very scared, but I almost want to have a "massive" panic just to prove that my thoughts are WRONG. Of course, I don't really want to do this, lol, but I'm just so DONE with being afraid. And rumination. And the unfair "you-can'ts" and "don't-do-or-else" that try to pepper me. Can anyone relate? Argh. I'm on pure hope and faith that this will get better. It surely doesn't feel like it, or look like it.

 

Sheesh, how ungrateful can I sound? Lord, forgive me. Forgive my frustrations and doubts, Father. I know Papa that I am healing, and that you are steadily and firmly at work in my life and my brain, countering and repairing what is needed there. I also ask please show me a glimpse of how this will change for the better, just as a refreshment to my soul. Thank you, in Jesus' name I ask, pray for, and recieve these things, Amen.

 

Thanks again gang

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs.  I understand about being done with being afraid.  For all my brave words, I am also very afraid.  The waves and panics we've had in the past were terrifying.  And I have that same PTSD reaction when I feel the panic/fear/anxiety/palps starting up.  Hang in there.  I think the worst is over

[[pe...]]

Mrs- complain all you need. It's cathartic and you balance it well with positives. This one is an absolute piece of gold. I will be borrowing, if you don't mind  " No matter what my thoughts say, I can choose to believe the truth and reality over silly thoughts from a healing brain."

 

Mrs. It's long and you are never alone.

 

Peace2

[[pe...]]

 

"So what's different that makes this tolerable?  No DP/DR, cog fog, depression. 

 

Does anyone have short accurate easy to understand definitions of DP, DR, and cog fog?  And do they roll into one, or are they separate s/x?  Just wondering.  Something mental lifted.  I'm not better, for sure, but my mind is clear and I live on Planet Earth and I connect with the other Earthlings now."

 

 

That sounds like my stinkin dream come true right there! No cog fog and dr?!? Add no depression and I will take it! Those three for me are the trifecta of doom. I'm so glad you are 'home' and can connect with your 'neighbors'. Blessings, blessings. I can't wait to join you.

 

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

[quote author=GreenIce link=topic=107505.msg1496477#msg1496477 date

 

So what's different that makes this tolerable?  No DP/DR, cog fog, depression. 

 

Does anyone have short accurate easy to understand definitions of DP, DR, and cog fog?  And do they roll into one, or are they separate s/x?  Just wondering.  Something mental lifted.  I'm not better, for sure, but my mind is clear and I live on Planet Earth and I connect with the other Earthlings now.

 

That sounds like my stinkin dream come true right there! No cog fog and dr?!? Add no depression and I will take it! Those three for me are the trifecta of doom. I'm so glad you are 'home' and can connect with your 'neighbors'. Blessings, blessings. I can't wait to join you.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, you're right, they are the evil trifecta.  I'm flat on my a$$, house is a mess, huge swollen benzo belly, unemployed, and don't care, happy as a pig in sh*t.  No evil trifecta of doom.  Your day will come.  I hope this lasts a little while.

[[Co...]]

Scoot over girls and pass the Godivas and pinot noir...oh I forgot for a second that even though I am 9.5 months off...and have sunk 6 months of taper prior into this ' Never Ending Journey ", ...I still don't dare to have the simple pleasure of red wine. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!...its the little things that p*** me off the most sometimes. I used to sumatran coffee and left over wine for breakfast ( well not really) . But I did used to have wine and coffee and chocolate...all together after going out to a concert and dinner. Two other pleasures that I approach only after doing a full scan of every possible s/x and weighing out all the possibilities...and hoping that d/r wont blunt the entire experience once I get there. ....Me too Mrs...I am sick to death of being afraid and sidelined every time I think I am good enough to at least go to the stinkin' bookstore..Now that's a lot of whine and that only scratches the surface.

....Mrs. you don't have to be positive when you are not feeling good. It is really good to get mad at this captive ' living '. You have every right to be frustrated discouraged and completely out of steam.  This is the perfect place to rant because we all get it. Our poor families can not possibly understand what we are going through and why are not getting consistently better...and still watching Big Bang Theory reruns at nearly 10 months out. Rant away dear Mrs...I am right there with you. ...You will find your strenghth again..

...GREEN...sea are on the same stoney crappy path. Palps and anxiety...fear and pounding heart. On the couch after ' being out there ' for 4/5 weeks...wth ..  I thought I had left my palps and chemical anxiety and pounding heart back in month 6....nope here they are. Last 6 days..Every emotion good or bad sets my heart speeding and pounding. I am afraid too...and like you and Mrs I am done done done with being afraid.  but I can't get away from it..its like a shadow.So I am on the couch with you ..I can't think of a better person to be afraid with.

...PEACE...I know the detachment and 'other world ' perception of d/r and cog fog. Its like being trapped in twilight. ..miserable..it will lift I promise...have a chocolate...unless of course you happen to be nauseous or wracked with doubt about everything that goes into your system as most of us are..

....I just want 95% of my life back ...I would settle for 95% if I could get it back tomorrow. 

...Rant away girls...I am joining in on the chorus...who wants to pick out the next mindless sitcom?.....love to you all....coop

 

[[Gr...]]

Scoot over girls and pass the Godivas and pinot noir...oh I forgot for a second that even though I am 9.5 months off...and have sunk 6 months of taper prior into this ' Never Ending Journey ", ...I still don't dare to have the simple pleasure of red wine. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!...its the little things that p*** me off the most sometimes. I used to sumatran coffee and left over wine for breakfast ( well not really) . But I did used to have wine and coffee and chocolate...all together after going out to a concert and dinner. Two other pleasures that I approach only after doing a full scan of every possible s/x and weighing out all the possibilities...and hoping that d/r wont blunt the entire experience once I get there. ....Me too Mrs...I am sick to death of being afraid and sidelined every time I think I am good enough to at least go to the stinkin' bookstore..Now that's a lot of whine and that only scratches the surface.

....Mrs. you don't have to be positive when you are not feeling good. It is really good to get mad at this captive ' living '. You have every right to be frustrated discouraged and completely out of steam.  This is the perfect place to rant because we all get it. Our poor families can not possibly understand what we are going through and why are not getting consistently better...and still watching Big Bang Theory reruns at nearly 10 months out. Rant away dear Mrs...I am right there with you. ...You will find your strenghth again..

...GREEN...sea are on the same stoney crappy path. Palps and anxiety...fear and pounding heart. On the couch after ' being out there ' for 4/5 weeks...wth ..  I thought I had left my palps and chemical anxiety and pounding heart back in month 6....nope here they are. Last 6 days..Every emotion good or bad sets my heart speeding and pounding. I am afraid too...and like you and Mrs I am done done done with being afraid.  but I can't get away from it..its like a shadow.So I am on the couch with you ..I can't think of a better person to be afraid with.

...PEACE...I know the detachment and 'other world ' perception of d/r and cog fog. Its like being trapped in twilight. ..miserable..it will lift I promise...have a chocolate...unless of course you happen to be nauseous or wracked with doubt about everything that goes into your system as most of us are..

....I just want 95% of my life back ...I would settle for 95% if I could get it back tomorrow. 

...Rant away girls...I am joining in on the chorus...who wants to pick out the next mindless sitcom?.....love to you all....coop

 

Coop, wine for breakfast, you're a wild, wild woman, I knew that about you, lol.  So we're on the couch, FOR NOW.  You're on the couch for now, but the Days of Wine, Chocolate and Sumatra are right around the next corner.  Seriously, the racing heart and BP is terrifying. But it hasn't killed you before, and it's not going to kill you now.  Like Life says, we can't all be terrified of dying, we can't all be having strokes and heart attacks. 

[[mr...]]

"Like Life says, we can't all be terrified of dying, we can't all be having strokes and heart attacks."

 

Good point.

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

This couch is getting crowded! And I think someone stole my blanket. I'm headed upstairs to put on my jammies, snuggle with my hunky husband and go to sleep. Because I've got to wake up tomorrow, get the kids off to camp and float to my first day of work. 

 

Enjoy the silly television shows.

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

This couch is getting crowded! And I think someone stole my blanket. I'm headed upstairs to put on my jammies, snuggle with my hunky husband and go to sleep. Because I've got to wake up tomorrow, get the kids off to camp and float to my first day of work. 

 

Enjoy the silly television shows.

Peace2

 

Good luck.  We're rooting for you

[[Co...]]

Well, I did use to have wonderful Mimosas in the morning ..on Sundays...boy, I didn't realize how sweet life was....yes, I believe you...we will get it all back. And given the fact that I have been hovering at a stroke ...and heart attack...and complete mental breakdown for the last nearly 10 months and I am still here ...writing on BBs every day ..I think it is safe to think I am not dying..I just think I am dying..You are right...we can not all be having strokes..heart attacks and permanent brain damage at the same time. We are all having w/d s/x at the same time which points to the fact that all of this misery is w/d...which points to the fact that we are all going to heal...we are...we are ..we are ( my version. of clicking my Ruby red shoes together 3 times)

.....feel better everyone...tomorrow is one day closer ( to healing...not heart attacks). ..coop