6-12 month thread....

[[Mo...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

 

OMG!!!.. Coop.. thank you for saying that.  I do not want to face menopause while healing.  Hubby just walked in the door.. Happy Dance..bb

[[mr...]]

Mrs. - Thank you for the vote of confidence.  I think it's s/x too.  The phobia is sharp objects.  They make my skin crawl and I have to put them out of sight.  I don't know how to shake it.  I have to use them for meals, but it's just awful looking at them.  Not really sure how to make them disappear again.  Pray for me?

 

I would spend multiple times per day handling them and looking at them etc, especially when you feel it most -- and do so until the feeling passes. Lots of times. This is benzo withdrawal no doubt, but you can still overcome it while in withdrawal

 

Mommy, these are just some things that I've been working on doing myself for a while now. Don't feel like you have to do it for you, of course. Either way, with time this will pass

 

Take care Mommy Your healing is manifesting more and more every day

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Is it ok for me to vent here?  I feel like I have such severe symptoms that I am a hopeless case.

 

And I  keep worrying that since the symptoms I have are so different than others, that I have lyme and it is hopeless, either way.  The nerve pain, and feeling that my body had rigor mortis are so bizarre.  And then I have such a death obsession, not fear of, but weary of life like this and it goes on and on unless in a window.  The torture of this is so extreme to me.  I'm not so much depressed as I am in fear of how to live like this.  It's agony.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?  I bet no one here."

 

Lisa, it's really hard for us to gauge how well or bad off others on the site are, it's so subjective  Also, some people have a talent for putting the horror into words better than others.  The bottom line is we all have very different s/x, and the common thread we all share is the nightmare of withdrawal, however differently our unique bodies and brains heal.  When you said you went to your lake cottage, I was amazed and envious, wow, she leaves the house and sleeps somewhere else?  Sky is very sick, yet she was able to ride a bike months ago.  I was only able to ride this past weekend, first time, starting my tenth month.

I went through years of tolerance withdrawal, when I would crawl under the desk in my office at work, so sick,  and sleep every chance I could. I had to jump up and sit in my chair when someone knocked.  After this taper, I never, never could have worked.  I couldn't even walk down the street.  I couldn't leave the house for months.  I couldn't take a shower -- really, I didn't shower for many, many days at a time.  Only in the last couple of weeks has showering become a natural, easy thing, I just take a shower now.  That's a major success, improvement. 

 

We've all hit the protracted board at different times, scared to death, terrified.  Believe me, Lyme's disease is a cakewalk compared to what you're going through.  There is no doubt in anyone's mind on this board that you're going through a very difficult extended wave. 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Mrs. - Thank you for the vote of confidence.  I think it's s/x too.  The phobia is sharp objects.  They make my skin crawl and I have to put them out of sight.  I don't know how to shake it.  I have to use them for meals, but it's just awful looking at them.  Not really sure how to make them disappear again.  Pray for me?

 

I would spend multiple times per day handling them and looking at them etc, especially when you feel it most -- and do so until the feeling passes. Lots of times. This is benzo withdrawal no doubt, but you can still overcome it while in withdrawal

 

Mommy, these are just some things that I've been working on doing myself for a while now. Don't feel like you have to do it for you, of course. Either way, with time this will pass

 

Take care Mommy Your healing is manifesting more and more every day

 

Mrs.

 

wow.. that sounds terrifying, but I will give it a try.  Anything to put them back where they belong.

[[Gr...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

I'm having all this too. Heart palps leave for two months then come right back! I was thinking it was over but I give it makes this so hard to deal with! How do you keep going?

 

Happy, what year did you jump, how long ago?

[[Mo...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

 

Coop, I also have the sweats.  Like you, I'm well past meno and know the difference. I wake up at night with the sheets wet, so I'm having some pretty good soaks.  All w/d, ladies.  Also, someone recommended and I tried Rooibus tea.  I think it's helping, it's certainly not hurting, and I am very sensitive to EVERYTHING.  It's supposed to help with BP and be calming.  Bought it on Amazon.  I don't do tea, but I think this one is helpful.

/

 

Okay I have to ask.. if you and Coop are past menopause.. does menopause drive you crazy too or do you just get hot flashes and wake up at night?  I don't want to do this twice!

[[...]]

Good question Mommy! I would like that answer! I haven't gone through yet either! Had the hormone test dine last week!

 

[[Fr...]]

Greenice - thank you for talking to me about this.  I feel as if I'm losing it every other day.

 

I'm sorry you've had it so rough.  I didn't intend to minimize other's symptoms or experiences.  It's so tough experiencing any of this and the unsure quality of it as well.  I feel like such a freak on this planet, but guess many have the weird mental symptoms.

 

Have you been to the beach lately?  What is the beach like where you live?

 

Yes we are up at the lake but it's easy to be here as opposed to in a hotel because we have all the things we need like at home.  I could never travel right now to a place other than our home or cottage.  In fact, when we came up here end of June I was feeling much better.  I have no clue how I will drive my car downstate four hours, end of this month.  I may just have to do it sick and stop and stop.  My husband will follow me too.

 

I'm glad to hear you're up and able to shower.  I worry about losing strength from laying around so much.  My legs are already weaker than a month ago and my walking is getting way slower.  Do you have concerns about that at all?  I don't see myself jumping around

anytime soon.

 

Project Runway is on tonight and I love that show so at least for tonight that's something new to lift spirits.  Do you ever watch that?  I love watching other's creative processes.  Especially now when I can't do my own artwork or poetry much.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[Gr...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

 

Coop, I also have the sweats.  Like you, I'm well past meno and know the difference. I wake up at night with the sheets wet, so I'm having some pretty good soaks.  All w/d, ladies.  Also, someone recommended and I tried Rooibus tea.  I think it's helping, it's certainly not hurting, and I am very sensitive to EVERYTHING.  It's supposed to help with BP and be calming.  Bought it on Amazon.  I don't do tea, but I think this one is helpful.

/

 

Okay I have to ask.. if you and Coop are past menopause.. does menopause drive you crazy too or do you just get hot flashes and wake up at night?  I don't want to do this twice!

 

So Perimenopause I guess starts early forties for many women.  I mean it wasn't that bad, menopause.  I had some hot flashes, some drenching sweats, it didn't last that long.  I had to grieve the end of my reproductive years, the emotional side.  Listen, if you can do withdrawal, you're not even going to notice menopause.  Very little is going to faze you after this, girl friend!

[[Gr...]]

Greenice - thank you for talking to me about this.  I feel as if I'm losing it every other day.

 

I'm sorry you've had it so rough.  I didn't intend to minimize other's symptoms or experiences.  It's so tough experiencing any of this and the unsure quality of it as well.  I feel like such a freak on this planet, but guess many have the weird mental symptoms.

 

Have you been to the beach lately?  What is the beach like where you live?

 

Yes we are up at the lake but it's easy to be here as opposed to in a hotel because we have all the things we need like at home.  I could never travel right now to a place other than our home or cottage.  In fact, when we came up here end of June I was feeling much better.  I have no clue how I will drive my car downstate four hours, end of this month.  I may just have to do it sick and stop and stop.  My husband will follow me too.

 

I'm glad to hear you're up and able to shower.  I worry about losing strength from laying around so much.  My legs are already weaker than a month ago and my walking is getting way slower.  Do you have concerns about that at all?  I don't see myself jumping around

anytime soon.

 

Project Runway is on tonight and I love that show so at least for tonight that's something new to lift spirits.  Do you ever watch that?  I love watching other's creative processes.  Especially now when I can't do my own artwork or poetry much.

 

xo,

Lisa

 

Lisa, I never meant to make you feel bad, I wasn't looking for sympathy.  I'm trying to reassure you.  I was BAD, lol, very, very bad, and I'm getting better.  That was my point.  I can feel some major improvements.  I have definitely turned a corner.  I'm sure I have plenty of waves left, I know I do, but now I really believe I'm going to be okay.  And so are you.  This last wave, I couldn't even come on BB, I was so depressed, so out of it.  I was planning my own funeral.  I swear, I was making my final arrangements.  I mean we all should.  But I WAS READY.  This is so insane, your s/x are more like other people's than you know. 

[[Mo...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

 

Coop, I also have the sweats.  Like you, I'm well past meno and know the difference. I wake up at night with the sheets wet, so I'm having some pretty good soaks.  All w/d, ladies.  Also, someone recommended and I tried Rooibus tea.  I think it's helping, it's certainly not hurting, and I am very sensitive to EVERYTHING.  It's supposed to help with BP and be calming.  Bought it on Amazon.  I don't do tea, but I think this one is helpful.

/

 

Okay I have to ask.. if you and Coop are past menopause.. does menopause drive you crazy too or do you just get hot flashes and wake up at night?  I don't want to do this twice!

 

So Perimenopause I guess starts early forties for many women.  I mean it wasn't that bad, menopause.  I had some hot flashes, some drenching sweats, it didn't last that long.  I had to grieve the end of my reproductive years, the emotional side.  Listen, if you can do withdrawal, you're not even going to notice menopause.  Very little is going to faze you after this, girl friend!

 

Gurl.. that's what I wanted to hear... thank you!

[[mr...]]

Hi Lisa

 

First things first: breathe. A nice deep, slow breath.

 

Okay, regarding everyone's healing:

I have pondered this as well. And researched it

 

There are three withdrawal advisors located at this site:http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/They provide interviews with them that answer commonly asked questions about withdrawling from medications (benzos & otherwise). Now, credibility is something that is very important to me regarding information. Baylissa Frederick, one of the withdrawal advisors, has been working with people in post withdrawal since her own recovery in 2006. She mentions that she's dealt with over 6,000 people, mostly those who are protracted (we are not--thank you Lord!). She said that every one that she's spoke to has recovered -- ALL of them.

 

Ian Singleton (my personal favorite!) has been a withdrawal specialist for the Bristol Tranquilizer Project for over twenty years, since his own (protracted) recovery. They work with over 300 persons in post withdrawal per year (times twenty years = 6,000+ individuals). He says EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered. EVERY time.

 

Melanie Davis is the Manager of Camden's REST Project for over twenty years. (Which means, again, experience with a LOT of people in post withdrawal.) She says, as well, that she's never seen anyone not recover in all her experience.

 

If you watch the interviews, you will hear them say it for yourself.

 

Ian also has his recovery story on the website -- he says it again in there that we ALL recover.

 

For me, it speaks credibility that they have worked with tens of thousands (collectively), all at different organizations, and the all three individually say the same thing: we all heal. I know when reading of those of us in the "heat" of the battle, and hear their doubts and fears expressed, it is tempting to hear those things and think incorrectly and/or irrationally about recovery. I constantly have to keep this in mind, and also protect myself from things that tempt me in the wrong directions. When one is in the heat of it, their perspective may be temporarily limited to it. Does that make sense? (I hope!)

 

Lisa, these are just things I'm working on applying in my life They may or may not pertain or relate to your situation. In my personal but humble opinion: you're doing just fine You're in your sixth month, which is commonly known for a "bugger" of a month for many in withdrawal Also, you've had "windows" along the way -- this is a very good thing Currently, the past couple weeks have been a tough wave where I've had times of doubts in healing. But ya know? They're just not true. Simple as that I've just been taking an "observer" position in my mind -- sorta hop up on a bar stool in my mind and just calmly observe -- like, "Oh OK, there's that thought. There's this thought -- that's nice. Interesting." Etc. I "welcome" the wrong thoughts in and just allow them to "be". Dr. Claire Weekes talks about this (welcoming and accepting, etc). There are four audio clips of hers found here that are "streamable": http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I found them helpful That, and her accent is cute and makes me giggle

 

Anyways, I hope there is something in this that has at least encouraged you some I'm not one to offer advice, of course -- these are just some things that have helped me along my journey I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading this -- I'm believing it to happen! Take care buddy, you are healing

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Greenice - thank you for talking to me about this.  I feel as if I'm losing it every other day.

 

I'm sorry you've had it so rough.  I didn't intend to minimize other's symptoms or experiences.  It's so tough experiencing any of this and the unsure quality of it as well.  I feel like such a freak on this planet, but guess many have the weird mental symptoms.

 

Have you been to the beach lately?  What is the beach like where you live?

 

Yes we are up at the lake but it's easy to be here as opposed to in a hotel because we have all the things we need like at home.  I could never travel right now to a place other than our home or cottage.  In fact, when we came up here end of June I was feeling much better.  I have no clue how I will drive my car downstate four hours, end of this month.  I may just have to do it sick and stop and stop.  My husband will follow me too.

 

I'm glad to hear you're up and able to shower.  I worry about losing strength from laying around so much.  My legs are already weaker than a month ago and my walking is getting way slower.  Do you have concerns about that at all?  I don't see myself jumping around

anytime soon.

 

Project Runway is on tonight and I love that show so at least for tonight that's something new to lift spirits.  Do you ever watch that?  I love watching other's creative processes.  Especially now when I can't do my own artwork or poetry much.

 

xo,

Lisa

 

Lisa, I never meant to make you feel bad, I wasn't looking for sympathy.  I'm trying to reassure you.  I was BAD, lol, very, very bad, and I'm getting better.  That was my point.  I can feel some major improvements.  I have definitely turned a corner.  I'm sure I have plenty of waves left, I know I do, but now I really believe I'm going to be okay.  And so are you.  This last wave, I couldn't even come on BB, I was so depressed, so out of it.  I was planning my own funeral.  I swear, I was making my final arrangements.  I mean we all should.  But I WAS READY.  This is so insane, your s/x are more like other people's than you know.

 

Oh. Meh. Gaw. Not trivializing your pain, Green, but that had me literally laughing out loud!! Oh, the things that make us giggle whilst in withdrawal -- sheesh

 

Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Greenice.  I'm sorry you're going through so much too but happy you're out of that last one and no funeral.

 

See I don't know what I'm in.  I had a good day yesterday  but only 24 hours worth then back into the bowels of ----.  So am I in a long wave with minor let ups or what is this?

 

Well I'm off to watch PR at 9.

 

-----

 

Thank you Mrs. for that encouraging post.  That is all wonderful news!

 

More later or tomorrow.  Hopefully a good day for all of us.

 

Lisa

[[mr...]]

Mrs. - Thank you for the vote of confidence.  I think it's s/x too.  The phobia is sharp objects.  They make my skin crawl and I have to put them out of sight.  I don't know how to shake it.  I have to use them for meals, but it's just awful looking at them.  Not really sure how to make them disappear again.  Pray for me?

 

I would spend multiple times per day handling them and looking at them etc, especially when you feel it most -- and do so until the feeling passes. Lots of times. This is benzo withdrawal no doubt, but you can still overcome it while in withdrawal

 

Mommy, these are just some things that I've been working on doing myself for a while now. Don't feel like you have to do it for you, of course. Either way, with time this will pass

 

Take care Mommy Your healing is manifesting more and more every day

 

Mrs.

 

wow.. that sounds terrifying, but I will give it a try.  Anything to put them back where they belong.

Dr. Claire Weekes taught me about it She has some audios here: http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I really enjoy them

 

Take care buddy

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

You guys are so AWESOME!!!!  I love this support group!!  All really good, useable advice with credibility and videos or web links... Does not get better then that... THANK YOU GREEN, COOP and MRS!!!

[[Gr...]]

Hi Lisa

 

First things first: breathe. A nice deep, slow breath.

 

Okay, regarding everyone's healing:

I have pondered this as well. And researched it

 

There are three withdrawal advisors located at this site:http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/They provide interviews with them that answer commonly asked questions about withdrawling from medications (benzos & otherwise). Now, credibility is something that is very important to me regarding information. Baylissa Frederick, one of the withdrawal advisors, has been working with people in post withdrawal since her own recovery in 2006. She mentions that she's dealt with over 6,000 people, mostly those who are protracted (we are not--thank you Lord!). She said that every one that she's spoke to has recovered -- ALL of them.

 

Ian Singleton (my personal favorite!) has been a withdrawal specialist for the Bristol Tranquilizer Project for over twenty years, since his own (protracted) recovery. They work with over 300 persons in post withdrawal per year (times twenty years = 6,000+ individuals). He says EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered. EVERY time.

 

Melanie Davis is the Manager of Camden's REST Project for over twenty years. (Which means, again, experience with a LOT of people in post withdrawal.) She says, as well, that she's never seen anyone not recover in all her experience.

 

If you watch the interviews, you will hear them say it for yourself.

 

Ian also has his recovery story on the website -- he says it again in there that we ALL recover.

 

For me, it speaks credibility that they have worked with tens of thousands (collectively), all at different organizations, and the all three individually say the same thing: we all heal. I know when reading of those of us in the "heat" of the battle, and hear their doubts and fears expressed, it is tempting to hear those things and think incorrectly and/or irrationally about recovery. I constantly have to keep this in mind, and also protect myself from things that tempt me in the wrong directions. When one is in the heat of it, their perspective may be temporarily limited to it. Does that make sense? (I hope!)

 

Lisa, these are just things I'm working on applying in my life They may or may not pertain or relate to your situation. In my personal but humble opinion: you're doing just fine You're in your sixth month, which is commonly known for a "bugger" of a month for many in withdrawal Also, you've had "windows" along the way -- this is a very good thing Currently, the past couple weeks have been a tough wave where I've had times of doubts in healing. But ya know? They're just not true. Simple as that I've just been taking an "observer" position in my mind -- sorta hop up on a bar stool in my mind and just calmly observe -- like, "Oh OK, there's that thought. There's this thought -- that's nice. Interesting." Etc. I "welcome" the wrong thoughts in and just allow them to "be". Dr. Claire Weekes talks about this (welcoming and accepting, etc). There are four audio clips of hers found here that are "streamable": http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I found them helpful That, and her accent is cute and makes me giggle

 

Anyways, I hope there is something in this that has at least encouraged you some I'm not one to offer advice, of course -- these are just some things that have helped me along my journey I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading this -- I'm believing it to happen! Take care buddy, you are healing

 

Mrs.

 

Thank you very much for that, Mrs. 

[[mr...]]

Agreed, Mommy This s a very special group indeed

 

Green -- 

 

Take care buddies

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Is it ok for me to vent here?  I feel like I have such severe symptoms that I am a hopeless case.

 

And I  keep worrying that since the symptoms I have are so different than others, that I have lyme and it is hopeless, either way.  The nerve pain, and feeling that my body had rigor mortis are so bizarre.  And then I have such a death obsession, not fear of, but weary of life like this and it goes on and on unless in a window.  The torture of this is so extreme to me.  I'm not so much depressed as I am in fear of how to live like this.  It's agony.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?  I bet no one here.

 

The only other person who seems to have these issues is the Dr. female whose name I won't mention and she is very protracted.  Even she feels this way according to back posts and currently.  With thousands and so few success stories, how do we convince ourselves that everyone heals?  I believe you all will heal because your symptoms are similar to each others' but mine are not.

 

I'm so scared.  Nothing is seeming to get better.  My therapist say everyone heals, but when is that, in a million years?

 

Sorry for this rant.  How do you others carry on when day after day you feel so very sick?  I did my affirmations book today, did laundry, took a walk, made my son breakfast, and I am so tired of nothingness and tv because of being too sick to do anything out in the world.  And it's not fear of the world, I want to get out there, but am too sick to get out there.  I distract constantly, but how does one do this for what seems like eternity or what may be years?  I watch people out my window and boats going by and feel like my life is suspended. 

 

Any ideas for me?  I have Bliss's book.  Does anyone know how to call her for an appt.?  Why can't I believe it that everyone heals?  I guess I don't want to delude myself and go through misery forever.  Maybe I have lyme or need meds to be normal.  What I'm doing isn't living.  I am becoming the lady on the block who never leaves her couch.

 

 

Lisa, I don't think your sx  sound any different than any one else's. I have the nerve pain too. You will get better Lisa, we all will-- its just so impossible to see when your in a wave. I think pretty daisys knows how to get a hold of bliss johns maybe you could pm her. Please feel free to vent to us anytime you need to, we all care about you. Prayer for you, jenny

[[li...]]

Is it ok for me to vent here?  I feel like I have such severe symptoms that I am a hopeless case.

 

And I  keep worrying that since the symptoms I have are so different than others, that I have lyme and it is hopeless, either way.  The nerve pain, and feeling that my body had rigor mortis are so bizarre.  And then I have such a death obsession, not fear of, but weary of life like this and it goes on and on unless in a window.  The torture of this is so extreme to me.  I'm not so much depressed as I am in fear of how to live like this.  It's agony.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?  I bet no one here.

 

The only other person who seems to have these issues is the Dr. female whose name I won't mention and she is very protracted.  Even she feels this way according to back posts and currently.  With thousands and so few success stories, how do we convince ourselves that everyone heals?  I believe you all will heal because your symptoms are similar to each others' but mine are not.

 

I'm so scared.  Nothing is seeming to get better.  My therapist say everyone heals, but when is that, in a million years?

 

Sorry for this rant.  How do you others carry on when day after day you feel so very sick?  I did my affirmations book today, did laundry, took a walk, made my son breakfast, and I am so tired of nothingness and tv because of being too sick to do anything out in the world.  And it's not fear of the world, I want to get out there, but am too sick to get out there.  I distract constantly, but how does one do this for what seems like eternity or what may be years?  I watch people out my window and boats going by and feel like my life is suspended. 

 

Any ideas for me?  I have Bliss's book.  Does anyone know how to call her for an appt.?  Why can't I believe it that everyone heals?  I guess I don't want to delude myself and go through misery forever.  Maybe I have lyme or need meds to be normal.  What I'm doing isn't living.  I am becoming the lady on the block who never leaves her couch.

 

I can relate to this statement; especially when I am in a deep wave. I have felt this way before. When I feel this way Free I don't think I can do anything-- everything is a major task -- small things, no ambition, everything is dark and hopeless -- yes I feel like this when I am in a deep wave. I can relate --Thing is windows will be coming your way and they will shine light on what you feel you do not have. our perspective is so negative when we are in a wave. How long have you felt this way? When was your last window Free?

[[Gr...]]

Greenice - thank you for talking to me about this.  I feel as if I'm losing it every other day.

 

I'm sorry you've had it so rough.  I didn't intend to minimize other's symptoms or experiences.  It's so tough experiencing any of this and the unsure quality of it as well.  I feel like such a freak on this planet, but guess many have the weird mental symptoms.

 

Have you been to the beach lately?  What is the beach like where you live?

 

Yes we are up at the lake but it's easy to be here as opposed to in a hotel because we have all the things we need like at home.  I could never travel right now to a place other than our home or cottage.  In fact, when we came up here end of June I was feeling much better.  I have no clue how I will drive my car downstate four hours, end of this month.  I may just have to do it sick and stop and stop.  My husband will follow me too.

 

I'm glad to hear you're up and able to shower.  I worry about losing strength from laying around so much.  My legs are already weaker than a month ago and my walking is getting way slower.  Do you have concerns about that at all?  I don't see myself jumping around

anytime soon.

 

Project Runway is on tonight and I love that show so at least for tonight that's something new to lift spirits.  Do you ever watch that?  I love watching other's creative processes.  Especially now when I can't do my own artwork or poetry much.

 

xo,

Lisa

 

EVERYBODY is glad I'm up and showering, lol.  Beaches are not so good where I am,  It's really a drive to get to a good one, so I settle for the not-so-good local one. 

 

I was hobbling around, hunched over, felt like I couldn't see.  It was awful.  And then it just lifted, in one day. 

 

I read somewhere our muscle tone is affected by high glutamate levels, or low GABA, I forget which.  But it comes right back.  I can feel my legs are much stronger in just two weeks. 

 

Did you say you were on a lake?

[[li...]]

Hi Lisa

 

First things first: breathe. A nice deep, slow breath.

 

Okay, regarding everyone's healing:

I have pondered this as well. And researched it

 

There are three withdrawal advisors located at this site:http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/They provide interviews with them that answer commonly asked questions about withdrawling from medications (benzos & otherwise). Now, credibility is something that is very important to me regarding information. Baylissa Frederick, one of the withdrawal advisors, has been working with people in post withdrawal since her own recovery in 2006. She mentions that she's dealt with over 6,000 people, mostly those who are protracted (we are not--thank you Lord!). She said that every one that she's spoke to has recovered -- ALL of them.

 

Ian Singleton (my personal favorite!) has been a withdrawal specialist for the Bristol Tranquilizer Project for over twenty years, since his own (protracted) recovery. They work with over 300 persons in post withdrawal per year (times twenty years = 6,000+ individuals). He says EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered. EVERY time.

 

Melanie Davis is the Manager of Camden's REST Project for over twenty years. (Which means, again, experience with a LOT of people in post withdrawal.) She says, as well, that she's never seen anyone not recover in all her experience.

 

If you watch the interviews, you will hear them say it for yourself.

 

Ian also has his recovery story on the website -- he says it again in there that we ALL recover.

 

For me, it speaks credibility that they have worked with tens of thousands (collectively), all at different organizations, and the all three individually say the same thing: we all heal. I know when reading of those of us in the "heat" of the battle, and hear their doubts and fears expressed, it is tempting to hear those things and think incorrectly and/or irrationally about recovery. I constantly have to keep this in mind, and also protect myself from things that tempt me in the wrong directions. When one is in the heat of it, their perspective may be temporarily limited to it. Does that make sense? (I hope!)

 

Lisa, these are just things I'm working on applying in my life They may or may not pertain or relate to your situation. In my personal but humble opinion: you're doing just fine You're in your sixth month, which is commonly known for a "bugger" of a month for many in withdrawal Also, you've had "windows" along the way -- this is a very good thing Currently, the past couple weeks have been a tough wave where I've had times of doubts in healing. But ya know? They're just not true. Simple as that I've just been taking an "observer" position in my mind -- sorta hop up on a bar stool in my mind and just calmly observe -- like, "Oh OK, there's that thought. There's this thought -- that's nice. Interesting." Etc. I "welcome" the wrong thoughts in and just allow them to "be". Dr. Claire Weekes talks about this (welcoming and accepting, etc). There are four audio clips of hers found here that are "streamable": http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I found them helpful That, and her accent is cute and makes me giggle

 

Anyways, I hope there is something in this that has at least encouraged you some I'm not one to offer advice, of course -- these are just some things that have helped me along my journey I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading this -- I'm believing it to happen! Take care buddy, you are healing

 

Mrs.

 

This is simply an awesome post!

 

life

[[pe...]]

I really like that post from Mrs. too. I get that we all heal. I really do. I could live with these symptoms for awhile, not sure I can work like this though. So, we heal, but we do we lose in the process? If I can't work, I stand to lose a lot. The job I'm starting is a big deal in my 'field'. If I can't do it, I'm not sure how my peers will perceive me. Will I be able to get another job when I'm well? And If I can't work, we won't be able to pay our mortgage and we'll lose our house. It's huge, a huge pressure to try and do this work thing even though my cognitive faculties are severely challenged.

 

I suppose I'll know in a month or so if I'm going to be able to make it. Right now, I'm trying to stay out of the future and do one thing at a time.

 

I am sorry for all my hurting buddies. I hope your waves roll out soon and leave you on a bright sunny beach.

 

Jenny- I'm so glad you're making it through this time with your sister and are able to enjoy pieces of it. We do tend to surprise ourselves over and over again.

 

Peace

[[Co...]]

MommyR....hope you see this post...I was off today and your question about menopause was pages back...but...for me,  menopause was a picnic compared to anything in w/d. I had hot flashes but they were manageable. That was really the only s/x I had. I resisted every pointed suggestion by my doc ( at the time) to take hormone supplements..I just wasn't comfortable with them.  Everyone's experience is different....but I stand by my rant, ..not nearly as difficult as w/d....coop

[[Gr...]]

I really like that post from Mrs. too. I get that we all heal. I really do. I could live with these symptoms for awhile, not sure I can work like this though. So, we heal, but we do we lose in the process? If I can't work, I stand to lose a lot. The job I'm starting is a big deal in my 'field'. If I can't do it, I'm not sure how my peers will perceive me. Will I be able to get another job when I'm well? And If I can't work, we won't be able to pay our mortgage and we'll lose our house. It's huge, a huge pressure to try and do this work thing even though my cognitive faculties are severely challenged.

 

I suppose I'll know in a month or so if I'm going to be able to make it. Right now, I'm trying to stay out of the future and do one thing at a time.

 

I am sorry for all my hurting buddies. I hope your waves roll out soon and leave you on a bright sunny beach.

 

Jenny- I'm so glad you're making it through this time with your sister and are able to enjoy pieces of it. We do tend to surprise ourselves over and over again.

 

Peace

 

Peace, the cost of withdrawal is staggering.  We make jokes and jolly each other along, but this is no joke.  All of us have felt the impact financially, I'm sure.  I have a strong feeling you're going to be fine, you'll be able to get in there and do what you have to.