6-12 month thread....

[[Gr...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I don't know what's going on but I have a decent day then go back to feeling sick again.  Sorry to not be too talkative here.  I'm just trying to cope with such illness that goes on and on.  My therapist keeps reassuring me that everyone heals.

 

xo,

Lisa

 

Lisa, I swear to you this gets better. I checked your signature.  You're only six months out.  I know you have that "long term illness" fear.  You know I have it too.  I swear to you everything you have is just w/d, and it's going to pass.  You have to find a mindset, a peaceful place in your mind, some kind of spiritual well to draw from.  Look for it, it's there.  Your therapist is right, everyone heals.  And at some point it's not going to be this hard.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Guys, this helped me recently also, it's an excerpt from Perseverance's post"

 

"The bottom line is this- the body has an enormous job ahead of itself trying to reset neurotransmitter levels, hormone levels, peptide levels, reverse neuronal changes….and since the body relies upon all of these things to do its work, it is truly a miracle that our bodies can sort out such a mess and set everything straight again.

 

But that is something you need to rely upon.  The miracle of life.  The forces within us that go about doing their business automatically.  Your body knows exactly what is not right.  Since it cannot possibly tackle everything at once, especially with so many systems down, it works on first things first.

 

It is like a table that had all of its legs damaged.  One leg gets fixed but the table still cannot stand up right.  Then the leg diagonally across is fixed and the table can stand somewhat, but will fall over with the slightest touch.  Then a third leg is fixed and the table is on more even footing- but still wobbly and if something is place on top the table will tilt.  Finally the last leg is fixed and the table is able to stand again.  However the glue may need time to cure before the table is as sturdy as it was before the legs were damaged.  So while the glue is curing nothing heavy must be placed on the table.

 

This is how symptoms go.  When two legs are repaired the table may be able to stand for a bit but will eventually fall again.  As the body gets some things repaired it may be able to operate pretty good for an hour or day until a stressor of some sort comes along and throws it back off balance.

 

Then 3 legs are fixed but the table can still tilt.  Items can be placed on the table, but if placed wrong or if they are too heavy, the table will tilt.  Our bodies are now getting far enough along to have longer periods of feeling better- but if a load comes along it can tilt again.  Since 3 legs are present the table does not completely fall down as it did before.  While waves can be hard further out in your recovery, if you really sit down and compare your waves now to back in the beginning you will see that now you have more of a foundation, just like the table.  You may tilt pretty far but do not fall down completely like you did before.  However tilts can still bring on strong symptoms.  All of the legs work together to keep the table upright.  They all depend on each other, no one leg can do it on its own.  That is how the body is.

 

Finally when the last leg is fixed you feel like it may be over- now you can stand again.  But keep in mind the glue may still be soft and you should not place anything heavy on the table.  So beware of high stress situations, medications, or other things that can put a load on your still fragile body.

 

 

The parts of the body affected do not come back on line evenly.  Some will be restored before others- but since they all rely upon each other, as in the table analogy, some symptoms will stay steady because that area has not been addressed by the body yet.  Some will wax and wane as the legs are repaired.  Eventually they will become less intense and fade away.  This can happen in a shorter time for some people, and take a much longer time for others.  One reason for this is that we are all genetically different.

 

Some people never experience withdrawal from benzodiazepines, even after taking them for many years.  That is a great example of just how genetically different we all are.  We have many things in common as human beings, but there are thousands of differences between individuals.  Common genetic differences are things like having blue eyes or brown hair.  But there are many other genetic differences you can’t see that make you unique.  You have your very own unique combination.  This is one reason why it is hard to predict how long your withdrawal will last and why each person has their own unique set of symptoms.  But what we all have in common is the body’s desire and fortitude to restore balance.  These are a force of nature that works in our favor.

 

Well, this once again turned out to be longer than I wanted it to be- seems to be a trend in my threads any more.  I hope that it has helped you better understand what benzodiazepines did in your body and the recovery process.  Best wishes to you all."

 

We really are healing.

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Greenice for the support.  Today, I have been pasting and writing positive affirmations in my journal  I look for positive things, sayings, poems and such that are about hope and paste them in my notebook.  I feel like a kindergartener with what I do all day, but it's all I can do right now.

 

Gosh, I miss doing artwork and writing poems but I can't seem to concentrate on what I love doing due to the discomfort level.

 

Today my mom called and afterward I sat here and cried and cried, grieving over all that she lost and me for right now.  I sensed her grief and difficulty in seeing me like this.  I feel bad because I want to be there for her in her old age so I think I get cross with her  to release her in a way.  If she's mad at me maybe she won't hurt as much.

 

Today I'm not depressed from the chemical stuff, it's from the ongoing pain of this wd. 

 

I keep writing this affirmation over and over---I trust my body to heal perfectly.  It knows exactly what to do.

[[Gr...]]

Thanks Greenice for the support.  Today, I have been pasting and writing positive affirmations in my journal  I look for positive things, sayings, poems and such that are about hope and paste them in my notebook.  I feel like a kindergartener with what I do all day, but it's all I can do right now.

 

Gosh, I miss doing artwork and writing poems but I can't seem to concentrate on what I love doing due to the discomfort level.

 

Today my mom called and afterward I sat here and cried and cried, grieving over all that she lost and me for right now.  I sensed her grief and difficulty in seeing me like this.  I feel bad because I want to be there for her in her old age so I think I get cross with her  to release her in a way.  If she's mad at me maybe she won't hurt as much.

 

Today I'm not depressed from the chemical stuff, it's from the ongoing pain of this wd. 

 

I keep writing this affirmation over and over---I trust my body to heal perfectly.  It knows exactly what to do.

 

Did you read Bliss Johns book?  See her FB site, I think it's Bloom in Wellness?  Now is the time to pull out all the positive aff, stops, success stories, hit it with whatever you've got.  And acceptance.  Pray for strength to accept and cope.  It's going to be okay.

[[...]]

Green, I SO agree! Everyone should stick to all the positive stories as possible! Healing does happen, and this tries to tell you it doesn't!

 

Try to stay positive all!

 

Thanks Green!

 

[[pe...]]

I've got that whole starting a new job thing going on, but for several days my symptoms have been bothersome instead of scary. That's a change for the better. Today, my cognitive fog is better than yesterday. I'm a little numb and feel very uncomfortable, but it's bearable. It gives me hope this will pass for myself and for all of us. Don't stop believing.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Peace, this may be really good for you! A really good distraction! I sure hope so!

 

[[mr...]]

Hi gang

 

Mrs here

 

Just reviewing my notes for this month thus far, regarding symptoms and windows/waves. I am grateful to experience windows throughout this process; so very grateful! The windows are "partial" for the time being, meaning its not me at 100% in one, but I know the time is coming when they will be How great will that feel!

 

Its been challenging this month. But things can turn around in a moment for the better -- looking forward to this change Just believing, and receiving, this incredible positive change

 

I hope you all are doing well, buddies -- we are becoming such incredible people through the process! Coop, you doing better? I've been thinking about you Mommy, you too! As well as Nova, Green, Life, GMIT, JRod, Peace, HH, and all the other buddies I may have missed Mrs is resting

 

Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[Fr...]]

Peace - so happy to hear that things are lifting for you!

 

Green - yes I do have Bliss's book and keep it next to the couch where I lay down and watch tv.  Many page are bent over and I go back read and reread.  That's all we can do through this.  Keep on with whatever helps on any level.

 

How are you doing?

[[li...]]

Hi everyone, went to the funural of my friends daughter. It was very sad. I was put through allot of stressors ( who am I to complain though given the circumstances?) as I ran into many eopel that well...it woudl be better I haddenet. Old baggage stuff. I dealt with it well though.

 

Mommyr, I sooooo understand what you are saying. I have all but convinced myself that I must have "GAD" or contracted something in this process because my mind is out of control with swirling thoughts. Yet I know that I had an almost 4 week window where I thought I was on the verge of writing a success story? The truth is that we are not "it" and "it" is not us. "It" is the benzo w/d and "we" are not "it".

I know how hard it is to believe it. I am getting tired and all I want to do is put my head in a machine and let them fry away my negative thoughts. Whoever "they" is.

 

Peace you sound so great!

 

Nova glad to hear you are feeling better.

 

Copp, we are going to make it out of here alive and kicking. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

 

Green that you for posting those wonderful words of encouragement.

 

Mrs, keep up the great words of encouragement!

 

GMIT, Free, Jenny, Healinghope, Jrod, all -- we are going t make it even though I sometimes have days that I simpy do not know how I am going to get through it.

 

A prayer: "God we have suffered so much my Lord. You have the power to make it all right. Dear Lord Jesus we are suffering so mush. I pray that you heal us all in the name of Jesus, right hear right now. We accept your healing! In Jesus' name!"

 

 

Love,

 

Life

[[je...]]

Hi Guys,

 

Im feeling pretty good today--Im in a window not 100% maybe 80%, but I'll take it. Super busy week with my sister, she in a interior decorator and she came here to re-decorate her sister-in-law's entire house--she is also re-organizing her entire house. Sooo on Monday night she wanted to spend the night so she could see my boys, this was a complete last minute thing so I had to go into cleaning mode and get her room ready, sheets clean etc etc. Mind you this was the day I was feeling hung over from the day because of all the stress of that baby shower. Got the house clean and ready, stayed up late talking with her we actually had a nice time-- then she says I have to go shopping with her the next day to find furniture and more stuff to decorate. I really DID NOT want to go as I was in a big wave, but faking it. Spent the ENTIRE next day (about 8 hours) shopping with her and her sister in law. It was an entire day of me faking it, and nobody had a clue. I was shaky, panicky, very dizzy, severe head pressure, difficulty breathing, and nauseous, BUT I did it. I got through the whole day of non stop shopping and talking. I really thought I was gonna be extremely sick after all of that, but Im not. Yesterday I was very tired, but not too bad and today I feel pretty good. She will be here until Monday, so Im still not done with all the socializing but I feel like I can handle it now. I know now that even if I feel lousy, I can fake it pretty good and I can get through it. I now need to go through all the posts and catch up. I hope your all doing good--missed all of you Jenny

[[...]]

Oh Jenny, I'm so happy for you!! Perfect way to "fake it till you make it!" 

 

I'm hoping that I don't have to do that this weekend for my husband and my weekend getaway! I will if it's called for!!

 

Take care!!

 

[[Gr...]]

WAY TO GO, JENNY!

[[mr...]]

Wow, you all just stretch me to be and become more and more through this process, again I say WOW! Its interesting how when I'm in a "thick" its tempting to think/believe that "no one else has it like me" or "this is the worst ever" etc. I'm not. And its not. I am healthy, whole, and becoming something BEAUTIFUL through this all. I am strong enough, capable enough, healthy enough, right now to do everything that I need to do. If God be for me, then who can be against me? No weapon fashioned against me prospers, and I am healed by His stripes. Yes Lord, we accept the healing that is already ours, bought & paid for 2,000 years ago. Thank you for its manifestation. Thank you for fresh grace every day. We are grateful

 

Feels like Friday for some reason Hope everyone is doing well Take care for now,

 

Mrs.

 

Edit Note: typo

[[mr...]]

Jenny, that is good news, indeed Healing is happening! Hooray

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

I read all the posts and realize again it's just more of the same.  Once I got out of the house and things started to burn away I could feel what was going on.  After the dentist some panic came up and I felt more comfortable with 'familiar' symptoms.  I am glad for all the postings about symptoms and waiting.  It's really hard for me wanting to get things done, but not being totally there. 

 

Thank you Peace for directing me to the hormone board.  I will go over there and look for others my symptoms.  My cycles are pretty regular but this process had caused interruptions.

 

Green - Thank you for validating me on the break thru panic.  I know I am healing it's just that nagging doubt of being stuck where I'm at.  More lies.  The healing process scenario using a table with the legs being repaired was amazing.  Walking revs the cog fog but not cycling.  Wow, that is very interesting.  I am so glad you can at least go for a bike ride. 

 

Mrs. - Thank you for the vote of confidence.  I think it's s/x too.  The phobia is sharp objects.  They make my skin crawl and I have to put them out of sight.  I don't know how to shake it.  I have to use them for meals, but it's just awful looking at them.  Not really sure how to make them disappear again.  Pray for me? 

 

Right now I have that break thru panic.  It's very light with a breathless sensation.  Then I felt the sweat come.  They must be related.  For me I usually have definite patterns so when they trade of it gets bit confusing.  I also have a piercing sensation thru my chest that I recognize with panic...so it must be related.  Anyways, the good news is I am functional.  Not train for a marathon functional, but I am getting things done. 

 

Free - I am sorry this is so hard, but I am grateful when you report of a let up in intensity.  Low or high symptoms can wear you down, but like HH, I will take the low lying.  Green posted amazing stuff today. Reminding us about the basics. She is absolutely right and you are right in the affirmations and feeding your mind positive information.  I need to throw something on the tv myself. 

 

Coop, Drew, GMIT, Nova, Sky, Jenny, Beulah.. looking forward to hearing from you.

 

MommyR

[[...]]

Mommy! So many of us are just doing things and living through them! Of course, sometimes we have/need to!

 

My main symptom left is anxiety, I haven't had that instant panic in a while, but when I did, that was when my chest felt tight, I didn't have sweating.

 

It amazes me the vast variety of symptoms that come from this wicked drug! Fascinating!

 

[[Mo...]]

Mommy! So many of us are just doing things and living through them! Of course, sometimes we have/need to!

 

My main symptom left is anxiety, I haven't had that instant panic in a while, but when I did, that was when my chest felt tight, I didn't have sweating.

 

It amazes me the vast variety of symptoms that come from this wicked drug! Fascinating!

 

  It amazes me the vast variety of symptoms that come from this wicked drug! Fascinating!  Agreed.. it is wicked drug and the mind is fascinating.  Do you work GMIT?  Are you fully functional?

[[Mo...]]

Hi Guys,

 

Im feeling pretty good today--Im in a window not 100% maybe 80%, but I'll take it. Super busy week with my sister, she in a interior decorator and she came here to re-decorate her sister-in-law's entire house--she is also re-organizing her entire house. Sooo on Monday night she wanted to spend the night so she could see my boys, this was a complete last minute thing so I had to go into cleaning mode and get her room ready, sheets clean etc etc. Mind you this was the day I was feeling hung over from the day because of all the stress of that baby shower. Got the house clean and ready, stayed up late talking with her we actually had a nice time-- then she says I have to go shopping with her the next day to find furniture and more stuff to decorate. I really DID NOT want to go as I was in a big wave, but faking it. Spent the ENTIRE next day (about 8 hours) shopping with her and her sister in law. It was an entire day of me faking it, and nobody had a clue. I was shaky, panicky, very dizzy, severe head pressure, difficulty breathing, and nauseous, BUT I did it. I got through the whole day of non stop shopping and talking. I really thought I was gonna be extremely sick after all of that, but Im not. Yesterday I was very tired, but not too bad and today I feel pretty good. She will be here until Monday, so Im still not done with all the socializing but I feel like I can handle it now. I know now that even if I feel lousy, I can fake it pretty good and I can get through it. I now need to go through all the posts and catch up. I hope your all doing good--missed all of you Jenny

 

Yay!!  Wonderful news!  I am so glad you got to 'be there' !

[[...]]

No Mommy...this is the main reason for the anxiety when I'm in a wave...work! I quit when I got so sick prior to knowing it was Benzos, along with other health issues!

 

Now I think I could work! I am still waiting to hear if I can go back to my old job, but it could actually take till October for me to find out! I argue with myself often, "What if you can't go back, you should just find something now. But what if you can go back, think of the healing that can occur before you have to work again!"

 

Back and forth, back and forth!

 

I can do anything I want now...although it can be very challenging when a wave comes on! The psychological symptoms,can be so daunting!

 

[[Co...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

[[Fr...]]

Jenny - how wonderful that you're feeling well!  I'm so happy for you.  You've been through so much and are coming out on the other side nicely.

[[Fr...]]

Is it ok for me to vent here?  I feel like I have such severe symptoms that I am a hopeless case.

 

And I  keep worrying that since the symptoms I have are so different than others, that I have lyme and it is hopeless, either way.  The nerve pain, and feeling that my body had rigor mortis are so bizarre.  And then I have such a death obsession, not fear of, but weary of life like this and it goes on and on unless in a window.  The torture of this is so extreme to me.  I'm not so much depressed as I am in fear of how to live like this.  It's agony.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?  I bet no one here.

 

The only other person who seems to have these issues is the Dr. female whose name I won't mention and she is very protracted.  Even she feels this way according to back posts and currently.  With thousands and so few success stories, how do we convince ourselves that everyone heals?  I believe you all will heal because your symptoms are similar to each others' but mine are not.

 

I'm so scared.  Nothing is seeming to get better.  My therapist say everyone heals, but when is that, in a million years?

 

Sorry for this rant.  How do you others carry on when day after day you feel so very sick?  I did my affirmations book today, did laundry, took a walk, made my son breakfast, and I am so tired of nothingness and tv because of being too sick to do anything out in the world.  And it's not fear of the world, I want to get out there, but am too sick to get out there.  I distract constantly, but how does one do this for what seems like eternity or what may be years?  I watch people out my window and boats going by and feel like my life is suspended. 

 

Any ideas for me?  I have Bliss's book.  Does anyone know how to call her for an appt.?  Why can't I believe it that everyone heals?  I guess I don't want to delude myself and go through misery forever.  Maybe I have lyme or need meds to be normal.  What I'm doing isn't living.  I am becoming the lady on the block who never leaves her couch. 

[[Gr...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

 

Coop, I also have the sweats.  Like you, I'm well past meno and know the difference. I wake up at night with the sheets wet, so I'm having some pretty good soaks.  All w/d, ladies.  Also, someone recommended and I tried Rooibus tea.  I think it's helping, it's certainly not hurting, and I am very sensitive to EVERYTHING.  It's supposed to help with BP and be calming.  Bought it on Amazon.  I don't do tea, but I think this one is helpful. 

[[Ha...]]

MommyR.  I have also been having sweats.  flushing red face.  ...racing. pounding heart and sure yes of anxiety/panic that only lasts minutes to maybe an hour. I am at 9 months and 10 days.I am well past menopause....I have also had a bout of head pressure and back ache in upper back. ....I think this is a new phase of healing....hopefully indicating that we are closer yet.

......You sound great MommyR. ....coop

I'm having all this too. Heart palps leave for two months then come right back! I was thinking it was over but I give it makes this so hard to deal with! How do you keep going?