6-12 month thread....

[[Gr...]]

Just a quick hello to everybody !

 

I was wondering, is anybody else experiencing limited  body movements ? Let me rephrase that , I am more challenged than usual today !!

 

I can't make swimming movements with my arms without incredible pain. Now it is getting worse and my movements are more and more limited.  So Mr Sky is worrying that it might get worse and that it is connected to by not exercising at all .

 

I feel a pain where the nerves are. I just think it is wd and I should not force it. But I though I would double check with you guys. If I do nothing it does not bother me so I don't think it is the worse benzo symptom by a long shot !

 

Unfortunately, here it is 5.41 pm and I have reached my benzo brain limit and I will have to turn  off the computer. I just hate this fog that comes down on my brain after a small amount of activity, but that's all part of the benzo package.

 

Hope it is a better day for everyone .  :smitten:

 

Sky, I had excruciating pain in my left hand for a week or so.  Couldn't lift a fork or move it in any direction.  I ignored it and it went away.

[[He...]]

Good morning everyone! It sounds like yesterday was a rough one for many of you. The fear is horrible, and I had it often. Thankfully, this is just another crappy symptom and it DOES go away! I think my last big bout of fear was in the beginning of June. My wavy days have anxiety as their main symptom, but the gut-wrenching fear is gone. Hopefully to never return!

I'm still not completely out of this wave, but it's not too bad. Some anxiety, an electrical "zinging" coursing around my rib cage, and feeling tired. My waves, uncomfortable and tiresome as they are, are MUCH improved. They still bring the "what if this is me" baggage and I am so ready to just be done with this all.....it's funny how I would have given almost anything 6 months ago to feel as "good" as I do now while in a wave!    I guess that shows how much healing has taken place, and yet I can STILL question that fact at times.

It's weird to me to be only a couple of weeks shy of that 14 month average healing time mark. I was really hoping to be completely done by then, with not even a twinge of benzo symptoms left.  Maybe I still will be, but realistically I have 18  months in mind.  To those of you behind me by many months, I no longer feel BAD when in a wave....just not GOOD. A huge difference from earlier in the year when my waves felt like I was going to die!

I had to go with my hubby to a meeting he has about 2 hours away, in case he needs me to drive home with him being only a week out of surgery. We got up early and now I just will be hanging out for a few hours until he's done.  I'll be walking around this beautiful campus and marveling that I can be in alone in an unfamiliar town (while in a bit of a wave!) and be content. I'm even going to go driving around to look for a coffee shop with NO fear.  How can I still question my healing? Silly benzo beast!

Lots of love and prayers for you all!

[[Gr...]]

Ok buds....anyone out there past 8 months with a return of acute like anxiety....I seem to be in a 5 day wave of depression/ anxiety... I havent been this bad for at least 6 weeks...almost wanting to take something for the anxiety but resisting....staying busy busy busy....lots of physical s/x .....head band tightness...dizziness ( part of the anxiety)...pressured ears....

......feeling desperate which only makes it worse....trying to ride the wave .. .just venting....hope everyone else is having a better day. .....Mrs...prayers for you and all. ..coop

 

Yeah, Coop, I've got the anxiety back.  No sleep, either.  But remember, we've been through this, we know what  to do.  Don't fall into the panic, the fear, that you're going to get stuck under water, not be able to breathe.  that's not going to happen.  I thought I was going off the deep end this morning, and then I watched Peace's youtube skydive video, and it lifted.  I feel it buzzing around me like a bee, but I'm trying hard to hand onto control.  We've been through much worse than this.  We can do this.  It will pass.  It always does.  We know that

[[Gr...]]

I would love to hop on a boogie board Coop and actually have some fun.

 

Here is a poem from the poet Ellen Bass's book, Mules of Love.

 

The Thing Is    By Ellen Bass

 

to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you've held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

Your grief sits with you like your own flesh

only more of it, and obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.

 

Lisa, that's some amazing writing.

 

Hang on, friend, when this breaks you're going to say it was worth it.  Be patient.

[[Co...]]

Boy oh boy...Nova...my thoughts are so with you. As you know from all my hysteria yesterday I have absolutely no words of any kind of advice for this torture....please just know I am thinking of you and holding your discomfort in my heart. ...I hope with all my heart this disappears for you on THIS day...right now.

......the head pressure group has a lot of support...I harrassed poor Minnie to death yesterday with out of control panic....more sane today....Minnie says she used to want to bang her head on the wall...I get that. ...Take care dear friend ...coop

[[Gr...]]

Good morning everyone! It sounds like yesterday was a rough one for many of you. The fear is horrible, and I had it often. Thankfully, this is just another crappy symptom and it DOES go away! I think my last big bout of fear was in the beginning of June. My wavy days have anxiety as their main symptom, but the gut-wrenching fear is gone. Hopefully to never return!

I'm still not completely out of this wave, but it's not too bad. Some anxiety, an electrical "zinging" coursing around my rib cage, and feeling tired. My waves, uncomfortable and tiresome as they are, are MUCH improved. They still bring the "what if this is me" baggage and I am so ready to just be done with this all.....it's funny how I would have given almost anything 6 months ago to feel as "good" as I do now while in a wave!    I guess that shows how much healing has taken place, and yet I can STILL question that fact at times.

It's weird to me to be only a couple of weeks shy of that 14 month average healing time mark. I was really hoping to be completely done by then, with not even a twinge of benzo symptoms left.  Maybe I still will be, but realistically I have 18  months in mind.  To those of you behind me by many months, I no longer feel BAD when in a wave....just not GOOD. A huge difference from earlier in the year when my waves felt like I was going to die!

I had to go with my hubby to a meeting he has about 2 hours away, in case he needs me to drive home with him being only a week out of surgery. We got up early and now I just will be hanging out for a few hours until he's done.  I'll be walking around this beautiful campus and marveling that I can be in alone in an unfamiliar town (while in a bit of a wave!) and be content. I'm even going to go driving around to look for a coffee shop with NO fear.  How can I still question my healing? Silly benzo beast!

Lots of love and prayers for you all!

 

Amy, you sound wonderful.  I think you have the healing they talk about at 12-14 months.  I think the fine tuning comes after that.  I think that's the gift, being able to walk around a strange campus, strange town, and look for a coffee shop.  You're just living now.  I'm so happy for you

[[Mo...]]

Good morning everyone! It sounds like yesterday was a rough one for many of you. The fear is horrible, and I had it often. Thankfully, this is just another crappy symptom and it DOES go away! I think my last big bout of fear was in the beginning of June. My wavy days have anxiety as their main symptom, but the gut-wrenching fear is gone. Hopefully to never return!

I'm still not completely out of this wave, but it's not too bad. Some anxiety, an electrical "zinging" coursing around my rib cage, and feeling tired. My waves, uncomfortable and tiresome as they are, are MUCH improved. They still bring the "what if this is me" baggage and I am so ready to just be done with this all.....it's funny how I would have given almost anything 6 months ago to feel as "good" as I do now while in a wave!    I guess that shows how much healing has taken place, and yet I can STILL question that fact at times.

It's weird to me to be only a couple of weeks shy of that 14 month average healing time mark. I was really hoping to be completely done by then, with not even a twinge of benzo symptoms left.  Maybe I still will be, but realistically I have 18  months in mind.  To those of you behind me by many months, I no longer feel BAD when in a wave....just not GOOD. A huge difference from earlier in the year when my waves felt like I was going to die!

I had to go with my hubby to a meeting he has about 2 hours away, in case he needs me to drive home with him being only a week out of surgery. We got up early and now I just will be hanging out for a few hours until he's done.  I'll be walking around this beautiful campus and marveling that I can be in alone in an unfamiliar town (while in a bit of a wave!) and be content. I'm even going to go driving around to look for a coffee shop with NO fear.  How can I still question my healing? Silly benzo beast!

Lots of love and prayers for you all!

 

HH - Thank you for sharing this.  It is good to hear.  My symptoms seem to be closer to your experience, so it is hard for me to feel I can encourage everyone being 10 months out. 

[[Co...]]

Hi Green....well I did fall into the rip tides yesterday...and forgot to swim with the rip instead of across it...we all know where that ends up. Complete and total panic and unrelenting anxiety regarding head pressure. I was 1 step away from er with cascading health fear and that absolute conviction that I was dying. I haven't been that acute since the beginning of June. ...Today it seems to burning off with easier head pressure and a b/p that is behaving itself. Haven't I written this exact post at least 20 times?...

.....Green I am sorry anxiety came knocking on your door today. Such a pushy aggressive visitor and hangs around in spite of the pointed absence of coffee and cookies. ...I was encouraged by HH 's post. Nearly 14 months out and much much better but still with some mild s/x. Gives me hope that the wild wave that took me under yesterday is indeed w/d as opossed to major organ failure on every front..I was so astounded because I had gone 6 weeks being moderately symptomatic but functional and progressing....lost my head in minutes. I should probably never show myself again on the 'Head Pressure ' group. I was on there boohooing frantically all evening....Felt exactly like EARLY acute...but as someone said ...maybe Buelah (?)..." the pain of yesterday. is gone".

....Green...I am wishing your anxiety away. You are so right we have been here many times before ....and here we are months and months closer ....thinking of you...love to see you back on...love to you....coop

[[Co...]]

HealingHope...thank you thank you for your post. It was very reassuring to me. I had a day from the depths of acute hell yesterday and a very difficult time accepting that it was w/d as I am nearly 9.5 months out and had not had a panic since early June. Your post reminded me that we ate not healed until we are healed and the unexpected wave from blue hell doess not mean you are er material.

....How wonderful to hear that just shy of 14 months you are driving 3 hour stretches...exploring new places and living a real life with easily managed mild s/x....so happy for you. Your post is keeping me going today...thank you and enjoy having your life back. ....coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi all.  Had a lot of reading to do to catch up, just three days off I think.

 

You guys don't see it, but I do, reading the posts, we are all a lot better than we were. 

 

I'm -- well, window is over for sure.  Insomnia is back, cortisol buzz, anxiety, a little panic keeps trying to work its way in.  But I'm hanging on, and so far I'm coping.  I don't want to fall into the hole.

 

Coop, you sound better, so that proves the waves don't last as long.

 

Lisa, I know you're struggling, hang in there.

 

HH and Life, as I said before, God is "testing" you to see if you're ready for success.

 

Peace, you sound positive, good.

 

Gmit, Mommy, and Mrs., hang in there, (and anyone I forgot) you all sound really good today. 

 

Sun is out.  Have to get out to walk or try to bike ride.  It really helps.

 

Have a good one, everyone.

[[Mo...]]

Good late morning everyone,

 

I am so glad HH checked in with comforting words.  I am still in the low lying symptoms realm.  No sleep last night with sweating and morbid thoughts.  Woke up with no funk on me.. seemingly normal except I'm not 100%.  I have very bad short term memory loss. Yesterday, I decided to test it out. I put my son and a back pack next to the car.  I lifted my son into his car seat and looked at back pack thinking...'I know the back pack is next to go into the car.  Let's see if I remember it when I turn my back to it and put the 3 year old in his seat'.. this thought process actually happened.  What did I do? I got in the car and backed out forgetting the back pack.  I have a lot of these little incidents, but it's very frustrating.  When I leave the house I do a mental inventory of stuff I need to grab, but even things I hang on a door knob are forgotten if someone open's the door before me.  I just wanted to share this incase anyone else experiences it.  It's a normal thing that happens, but a little more intense.  Also, I am struggling in my multi-tasking and listening ability.  As a mom, this is something we need to do.  I keep an ear out for the kids while I am cleaning or talking to my husband, but it's like a spark plug doesn't fire off and suddenly I realize someone is in my face repeating what they just said.  The other week my son was saying something to me and I wasn't following.  I heard him say to hubby, 'Dad, turn the radio off.  Something is causing her attention to be off'.. HA!  Out of the mouth of babes...

 

Did not get the dishes done last night...flies are buzzing me as I speak.  How do fruit gnats appear over night??  Anyways, my mom likes to play the ukelele and insisted we get the kids and play songs.  We started with Bill Bailey, Has anybody seen my gal, then Baby Face and on to a hawaiian song.  I grabbed some musical instruments from the kids music box and the kids proceeded to dance around the living room putting on a show.  We were all laughing.  Then it was story time.  My mom and son have a tradition where she tells the story of the three bears (no book).  When they get to the porridge part my son begins listing ingredients he thinks should go into porridge.  It's starts out reasonable with cinnamon and brown sugar...maybe a pinch of ginger.  Then they add beets and roast beef... turmeric and parsley.  A potato, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, avocado..  It quickly becomes a scary goulash only a bear would eat. 

 

Last night they told the story in the living room so the 3 year old could take part.  He's not one for sitting, so it quickly became a play by play of bear antics.  The bears stomp around the house, sitting on pretend chairs and laying in beds.  My oldest became the narrator repeating everything mom said with his arms raised in the air for emphasis.  It was hilarious.  After they finished we all retired to my room in the king size bed where mom proceeded to put us all to sleep with the story of Sleeping Beauty.  Once the baby, always the baby.. even with my babies.. 

 

This morning I woke up before the kids because I had been up since 3 and coasted in and out until 6.  Mom was awake in the living room.  We decided to go ahead with devotions and prayer for everyone.  Afterward, she started telling me stories about when she worked for a television personality (I am forbidden to say).  My oldest had awoken at this point and was sprawled out next to me on our couch.  She was telling us of these impossible situations her boss would put her in, but she always got what was needed.  One time they wanted a copy of a video put intentionally out of print a few years prior.  Mom scoured the internet looking for a copy hidden in someone's warehouse.  Did she find it?  Yup.. it was in a college library.  She called them and had it transferred to another library who shipped it to her!  Then one time this person was on a plane and had broken a gift they were to deliver on the east coast.  They needed a replica in the hotel before they arrived in a few hours.  It was 8pm on the east coast.  Some how Mom got the job done.  My son was getting more and more excited with her stories as was I.  You can see how I can't give up my hope when I have this example of faith and tenacity in my life.  The thing is, my mom is about to lose the home she shared with my father who died suddenly in 2007.  She was laid off of her job in 2010 and hasn't been able to find work since then. 

 

She needs a job or to sell the home.  This is why she was so upset a few weeks ago and didn't want to talk to me.  Even without being on benzo and having all the crappy stuff we do.. even having a life long example of answered prayer...even she can be in doubt sometimes that this will be the time God doesn't answer.

 

The doubt doesn't last long because she has me to rehearse her faith on, and oh how I love it.  I love to hear the stories she tells where God provided a way in an impossible situation.  Right now, she is in a tough spot.  She's 78 and facing losing her life of independence.  It's going to come eventually, but she is fighting tooth and nail to keep what is hers.  As we prayed yesterday about the situation, the phone rang.  It was a call for an interview.  We high-fived each other with excitement.  Then I went to shower and dress.  When I got out she told me a 2nd call had come in for an interview.  Whoa!!  Will she get the job?  I don't know.  I do know in the entirety of my life God has never let her down.  Maybe it is time for her to live with a family member.  We don't know what God's will is in the matter, but we trust His decision all the while going forward with what we know to do. 

 

I absolutely trust what God is doing with each of us.  Some are hurting worse then others.  Some are doing better.  We have a promise that healing comes.. from doctors, people and even for our souls.  The best possible odds are with us in this.  I'm not preaching I'm just saying if you are having trouble believing you will heal...  Go ahead and believe.  You have permission to believe.  Don't not believe because you are afraid you will be let down.  It doesn't work that way.  Especially in our situation because it is chemical.  Believe it will happen because your mind will believe it too.  Believe it in a window and in a wave.  There will come a tipping point where that terrible recording is written over by a deeper thought of hope and certainty that this will pass.  B

 

buzzzzzz.. buzzz.. I better do the dishes before the gnats think they've hit the jack pot!..

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

MommyR- This one is for you.

My sons, three and six, are in the backyard building a playground. We hear the hose turn on and I pop my head out the backdoor to ask what they're up to.

The oldest says," I'm washing off my brother's feet." I say, "ok. Turn the hose off when you're done."

The oldest goes to turn off the hose and says, "Point it at your face."

"Why?" asks the little guy. He, of course does it and gets sprayed in the face with a quick blast of cold water.

The older brother is laughing his pants off.

I wait for the scream and what I hear instead from the little guy, "Do it again!"

 

 

I am really sad about Robin Williams too. Ugh. I've cried a lot of times. I saw a recent photo of him awhile ago. In Minnesota for rehab and I remember thinking - something is very wrong. He is vanishing. I can relate.

I just keep saying - It's not my story. I am here. I'm not going anywhere. Though, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it. Almost everyday. But - It's not my story. In my story, I get better. We all do.

 

Coop- I hope the new medication helps and that you can pull into a permanent window.

 

MommyR- You are a champ for sleeping with your roll-polly kids. I just can not do it. I'm such alight sleeper and sleep is just too precious right now! After you open up the curtains to let the sun in, put on the Happy song.

 

I appreciate the prayer running through the thread. It is such a deep thoughtfulness and I feel it.

 

Hugs to every one-

Peace2

 

Peace - I am totally laughing at what you over heard the boys saying.  They sound just like mine.  Every morning I open the double doors to the back yard wide, so the kids can head straight out if they want.  Mother's of boys need a special sense of humor.  Poop, pee and all assortment of human toilet adventures must be included in most conversation.  The other day my kids and hubby were at a pool party.  The 3 year old announces when he was an egg his mommy farted him out.. you have to laugh.. right?? 

 

I wasn't always able to let them crawl into bed with us.  There was a very long time where my husband and I switched sides of the bed so the kids didn't look for me first.  I told my husband not expect me to get up for them.  The exhaustion was so immense back then.  Now, if I roll over and they are there I kiss a cheek or smell their hair.  It changes.  This time will pass and you will have energy and joy.  One day it will shift for good. 

 

Still trying to get my hunky movie time on.  Maybe when hubby gets home??  Yes, always the Happy Song, some sun and coffee.  It's glorious once again!!

[[Mo...]]

MommyR...thank you so much for the link. It was really helpful. This has been the worst wave since month 6 ...feeling flattened by it....knowing that someone else got flattened in month 9 and went on to heal was reassuring...that was so nice of you to take the time to post the link for me....As Mrs says...things could change in the next 15 minutes.  Hoping.  .....coop

 

I hope it helped and you are doing better today!  I am reading yesterday was pretty rough.  Thank goodness for the boards and groups that can help.  The b/p was good news, yes? 

[[Mo...]]

Its working ... I sound good and feel lousy ... fake til we make it ... Coop ... that spell checker thingie is annoying ...

 

Lousy head pressure again this morning ... and bloat ... and one eye fuzzy ... if I was a "barometer" I would pop ...

 

GMIT ... I am going to squeal on you ... folks ... its her birthday on Friday ... 6 months free and a birthday in one week ... go buy a lottery ticket ... you are on a roll ...

 

Off to my "job" for the afternoon" ...

 

 

Nova - I hope it has burned off and you were able to get some 'work' done.  I think I will grab my boogie board with Mrs. and Coop and join them on your balcony.  Is that ok? 

[[...]]

Nova, you are awesome! I hope you have improved!!

 

:smitten:

[[li...]]

Good morning everyone! It sounds like yesterday was a rough one for many of you. The fear is horrible, and I had it often. Thankfully, this is just another crappy symptom and it DOES go away! I think my last big bout of fear was in the beginning of June. My wavy days have anxiety as their main symptom, but the gut-wrenching fear is gone. Hopefully to never return!

I'm still not completely out of this wave, but it's not too bad. Some anxiety, an electrical "zinging" coursing around my rib cage, and feeling tired. My waves, uncomfortable and tiresome as they are, are MUCH improved. They still bring the "what if this is me" baggage and I am so ready to just be done with this all.....it's funny how I would have given almost anything 6 months ago to feel as "good" as I do now while in a wave!    I guess that shows how much healing has taken place, and yet I can STILL question that fact at times.

It's weird to me to be only a couple of weeks shy of that 14 month average healing time mark. I was really hoping to be completely done by then, with not even a twinge of benzo symptoms left.  Maybe I still will be, but realistically I have 18  months in mind.  To those of you behind me by many months, I no longer feel BAD when in a wave....just not GOOD. A huge difference from earlier in the year when my waves felt like I was going to die!

I had to go with my hubby to a meeting he has about 2 hours away, in case he needs me to drive home with him being only a week out of surgery. We got up early and now I just will be hanging out for a few hours until he's done.  I'll be walking around this beautiful campus and marveling that I can be in alone in an unfamiliar town (while in a bit of a wave!) and be content. I'm even going to go driving around to look for a coffee shop with NO fear.  How can I still question my healing? Silly benzo beast!

Lots of love and prayers for you all!

 

Wow Healing this is so awesome. It has inspired me so much because i can relate to it very much. Don't ever stop coming around this 6-12 month thread. Again, thanks for the inspiration!

 

life

[[li...]]

Hi Green....well I did fall into the rip tides yesterday...and forgot to swim with the rip instead of across it...we all know where that ends up. Complete and total panic and unrelenting anxiety regarding head pressure. I was 1 step away from er with cascading health fear and that absolute conviction that I was dying. I haven't been that acute since the beginning of June. ...Today it seems to burning off with easier head pressure and a b/p that is behaving itself. Haven't I written this exact post at least 20 times?...

.....Green I am sorry anxiety came knocking on your door today. Such a pushy aggressive visitor and hangs around in spite of the pointed absence of coffee and cookies. ...I was encouraged by HH 's post. Nearly 14 months out and much much better but still with some mild s/x. Gives me hope that the wild wave that took me under yesterday is indeed w/d as opossed to major organ failure on every front..I was so astounded because I had gone 6 weeks being moderately symptomatic but functional and progressing....lost my head in minutes. I should probably never show myself again on the 'Head Pressure ' group. I was on there boohooing frantically all evening....Felt exactly like EARLY acute...but as someone said ...maybe Buelah (?)..." the pain of yesterday. is gone".

....Green...I am wishing your anxiety away. You are so right we have been here many times before ....and here we are months and months closer ....thinking of you...love to see you back on...love to you....coop

 

Coop I pray that you feel much better soon. I was wondering -- do any of you think that the spike the last few day may be related to the "super moon". I know it silly but just wondering?

 

Also if I jumped september 19 that puts me at now 11 months on the 19th. I'm still on month ten. I had a great month 9 and a bit of a setback on month 10. Wow, is all this stuff just insane with all the extremes. Right now, right here I am feeling better.

 

Life

[[Mo...]]

Hi Green....well I did fall into the rip tides yesterday...and forgot to swim with the rip instead of across it...we all know where that ends up. Complete and total panic and unrelenting anxiety regarding head pressure. I was 1 step away from er with cascading health fear and that absolute conviction that I was dying. I haven't been that acute since the beginning of June. ...Today it seems to burning off with easier head pressure and a b/p that is behaving itself. Haven't I written this exact post at least 20 times?...

.....Green I am sorry anxiety came knocking on your door today. Such a pushy aggressive visitor and hangs around in spite of the pointed absence of coffee and cookies. ...I was encouraged by HH 's post. Nearly 14 months out and much much better but still with some mild s/x. Gives me hope that the wild wave that took me under yesterday is indeed w/d as opossed to major organ failure on every front..I was so astounded because I had gone 6 weeks being moderately symptomatic but functional and progressing....lost my head in minutes. I should probably never show myself again on the 'Head Pressure ' group. I was on there boohooing frantically all evening....Felt exactly like EARLY acute...but as someone said ...maybe Buelah (?)..." the pain of yesterday. is gone".

....Green...I am wishing your anxiety away. You are so right we have been here many times before ....and here we are months and months closer ....thinking of you...love to see you back on...love to you....coop

 

Coop I pray that you feel much better soon. I was wondering -- do any of you think that the spike the last few day may be related to the "super moon". I know it silly but just wondering?

 

Also if I jumped september 19 that puts me at now 11 months on the 19th. I'm still on month ten. I had a great month 9 and a bit of a setback on month 10. Wow, is all this stuff just insane with all the extremes. Right now, right here I am feeling better.

 

Life

 

A few months ago Dr. Jennifer Leigh who was going to hold a Summit in San Fran asked a similar question.  She had been plunged into a wave and wondered if it was the solar flares.  You never know. 

[[mr...]]

Hi all -- Mrs here

 

Last night settled into a nice partial window -- no anxiety, little fear, no panic. Its lasted most of the day today. Although I still feel one 'trigger' away, I still am grateful for these times

 

I'll be going on a nice casual bike ride with my mother in law tonight. I'm really looking forward to it.

 

I'll stop by later tonight. Just wanted to post a quick "hi" and let you know I was thinking if you

 

BTW, Mommy -- beautifully written words! Thank you for them

 

And Coop -- sending you -----> (((((Coop))))))

 

Take care gang,

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

Hi all -- Mrs here

 

Last night settled into a nice partial window -- no anxiety, little fear, no panic. Its lasted most of the day today. Although I still feel one 'trigger' away, I still am grateful for these times

 

I'll be going on a nice casual bike ride with my mother in law tonight. I'm really looking forward to it.

 

I'll stop by later tonight. Just wanted to post a quick "hi" and let you know I was thinking if you

 

BTW, Mommy -- beautifully written words! Thank you for them

 

And Coop -- sending you -----> (((((Coop))))))

 

Take care gang,

 

Mrs.

 

Thank you Mrs.  Have a delightful ride!  I am riding with you on the back.. old school.  My hair will be blowing in the wind..   Can you stand and pedal?..hehe

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green....well I did fall into the rip tides yesterday...and forgot to swim with the rip instead of across it...we all know where that ends up.

 

Coop, don't be hard on yourself.  There's really no way to manage these waves when they get really hard.  It's like we're wavy but managing, using all of our tricks, tools, to override the s/x.  But waves seem to build up until we get to the point where we just can't cope.  Or we get some bizarre intense s/x out of the blue, and it scares the sh*t out of us, and we cant cope, we can't zen our way through, we just yell, scream, and cry.  Things will settle down again, we're going to have more days where we can function, go places, enjoy life.  I know we will. 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi all -- Mrs here

 

Last night settled into a nice partial window -- no anxiety, little fear, no panic. Its lasted most of the day today. Although I still feel one 'trigger' away, I still am grateful for these times

 

I'll be going on a nice casual bike ride with my mother in law tonight. I'm really looking forward to it.

 

I'll stop by later tonight. Just wanted to post a quick "hi" and let you know I was thinking if you

 

BTW, Mommy -- beautifully written words! Thank you for them

 

And Coop -- sending you -----> (((((Coop))))))

 

Take care gang,

 

Mrs.

 

Thank you Mrs.  Have a delightful ride!  I am riding with you on the back.. old school.  My hair will be blowing in the wind..   Can you stand and pedal?..hehe

 

I would love to go along for the ride to! Can I hop on your shoulders Mommy, and Mrs. can pedal?? 

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

....oh suuuure, leave all the pedaling to Mrs!!

 

Mommy, yes I can stand and pedal, but I don't like to! Mr has worked for a local bike store for over ten years now, and so we have every type of bike accessory you could think of at our fingertips Anyways, if I stood up to pedal he'd probably "scold" me lol (non-optimum biking efficiency he'd say, or something like that )

 

I drove myself 30-35 minutes outside of town today If I'm being honest, I've been "town-bound" for a decent amount of time (5-6 months?), and I'm annoyed with being"afraid" any longer. At some point, its time to challenge the so called "risks" that benzos have created, I figure. And although it may mean a slap of panic and/or high anxiety, at least I'm doing it. Of course, I hate feeling that way, but it's time for me to stop being afraid of feeling that way. Its just anxiety, and it cannot in any way hurt me. Period.

 

I am looking forward to becomibg more comfortable in the doing of things as time goes on, and as healing continues to manifest and unfold. I sure wish it were this way right now, of course, but it will happen just as it should.

 

Hope everyone's night is going well Take care buddies,

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Aawwwww, thanks for letting us come along Mrs! 

 

You are venturing further out! Good for you! You are doing so great!

 

[[pe...]]

A lots been going on here and I've been at work and soccer practice

My brain is mush, feels like total sludge in there. I don't know how else to explain it. My mood is decent and I don't feel anxious. I feel like my thought process, my reaction time is soooooo slow. Starting this new job, teaching feels like a joke. Like who am I kidding? Well, I'm trying to fool everyone, but I'm not buying it. My therapist said I have to tell my new boss! Ugh. She said I have to stop living my life as if things are ok when they're not. She said I could choose how much to divulge but I needed to let the boss lady know that I had a bad reaction to a medication and am still recovering. This feels, telling the truth - admitting I'm struggling, this feels like a Herculean task. But I know it would be good and brave. I just have to do it. What are your thoughts?

 

HH- I am appreciating all of your posts. Did you teach while cognitively challenged? Did you teach with mush brain and make it through? I'm exhausted with the littlest decision, the briefest conversation.

 

I am thinking of you all. Nova. Coop. Green. Life. Lisa. Jenny. Mrs. Mommy. HH.

I'll be back with more of a response to your posts if I find more energy. I am just empty.

 

Peace2