6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Lisa...font be afraid...( like any of us can just ' not be afraid '...I sm close to hysterical tonight to). You are not alone...we are all with you.Peace,  myself,  Nova and Life are all writing ' fear ' posts tonight...well,  maybe not Nova...he seems to go with the fear pretty successfully. .....I know the fear of the next wave. I was just getting to a place where I felt like I could live with and handle my s/x....until today....today I am back in acute with panics and driving fear...like a step away from going to er...so just know that I am up tonight ( as in too afraid to go to sleep...haven't been there for months). ....so if you are needing company and reassurance ( like I am just brimming with reassurance tonight..lol). ...I should say at least we could be scared and miserable together....I am thinking of you Lisa...coop

[[Co...]]

MommyR...thank you for the wonderfully inspiring post...you are so right....we only have today to honor with the best of who we are today.....and Nova IS the Jedi on this...

.....happy dish suds and night night kisses with your little ones...coop

[[mr...]]

Hiya Coop (& everyone else)

 

Just wanted to stop by to say that things have lessened tonight...no fear, panic, anxiety. Still feel like I look like this: lol But much improved. Mr and I had a heart to heart about lots of stuff tonight...lots of tears...lots of reminding me that I have what it takes...much needed.

 

Coop...what can I say? Loving on you. It'll pass once again. And yes, its only withdrawal. I'm kinda at the point where I'm like OK -- IF YA WANNA TAKE ME, FINE. I'M RIGHT HERE. And I'm still standing. Every. Time. Toothless lion.

 

praising God for the window that never closes...15 minutes from now is all the longer we have to wait...it is a-comin' Take care gang,

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

Lisa...font be afraid...( like any of us can just ' not be afraid '...I sm close to hysterical tonight to). You are not alone...we are all with you.Peace,  myself,  Nova and Life are all writing ' fear ' posts tonight...well,  maybe not Nova...he seems to go with the fear pretty successfully. .....I know the fear of the next wave. I was just getting to a place where I felt like I could live with and handle my s/x....until today....today I am back in acute with panics and driving fear...like a step away from going to er...so just know that I am up tonight ( as in too afraid to go to sleep...haven't been there for months). ....so if you are needing company and reassurance ( like I am just brimming with reassurance tonight..lol). ...I should say at least we could be scared and miserable together....I am thinking of you Lisa...coop

 

Coop.. scroll down the bottom of this link and see what Vertigo says about begin 9 months out and having setbacks.  It's really common..

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=107505.msg1459532#msg1459532

[[Co...]]

MommyR...thank you so much for the link. It was really helpful. This has been the worst wave since month 6 ...feeling flattened by it....knowing that someone else got flattened in month 9 and went on to heal was reassuring...that was so nice of you to take the time to post the link for me....As Mrs says...things could change in the next 15 minutes.  Hoping.  .....coop

[[...]]

Peace, congrats on 7 months free!!!!

 

:smitten:

[[pe...]]

Thank you, GMIT. I'm glad to be one month closer, even one minute, closer to healed. I'm waking up a little wavy, but hoping it lets go once I get moving.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Sounds like it's let up a tad from yesterday! I pray you get relief from this quickly!!

 

[[Co...]]

Peace ...congratulations....7 months is a big deal...you are heading down the home stretch . Your Mighty Girl determination is going to take you all the way. You are half way or more to done.....well done. .... coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... slept in til 6:30 ... pretty foggy ... puttered around and made a soup ... siting here with my little symphony of tinnitus and ear pressure ... think they are playing "yukkadie doo da day" somewhere between my ears ...

 

Don't know about the "Jedi" thingie ... sounds way too complicated ... seems they were involved with "fixing" things ... haven't met anyone here who needs "fixing" ... we are all doing just fine ... besides I am too lazy to be bothered waving those light sword thingies around ... I much prefer just twitching my nose and see what explodes ...

 

Hi GMIT ...

 

Have a good Wednesday everyone ...

[[No...]]

Hi Coop .., how are you doing ... hope you got some rest ... these far along waves are really messy ...

 

Take Care ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...my rats and your ears are raising quite a cacaphony...my head pressure is somewhat better...but for the first time in months and months woke up with whirling nausea and motion sickness....maybe menniers...maybe the diuretic...who knows...makes no difference. Big storm here with big winds..falling trees and thunder/lightening....thank god we only have to do one day at a time. Even though I feel sick sick sick I have that feeling in my body that things are going to get better....Thank you so much Nova for all the support...care...wisedome and humor that you give to us each day.....well,  on to the day...will probably consist of taking the dog out a few times...couch surfing and whining a lot on BBs...

....wishing you a very fine day Nova....I love your blog... coop..

[[Co...]]

*my ears*....." my ears and your ears " ....font know what Auto Correct was thinking,  but I think she gets the over arching feeling about ear pressure.....rats!...

[[...]]

Nova, you sound good, dear man! Love your posts! Looking forward to your insights!

 

[[No...]]

Its working ... I sound good and feel lousy ... fake til we make it ... Coop ... that spell checker thingie is annoying ...

 

Lousy head pressure again this morning ... and bloat ... and one eye fuzzy ... if I was a "barometer" I would pop ...

 

GMIT ... I am going to squeal on you ... folks ... its her birthday on Friday ... 6 months free and a birthday in one week ... go buy a lottery ticket ... you are on a roll ...

 

Off to my "job" for the afternoon" ...

 

[[mr...]]

*my ears*....." my ears and your ears " ....font know what Auto Correct was thinking,  but I think she gets the over arching feeling about ear pressure.....rats!...

 

:2funny:

 

I call my autocorrect "Betty"

 

Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Thanks Life ... I am "selfish" ... I do what I feel I need to do ... I have pretty much lost all sense of feeling "guilty" ... for me this is just plain and simple about "survival" ... getting through this as best I can ... we each find our own "path" through this ... and the outcome is always the same ... we each survive and recover ... and in the end that is all that is important for me right now ...

 

Yes, Nova, I too have learned to be very selfish.  I say no to people now and don't even think twice.  W/d for me has been a near death experience.  I'm not being overly dramatic.  When we get through with this mess, that might be a positive, that we take much better care of ourselves.

[[li...]]

hi everyone, just checking in with "Coop and the Gang". I am feeling a bit better right now but definitely still in a wave. I am going through the same old BS that I go through every time I hit a wave "Is this me or w/d". "will I be like this forever" Same old golden Oldies

 

I was wondering? Have all of you dealt with depression as a w/d? Just wondering? I know peace has and jenny has in the past and coop has -- everyone else?

 

Mommyr thank you so much for your encouragement and you are so special to still hang around BB when you are feeling good. I will be that way too. I feel it is good to shine the light forward.  I will be there with you soon.

 

Peace it is awsome --month 7!

 

Gmit Month 6!

 

Jenny where have you been?

 

Nova, Mrs, and all -- we are all going to heal!

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Thanks GMIT ... yep it just "released" ... I have been in the "pits" for several days and found it really hard to "connect" with anything ...

 

I just "sleep" when I can ... and try not to "push" through anything ... just try to stay as "grounded" as I can when in the turmoil knowing it will release when it is ready ...

 

Yes, Nova, that's what I'm dealing with.  I had a few good days, and now I'm struggling to stay "connected," which is critical.  I really do envy you that sleep.  And, right, don't push, just go slow, that's it.

[[...]]

Life, I definitely have had depression through this, and I never suffered from it prior!

 

I know I've read that many people have had it!!

 

[[li...]]

GMIT and all, is it a deep dark depression -- hopeless despair -- does that describe your depression? Or is it a bluesy feeling? Just want to compare. Mine is a deep dark type that scares me even more. Very debilitating. It usually lasts 2-3 days but this time on on my 4th day. I am just wondering. I never had this type of depression before. I have felt "bluesy" but not skull crushing depression.

 

Life

[[Gr...]]

Hey buddies, watch this and keep holding out.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114088.0

 

Peace, thank you soooo much for this.  I was working myself up into  a pre-wave lather, and  watched this and started laughing with real happiness.  I think it changed the direction of my day.  Thank you again.

 

I hear you tired, struggling.  This is going to end.  And you have school to look forward to, soon.

[[...]]

Mine was always more bluesy, but we are all so different!! It will let up, I promise!!

 

[[Gr...]]

Dear Pregnenolone....The pattern you describe is very common in p/w. It is almost classic that many see some improvement between months 4-6 and then get hit with new s/x and/or waves after seeing some periods of windows. This is the well known frustrating 'non-linear ' pattern of healing. It tricks us all...we have improvements .. think things are better...and then get hit with a wave and it feels like we are at the beginning again...but we are not. As you read through the posts on this thread you will see that non-linear improvement is one of the most commonly posted frustrations. Try to keep an improvement only journal separately from your every day journal. It will help you see your improvement more clearly.

.......You are healing it just doesn't feel like it. ...The Ashton Manual sites 12-14 months as the typical timeliness for substantial reliable healing. ...You are just about half way there.

........You will heal...one day at a time...You only have to do one day at a time.....coop

 

Coop, withdrawal is making you a very wise and compassionate person.  Thank you for this wisdom today.  It has made my day much better

[[Gr...]]

Hi Friends! 

I am sitting at my computer procrastinating from writing a paper for my masters class. LOL!  It sounds like a lot of depression is being felt today.  I have felt it, too.  I've been feeling bluesy and lonely today.  I have also been having a return of the dreaded chest anxiety, which makes me work to not go down the intrusive thought path.  This wave is slight, however, more of a lapping around my ankles (OK, probably mid-calf) rather than pulling me under. 

My husband and I drove up to our friend's cabin on a lake yesterday and spent the day with our friends and family.  Our girls went up on Friday and are staying there until tomorrow.  It was wonderful to spend the day on the water and in the sun, and we didn't get home until about 10:00. 

 

I took a nap again today and it still amazes me that my body has calmed down enough that I can fall asleep in the middle of the day, at will!  Such a blessing! 

 

OK....this paper on the Latin American Subtraction Algorithm isn't writing itself, so I best get back to it.  Another positive to report is my last 4 papers have gotten a score of 100%. 

 

(((hugs))) and prayers for you all!

HH

 

Amy, you are our healing hope.  You are an amazing and good person.  It seems like God wants to throw you a few fast balls before the Success Story gets written.

 

Life, that goes for you, too.