6-12 month thread....

[[pe...]]

Hi GMIT-

I bet it was the link from me. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. I tried it from my computer and got to the video. I'm not sure how to assist you. I am simply not a techie.

 

I hope this day is gentle with everyone.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... well my little "release" ended ... back in the soup again ... this is getting quite boring ... for those suffering ... hang on - it will shift again ... mine always does, mine shifts so much I have a brand new symptom ... "shift-itis" ... in and out ... back and forth ... yuk and happy ...

 

Not dreadful ... not scary ... just freakin' boring ... 

 

For those doing the "encouraging" ... please keep pouring it on ... maybe if I get buried in encouragement I will forget to be bored ...

 

This "lingering" stuff is tough to take ... hopefully it is the last "challenge" on this road to recovery ...

 

"Ennui" ... a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom ... "satiety" ... yeah, I guess I am "stuffed" from all this recovery ... and ... "lack of interest" ... I guess the "bloom" has come off the "rose of recovery" ...

 

Well ... I haven't done a good old fashion tantrum rant in a while ... please cue the heels banging on the floor ... 

 

Thanks for listening ...

 

Have a good Monday ...

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks Peace, I will find another way to open it!

 

Nova, so sorry you are having your "shift-its"....remember acute? How thankful we are to not be there! We are healing, ever so slowly, with our rock back and forth of wave, window, wave, window!

 

Now, you are about to come into that permanent window!!

 

[[pe...]]

Jenny- that's not a shower, that's a hurricane! Four hours of socializing with the ladies is a lot. But you did it and they were none the wiser. Have you been meditating? Not me. I was in a routine for awhile but fell out of it several days ago. I think we're both excellent candidates for it. Equanimity.

 

Peace2

[[li...]]

mrs, you words are greatly appreciated. I am in a dark place these past two days and I have been here before but do not like it at all. It is the one symptom that I have that is my last -- deep depression. It usually last about two day and out. Please pray for me that it does not last longer. With the litigation, the death of my friends 14 year old daughter, my brother being estranged, and all the house guests we had last week, the travel down to our home in florida etc -- been a bit for one week. Just please pray for me.

 

Life

 

Life,

My heart aches for you with the loss of your friend's daughter.  I can understand the devastation you feel as one of my life-long friends lost her 4-year-old son 20 months ago.  He died suddenly too, from complications to croup.  It was so, and still is, so horrible.  He was my God-son and the grief was overwhelming.  It is also overwhelming to know how to be a good friend through such times.  How does one help their friend through this most awful of losses?  I have learned that simply being there, listening, talking about the child, sharing grief, is so very important to the parents. 

 

You are being hit with unimaginable stressors.  Try to take each day/hour/minute as it comes and not to project too much into the future.  As I am still in the limbo-land of not knowing if we will get our house back (it's already been lost due to foreclosure with a November move-out date) through legal action, I have learned that by taking each day as it comes, rather than running through all the awful what-if scenarios, is helping me deal with the fear and stress.  Living in the moment, while being pro-active for what the future might bring, is allowing me to function through my own unimaginable stress.  Work on what you can control and let go of the rest.  Prayer walks have helped me tremendously, being sure to spend much time focusing on all the BLESSINGS that I still have in my life.  That has been one of the most powerful things that helped turn my depression in the beginning of the summer around. 

 

I will be lifting you and your friends up in prayer.

 

Thank you so much healinghope. I have really hit a wall these past three days. Not quite sure what to do. Im in that place that says "are you sure you will get well"?  I have had three and four week windows and then so much stress the last few weeks and then bam! Oh well I will definitely take your recommendation to do a prayer walk. I will probably do a prayer bicycle ride. I think what is affecting me is all the what ifs in this life's situations. I am so thankful for your writing as I know you come from a good place. I find it so hard to be present when I feel like this. I will practice with all my might to be present today. I will put on the "Practicing the Power of Now" audiobook. Anyway God bless you all and may we all heal very soon.

 

Life

[[Sk...]]

Just a quick hello to everybody !

 

I was wondering, is anybody else experiencing limited  body movements ? Let me rephrase that , I am more challenged than usual today !!

 

I can't make swimming movements with my arms without incredible pain. Now it is getting worse and my movements are more and more limited.  So Mr Sky is worrying that it might get worse and that it is connected to by not exercising at all .

 

I feel a pain where the nerves are. I just think it is wd and I should not force it. But I though I would double check with you guys. If I do nothing it does not bother me so I don't think it is the worse benzo symptom by a long shot !

 

Unfortunately, here it is 5.41 pm and I have reached my benzo brain limit and I will have to turn  off the computer. I just hate this fog that comes down on my brain after a small amount of activity, but that's all part of the benzo package.

 

Hope it is a better day for everyone .  :smitten:

[[Mo...]]

Good morning kids..

 

How is everyone? 

 

Life, any better today?  Every morning I wake up with no funk is proof this stuff blows in and out when it chooses.  Yes, we can also get handed a plateful of stress that is magnified by the beast, but I am watching with you for this to blow out.  Still loving HH's words.  I, with all assurance, and will put my $1000 bucks on the fact that you indeed will get well.  You want to take my bet??  Do ya..huh huh...

 

Sky- I haven't had this.  I have had weeks of random severe pain in my hips that proved to be part of the tension a wave can bring.  I also know there are a battery of things w/d mimics including fibromyalgia, so I'm not sure how to guide you.  At the onset of a wave..depending on how heavy it is my vision and typing skills can be affected... like it's hard to get my fingers to move, etc.  Nothing long lasting. 

 

Nova- It's summer.  Soup is only good in the winter!  Maybe we can make some cold soup...hmmm.. My friend owns a restaurant and before the food is served they bring the most delicious cantaloupe 'soup' palette cleanser.  It is divine.  The color is lite orange and the mouth feel has just enough texture to run across your tongue before letting it slide down the tummy tube.  I think this shall be your soup for the day.  It's preparing you for the joy of the next window.  Put your hands in the sun for me palm up for 15 minutes.. ok?  My friend and I have a fun thing we do.  She lived in Alaska and I in Cali, but I lived in Alaska for awhile.  At night we would look at the sky together and note how HUGE the big dipper was, but how teeny tiny the little dipper seemed.  When I moved back to Cali we promised to look at the big dipper and think of the other person looking at the big dipper too.  That way we were together but not.  When you see the sun, think of all us, me especially and know that you are not alone.  We are doing this together ok?  I always think about Nova getting to the sun before me.  Did you know that?  It's one of my first thoughts in the morning..

 

Jenny and Peace - How are my mommies doing?  I haven't meditated either!  You ladies send the kids to my house.  I love to have them running around screaming.  They keep stopping and telling me it's best day ever.  I will give you both 4 hours and then they will be tired and you both will have had a break.  When you feel better, you can return the favor.  I will save it to cash in..

 

Jenny - so proud of you for begin present.  Yes, 4 hours is a long time but you did it.  Even a normal state that is a long time!  This is testing the waters.  I keep thinking about Life's re-entry comment. 

 

I had one wake up last night with sweating, but no emotional disturbance.  Woke up normal.  I have been in contact with the mommy in ER mentioned a few weeks back.  Our conversations have been a huge eye opener for me and I was wondering if anyone here can direct me in getting help for her.

 

This mommy is possibly going to lose her insurance.  If she has to buy new insurance and leave Kaiser, whom she feels is clueless in the benzo field.. How do you find affordable insurance?  I know this sounds uneducated on my part, but I have always had it thru my work or hubby.  This mommy's hubby made too much last year to qualify for Medicaid.  Is there a website that shows a comparison of how much each insurance carrier costs?  This mommy is currently in northern California.  I called my doctor to ask if he knows of any benzo wise folks in the Kaiser network and to get advice for her. 

 

2nd.. There needs to be a Benzo-wise Dr website that people like her can get advice on dosage and where they can go for help to get stabilized or just reference symptoms.  I know there are a lot of websites where you can talk to doctors, but because of the delicate dance between meds and mind, I think Dr's with a proven track record need to create a site like this to help those without medical insurance or just have a question.  Many people have had to taper themselves.  It's just a thought or dream, rather.

 

Hugs.. If anything really awesome happens today I will share the story.  Today my husband leaves on a trip, so the dragon will try to visit again.  I have slayed him before and will do it again.  Check on the boards tonite if you think of it.  I might be on.

 

MommyR

 

 

 

[[...]]

I am still struggling with the every other day pattern of one day I can manage next day I am completely destroyed with every despairing sx imaginable.

 

I've been in this pattern now for many weeks! Seems since I got off the remeron may 31 72days ago.

I continue to think the remeron is more of the problem.

 

I have not heard of anyone having this pattern? 

The every other bad day is unbearable and what scares me it's so precise.

 

Jrod

[[Mo...]]

Jrod,

I am looking at the side affects of remeron.. 3% of people in a blind short term study stated they were thinking abnormally.  I was looking at your meds too.  You have really come a long way.  It looks like you have the same problem I saw while reading other signatures in that certain benzos gave you hives.  The Remeron could have had a harder affect on you then the average user.

 

You stopped the Remeron in May.  Have you talked to your doctor?  It sounds like more of the same.  The brain needs time to heal.  Peace has really struggled too, but her doctors tell her time and time again it's a time issue. 

 

Are you able to get out of the house?  Anything that can get your mind off of the rhythm of this? 

[[li...]]

Good morning kids..

 

How is everyone? 

 

Life, any better today?  Every morning I wake up with no funk is proof this stuff blows in and out when it chooses.  Yes, we can also get handed a plateful of stress that is magnified by the beast, but I am watching with you for this to blow out.  Still loving HH's words.  I, with all assurance, and will put my $1000 bucks on the fact that you indeed will get well.  You want to take my bet??  Do ya..huh huh...

 

Sky- I haven't had this.  I have had weeks of random severe pain in my hips that proved to be part of the tension a wave can bring.  I also know there are a battery of things w/d mimics including fibromyalgia, so I'm not sure how to guide you.  At the onset of a wave..depending on how heavy it is my vision and typing skills can be affected... like it's hard to get my fingers to move, etc.  Nothing long lasting. 

 

Nova- It's summer.  Soup is only good in the winter!  Maybe we can make some cold soup...hmmm.. My friend owns a restaurant and before the food is served they bring the most delicious cantaloupe 'soup' palette cleanser.  It is divine.  The color is lite orange and the mouth feel has just enough texture to run across your tongue before letting it slide down the tummy tube.  I think this shall be your soup for the day.  It's preparing you for the joy of the next window.  Put your hands in the sun for me palm up for 15 minutes.. ok?  My friend and I have a fun thing we do.  She lived in Alaska and I in Cali, but I lived in Alaska for awhile.  At night we would look at the sky together and note how HUGE the big dipper was, but how teeny tiny the little dipper seemed.  When I moved back to Cali we promised to look at the big dipper and think of the other person looking at the big dipper too.  That way we were together but not.  When you see the sun, think of all us, me especially and know that you are not alone.  We are doing this together ok?  I always think about Nova getting to the sun before me.  Did you know that?  It's one of my first thoughts in the morning..

 

Jenny and Peace - How are my mommies doing?  I haven't meditated either!  You ladies send the kids to my house.  I love to have them running around screaming.  They keep stopping and telling me it's best day ever.  I will give you both 4 hours and then they will be tired and you both will have had a break.  When you feel better, you can return the favor.  I will save it to cash in..

 

Jenny - so proud of you for begin present.  Yes, 4 hours is a long time but you did it.  Even a normal state that is a long time!  This is testing the waters.  I keep thinking about Life's re-entry comment. 

 

I had one wake up last night with sweating, but no emotional disturbance.  Woke up normal.  I have been in contact with the mommy in ER mentioned a few weeks back.  Our conversations have been a huge eye opener for me and I was wondering if anyone here can direct me in getting help for her.

 

This mommy is possibly going to lose her insurance.  If she has to buy new insurance and leave Kaiser, whom she feels is clueless in the benzo field.. How do you find affordable insurance?  I know this sounds uneducated on my part, but I have always had it thru my work or hubby.  This mommy's hubby made too much last year to qualify for Medicaid.  Is there a website that shows a comparison of how much each insurance carrier costs?  This mommy is currently in northern California.  I called my doctor to ask if he knows of any benzo wise folks in the Kaiser network and to get advice for her. 

 

2nd.. There needs to be a Benzo-wise Dr website that people like her can get advice on dosage and where they can go for help to get stabilized or just reference symptoms.  I know there are a lot of websites where you can talk to doctors, but because of the delicate dance between meds and mind, I think Dr's with a proven track record need to create a site like this to help those without medical insurance or just have a question.  Many people have had to taper themselves.  It's just a thought or dream, rather.

 

Hugs.. If anything really awesome happens today I will share the story.  Today my husband leaves on a trip, so the dragon will try to visit again.  I have slayed him before and will do it again.  Check on the boards tonite if you think of it.  I might be on.

 

MommyR

 

Mommr, you have put a smile on my face. I have not had a genuine smile all day. I would never take that losing bet! So this morning I felt still under the depression beast and I have tried to shake it and it wouldn't. I read HH post to me about taking a prayer walk and I did just that. I rode my bicycling instead for about ten miles and I felt better - I was listening to Eckart Tolle's "Practicing the Power of Now" while doing so. I will listen to that audio every day for the next 30 days. Being present brings peace. I cant thank you enough for the help when I am down. I am feeling a bit better after coming home from my prayer bicycle;e ride but I must say that the depression that took hold the past two days and still lingers was a deep one. Not good but hopefully thats God's way of showing healing. Sought of " Temporally out of order while under construction"

 

Life

[[li...]]

I am still struggling with the every other day pattern of one day I can manage next day I am completely destroyed with every despairing sx imaginable.

 

I've been in this pattern now for many weeks! Seems since I got off the remeron may 31 72days ago.

I continue to think the remeron is more of the problem.

 

I have not heard of anyone having this pattern? 

The every other bad day is unbearable and what scares me it's so precise.

 

Jrod

 

JROD when I was on Viibryd ( SSRI) in January and Got off it was pure hell. Intrusive thoughts galore/insanity. Im not sure how anyone here reacts to SSRI but I find them really get me revved up -- like in a bad way. They create anxiety. Good news is that your w/d will not take as long. It took me 8 weeks and I started feeling much better.

 

Life

[[He...]]

I'm having a blah morning and early afternoon. I couldn't sleep last night, probably from the half-caff coffee I drank last night while writing my paper. I wasn't anxious just awake. Now I am feeling uncomfortable, with this almost electrical feeling running around my rib cage, chest anxiety, internal jitters, and that feeling like something is wrong.  It's not to the level it used to be, but I'm discouraged it's finding its way back. I'm sure hoping this doesn't stick around long!

I'm going to lay down and take a nap. That no-sleeping thing is brutal! I don't know how I functioned for so many months with it!!!  Thank God for naps and the ability to take one.

 

[[mr...]]

HH, it will pass soon

 

I've had heightened anxiety today, but I do feel more "clear" headed as well, which is nice. Ready for withdrawal to be over

 

How's everyone else's day? I hope it is going well. I will most likely be back later on; take care until then

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

 

Yesterday proved to be just too much for me, I couldn't sleep last night and today I feel hung over. I'm suppose to go over and see my sister tonight and have dinner, go swimming etc. I'm praying it starts to rain because we have some clouds coming in, then I can cancel. Another night of socializing is gonna push me off the cliff. My anxiety is so high again today. Peace-- no I have not been meditating, I need to start that up again. Mommy-- thanks for always cheering me up! You can take me kids anytime. life, nova, jrod, & Mrs I am thinking of all of you and hoping we all get some relief. I'm going to pray for everyone on this thread right now. Hugs, jenny

[[li...]]

jenny, do only what you feel comfortable with but enough where you are pushing yourself. I did way too much and find myself these past two days in a dark place. The hardest thing for me is to go over to my friends place and "socialize" in an environment where their daughter just past away -- it was so hard on me. Then I say to myself  "who am I to think about myself when someones child just past away"? So on top of feeling anxious about the environment I had to be a caregiver - I felt horrible that I just did not have it in me. I look at all the people that were giving and it made me feel horrible.

 

HH, just take care of yourself. I went from my brother being estranged, to socializing everyone my wife brought over for 2 week, to driving to our florida house, to hearing about an upcoming trail on a civil case I am in, to going to a dear friends that has had the lost of a daughter...The past two days were pure dark -- I have to take care of myself.

 

Just slow down and rest if you need to. Stress does not equal a wave -- just too much may.

 

Life

[[Mo...]]

Hi guys,

 

Yesterday proved to be just too much for me, I couldn't sleep last night and today I feel hung over. I'm suppose to go over and see my sister tonight and have dinner, go swimming etc. I'm praying it starts to rain because we have some clouds coming in, then I can cancel. Another night of socializing is gonna push me off the cliff. My anxiety is so high again today. Peace-- no I have not been meditating, I need to start that up again. Mommy-- thanks for always cheering me up! You can take me kids anytime. life, nova, jrod, & Mrs I am thinking of all of you and hoping we all get some relief. I'm going to pray for everyone on this thread right now. Hugs, jenny

 

In Jesus name.. LET IT RAIN!!!! I had to go to a birthday party a few months back.  The opera singer started going off in my head and I thought I was going to lose it.  My friend knows I am going thru, so she looked at me and said, " it's going to pass'.  I looked around and I saw another friend just arriving.  Some how the distraction shut the opera singer down.  It was crazy.  If it doesn't rain I am going to pray for a distraction.  Tell your husband to get you out of it if need be.  Like call and check on you and say the kids need you. 

[[Mo...]]

I'm having a blah morning and early afternoon. I couldn't sleep last night, probably from the half-caff coffe I drank last night while writing my paper. I wasn't anxious just awake. Now I am feeling uncomfortable, with this almost electrical feeling running around my rib cage, chest anxiety, internal jitters, and that feeling like something is wrong.  It's not to the level it used to be, but I'm discouraged it's finding its way back. I'm sure hoping this doesn't stick around long!

I'm going to lay down and take a nap. That no-sleeping thing is brutal! I don't know how I functioned for so many months with it!!!  Thank God for naps and the ability to take one.

 

I can remember looking at the clock wishing it were 5pm so it was close the kids going to bed and I had permission to veg out.  Remember the other day when I said I felt ok, except when I would go into the back bedroom.  I would get this terrible foreboding sensation.  I believe it is just a lesser sensation of the anxiety which is a good sign to me.  The chemicals are getting weaker.  Yes, take a nap!!

[[Mo...]]

Good morning kids..

 

How is everyone? 

 

Life, any better today?  Every morning I wake up with no funk is proof this stuff blows in and out when it chooses.  Yes, we can also get handed a plateful of stress that is magnified by the beast, but I am watching with you for this to blow out.  Still loving HH's words.  I, with all assurance, and will put my $1000 bucks on the fact that you indeed will get well.  You want to take my bet??  Do ya..huh huh...

 

Sky- I haven't had this.  I have had weeks of random severe pain in my hips that proved to be part of the tension a wave can bring.  I also know there are a battery of things w/d mimics including fibromyalgia, so I'm not sure how to guide you.  At the onset of a wave..depending on how heavy it is my vision and typing skills can be affected... like it's hard to get my fingers to move, etc.  Nothing long lasting. 

 

Nova- It's summer.  Soup is only good in the winter!  Maybe we can make some cold soup...hmmm.. My friend owns a restaurant and before the food is served they bring the most delicious cantaloupe 'soup' palette cleanser.  It is divine.  The color is lite orange and the mouth feel has just enough texture to run across your tongue before letting it slide down the tummy tube.  I think this shall be your soup for the day.  It's preparing you for the joy of the next window.  Put your hands in the sun for me palm up for 15 minutes.. ok?  My friend and I have a fun thing we do.  She lived in Alaska and I in Cali, but I lived in Alaska for awhile.  At night we would look at the sky together and note how HUGE the big dipper was, but how teeny tiny the little dipper seemed.  When I moved back to Cali we promised to look at the big dipper and think of the other person looking at the big dipper too.  That way we were together but not.  When you see the sun, think of all us, me especially and know that you are not alone.  We are doing this together ok?  I always think about Nova getting to the sun before me.  Did you know that?  It's one of my first thoughts in the morning..

 

Jenny and Peace - How are my mommies doing?  I haven't meditated either!  You ladies send the kids to my house.  I love to have them running around screaming.  They keep stopping and telling me it's best day ever.  I will give you both 4 hours and then they will be tired and you both will have had a break.  When you feel better, you can return the favor.  I will save it to cash in..

 

Jenny - so proud of you for begin present.  Yes, 4 hours is a long time but you did it.  Even a normal state that is a long time!  This is testing the waters.  I keep thinking about Life's re-entry comment. 

 

I had one wake up last night with sweating, but no emotional disturbance.  Woke up normal.  I have been in contact with the mommy in ER mentioned a few weeks back.  Our conversations have been a huge eye opener for me and I was wondering if anyone here can direct me in getting help for her.

 

This mommy is possibly going to lose her insurance.  If she has to buy new insurance and leave Kaiser, whom she feels is clueless in the benzo field.. How do you find affordable insurance?  I know this sounds uneducated on my part, but I have always had it thru my work or hubby.  This mommy's hubby made too much last year to qualify for Medicaid.  Is there a website that shows a comparison of how much each insurance carrier costs?  This mommy is currently in northern California.  I called my doctor to ask if he knows of any benzo wise folks in the Kaiser network and to get advice for her. 

 

2nd.. There needs to be a Benzo-wise Dr website that people like her can get advice on dosage and where they can go for help to get stabilized or just reference symptoms.  I know there are a lot of websites where you can talk to doctors, but because of the delicate dance between meds and mind, I think Dr's with a proven track record need to create a site like this to help those without medical insurance or just have a question.  Many people have had to taper themselves.  It's just a thought or dream, rather.

 

Hugs.. If anything really awesome happens today I will share the story.  Today my husband leaves on a trip, so the dragon will try to visit again.  I have slayed him before and will do it again.  Check on the boards tonite if you think of it.  I might be on.

 

MommyR

 

Mommr, you have put a smile on my face. I have not had a genuine smile all day. I would never take that losing bet! So this morning I felt still under the depression beast and I have tried to shake it and it wouldn't. I read HH post to me about taking a prayer walk and I did just that. I rode my bicycling instead for about ten miles and I felt better - I was listening to Eckart Tolle's "Practicing the Power of Now" while doing so. I will listen to that audio every day for the next 30 days. Being present brings peace. I cant thank you enough for the help when I am down. I am feeling a bit better after coming home from my prayer bicycle;e ride but I must say that the depression that took hold the past two days and still lingers was a deep one. Not good but hopefully thats God's way of showing healing. Sought of " Temporally out of order while under construction"

 

Life

 

Dp.. one of the most unpleasant.  Excellent job on the prayer bike ride.  Yes, it is a sign of healing.  It's so hard Life, but so much progress.  This will lift.  I look back thru the threads and all the windows you have.  Another one is coming.  Psalms is good for depression.  Go to Psalm 18.. read it out loud... every verse dear friend.  It is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

[[li...]]

mommr, thank you for your words of wisdom, as always! I am feeling a bit better right now.

 

Life

[[Mo...]]

mommr, thank you for your words of wisdom, as always! I am feeling a bit better right now.

 

Life

 

I am so glad and I believe you.  This can change in 15 minutes.

[[je...]]

You guys are all the best!! And guess what?? Its raining!!

[[Mo...]]

You guys are all the best!! And guess what?? Its raining!!

 

WOOT WOOT!!!  AWESOME... Love it Jenny!!

[[No...]]

Jenny ... even the weather is on your side ... marvelous ...

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... thank you all for your support ...

 

I have started to work my way out of my "funk" ... I have become aware that I am "avoiding" thinking about completing this process ... yeah, I know that sounds really weird ... and I am realizing that I have some fear and anxiety around what life will be like when this is over ... sort of "post benzo partum depression" ... maybe I will send that to the folks who "create" the DSM ... sure would like to be in the room when they open that envelope ... anyway ...

 

I am letting myself become aware of these bits of fear and wisps of anxiety ... and I need to work through them ... everything on the table during this process ... right? ...

 

So, like all good Buddies who chose not to work on this stuff alone, I started a blog, Chop Wood, Carry Water ...

 

I want to explore the "creative" process that is available to me (and I believe all of us) ... a process that has germinated for me during recovery ... I am aware that I have truly spent these last 20 or so years "alone" ... stranded in benzo land ... and most wonderfully ... after coming and staying in BB last April ... I realize that each and every day I receive unconditional "teachings" about what a "community" is and can be ...

 

That is what I want to give myself during these last months of recovery ... a solid practice of "creative community" ... so many of you have told me so often "you are not alone anymore" ... all I need to do is let the "chorus" in and relax ... and I am hearing you ...

 

Yep ... I am well and truly "bored" with these "walls" ... when I say I am "bored" with something is usually indicates I am "avoiding" something ... will keep a few sticks around for my "necessary boundaries" ... the rest can go on that pile of wood I have been accumulating after all that chopping ... maybe I can sell a few cords this winter and make a buck or two ...

 

Thank you all again for being here ... what a marvelous "community" we are ...

 

Take Care ... have a good evening ...

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Hi Folks ... thank you all for your support ...

 

I have started to work my way out of my "funk" ... I have become aware that I am "avoiding" thinking about completing this process ... yeah, I know that sounds really weird ... and I am realizing that I have some fear and anxiety around what life will be like when this is over ... sort of "post benzo partum depression" ... maybe I will send that to the folks who "create" the DSM ... sure would like to be in the room when they open that envelope ... anyway ...

 

I am letting myself become aware of these bits of fear and wisps of anxiety ... and I need to work through them ... everything on the table during this process ... right? ...

 

So, like all good Buddies who chose not to work on this stuff alone, I started a blog, Chop Wood, Carry Water ...

 

I want to explore the "creative" process that is available to me (and I believe all of us) ... a process that has germinated for me during recovery ... I am aware that I have truly spent these last 20 or so years "alone" ... stranded in benzo land ... and most wonderfully ... after coming and staying in BB last April ... I realize that each and every day I receive unconditional "teachings" about what a "community" is and can be ...

 

That is what I want to give myself during these last months of recovery ... a solid practice of "creative community" ... so many of you have told me so often "you are not alone anymore" ... all I need to do is let the "chorus" in and relax ... and I am hearing you ...

 

Yep ... I am well and truly "bored" with these "walls" ... when I say I am "bored" with something is usually indicates I am "avoiding" something ... will keep a few sticks around for my "necessary boundaries" ... the rest can go on that pile of wood I have been accumulating after all that chopping ... maybe I can sell a few cords this winter and make a buck or two ...

 

Thank you all again for being here ... what a marvelous "community" we are ...

 

Take Care ... have a good evening ...

 

 

Wonderful idea Nova!  How do we get to the blog or is it private?  The name is so amazingly appropriate.  Yes, we do create and identity in the benzo world.  I was thinking about that too.  What and who will I be when this is done?  Do we go forward and never look back?  What is the natural progression?  All really great thoughts and a good problem to have.