6-12 month thread....

[[pr...]]

You sound exactly like me (in reference to the original post). I'm in my fifth month (4 months and 9 days behind me so far), and the only reason I've made it this far is because I've been convincing myself over and over again that, if I can JUST HOLD OUT to month 6, everything will be fine and dandy again. I'm rapidly losing hope in that prospect.

[[pe...]]

Hey buddies, watch this and keep holding out.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114088.0

[[mr...]]

(((((L4M))))) give yourself a "wellness" day (I don't want to call it a "sick" day, lol!). Make the next 24 hours (or sometime soon that works for you ) where you do nothing but stay in bed/on couch and watch funny/uplifting movies (or something that is lighthearted or that you enjoy) That helps me so much; maybe it can help you too If a "wave" can be influenced in, then a "window" can be encouraged/influenced in also This will lift soon; no worries

 

I will stop by later probably; enjoy your Sunday evening all

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Dear Pregnenlone...don't give up....you have come a long way. Do whatever it takes to get through the next 6 weeks. Whatever got you this far...keep it going. Things can turn around at any time,  but many of us in this group started feeling better in months 7-9. ..I still have s/x but they are so much more manageable and I am now seeing parts of my life coming back. I am now at month 9 plus one week. ...You have worked too long to ever have to do this again. Try to reframe your expectations somewhat. Look at month 8 as better month then month 6. Life ' s post way back at the beginning regarding his addiction specialist ' s statement regarding month 8 being the beginning of a better phase of healing gave me the second wind I needed to keep it going.

.....It is hard,  but if you have come this far you you will make it all the way. Remember...we all heal and time is our best defense. ...BBs is here for you...wishing you some sunbreaks....coop

[[li...]]

coop, that was a nice post you wrote. I get so tired of this depression crap. I know if I get overloaded with stress then I shut down. It a horrible s/a condition!

 

Life

[[li...]]

mrs thank you so much for your inspiring words. depression scares me. Why are we such complicated beings?

 

life

[[pr...]]

Dear Pregnenlone...don't give up....you have come a long way. Do whatever it takes to get through the next 6 weeks. Whatever got you this far...keep it going. Things can turn around at any time,  but many of us in this group started feeling better in months 7-9. ..I still have s/x but they are so much more manageable and I am now seeing parts of my life coming back. I am now at month 9 plus one week. ...You have worked too long to ever have to do this again. Try to reframe your expectations somewhat. Look at month 8 as better month then month 6. Life ' s post way back at the beginning regarding his addiction specialist ' s statement regarding month 8 being the beginning of a better phase of healing gave me the second wind I needed to keep it going.

.....It is hard,  but if you have come this far you you will make it all the way. Remember...we all heal and time is our best defense. ...BBs is here for you...wishing you some sunbreaks....coop

 

I'm trying so hard... I really am. What makes this so frustrating is that, every time I've had a glimmer of hope, it all came crashing down on me in flames and rubble. I had two to three weeks in May in which I actually believed healing was near. Then late May rolled around and I was hit with a month long wave that was far worse than anything I had yet experienced. New symptoms galore. The month of July was one in which I started feeling a little better, thinking the worst was finally over. Then another wave started towards the end of the month and now here I am with all the same symptoms I once had with a couple new and utterly horrible ones thrown into the mix.

 

If I am to look at my progression objectively, nothing whatsoever really suggests that any healing has occurred. If anything, I'm just getting worse.  :'(

[[mr...]]

mrs thank you so much for your inspiring words. depression scares me. Why are we such complicated beings?

 

life

 

We are wonderfully made Our minds are intricately made, each individually and specifically, and know how to restore to 110% health -- and it will never stop working towards this! So if the depression rolls in, just sit back, smile, and welcome it in Even be excited for it to come! Claire Weekes talks a little bit about this in one of her audios. She is wonderful to listen to She is (was) a British doctor of the 1900s who was a leader in helping people through things like depression and such. Listening to her warms my heart, with her accent, and different words she uses for things has me giggling (like she calls a panic attack a "turn", lol) There is a four-part audio set online that I've listened to and love This is the website that streams it: http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html  If you scroll down a bit from the top, the audios are there. I think its called "How to recover from anxiety". The fourth audio discusses depression in specific, and I found it to be helpful information

 

I am so grateful for this forum and this thread So much! Mommy, thank you for your response to me Take care and enjoy the rest of your Sunday

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Dear Pregnenolone....The pattern you describe is very common in p/w. It is almost classic that many see some improvement between months 4-6 and then get hit with new s/x and/or waves after seeing some periods of windows. This is the well known frustrating 'non-linear ' pattern of healing. It tricks us all...we have improvements .. think things are better...and then get hit with a wave and it feels like we are at the beginning again...but we are not. As you read through the posts on this thread you will see that non-linear improvement is one of the most commonly posted frustrations. Try to keep an improvement only journal separately from your every day journal. It will help you see your improvement more clearly.

.......You are healing it just doesn't feel like it. ...The Ashton Manual sites 12-14 months as the typical timeliness for substantial reliable healing. ...You are just about half way there.

........You will heal...one day at a time...You only have to do one day at a time.....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Life....so sorry you are burdened with depression. ..It is one of the worst s/x. I got crushed with it the other day. I was so surprised as I hadn't had that dark of depression for a few months...it was like the depression of acute. ...Life ..this depression is going to lift for you. You have had a lot of stress lately.  You already know all the encouraging things we tell each other as you are the one who is always everyone 's best cheerleader ....so just know that I am thinking of you....appreciating you....so grateful for you... and sending prayers for you. Wishing you a peaceful night and a very good tomorrow.....love to you Life......coop

[[Co...]]

Mrs. ....Your total ' can do ' attitude just kept me positive today. You are such a wonderful addition to our group..  I just have to thank you for your strong positive upbeat and humorous posts. You are going to heal and you are helping all of while you are at it.  Wishing you sunbreaks and windows ...and a great evening...coop

[[mr...]]

I'm trying so hard... I really am. What makes this so frustrating is that, every time I've had a glimmer of hope, it all came crashing down on me in flames and rubble. I had two to three weeks in May in which I actually believed healing was near. Then late May rolled around and I was hit with a month long wave that was far worse than anything I had yet experienced. New symptoms galore. The month of July was one in which I started feeling a little better, thinking the worst was finally over. Then another wave started towards the end of the month and now here I am with all the same symptoms I once had with a couple new and utterly horrible ones thrown into the mix.

 

If I am to look at my progression objectively, nothing whatsoever really suggests that any healing has occurred. If anything, I'm just getting worse.  :'(

 

P,

 

Sounds, hmm...familiar? End of February through beginning-middle of April surprised me -- it was very uncomfy! April settled down some, and I was grateful. Then middle of May through the end of June was a bit more...challenging, we'll just say Then July came, and I was feeling GREAT relief! Then starting in August began another wave; I'm not speaking negatively, I'm speaking that the worst is past now and the best is yet to come,...but I'll just say that there was not much enjoyment in the tougher moments of the beginning of August wave. Yeah. (Uncle)

 

So your post actually encourages me -- weird, right?! I just think that it is a great sign of healing, it being so similar! So many people who have healed quite nicely seem to have gone through the "every other month" thing similar to this Its not necessarily a month, of course, but it is the concept Soon, SO SOON it will be -- the worst is passed, and the best is yet to come!

 

Just think, too -- today, maybe even 15 minutes from now!, your window could open that never really closes! It could be happening 5 minutes from now -- wow, to think on that! Selah.

 

Also, one other interesting thing to note. My husband's cousin was in a car accident a few years back and incurred a brain injury. During his healing, they said that change in "symptoms" was a very good sign of healing and recovery. He would also "window & wave" of sorts too -- nonlinear healing -- which they also said was completely normal and a good sign of healing He took a couple years to get back to 90-99%, and now he is just fine.

 

Imagine that

 

We are on our way, pal WELL on our way If you've felt well before, you will feel well again. Guaranteed. Period. Just hang ten, dude(ette?) Our healing is manifesting every day in every way

 

(If I need this again in the future, please remind me )

 

Take care, and sending (((((hugs))))),

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

mrs, you words are greatly appreciated. I am in a dark place these past two days and I have been here before but do not like it at all. It is the one symptom that I have that is my last -- deep depression. It usually last about two day and out. Please pray for me that it does not last longer. With the litigation, the death of my friends 14 year old daughter, my brother being estranged, and all the house guests we had last week, the travel down to our home in florida etc -- been a bit for one week. Just please pray for me.

 

Life

 

Life,

My heart aches for you with the loss of your friend's daughter.  I can understand the devastation you feel as one of my life-long friends lost her 4-year-old son 20 months ago.  He died suddenly too, from complications to croup.  It was so, and still is, so horrible.  He was my God-son and the grief was overwhelming.  It is also overwhelming to know how to be a good friend through such times.  How does one help their friend through this most awful of losses?  I have learned that simply being there, listening, talking about the child, sharing grief, is so very important to the parents. 

 

You are being hit with unimaginable stressors.  Try to take each day/hour/minute as it comes and not to project too much into the future.  As I am still in the limbo-land of not knowing if we will get our house back (it's already been lost due to foreclosure with a November move-out date) through legal action, I have learned that by taking each day as it comes, rather than running through all the awful what-if scenarios, is helping me deal with the fear and stress.  Living in the moment, while being pro-active for what the future might bring, is allowing me to function through my own unimaginable stress.  Work on what you can control and let go of the rest.  Prayer walks have helped me tremendously, being sure to spend much time focusing on all the BLESSINGS that I still have in my life.  That has been one of the most powerful things that helped turn my depression in the beginning of the summer around. 

 

I will be lifting you and your friends up in prayer. 

 

[[mr...]]

Mrs. ....Your total ' can do ' attitude just kept me positive today. You are such a wonderful addition to our group..  I just have to thank you for your strong positive upbeat and humorous posts. You are going to heal and you are helping all of while you are at it.  Wishing you sunbreaks and windows ...and a great evening...coop

 

...says the buddy who peeled me off the basement floor just 2-3 days ago...oh, and 4-5 days ago...and last week a couple times...yeah.

 

Reading your posts is what made me desperately want to be a part of this thread. And then you welcomed me with open arms. Wow. (I'm a little fah-clemped...I'll give you a topic to talk about....buttah) ((<--old Saturday Night Live reference, my apologies if it is over our heads, lol))

 

Thanks. Just,...thanks Take care all, and rest well

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Hi Friends! 

I am sitting at my computer procrastinating from writing a paper for my masters class. LOL!  It sounds like a lot of depression is being felt today.  I have felt it, too.  I've been feeling bluesy and lonely today.  I have also been having a return of the dreaded chest anxiety, which makes me work to not go down the intrusive thought path.  This wave is slight, however, more of a lapping around my ankles (OK, probably mid-calf) rather than pulling me under. 

My husband and I drove up to our friend's cabin on a lake yesterday and spent the day with our friends and family.  Our girls went up on Friday and are staying there until tomorrow.  It was wonderful to spend the day on the water and in the sun, and we didn't get home until about 10:00. 

 

I took a nap again today and it still amazes me that my body has calmed down enough that I can fall asleep in the middle of the day, at will!  Such a blessing! 

 

OK....this paper on the Latin American Subtraction Algorithm isn't writing itself, so I best get back to it.  Another positive to report is my last 4 papers have gotten a score of 100%. 

 

(((hugs))) and prayers for you all!

HH

[[Mo...]]

mrs, you words are greatly appreciated. I am in a dark place these past two days and I have been here before but do not like it at all. It is the one symptom that I have that is my last -- deep depression. It usually last about two day and out. Please pray for me that it does not last longer. With the litigation, the death of my friends 14 year old daughter, my brother being estranged, and all the house guests we had last week, the travel down to our home in florida etc -- been a bit for one week. Just please pray for me.

 

Life

 

Life,

My heart aches for you with the loss of your friend's daughter.  I can understand the devastation you feel as one of my life-long friends lost her 4-year-old son 20 months ago.  He died suddenly too, from complications to croup.  It was so, and still is, so horrible.  He was my God-son and the grief was overwhelming.  It is also overwhelming to know how to be a good friend through such times.  How does one help their friend through this most awful of losses?  I have learned that simply being there, listening, talking about the child, sharing grief, is so very important to the parents. 

 

You are being hit with unimaginable stressors.  Try to take each day/hour/minute as it comes and not to project too much into the future.  As I am still in the limbo-land of not knowing if we will get our house back (it's already been lost due to foreclosure with a November move-out date) through legal action, I have learned that by taking each day as it comes, rather than running through all the awful what-if scenarios, is helping me deal with the fear and stress.  Living in the moment, while being pro-active for what the future might bring, is allowing me to function through my own unimaginable stress.  Work on what you can control and let go of the rest.  Prayer walks have helped me tremendously, being sure to spend much time focusing on all the BLESSINGS that I still have in my life.  That has been one of the most powerful things that helped turn my depression in the beginning of the summer around. 

 

I will be lifting you and your friends up in prayer.

 

HH - Beautiful words.  Thank you for laying it out like that.  I don't have words here.  What you and Life are being handed is real stuff.  Loss and the idea of loss are things I struggle with.  Wonderful grounding words. 

[[Mo...]]

Hi Friends! 

I am sitting at my computer procrastinating from writing a paper for my masters class. LOL!  It sounds like a lot of depression is being felt today.  I have felt it, too.  I've been feeling bluesy and lonely today.  I have also been having a return of the dreaded chest anxiety, which makes me work to not go down the intrusive thought path.  This wave is slight, however, more of a lapping around my ankles (OK, probably mid-calf) rather than pulling me under. 

My husband and I drove up to our friend's cabin on a lake yesterday and spent the day with our friends and family.  Our girls went up on Friday and are staying there until tomorrow.  It was wonderful to spend the day on the water and in the sun, and we didn't get home until about 10:00. 

 

I took a nap again today and it still amazes me that my body has calmed down enough that I can fall asleep in the middle of the day, at will!  Such a blessing! 

 

OK....this paper on the Latin American Subtraction Algorithm isn't writing itself, so I best get back to it.  Another positive to report is my last 4 papers have gotten a score of 100%. 

 

(((hugs))) and prayers for you all!

HH

 

Wow, you are getting your master's?  How did you balance that with w/d?

[[He...]]

Hi Friends! 

I am sitting at my computer procrastinating from writing a paper for my masters class. LOL!  It sounds like a lot of depression is being felt today.  I have felt it, too.  I've been feeling bluesy and lonely today.  I have also been having a return of the dreaded chest anxiety, which makes me work to not go down the intrusive thought path.  This wave is slight, however, more of a lapping around my ankles (OK, probably mid-calf) rather than pulling me under. 

My husband and I drove up to our friend's cabin on a lake yesterday and spent the day with our friends and family.  Our girls went up on Friday and are staying there until tomorrow.  It was wonderful to spend the day on the water and in the sun, and we didn't get home until about 10:00. 

 

I took a nap again today and it still amazes me that my body has calmed down enough that I can fall asleep in the middle of the day, at will!  Such a blessing! 

 

OK....this paper on the Latin American Subtraction Algorithm isn't writing itself, so I best get back to it.  Another positive to report is my last 4 papers have gotten a score of 100%. 

 

(((hugs))) and prayers for you all!

HH

 

Wow, you are getting your master's?  How did you balance that with w/d?

 

Yes, I am halfway through my masters program.  I'm getting it in Elementary Reading and Math.  I guess I balanced it the same way I balanced teaching.  I'm truly not sure how I managed, but through grit and determination I made it through this past year.  I did put my masters on hold, due to financial reasons not w/d, for about 9 months, and started it up again in the beginning of May....so I wasn't trying to write papers during the worst of my w/d.  I don't think that I would have been able to manage around the 6 month mark! 

[[pr...]]

Cooperten and mrsalw,

 

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and positive attitude. It helps immensely. 

 

Hope is the most important thing throughout all of this. It's the one and only thing that keeps us moving forward, and thankfully something we can offer to each other. My agony is no less, but you've given me a ray of hope to focus on, and for that I am grateful.

[[Mo...]]

Hi Friends! 

I am sitting at my computer procrastinating from writing a paper for my masters class. LOL!  It sounds like a lot of depression is being felt today.  I have felt it, too.  I've been feeling bluesy and lonely today.  I have also been having a return of the dreaded chest anxiety, which makes me work to not go down the intrusive thought path.  This wave is slight, however, more of a lapping around my ankles (OK, probably mid-calf) rather than pulling me under. 

My husband and I drove up to our friend's cabin on a lake yesterday and spent the day with our friends and family.  Our girls went up on Friday and are staying there until tomorrow.  It was wonderful to spend the day on the water and in the sun, and we didn't get home until about 10:00. 

 

I took a nap again today and it still amazes me that my body has calmed down enough that I can fall asleep in the middle of the day, at will!  Such a blessing! 

 

OK....this paper on the Latin American Subtraction Algorithm isn't writing itself, so I best get back to it.  Another positive to report is my last 4 papers have gotten a score of 100%. 

 

(((hugs))) and prayers for you all!

HH

 

Wow, you are getting your master's?  How did you balance that with w/d?

 

Yes, I am halfway through my masters program.  I'm getting it in Elementary Reading and Math.  I guess I balanced it the same way I balanced teaching.  I'm truly not sure how I managed, but through grit and determination I made it through this past year.  I did put my masters on hold, due to financial reasons not w/d, for about 9 months, and started it up again in the beginning of May....so I wasn't trying to write papers during the worst of my w/d.  I don't think that I would have been able to manage around the 6 month mark!

 

HH - This is so inspiring.  Truly.  I know all of our situations are different.  My husband travels, etc. so I don't over load myself.  Please know that you sharing this has really shown me what can be done.  Thank you.

[[Mo...]]

Cooperten and mrsalw,

 

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and positive attitude. It helps immensely. 

 

Hope is the most important thing throughout all of this. It's the one and only thing that keeps us moving forward, and thankfully something we can offer to each other. My agony is no less, but you've given me a ray of hope to focus on, and for that I am grateful.

 

Pregnolone - I am so glad you found encouragement here.  Hang in there.

[[je...]]

Jenny - How was the shower? I  hope your sister was on good behavior and that your symptoms resolved enough for you to enjoy pieces of the party.

 

I am certainly in the functional but not enjoying it phase. I feel this thin strand of joy trying to glow beneath the waves. It's fine and it's exhausting. Chop wood, carry water. In my case it's more like drag the bucket uphill while the water sloshes over the sides. I'm tired folks. Nothing you don't know.

 

Peace2

 

 

Hi peace and all,

 

I'm defiantly at the functional, but not enjoying it stage too. Went to the shower and talked with a lot of people including my sister, but I was so anxious inside. I kept thinking- if only these people knew how incredibly panicked I feel right now. I just look around at all these women who look so calm and relaxed and comfortable and just wish I could be like that. The shower was ridiculously long too, i thought it would be like 2 hours-- it was 4 hours long!! Yeah, so I was really being tested. Anyhow, I really hope all this social stuff gets easier for me one day-- brings up so much anxiety especially before I even go, its like the anticipation of a panic just leads to more panic. It a vicious circle. I missed all of you today, and was thinking of all of you wishing I had you by my side. Jenny

[[...]]

Hello all!

 

Life, I'm so sorry you are suffering from the depression! I hope today is better!

 

Pregnolone, it truly is so difficult, but look what you've accomplished! If you look back a month or two, look at the progression! When I look back I can see that although I may not feel well now, it's not as bad as a two months ago, even one month ago! Although the progression is very slow, it is happening!!

 

I go about my daily life doing what I want and need to do, but I have not returned to work and I limit stressful situations as much as possible, as that seems to send me into a wave. I choose not to do this to myself if I can avoid it! For those who are able, or have, to work, I have the upmost respect for them!

 

Mrs, I tried to open the YouTube video as I love to see positive stories, but it didn't work.

 

Be well all!!

 

:smitten:

[[mr...]]

Hey buddies, watch this and keep holding out.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=114088.0

 

Hi GMIT

 

Was it this video? That was compliments of our buddy Peace!

 

The link I provided was to one of Dr. Claire Weekes' audio collections. Peace, I know you were talking about panic a bit That audio collection has been a great source of information for me regarding panic

 

Good morning to you all I'm going to start getting ready for work soon here. I'll be back this afternoon to "hang out" with you all Take care until then

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Thanks Mrs! It wasn't that link it was a link to a video of someone who had healed!! I love watching the videos of those who have healed!!

 

Have a great day at work!!