6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Thanks GMIT ... yep it just "released" ... I have been in the "pits" for several days and found it really hard to "connect" with anything ...

 

I just "sleep" when I can ... and try not to "push" through anything ... just try to stay as "grounded" as I can when in the turmoil knowing it will release when it is ready ...

[[je...]]

Hi Nova, sorry you've been having a rough ride. 6 hour nap- wow! Do your naps help you feel better after? Hope you get some relief soon

 

Life-- you said it perfectly, you don't see or feel anything positive when your in a wave. Everything feels so hopeless and it feels like there is no improvement. You will be out of this wave soon and feel all the healing that is happening.

 

I'm feeling pretty blah again today. Woke up to head pressure and a headache. Now I just feel tired and lazy. Here's to a better tomorrow!

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... "naps" are unpredictable ... I got a big release this morning after several days of turmoil ... feeling pretty good now ...

[[li...]]

Jenny thanks so much. I read your thread on faith based". I really like it and can relate myself to it. I never went on that thread until today. Feeling "Blah" is not great but it was a better place than what I went to today. I had a dark, dark place this morning. Are you still having depression or other symptoms?

 

Life

[[li...]]

Nova so good to here that you are feeling good. Naps are so attractive - I can never get one as I feel "guilty" or something. Weird stuff the beast sends you. In a wave and just thinking so negatively.  The beast says: "Maybe this is just 'me"?" "Maybe I wont heal?" I know these feelings will pass But "Maybe they wont" the beast insist. God bless all! May you all heal soon. 15 minutes sounds great!

 

Life

[[No...]]

Thanks Life ... I am "selfish" ... I do what I feel I need to do ... I have pretty much lost all sense of feeling "guilty" ... for me this is just plain and simple about "survival" ... getting through this as best I can ... we each find our own "path" through this ... and the outcome is always the same ... we each survive and recover ... and in the end that is all that is important for me right now ...

[[li...]]

I totally agree and understand -- number one is getting through this mess. I cant believe it has taken so long?  We will all make it and we will all come through this dark cave.

 

Life

[[je...]]

Hi life- yesterday was my first day on the faith based board myself. Really nice, caring people on there. The depression has left me for about 7 days now-- its honestly one of the worst sx . my only really sx  these days are  the head pressure that is in the sinus and ears too, weird brain vibrations or revving feeling. My benzo belly has been gone for a few weeks now and my nerve pain is much better too and they used to be my worst sx-- so I must be cycling. Also, my sleep has not been that great lately. I'm so glad to have all of you on here, we are gonna make it and I can't wait until we all write our success stories one by one.

[[mr...]]

Aw Jenny, such good news about the symptoms leaving Hooray for the manifestation of our healing!! The rest will follow soon Maybe yours is the window that opened that will never really close! Yes Lord, it is so

 

Allowing my body "R&R" this evening -- pushing it in that direction sometimes, lol -- this process is a journey for sure. Mr and I went canoeing this evening. So grateful that I'm healed by His stripes and that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

 

We have a deer that likes to frequent the back yard where we rent, and my husband has nicknamed her "Feline" (he pronounces it Feh-LEEN, lol, just to be goofy ). She's a beauty and , for a deer, quite unafraid of people She's showing up more and more often, which is fun

 

So I'll stop rambling random stuff Take care tonight buddies! I may be back later; you just never know

 

Mrs.

 

[[je...]]

Hi Mrs! A canoe ride and deer?!! That sure does sound beautiful sounds like you are having a nice evening, and your husband sure does sound like a very supportive fellow. We are all healing! One more day down guys

[[Co...]]

Hi Buddies...Ihave gone back over the last 3 pages and my mind is not totally functioning so I am probably not going to catch everyone's comments...

....I don't know what the heck hit me today...I think it was a speeding train. Beginning with had pressure that morphed into near full blown panic ( I haven't had panic in a few months)...from there it went to depression ( the dark morbid hopeless depression of acute and month 6). ..The Benzo Beast.was not done...d/r that put me in an alternate universe planets and light years away from earth. I have not had a day like that since month 6. The depression was scary...complete with intrusive thoughts from some other mind than my own..

.....Then....like a switch I got hungry...made a sandwhich and before I could eat the sandwhich....things lifted...just as though Samantha wiggled her nose...Linda the Good Witch waved her wand....better...not energetic ...no s/x. better, but best up better...still tired but I was able to concentrate on an old Rob Lowe mystery movie ( Masquerade) .... not a great movie but a good tangled plot...I haven't spent the afternoon in bed for quite awhile ....hoping things improve tomorrow.

.....I am very glad I went to the airstrip to see my grandson.  fly...he was so so thrilled....I wasn't connected to my feelings. about being their for him but I don't think anyone noticed and when my emotions come back I have the memory to attach to some of the happiness of

[[Co...]]

coop cont. ...my screen flopped...couldn't get it back....

....Nova so glad your funk "released "...good for you refusing to bypass the Farmers Market. I truly hope things stay " released "

...Life...my prayers are with you. I think you are going to get through all the stress...one day at a time ..just like you got through 10 months of w/d...you are not going to have depression forever...but you are so right,  while in a wave,  no other reality seems to exist in the past or the future. You are so steadfast and trusting of the process. Your progress can only continue to get better and better.

....Green...god bless your truthful strong words. I got some confidence back from reading your posts on the last few pages.

......Peace...I am so very happy to hear that your 2am conversation with your husband was a healing heart to heart..

....Mommy...you sound great....I love your posts so much...

.....Jenny...hoping your head pressure disappears...along with mine

......I know I am not everyone...I will be back on tomorrow ..hopefully with a little more rah rah rah...

......You are a mighty group of strong compassionate funny smart wise and lovely lovely people...I am blessed everyday by the support and caring coming from your beautiful hearts...thank you. ..Wishing everyone a peaceful night of sleep....coop

[[...]]

Hi coop;

Sorry bout your day ! I woke up the same, that kind of depression that darkens the core. The hopelessness desperation is unbearable. Still with me tonight and it's almost 11pm it's not as pronounced but here just the same. Still on the every other day cycle,tolerable then horrible.

 

Hope you have a better day tomorrow , jrod

[[mr...]]

What a ride, Coop. What a ride.

 

I'm glad you went to the airstrip, too Today, I went canoeing with my hunny, and then later on we took his sister and brother in law for some ice cream. I was in a "wave" for both events, but I could tell it meant a lot to my hunny that I just went anyways. So I am home and in my refuge of rest and knowing it is quiet and calm for the rest of the evening Praise God for the quiet times like this

 

Going to lay low and allow the window that never really closes on me to arrive over the next 15 minutes Take care pals,

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Hi coop;

Sorry bout your day ! I woke up the same, that kind of depression that darkens the core. The hopelessness desperation is unbearable. Still with me tonight and it's almost 11pm it's not as pronounced but here just the same. Still on the every other day cycle,tolerable then horrible.

 

Hope you have a better day tomorrow , jrod

 

(((((JRod)))))

 

Been thinking about you. Its going to break soon. Just keep resting and recouping. Do you still work a job? I  am hopeful you turn your corner in the next 15 minutes too

 

Sleep well and take care,

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Hi all,

 

Been hanging back and trying to heal here. Been okay except for what I think just be low level depression. I never suffered from it before and it's not here when I'm in a window.  I just don't seem to be have an interest in many things and I'm emotionally detached from everything.  I have no feelings for my gf either way which is scary to even type.  I know in my heart it's not true. 

I think it's probably a part of the healing process.  My brain trying to fill in all the pieces as to what the hell I've been through. 

The good thing is I usually am a very good outlook type of person and it's not around in my windows.

 

Drew

 

Drew, when I'm in that emotionally dead place, I don't even have feelings for my kids.  Don't worry, it's just another s/x, and it does go away.  Hang in there

[[Gr...]]

hit with a deep depression today. This is the one symptom that scares me the most. It is the thief in the night as it is said. I just have so much going on in my life right now. It is so lonely when I am depressed.I pray that God will allow a window very very soon. Coop, mommyR, healinghope,Lisa, Green, Nova, Jenny, Mrs, Peace, Drew,Gmit and all others -- may we heal rapidly. Lets all pray for each other!

 

Life

 

Life, you barely have a year.  You jumped right back into your life full throttle.  There are bound to be bumps here.  You just went through two very stressful events.  Anyone would be upset.  I told you don't worry about the lawsuit, it's only money, blah, blah.  honestly I'd be bedridden.  That would blow my fuse completely.  Just go slow and be gentle with yourself.

[[Gr...]]

mrsalw,

 

I was wondering about the affects of the beta blockers. I took one yesterday at 2;30 and today I did not take one. My heart rate and blood pressure is fine today. Could it be still working after 24 hours? I appreciate any help on this.

 

Life

 

Life, remember Coop said the rebound effect of beta blockers is depression.  I thought that's what she said.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone

 

Just read through the last couple of pages since this morning.

 

I almost feel guilty saying I had an absolutely amazing day.  I think it was my first full day window without one single s/x.

 

Went to the beach in the early afternoon.  Went in the ocean, for a long time.  No fear, no anxiety.  Swam around.  Talked to people.  Smiled at the sun and the people and the beautiful day.

 

Changed and took a long bike ride, even went over a bridge on the bike.  Not a moment of anxiety.  (Except at one point I worried abt exercise intolerance and spending the next 3 wks in bed.  But that passed.)  Nothing hurt.  All the aches and pains were gone.  Nothing hurt.  It was like all the pain just evaporated.  We don't realize how much mental and physical pain we're carrying around until it's gone.  Dinner out and now I'm home.

 

I can feel the sinus pressure, the pain in the head, shoulders, neck and back.  I don't care.  The pain is coming back.  I don't care.  I still have today.  I can remember it.

 

Back to business.  It seems like the mental s/x, depression, cog fog, isolation, emotional numbness, are the major s/x now for most of us. (W/t occasional cortisol crap we all get)  just read firefly's success story, and he had a first year primarily physical s/x and the second mental ones.  I'm just wondering if there's some way to deal with this as a group.  I mean there's nothing we can do abt the healing timeline, but is it possible to work on our mood?  I don't know. I'm asking.  If anyone has anything to throw in, I'd love to hear it.  I spent an entire month living in a dark corner in my head, and I really don't want to go back there.

 

Have a good night, all.

 

Coop, hang in there, you're right behind me.  It will clear up and you will have the best and brightest window you have ever had.  I promise.

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

GreenIce,

 

No complaints here So happy for you! Well deserved.

 

Take care,

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... added a few more hours of sleep ... sun coming up ... breezy morning ...

 

I am thankful for getting a big "release" from the last few days of "storms" ...

 

Hoping everyone gets to "enjoy" their Sunday ...

 

[[...]]

So happy to hear that Nova!

 

So sorry to hear about those of you not doing well! Window, come on and open!

 

Feeling good this morning! Hoping everyone gets this soon!!

 

:smitten:

[[No...]]

Hi GMIT ... you are up with the birdies too this morning ... hope you had a good rest ...

[[...]]

Good morning!

 

Slept 6.5 hours, and for now, that's all my body is requiring! It's almost 4 am here, I am just relaxing in bed!

 

Glad you are feeling better!

 

 

[[Co...]]

I'm still sleeping 5 to 6 hours a night and not falling asleep till around 5-7 am. I'm almost a year out.